This March, I celebrate my 25th shahadaversary, a term coined by converts to mark the anniversary of the day we made the shahada, or the testimony of faith. Over the past quarter of a century, I have found innumerable reasons to be grateful to Allah for guiding me to Islam. There are so many beautiful aspects of our faith that have improved my day-to-day life and brought me, God willing, closer to eternal bliss in Paradise.
One of the ways Islam has improved life in this dunya is its emphasis on good manners and wholesome behavior. In both the Quran and the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), we have many examples of adab, or Islamic etiquette. Although it is impossible to choose which ones are most important overall, I am going to share five that have made a meaningful impact on my life.
- Evaluate people by their character, not by superficial criteria. Differences in skin color, physical characteristics, gender, and ethnicity are signs from Allah. Islam teaches us that we should appreciate and learn about each other, not use our physical differences to divide us, or to claim that some humans are superior to others.
Allah tells us in the Quran: “O humanity! Indeed, We created you from a male and a female, and made you into peoples and tribes so that you may get to know one another. Surely the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous among you. Allah is truly All-Knowing, All-Aware.” (49:13)
In his last sermon, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) made it extremely clear that Islam condemns racism and nationalism: “All mankind is from Adam and Eve. An Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab, nor does a non-Arab have any superiority over an Arab; a white has no superiority over a black, nor does a black have any superiority over a white; [none have superiority over another] except by piety and good action.”
Having grown up in the United States where racism and discrimination–both overt and subtle, government-sanctioned and illegal – have been poisoning our society since before its founding, I am very grateful for the clear anti-racist stance of Islam. Muslims who truly understand and follow their deen will know that people’s character is what truly matters; we don’t need proof or persuasion that humans of all colors and backgrounds are inherently worthy of dignity and respect.
- Be gentle. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything but that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything but that it disgraces it.” (Bukhārī 475)
How much better would this world be if everyone tried their best to be gentle? Violence, bullying, abuse, and harshness all cause terrible physical and psychological damage. If people follow the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), they will treat each other with gentleness and compassion and strive to resolve conflicts peacefully. There is so much beauty in a gentle voice, a gentle touch, and a gentle heart that sincerely hopes to do good. A sincere Muslim will make gentleness one of their defining characteristics.
- Restrain your anger. Along the same lines, Islam requires its followers to strive to control their rage. We cannot be gentle if we let our bad tempers guide our behavior. Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The person who is strong is not strong because he can knock people down. The person who is strong is the one who controls himself when he is angry.”
In this statement we see a stance on strength that was revolutionary for its time. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) challenged the notion that the biggest, most muscular and physically powerful people are superior. In the animal kingdom, it is generally true that brute force, strength, speed, and stamina separate the winners from the losers. But Islam teaches, for humans, true strength lies in self-control. That means people who are physically weak can be immensely strong if they choose their reactions wisely, and those who overthrow the vulnerable in a moment of anger are actually weaklings for their lack of self-discipline.
What if men, instead of flexing their muscles and trying to overpower others when facing a challenge, found satisfaction and true manhood in exercising self-control? What if women put effort into controlling their anger so their families would have a healthier, happier environment? Restraining our anger is a challenging but extremely worthy goal.
- Be humble. In the Quran, Allah tells us: “The servants of the Lord of Mercy are those who walk humbly on the earth, and who, when the foolish address them, reply, ‘Peace.’” (25:63)
It is difficult to find people who are modest in modern society. Instead of walking humbly on the earth, many people attempt to be as ostentatious as possible, flaunting their looks, possessions, and abilities. It is rare to see someone who is so self-possessed that they don’t feel the need to try to impress others, or so secure that they refuse to rise to the bait of a foolish antagonist. Arrogance is a characteristic we all must guard against. It is true the world does not generally appreciate humility, but we should remember our Creator does.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) told us humility can help avoid oppression and arrogance. He said, “Verily, Allah has revealed to me that you must be humble towards one another, so that no one oppresses another or boasts to another.” (Muslim 2865)
- Mind your own business. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Verily, among excellence in Islam is for a man to leave what does not concern him.” (Tirmidhī 2318)
I love this concept. Wouldn’t life be so much better if everyone stayed out of each other’s private lives and stopped asking nosy questions? What if people would stop offering unsolicited advice on issues that have nothing to do with them? Wouldn’t it relieve a great deal of tension and resentment if people stopped meddling in things that didn’t concern them?
Islam teaches us to stay in our own lane and stop interfering in other people’s private matters. I think we can all agree this Islamic etiquette rule is much-needed and valuable.
These are just some of the forms of adab that enhance my life as a Muslim. I am extremely grateful and impressed when one of my brothers or sisters in faith demonstrates these qualities, and I try to remember to implement them in my interactions with others. When we make duaa, we should remember to ask Allah to help us embody the noble qualities that make us worthy in His eyes.
