Since I began my writing career, I have studied the highs and lows of the Muslim matrimonial digital applications. Launched around 2014, these technologies popped up just a few years after Tinder hit the scene. At the time, Generation X was either already married or still using Shaadi.com, Millennials were just beginning their hunt for love, and Gen Z was still in diapers. It took many years before Minder – later rebranded as Salams – became a household name, used without shame, and before other matrimonial apps like Muzz – formerly Muzmatch – gained traction as competition.
Despite the social stigma, I was an early proponent and adopter of the apps. I knew the opportunities to meet single Muslims were few and far between and that mosques and Islamic organizations were failing in their efforts to facilitate successful matchmaking programs. The matrimonial apps enabled people from across the U.S. and even the world to meet and mingle for the prospect of marriage. In my view, this was a game changer.
Subsequently, I spent years writing about the good, bad, and the ugly of online dating, or courting, and despite the rash of horror stories I encountered or experienced myself, there were just as many success stories that led to nikkahs. But what about everyone else who never made it off the apps? And what about those that never made it on? Where are they looking for love?
Millennials and Gen-Z: Different paths
Millennials were the first to test out the murky waters that were the matrimonial apps, and Gen-Z – namely 18- to 27-year-olds – are the generation to reject them. It’s been widely reported that Gen-Z has little appetite for finding love online. Although they are growing up glued to iPhones, iPads, and Tik Tok, they have largely rejected dating apps. In fact, a 2023 Statista Survey found only 26 percent of dating app users are Gen-Z. Although that statistic isn’t specific to the Muslim community, we can imagine Gen-Z Muslims have similar attitudes if we consider how they were likely all similarly socialized.
So, what’s behind the shift? Sociologists who study Gen-Z have noted they experience more social anxiety and a greater fear of rejection. Growing up in a world of video games, social media, and non-stop cyber stimulation has created more tendency for isolation. They also may be moving away from the apps because Gen Z has listened to their older friends and siblings complain about the problems that came from using them and determined they want no part of the drama.
Millennials have been very vocal about their annoyance – and sometimes trauma – from time spent on the apps. A decade of sexually explicit messaging and advancements, ghosting, endless texting, stalled meetings, and anxiety-ridden phone calls have left a bad taste in their mouths. Those that remain single, or divorced and seeking prospects for a second time, are fed up. They are tired of the hamster wheel of never-ending options that often lead to nowhere.
The anecdotal bad experiences I’ve heard and encountered aren’t just one-offs – they’re part of a systematic design flaw and there is pending litigation seeking to expose it. Just last year, a federal lawsuit was filed against MatchGroup, the new owner of Salams app, for creating apps that create an addictive, game-like experience including algorithms that favor increasing profits over compatibility. This latest move from Salams resulted in pushing more people to delete their profiles and look elsewhere for love and marriage.
What’s next?
Even though the situation seems bleak, it’s important to remember that when one door closes, Allah (SWT) opens another – or several. The news on the ground is Gen-Z is advocating for an offline approach. They have grown up on Zoom classes, live streams, Snapchat, and a myriad of other ways to interact with people digitally, but it seems meeting their romantic partner is in-person business.
For Muslims, this could translate to increased attendance at social events at mosques like conferences, iftars, or hiking groups. It also could be an opportunity for the apps to create more offline events. The website Half Our Deen has been doing just that with HOD Live events that include games, food, and facilitated conversations between men and women. Their events take place in various cities across the U.S and the U.K. Muzz also hosts large singles mixers with varying amounts of success.
Formal matchmaking also seems to be making a comeback. Just a few months ago, streaming service Hulu released the first season of the reality television show Muslim Matchmaker, which showcased a healthy, modern-day approach to matchmaking for young Muslims. I believe all the buzz stirred people’s curiosity about the prospect of using traditional matchmakers to find love, sparking interest in sites like InPairs . And while the site still has a few wrinkles to iron out, founder Zachariah Elkordy has the right idea and the right intention by trying to integrate his system into programs at mosques across the U.S.
At the end of the day, it’s important for people to remember it is Allah (SWT) who will facilitate marriage. Whether the apps are the key to that is left for Him (SWT) to reveal. May all those searching for the coolness of their eyes find their sakeena in this life and in the next. Ameen.
