In my last article, I delved into resilience and bouncing back after adversity. But how can we bounce back if we are unmotivated and have low self-esteem and poor confidence? We do so by cultivating a growth mindset within ourselves. What’s more, we can foster this mindset within our children, setting them up for success.
Let’s begin by looking deeper into what mindsets are. Although beliefs play a large role in mentality, it’s vital to remember that mindset includes other elements like attitudes, values, and thought processes. Thus, when trying to cultivate a growth mindset within ourselves and our children, it is essential to take a multifaceted approach when incorporating our new philosophy in all these areas.
Carol Dweck, an American psychologist and Ivy League professor, has done extensive research (2006) into what a mindset is and has defined it as the collection of beliefs, attitudes, and assumptions that shape an individual’s thinking, behavior, and approach to life. It represents a person’s mental framework or perspective through which they interpret and respond to situations, challenges, and opportunities. She posits that beliefs provide the foundational framework upon which a mindset is built and significantly influence how individuals approach challenges, view their abilities, and perceive growth opportunities.
Consequently, if we alter our beliefs, our mindset, behavior, and attitude are soon to follow. Additionally, we know from Hadith Qudsi that Allah says: “I am as My servant thinks of Me.” So, if we focus on the positive aspects of our life, and assume a positive perception no matter our situation, good is what we will receive. This hadith then becomes the basis of a spiritual growth mindset that we will revisit.
According to Dweck’s research, people have different beliefs about how much they can change their intelligence. These then result in one of two main primary mindsets:
- Fixed Mindset: One characterized by the belief that intelligence, abilities, and talents are fixed traits that cannot be significantly developed or changed. People who have a fixed attitude sometimes shy away from challenges, are afraid of failing, and may think their efforts are in vain. Instead of aiming for development or progress, they frequently concentrate on proving themselves and looking for validation of their innate skills.
- Growth Mindset: One that describes how people strive to improve their skills over time by having faith in their own abilities and gaining self-confidence to study and understand more deeply via hard work. This indicates those with a growth mindset believe that intelligence, morality, and skills can be enhanced. (Rissanen et al., 2019).
Our goal is for our children to have a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset. But how can we achieve this?
Parents’ Role in Shaping Positive, Pious Children
As Muslim parents, we understand that our role in the tarbiya, or rearing and nurturing, of our children is vital. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “There is no gift that a father gives his child more virtuous than good manners.” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1952). We also know the Qur’an offers a beautiful prayer of Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him): “My Lord, grant me [a child] from among the righteous.” (Surah As-Saffat, 37:100). We want our children to have good manners and be among the righteous; there is no question about that.
Research has shown parental bonds influence religious development. After a thorough analysis of six years of research, Benson, Donahue, and Erickson (1989) concluded one of the biggest impacts on teenagers’ religiosity is their parents. Thus, evidence shows the responsibility truly falls on parents, who act as significant factors in shaping their children’s faith. With this in mind, we must take parenting seriously, especially in this day and age when media and society seem intent on erasing everything Islam stands for. Instead of relying purely on weekend school classes, and qari saabs (skilled Qur’an reciters), we must model the values we want our children to emulate.
Research also highlights the importance of family communication in molding pious children. Interviews with parents revealed that the family communication model used in nurturing pious children was built by four foundations, including the intensity of family communication, family communication patterns, communication methods, and methods of planting values. Researchers emphasized parents’ role in nurturing and educating children as it relates to promoting piousness. Islam also recognizes parents as the main building blocks for nurturing children’s attitudes and behavior. Therefore, by analyzing the four foundations, it can be concluded that effective family communication plays a crucial role in developing pious children and cultivating their mindsets.
When a child faces difficulty, instead of undermining their efforts, we want them to turn back to Allah, find solace in Him, and ask Him to help them together as a family. This begins not with invalidating their feelings but rather empathizing with them through communication and uplifting them. Show your support by encouraging them and building their confidence through positive praise of their past effort and potential future success. Let them know all is not lost; if they have fallen, they can still get up. Let them know Allah loves them, has their back and He will help them succeed inshallah!
Growth Mindset and Islam
We also should strive for a mindset of continuous improvement. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Indeed, Allah has prescribed excellence (ihsan) in all things.” (Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1955). This includes our behavior and beliefs. Allah says, “He has succeeded who purifies the soul, and he has failed who corrupts the soul.” (Qur’an 91:9-10). This purification happens through the process of tazkiya (self-purification), and should be applied to our mindsets as well, leading us to believe Allah has given us our talents and gifts, but we can improve on them by refining our morals as well.
God does, in fact, place high emphasis on our endeavors to achieve our goals and improve ourselves in all facets of our lives, especially in taqwa (piety) and imaan (faith). Therefore, we should strive in our daily family life to be positive and to work toward growth; we should never be content with just being okay or average Muslims. This aligns with research on the growth mindset, which encourages praising children’s efforts rather than the results or their innate ability. If we continue to model behavior that reflects growth despite difficulty, adversity, and failures, our children will observe us, learn from us, and internalize that behavior, as well. Coupled with our encouraging praise of their efforts, they will realize it is their effort that matters in terms of growing, not the end result.
If this topic interests you, inshallah watch for my next article where I’ll go in depth detailing my research into spiritual growth mindsets.
