Every summer, without fail, it happens. The Texas heat index ratchets up, the temperatures climb, often into the triple digits, and suddenly complete strangers become deeply invested in my wardrobe choices. Whether I’m walking through an outdoor market, traveling through the airport, standing in line for coffee, or simply living my life, I can almost predict the questions before they’re asked:
“Aren’t you hot in all that?”
“Can you take it off?”
“Do you shower in it?”
“Is your husband making you wear that?”
The time and place might vary, but the script never changes. I get the same questions…Every. Single. Time.
To be sure, I don’t believe most people are trying to be offensive. More often than not, I think they’re just curious, and that is a beautiful thing. Curiosity is how we learn about one another and build relationships across cultures, and it isn’t the problem. The problem is when curiosity looks and feels like assumptions.
I remember one summer a coworker looked at me and asked, “Aren’t you hot in all that?”
I smiled and replied, “I’m just as hot as you are.”
And that is the truth. We were both standing outside in the same Texas heat; the only difference is I was wearing more fabric. Sometimes, depending on my mood, I’ll explain that my clothing actually protects my skin from the scorching sun. Other times, I’ll talk about modesty and how, for me, honoring my faith is more important than temporary comfort.
However, the conversation didn’t end there. My coworkers then asked, “Do you shower in it?”
I looked at her, completely straight faced, and deadpanned, “Yes. Yes, I do,” and then I walked away.
Was my quip sarcastic? Absolutely.
Was it a moment I’m proud of? Not exactly.
But the question caught me so off guard that I wasn’t in the mood to explain why Muslim women own more than one outfit, and why we are certainly aren’t in the shower fully clothed. To me, the question was so ridiculous I simply didn’t have the energy to dignify it with a serious response.
Looking back, I don’t think she meant to be disrespectful. I think she just asked the first thing that came to mind, albeit without thinking about what she was saying, and that’s exactly why I’m writing this.
Questions aren’t the problem, thoughtless questions are.
Instead of asking, “Aren’t you hot?” try asking, “What does wearing hijab mean to you?”
Instead of asking, “Is your husband making you wear it?” ask, “Is wearing hijab your choice?”
Instead of assuming Muslim women are oppressed, ask how different women experience their faith.
These questions invite conversation instead of defensiveness, and they don’t feel like unfair judgement.
One of the questions that surprises me most is, “Can you just take it off?” To many people, the hijab seems no different than a hat, sunglasses, or a jacket, as if it is something you can remove whenever it’s inconvenient. But for practicing Muslim women, it represents much more, it is an act of worship, a commitment to modesty, and, for many of us, a deeply personal expression of our relationship with Allah (SWT). Asking us to simply “take it off” isn’t as casual as it may sound. It can feel like asking someone to set aside something sacred for your comfort or curiosity.
Another question that often arises is whether my husband or my father before him is forcing me wear it. This one always makes me smile because it assumes every Muslim woman’s story is the same, and that couldn’t be farther from reality.
I can’t speak for every Muslim woman around the world, and I won’t pretend to. Our experiences are as diverse as our cultures, families, and personalities. But many Muslim women, myself included, wear hijab because we choose to obey what we believe is a command from Allah. It has nothing to do with force.
The Qur’an instructs believing women to dress modestly as an act of devotion to God. More importantly, Islam teaches us faith itself cannot be forced. Allah says in the Holy Qur’an, “There shall be no compulsion in religion.” (2:256) Choice is fundamental to sincere faith.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) taught us the importance of speaking with intention when he said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent.”
That wisdom isn’t unique to Islam. Christians may recognize a similar principle in James 1:19, encouraging believers to be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
Across faith traditions, the message is consistent: Our words have power. With that guiding principal in mind, the goal isn’t to stop asking questions, but to ask them with humility, kindness, and a genuine desire to understand, rather than to pass unfair judgement or to offend.
Imagine how different our conversations would be if we approached one another with that principle in mind? What a beautiful standard for all of us, regardless of faith!
Social media has made Muslim women more visible than ever before, and I genuinely love that. Visibility creates opportunities for understanding, but it has also given people permission to ask deeply personal questions they likely would never ask a stranger standing next to them in line at the grocery store.
The internet has taught us to speak and react first, and think later. I’d love for us to change course. This summer, if you meet a Muslim woman in hijab, don’t be afraid to talk to her. Don’t avoid her because you’re worried about saying the wrong thing. Instead, ask better questions. Ask what hijab means to her. Ask what she loves most about her faith. Ask how she stays cool in the heat, because, trust me, we all have our tricks. Those conversations create understanding, build friendships, and replace stereotypes.
If there’s one thing I hope readers take away from this article, it’s this: I don’t think most people realize their questions can sometimes come across as insensitive or dismissive. Many are simply curious and don’t know what to ask, so they say the first thing that comes to mind. I can assure you that curiosity is welcome, but unfair and harsh judgement isn’t.
So, the next time you meet someone who looks, dresses, or speaks differently than you, don’t stop asking questions. Just ask them with enough humility to learn instead of enough confidence to assume. You may be surprised by how much you learn and how well you’re received, not just about Islam and Muslim women, but about the person standing right in front of you.
And yes, if you’re still wondering, I’m hot just like you are. The difference isn’t the temperature, it’s what I choose to wear despite it.
