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Author: Saadia Z. Yunus

Healthy Habits and Self-Care

If we have learned anything in 2020, it is the importance of taking care of ourselves, whether it is physically, mentally, spiritually, or socially. There have been challenges that nobody expected, especially a worldwide pandemic. We have been in survival mode this year, trying to get through each day with a new normal, hearing the most recent death toll, watching or participating in protests, and dealing with an unpredictable election. Survival mode is simply not enough as we deserve to find moments of relief and joy in our lives despite all of life’s difficulties. Thriving despite the hardships, whether they are individual or collective, is a good goal for the new year. In order to achieve this goal, we must ensure we are taking care of ourselves in all of the above areas. As a therapist, I have seen the toll this year has taken on the lives of so many. With this in mind, I will discuss strategies for self-care and tools to ensure that we can become the best versions of ourselves in this challenging time.

Firstly, it is essential to discuss why self-care is important in order for us to make it a priority. During a pandemic, when circumstances are truly beyond our control and so many avenues of choice are taken away from us, we can find ourselves feeling hopeless, confused, and agitated. Our mental health is deeply affected as we struggle with feelings of being stuck in circumstances we cannot get ourselves out of. Self-care ensures that we have a firm footing despite the swirling happenings around us. Self-care grounds us in who we are, provides us with a safe place to falter and then rally ourselves again, and instills hope in ourselves and our ability to overcome. If we are not taking care of ourselves, we are allowing what is happening all around us to overtake us. Self-care is not selfish, contrary to what some may believe. Rather, self-care ensures that we can take care of the people we love because taking care of ourselves gives us the strength and fortitude to give of our time and our efforts to others.

Focus on Physical Health

Now that we are certain of the importance of taking care of ourselves, particularly during these trying times, let us focus on four areas of self-care: physical, mental, spiritual, and social. Beginning with taking care of our physical health, the pandemic has undoubtedly forced us to focus on this area. We realize the importance of taking our vitamins and eating healthy to ensure a healthy immune system, ready and prepared to fight off any potential viruses that may come our way. It has really become a life and death situation in which paying attention to our physical health is absolutely necessary. In addition to daily vitamins and a healthy, nutritious diet, exercise is an essential ingredient to a healthy lifestyle. The key to consistent exercise is to schedule it into your week. Just as we use our phones to pencil in work meetings and our children’s extracurricular activities, it is imperative to enter in mandatory time slots for exercise to ensure we get our workout in. Let us ask ourselves: what day/time would work best? What type of exercise do I enjoy and will look forward to each day? When we find a workout we enjoy, whether running, brisk walking, yoga, biking, or swimming, we are more likely to commit to it and incorporate into our daily lives.

Focus on Mental Health

Not only does exercise provide us with physical benefits, it also gives us mental health benefits as well, which takes us into the next area of focus for self-care. As a mental health professional, I have witnessed firsthand the mental health impact of the pandemic on individuals, couples, and families. Taking care of our mental health must be a daily, conscious act to ensure we have the resilience to persist through the rest of the pandemic and through our never-ending personal struggles. Praying is so helpful to us as believers, keeping our connection to Allah and asking for guidance and help. Also, journaling, meditating, and engaging in enjoyable hobbies and pastimes can provide us with the buffer we need when times get rough.Research shows that five minutes of meditation morning and evening leads to greater happiness. Again, it is helpful to set reminders on our phones for these activities to ensure we make time for them in our day. When the stress becomes too much to handle alone, meeting with a therapist weekly or biweekly can provide a safe space to discuss internal battles and external stressors and uncover strategies that will specifically assist us in achieving optimal mental health.

Focus on Spiritual Health

Next, spiritual health is of the utmost importance to us as Muslims. Our connection to the divine and our trust in Allah’s plan, even when we don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, is vital to our success in this life and in the hereafter. Practical ways to enhance our spiritual wellbeing are the following: participate in a circle of knowledge (halaqa); set reminders on your phone for daily Quran reading;maintain a connection to a person of knowledge for guidance; and deepen and stren gthenyour commitment to praying salah on time every day. Checking in with ourselves on a daily basis to ask if we are doing our absolute best will ensure we are focusing on our spiritual health. The soul desires to remember Allah so depriving it will give too much energy to the nafs, which desires this world. Let us make our spiritual health a priority during the pandemic so we do not lose sight of the most important fact: the hereafter is everlasting. Let us strive in our own ways to reach for Jannah. Perhaps this is reciting our favorite dhikr as we cook a meal for our family or listening to an Islamic podcast on our way to work or to pick up groceries. Choose ways to connect spiritually that speak to you so that you enjoy it instead of seeing it as merely an obligation.

Focus on Social Health

The final area of health as we all struggle during this pandemic is social health. This has perhaps been an area that has been most impacted over the last eight months. We have been quarantined from friends, classmates, and coworkers, and many are still quarantining from anyone besides family due to the risk of infection. Social isolation and loneliness are high risk factors for mental health issues as well as for heart disease and early death. Therefore, it is imperative to engage in social opportunities now more than ever. Practical ways of doing so is to socialize with family in ways that offer opportunity for a deeper connection. Have a family connection circle at least once a week in which all devices are put away/turned off, the family is sitting in a circle, and eye contact is being made while having meaningful conversation. Role playing can be helpful for children to ensure they are practicing their social, people, and life skills during this time of social distancing, masks, and staying at home.Board games, puzzles, and outdoor activities as a family are other ways to connect, and then the good-feeling hormone, oxytocin, has an opportunity to be released.

Now that we have discussed the areas of physical, mental, spiritual, and social health and how important it is to make each of these a priority, we can write down for ourselves one practical tip in each of these categories to implement in the upcoming weeks. This year, 2020, has proven that each day is a gift and each tomorrow is unpredictable. Let us spend each day looking at it in this way and prepare for each tomorrow as if there will be a lifetime of tomorrows. Taking care of ourselves to ensure we are healthy all-around will demonstrate to ourselves and all of our loved ones that this life is an amazing opportunity and a test —filled with ups and downs, with enjoyable times and difficult ones; and throughout it all, we are going to give it all we’ve got!

Saadia Yunus is a licensed marriage and family therapist, trauma specialist, motivational speaker, and community leader. She has over 10 years of experience working with individuals, couples,families, and groups and offers online therapy to anyone in the state of NYand coaching worldwide. She serves on the advisory board of Dolan Family Health Center, the social media team of the NY Marriage and Family Therapy Network, and the board of the national men’s mental health organization, The Barbershop Group. She is also the cofounder of Muslimahs of Long Island.
www.saadiazyunus.com

November 10, 2020
Psychological and Emotional Well-Being

I sat across from a client who was telling me the power that salat ul-istikhara had on her, and it demonstrated in real-life terms what Islam teaches us — that a closeness to Allah (SWT) and feeling His presence in all situations, particularly in dark times, can assist us in overcoming the challenging situations in in our lives. The closeness can provide a sense of calm, that the omnipotent Creator is ever watchful over what is happening and is taking care of us. As my client described the positive impact that simply praying the prayer had on her, I was certain that this connection to prayer was a valuable resource in her life and could be a strong handhold for others’ mental health as well.

The connection between religion and mental health has been discussed in detail in articles, publications, and research studies. The overwhelming conclusion is that spirituality can be a significantly positive resource, particularly in times of great distress. As Muslims, knowing that Allah (SWT) is there for us in our moments of hardship is a reminder to practice sabr in its both aspects of patience and perseverance. Not only does He reassure us that He is there with us, closer than our jugular vein (Quran, 50:16), but He also informs us that we have the strength to bear what we are enduring: “God does not burden any human being with more than he is well able to bear…” (Quran, 2:286). Remembering these words and recognizing Allah’s presence in difficult times such as a death in the family, the loss of a job, an anxiety attack, an illness, etc., assists us in overcoming these challenges.

To provide my personal story as an example, I will describe to you a recent struggle in my life in which turning to Allah (SWT) provided comfort. I experienced an anxiety attack a few days ago. Even as a therapist, I am still human and can and do experience difficult emotions. Although it was challenging in the moment, I used breathing techniques and relaxation exercises to help the burdensome energy flow through me. It slowly passed and I continued with what I was doing at the moment. Afterwards, however, I reflected on my life and what may have caused the anxiety deep within me, so deep that I was unaware of it until the attack overtook me. As a spiritual person, my mind often inclines to Allah (SWT) and what lesson He may be teaching me in any situation. Remembering Allah and His presence in my life allowed me to challenge the negative mindset that can result from trying to balance all aspects of my life and sometimes feeling that I am failing. Bringing Allah to mind helped me to focus on the divine presence, and that He is in control of all things.

The Source of Comfort and Satisfaction

I am not always able to reflect so deeply and turn to Allah (SWT) so easily, but because the belief in Him is there and the understanding of trials and difficulty is there, I am able to gather strength and hold on to His rope. Allah (SWT) reminds us that “…truly Allah leaves to stray whom He will; but He guides to Himself those who turn to Him — those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah; for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction” (Qur’an 13:27-28). Remembrance of Allah (SWT) is a source of comfort in agitation, in distress, in worry, and in physical and emotional pain. When we are able to step back, take a few deep breaths, and turn to Allah (SWT), that awareness of Him can bring ease to our distressed hearts.

The key is to remember Him within the difficulty for that is what will make the test lighter to bear. When we remember Allah (SWT)’s words of “Surely, with every difficulty there is relief” (Quran, 94:6), we are reminded that we can maintain emotional equilibrium even within the hardships. Ease can come from remembering Islamic principles such as the believers are tested (Quran, 29:2-3); that only a pure and sound heart will bring success on the Day of Judgement (26:88-89); that Allah SWT created man in hardship and toil so that he can come to recognize the power of the one who created him (90:4-6); that in times of hardship we should seek help in sabr and prayer and that Allah is with those who practice sabr (21:53); that by following Allah’s guidance, we transcend fear and grief (2:38); that Allah does not burden any person with more than he or she can bear (2:286); that we must change what is in ourselves for Allah to change our condition (13:11); that Allah will smooth the way to ease (87:8).

When we realize the rich trove of guidance we have been provided, it shifts our focus to gratitude. Writer Amy Morin, in her piece titled, “7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude,” states that “gratitude reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, from envy and resentment to frustration and regret.” These facts are based on studies conducted by Robert Emmons, a researcher on gratitude. His research uncovers how gratitude lessens depression and increases happiness. In fact, being grateful leads to wisdom. Allah (SWT) tells us, “We endowed Luqman with wisdom: ‘Be thankful to God: whoever gives thanks benefits his own soul, and as for those who are thankless –– God is self-sufficient, worthy of all praise’” (Quran, 31:12).

Healthy Us, Healthy Me

As a marriage and family therapist, I am a systems thinker, so even when I am working with an individual, I view the larger picture — mainly, the relationships individuals are in. Each relationship that we are a part of makes an impact on who we are as individuals. If we are in a healthy relationship, it contributes to our individual happiness. If we are in an unhealthy relationship, it will be detrimental to our mental health. There are a plethora of studies and articles that discuss the importance of healthy relationships and their effects on individuals. One research study performed at the University of Cambridge in 2010 found that people in healthy relationships have a 50 percent greater likelihood of survival than those who are not. Another study conducted at the University of Michigan in 2013 discovered that those who are in unhealthy relationships are more likely to suffer from depression. These studies, and so many more, address the correlation between mental health and unhealthy/healthy relationships, an interaction that is too vital for us to ignore.

Islam emphasizes the importance of relationships, keeping the ties of kinship, being kind to one another, forgiveness, and so much more, all contributing to healthy relationships. If we are God-conscious in each and every relationship, it can make a beneficial impact on the health of that relationship and thus have a favorable ripple effect on our internal state of being. One relationship that makes the greatest impact on our lives is the relationship we have with our parents. Allah (SWT) says, “Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And lower to them the wing of humility and say: ‘My Lord! Have mercy upon them as they raised me [when I was] small’” (Quran, 17:23-24).

These are essential reminders to all children to maintain a respectful and positive relationship with their parents. A healthy relationship with one’s parents is absolutely essential to mental health. Of course, a healthy relationship between parents and a child starts with the parents. When they respect their children as little human beings, showing them kindness, patience, and understanding — all the while balanced by firmness and authority whenever necessary — the child will reciprocate respect and love. With a constant awareness of Allah’s teachings, kindness and respect will encompass the relationship and it will engender an atmosphere of love.

Also contributing to an atmosphere of love and a healthy relationship between parents and a child is a healthy marriage. A healthy marital relationship is also vital to one’s psychological well-being. Being in a healthy, loving, respectful relationship allows a person to flourish and to excel in his/her personal life as well: “..And one of His signs is – that He created mates for you from among yourselves that you may find tranquility in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect” (Quran, 30:21). When we strive to adhere to Allah’s description of marriage, and we commit to nourish the love and compassion in the relationship, the positive impact will reverberate in the entire household, encompassing each individual and each family relationship within the whole with ever-growing potential for awareness, emotional intelligence, and maturity.

Mental Strength

Living a God-conscious life can contribute to a healthy internal state of being and positive mental health. Yet, it is essential to recognize that sometimes we are beset by our own limitations. It is necessary to reach out to someone when difficulties arise and they become too challenging to manage. I myself, a therapist, see a therapist to help manage my anxiousness and to assist me through life’s struggles. Seeking help from a trusted family member or friend, or from a mental health professional, in no way means that a person has insufficient faith, is unable to figure out things on their own, is a weak person, etc. It is important for us as a community to throw out all the negative assumptions about seeking advice or counseling and be brave enough to encourage ourselves and others to seek it when necessary. It is a resource Allah (SWT) has provided for us and can be an extremely positive step in our journey towards His Paradise.

Islamically, our mental and emotional health is at the center of our faith, our striving, our capacity for joy, and our success in this life and the Hereafter. The Prophet (pbuh) said, “There is no disease that Allah has created except that He also has created its treatment” (Bukhari). When we think of disease or illness, we immediately think of the physical ailments, but illness includes mental health challenges as well. Allah (SWT) did not leave us alone to deal with difficulties, but He provided us with many avenues of healing that can aid in easing our lives.
We end this article with a positive reminder from Allah (SWT), the source of all strength and hope: “…Allah guides him who seeks His good pleasure unto paths of peace. He brings them out of darkness unto light by His decree and guides them unto a straight path” (Quran, 5:16). May we turn to Allah, the loving guide, in our moments of despair and heartache, and may He help us reach our full potential on the path to the eternal abode of Paradise. Ameen.

April 7, 2020
The Countless Benefits of Community

Growing up in a tiny town called Bonifay in the northwest panhandle of Florida, I was a part of a close-knit community. We were a small group of Muslim families who would get together each Wednesday for a meeting and potluck dinner at the local masjid my father had built on a huge stretch of land just off the highway. Even though there weren’t many of us, being a part of this affiliation of people who held similar beliefs and dealt with many of the same challenges somehow felt homey and reassuring. There was a sense of belonging, a comfort within, that I could feel as I iced my bundt cake (that all the aunties raved about) in preparation for the Wednesday meeting. There were aunties and uncles looking after me just as they did their own children, and there were a number of friends and cousins to lean on.

Bonifay, a town most people have never heard of, was my home, and because of the community who gathered regularly for a shared belief and cause, it was a place where I felt I belonged. That sense of belonging helped me in overcoming the many difficulties of living in a place in which most people did not understand Islam, Muslims, or Pakistanis, and too often made prejudiced remarks to my seven siblings and me. Belonging to a masjid and being part of a group of people who cared about me saved me from falling into despair countless times.

The Importance of Community to Well-being

The powerful bonds of community I experienced and the beneficial effect it had on me is not surprising. In 1943, psychologist Abraham Maslow described a five-tier hierarchy of human needs. Maslow designated the need for belonging and love, in its importance to human well-being, right after physiological needs and safety needs. In his 1943 paper, A Theory of Human Motivation, he describes belongingness and love needs as including intimate relationships, family, and friends. Maslow wrote that an individual “will hunger for affectionate relations with people in general, namely, for a place in his group, and he will strive with great intensity to achieve this goal. He will want to attain such a place more than anything else in the world…”

In 1986, a theory on community, titled “Sense of Community,” was developed by social psychologists McMillan and Chavis. They stated, “The sense of community is a feeling that members have of belonging, a feeling that members matter to one another and to the group, and a shared faith that members’ needs will be met through their commitment to be together.” In this beautiful description, they provide us with an image of togetherness, mutual caring and support, and the shared experience of belonging and feeling fully accepted. With this sense that individuals matter to one another, a strong and palpable bond is formed, providing security and safety in the hearts of its members.

The importance of belonging to a community as a requisite for overall well-being was further described by Frances Moore Lappe, author of “You Have the Power: Choosing Courage in a Culture of Fear” and “Democracy’s Edge: Choosing to Save Our Country by Bringing Democracy to Life.” When asked about the significance of community, he said, “Community – meaning for me ‘nurturing human connection’ — is our survival. We humans wither outside of community. It isn’t a luxury, a nice thing; community is essential to our well-being.” This statement underscores just how crucial community is, that it is a means to nurture human connection. The reality is that humans are social beings. We find meaningfulness in our relationships; we give and receive affirmation, we provide feedback to one another, and we mature, growing emotionally and spiritually through our connections.

Benefits of Community

Belonging to a community has enormous positive effects on a person’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. In a TED talk on this topic, Susan Pinker mentions researcher Julianne Holt-Lunstad of Brigham Young University who did a meta-analysis of 148 studies in the literature on the influence of lifestyle and other factors on lifespan. The multiple studies involved 308,849 middle-aged participants over a period of seven years. The top two predictors of longevity had to do with relationships. The second most important predictor was the existence and quality of close relationships. The highest predictor of extended lifespan was social integration. This is not just having social circles like belonging to a book club or social action group; it also refers to how much an individual interacts with others as they move through their day. This engagement includes both strong and weak bonds, so it includes casual interactions like talking to the store clerk or postal carrier or chatting with a co-worker. The take-away is that being a part of a community and communicating and connecting with people is essential to the quality and length of our lives.

No matter how large or small, a community creates a safe haven for individuals and families to turn to in good times and bad. My community, for example, provided me with a place to turn to when the outside world was too cruel — when my hijab was ripped off in fifth grade, when I was called all kinds of racial slurs, and when I felt alone on the elementary school playground. I knew I had my community, my people, to open up to about my experiences because they had faced similar cruelty, or simply because they cared. Belonging to my community allowed me to express the hurt that was inside, and had I not been able to express it, if I had no one to share my thoughts and feelings with, I would have suppressed the hurt. Suppression of emotions and difficult experiences contributes to a host of mental health problems and sometimes increases aggressive behavior.

The Social Media Community

A question often arises regarding social media and if it serves as a community with the same benefits as face-to-face community involvement. Brene Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, explains that, “Social media are great for developing community, but for true belonging, real connection and real empathy require meeting real people in a real space in real time.” Social media can be a great tool to find opportunities for “real space” and “real time” connections, such as being a part of a local business owners’ group or participating in a political, social, or religious network. When I moved to Long Island in New York, I knew there were so many Muslim women residing on Long Island, but they were all scattered. After searching online for Long Island communities that I could be a part of, I came across the page “Muslimahs of Long Island.” However, there were not many sisters signed up as members and the page appeared to be inactive. After reaching out to the admin to let her know that I had a vision for the group, I set my plan into motion. My mission was to utilize the online platform to connect all the Muslim women on Long Island so that we could connect, network, support one another, and have a place to turn to whenever we needed it.

Currently, in less than two years, our group has grown into an amazing online community of over 2,500 Muslim women in the same geographic area who are there for one another. It has become a platform for exchanging ideas, informing one another of upcoming events in the area, and as a referral and recommendation source. There have been numerous spinoffs from the group including a ladies’ night planning group, a moms-with-toddlers group, and a planning group for children’s playdates. These groups often meet in person and, as a result, bonds have been formed and close friendships have been created. The Muslimahs of Long Island is a beautiful example of how an online community can provide an avenue for people to connect, not just online but also face-to-face to experience a closer and deeper connection of human hearts.

The Detriment of Isolation

What happens when there is no connection to community? A person who is not connected to a larger group and remains isolated is at risk for physical and mental health related problems. Social isolation is the state of being alone, without meaningful relationships or a healthy support system. A related concept to social isolation is loneliness, which differs in that social isolation is the external state of not having social connections, while loneliness is the perception of not feeling connected to others. A person can have many friends yet still have a sense of loneliness. In March of 2018, Psychology Today’s monthly magazine displayed the cover story, “The Loneliness Cure,” exploring the issue of loneliness and how to counteract it. The research indicates that loneliness in the older population is strongly correlated with dementia and cognitive decline. A lonely individual, according to the research, is more susceptible to catching a cold and is more likely to suffer the illness longer. Loneliness can lead to generalized stress, depression, anxiety, and anger. The lead article states, “…lonely people are more likely than the nonlonely to die from cardiovascular disease, cancer, respiratory illness, and gastrointestinal causes—essentially, everything.”

Finding Your Community

Now that it is certain as to the importance of community immersion, having a social connection with others, and steering clear of loneliness and isolation, how does one go about finding a community and becoming a part of it? The first step is the courage to move out of your comfort zone and be determined to find a place that will be a beneficial and positive environment for you. Of course, the most obvious and relevant place for a Muslim to get involved is at his/her masjid. There are usually many opportunities to volunteer and engage. In addition, broadening your social circles might involve making a phone call that you’ve been wanting to make but have been putting off. It could be exploring with a therapist as to what type of community you want to be involved in, or discovering what your hobbies and likes are so that you can search for like-minded people. A common interest, a mutual belief, a shared life experience can all be different ways of connecting with others.

Another way to find your community is to engage in research on events and community groups in your area. You may discover a domestic violence organization, a cancer walk, or a food bank that you would be interested in getting involved in. Oftentimes, service in the community is an excellent doorway to making connections with others. Participating in making your community a better place can not only lead you to find others to connect with, but also can facilitate mutual support and service, empowerment, and/or enlightenment in expanding circles of human interaction.

The Prophet, peace be upon him, indicated the supreme importance of community. He said, “’A believer to another believer is like a building whose different parts support each other.’ The Prophet then clasped his hands with the fingers interlaced while saying that” (Bukhari). He (pbuh) also said, “The parable of the believers in their affection, mercy, and compassion for one another is that of a body. When any limb aches, the whole body reacts with sleeplessness and fever” (Bukhari and Muslim).

The Quran, in the most beautiful and succinct way, lets us know that we are meant to interact and form bonds of association: “O humankind! We created you from a single [pair] of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another…” (Quran 49:13).

Let’s get involved in our local communities and the larger American community — our lives depend on it!

December 4, 2018
Trusting That All Things Are According to Allah’s Will and Command

As human beings, we are limited in our knowledge of the unseen, of the future, and of why things occur the way that they do. Although as Muslims we know that Allah (SWT) is the ultimate Being in charge, it is often still difficult for us to understand why something happens. We may feel helpless and worried when challenging circumstances arrive, whether in our personal lives or in the lives of Muslim Americans as a whole. In these instances, it is essential for us to return to the Book of Allah (SWT) to guide us into understanding why our human minds are so limited. Allah says in the Quran, “…You may dislike something and Allah has put much good in it” (4:19). Although the beginning of the verse is speaking about marriage, we can take this ending statement as a truly profound message that can be applied to every aspect of our lives. With all that has been going on in the world and the challenges that Muslims have been facing, this Quranic phrase can provide us with much comfort in knowing that Allah (SWT) knows best, and we often are short-sighted and limited in our perspective and understanding. We may dislike the events or circumstances that are unfolding in front of us, but perhaps there is some good that will manifest through this occurrence, good that we are completely unaware of at the moment.

…the capacity to trust is a challenge for most human beings. Yet, we can increase this capacity by ensuring that we trust ourselves.

Trust in Allah

Trust, or tawakkul, is an innate trait in children, but many enter adulthood feeling that their capacity to trust has eroded due to the imperfections of people and the complexity of this life. In my work as a marriage and family therapist, I have found that for a majority of people, trusting oneself, trusting one’s spouse, and trusting in a higher being – these are issues that are challenging, and sometimes very difficult. And to trust that the outcome of events will play out in the best way, as long as we make our very best effort, requires a certain kind of wisdom and mental strength. To let go of a feeling of self-sufficiency on the one hand, or a sense of doomed helplessness on the other, is no easy task
In the Quran, Allah (SWT) tells us, “And put your full trust in Allah; and Allah is sufficient as Trustee” (33:3). Repeatedly in the Quran, we are given this message about the importance of trusting in Allah (SWT). We are not only told to trust in Allah, we are reassured that He truly is trustworthy as the best disposer of affairs. He is taking care of all things. We are told that people who are oppressed, those who thus migrate for the sake of Allah, are “the ones who have endured patiently and have put their trust in their Lord” (16:42). It does require a special kind of patience to trust Allah (SWT). When we do not trust in Him, we are prone to impulse and reactiveness; we worry incessantly, and sometimes feel hopeless, or wanting to immediately resolve any challenge or difficulty.
Trusting in Allah (SWT), however, requires doing what is needed in a calm and patient way, responding rather than reacting, and then leaving the rest up to Allah (SWT), knowing full well that “…Whether you conceal what is in your breasts or reveal it, Allah knows it. And He knows that which is in the heavens and that which is on the earth. And Allah is over all things competent” (Quran 3:29). Relying on Allah (SWT) means that we realize the vastness of His knowledge and that He knows why things are happening the way that they are. Tawakkul is doing our part and then leaving the outcome up to Him, trusting that He will take care of it all.

Complete Reliance on Allah

Think about a time in your life in which you felt as if things were never going to get any easier. Hardship upon hardship was showing up in your affairs and circumstances, and you prayed to Allah (SWT) to turn things around. Reflect on a bad situation that turned out to be good in the end. There are numerous instances in our lives in which we experience a hardship, yet we grow stronger and build character because of it. A job loss, a failed relationship, a sickness – these are all examples of difficulties that while we were in the midst, all we could see were the dark clouds surrounding us. However, soon enough, the dark clouds began to scatter and the sunshine came through. This can remind us of Allah’s words, “Surely, with every hardship, there is ease” (Quran 94:6). We can relate this to the first ayah mentioned in this piece, that we may hate a thing that might ultimately be a source of good for us.
Someone once told me that when someone hurts you, it is a good reminder to rely on and trust in Allah (SWT). Human beings are weak and too often they fail to live up to expectations, or they betray your trust. Allah, though, is the Everlasting and Most Trustworthy and will never let you down. Allah is the only one who can be absolutely, unconditionally, trusted and relied upon. That does not mean that we should not trust in people, because then we would live our lives in fear and far away from emotional closeness and connection. However, it is a reminder not to be thrown off when others do turn their backs on you. When you are shoved to the ground, rise above it all even stronger with your eyes up to the heavens. Allah is always close and will never fail you.
As humans, we have many flaws. Even those with the best of intentions will make mistakes. They will at times hurt you, disappoint you, or worse. However, when we remind ourselves that Allah (SWT) alone is the one to be trusted and relied upon no matter what hardship or difficulty we are facing, then we are given comfort of the heart to help us get through the tough times.

A Lesson in Trust from Prophet Yaqub

When the eleven sons of Prophet Yaqub (pbuh) went to Egypt to buy corn, necessary because there was famine in the land, the father advised his sons to enter the city through various gates so that they would not attract attention due to their foreign language and mode of dress. He then told his sons, “Not that I can profit you aught against Allah [with my advice]: None can command except Allah. On Him do I put my trust: and let all that trust, put their trust in Him” (Quran 12:67). With wisdom, Yaqub cautioned his sons about attracting unnecessary attention, but then he stressed that he has put all of his trust in Allah (SWT) because He is the one whose decree is going to take place no matter what. His beautiful example shows us that we must plan and prepare for the future, but we must never believe we have full control over things, or worry so much that we put our physical and mental health at risk. Remember that Yaqub’s trust in Allah (SWT) carried him through when the worst possible thing occurred and his son, Yusuf, appeared to be lost to him forever. He relied on Allah (SWT) and kept firm his trust in Him, believing that all things will be resolved and recompensed on the Day of Judgment.
When we personally undergo hardship, or we see challenges that our friends or family members are facing, or the Muslim community is under siege from anti-Muslim rhetoric and action, we must also trust in Allah’s decree and know that all things are according to His will and command. The examples of the prophets and the righteous who came before us can provide us with solace in trying circumstances.
Developing the Capacity to Trust
As stated in the beginning, the capacity to trust is a challenge for most human beings. Yet, we can increase this capacity by ensuring that we trust ourselves. That comes with deepening of our faith. Increasing our capacity to trust also comes with striving to build character, practicing the skill of sabr – patience and perseverance, and learning how to respond to people and situations rather than impulsively, and thoughtlessly, reacting. Trusting ourselves – our morality, our intellectual honesty, our emotional intelligence, our decision-making, and so on – goes hand in hand with trusting in Allah (SWT). The ultimate handhold is Allah (SWT) and when we ask of Him, He hears our call. Making dua to Allah (SWT) to help us to trust in Him and His decree will offer us a fighting chance in strengthening our tawakkul in Him. Let us turn to Him and pray for this beautiful quality and pray for the ummah as we all move forward together, despite the challenges that surround us on all sides.

April 9, 2017
Detecting Early Signs of Risk in Our Youth

Young children and teens today are bombarded from all around them via fellow peers, enticing ads, music, movies, and more, all calling them to engage in harmful behaviors. They are told to do whatever will make them “happy” or “fulfilled,” messages that turn them away from modesty, decency, common sense, and wisdom. It is essential that we, as community leaders, parents, educators, and medical and mental health professionals be aware of the constant struggle that is faced by today’s youth. We must not dismiss or deny signs of risky behavior, or believe that our youth are immune to such things as alcohol or drug use, or becoming sexually active.

My question to the parents is always “What prevented you from seeking help when you started noticing a change in your child’s behavior?”

We must also learn to recognize the warning signs and take action right away before things progressively become worse. In order to understand the struggle, we must first take a look at what could lead to psychological, spiritual, and/or social decline in our youth and what we can do to prevent that. Although these three categories are intertwined and influence one another, we will look at them separately to more deeply understand the impact of each.

Psychological

In her recent article, 12 Warning Signs Your Child May Have a Mental Health Issue, Dr. Susan Newman discusses “parent radar,” an essential tool all parents have that can help them discern if there is a psychological issue to be dealt with. The parent radar is the innate sense that something is not right with your child even though others may be telling you that it is a phase or a stage and the child will grow out of it. It is the feeling deep down that the mood swings, aggressive behavior, or overeating are not just part of growing up and learning how to cope with and navigate the complexities of life, but are a result of a deeper issue the child is dealing with. Trusting that feeling is essential because ignoring it could lead to dire consequences. When there is a feeling that something is just not right, it is time to seek help to rule out any mental health issues the child may be struggling with. Ignoring the feeling and hoping the issue will go away is where many parents go wrong. The issue will only increase in intensity and will become that much more difficult to resolve.

I often have parents come into my office with a child who is being disruptive or disrespectful to the parent, a child who is failing in school, a girl who is being aggressive with her siblings, or a boy who has become withdrawn and non-communicative with family members. When I ask how long this has been going on, they typically answer: a few months, over a year, or sometimes a few years. My question to the parents is always “What prevented you from seeking help when you started noticing a change in your child’s behavior?” The answer is not always the same, but most often it is: “We didn’t think it was a big deal” or “We thought it would go away on its own.”

It is essential to reach out for help when any warning signs present themselves. Ann Douglas, author of Parenting Through the Storm: Find Help, Hope, and Strength When Your Child Has Psychological Problems, discusses the warning signs to look out for. A few of these are frequent mood swings; display of intense emotions such as angry outbursts or extreme fear; difficulty sleeping or having nightmares; a lot of physical complaints. These are just a few of the many warning signs in children that may indicate that a psychological component is playing a part. It is important to be aware of the fact that any significant, extreme, or negative change in your child’s normal mood or behavior should be looked into. As parents, we must keep the communication open with our children, preteens, and teens so that we are able to discuss honestly and directly with them any concerns we may have with regard to their behavior. When children feel comfortable talking to their parents, they are more likely to turn to them for help.

Spiritual

Too often parents clash with their children or teens over religion, urging them to pray salah and read Quran, and wondering where they went wrong when their child refuses to comply or follow through. There is a common fear among Muslim parents that their children will go astray and completely denounce the deen or not wish to live a life of obedience to Allah’s commands. Parents spend many nights on the prayer rug earnestly seeking Allah’s help in guiding their children. Prayers are a huge step in the right direction, but so is patient, loving communication and interaction with our children. From a very young age, the parent is the role model when it comes to religion. They must be authoritative (not authoritarian), yet kind and fair. If religion is associated with any misbehavior or less than mature words and actions on the part of the parent(s), the child is likely going to feel alienated from Islam. Educating your child about the deen, demonstrating on a daily basis its values and principles, and imbuing it with meaning and purpose and joy through your love and encouragement – all this is essential, especially in the teen years.

Warning signs of spiritual decline include a lack of interest in going to the masjid, in reading the Quran, or in praying. These may seem obvious but what may not be as clear is the feeling underneath the lack of interest. What is occurring inside the child/teen that is leading to this distance from deen? This must be unearthed in order for the spiritual decline to be understood and addressed. I have often seen in my practice teens who have lost hope in Allah because of prayers being unanswered, or others who have committed sins that they do not believe they could be forgiven. Trust, hope, and belief in Allah’s mercy are essential discussions to engage youth in so that they can relate these valuable principles to their own situations. Again, communication is always key. A connection to your teen and awareness of what he/she is going through is necessary in order to be a mentor, a compelling influence, and a source of guidance and comfort to him or her.

Social

The social life of preteens and teens is so important to them. This stage of life is when they are discovering themselves and, therefore, depend very highly on their peers. We know it well that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has said: “Man is influenced by the faith of his friends. Therefore, be careful of whom you associate with.” This statement must be focused on in this stage of a person’s life because the early teen years are when strong friendships are being developed. As parents, we must be aware of the people who are spending time with our youth, and the influence they may have on them, for good or ill. If our children are showing any signs of disinterest in being around family, mistreating others, becoming non-communicative, isolating themselves, etc., we must take note and remedy the situation before it worsens.

Perhaps greater than the influence of friends is the influence of the Internet. Social media has grown so exponentially that many parents are unable to keep up with the different apps and social media outlets that the youth connect to and engage in on a daily basis, often multiple times a day. Inappropriate words, pictures, and videos can be shared in an instant, and access to them has become easier than ever before. Dr. Carolyn C. Ross, in her article, Overexposed and Under-Prepared: The Effects of Early Exposure to Sexual Content, notes the danger:

Research has long established that teens who watch movies or listen to music that glamorizes drinking, drug use or violence tend to engage in those behaviors themselves. A 2012 study shows that movies influence teens’ sexual attitudes and behaviors as well. The study, published in Psychological Science, found that the more teens were exposed to sexual content in movies, the earlier they started having sex and the likelier they were to have casual, unprotected sex.

It is simple common sense that there are detrimental effects on children from exposure to sexual and violent content. We as parents must strive to minimize such exposure via phones, tablets, and computers. Limits must be placed on when and where the device is used and for how long. There are numerous parental controls that are available on devices so that parents can control what their children are being exposed to. Some warning signs to look out for include: a decrease in time spent with family, an increase in time spent on devices, a decrease in communication/interaction with others, and any negative attitude or behavior change. Constant monitoring and open discussions with teens about sex, alcohol/drugs, and violence can prevent exposure and the more feared result, addiction. Children as young as nine years old are being exposed to pornography, and we simply cannot ignore this issue any longer; we must openly discuss in our homes and in our Islamic centers the danger to our children.

Prevention is Key

Unfortunately, parents so often seek professional help only when a situation with their child has reached crisis proportions. We as a community need to encourage one another to ask for help, to seek counseling, and to attend workshops so that we can work to prevent psychological, spiritual, and social problems in our youth. We must be proactive in creating resources within the community to protect the youth from harmful influences. The greatest need for children is connection and a sense of belonging. When they feel a lack of connection to their parents and to their community, that is when the need for something else comes into the picture. These feelings of loneliness and isolation drive teens to turn to drugs and sex, and also make them susceptible to depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions.

Communication is essential among families, friends, and community members so that we can assist one another when a warning sign presents itself. Counseling should never be a last resort but, instead, must be a resource that we encourage one another to utilize in times of chronic or acute stress, or any alarming concern. This can prevent even larger problems from taking hold of our families and communities. It is time we moved forward, from burying our heads in the sand to facing the problems head and heart on.

December 3, 2016
Spiritual Health and Mental Health Feed and Enhance Each Other

As he looked down at the page, he couldn’t understand why he wasn’t able to focus. Reading the Quran always brought him comfort and a sense of peace, but not this time. So he finally closed it and replaced it on the shelf. He got lost in thought, wondering what had gone wrong in his life. His head was spinning and he felt sick in his stomach. He raised his hands to pray in search of relief from his misery. He remained in that position for a few moments before he dropped his hands onto his lap. He couldn’t even find the strength to make dua to Allah (SWT) for help. How had things gotten so bad that even his spirituality wasn’t helping him at his time of need?

The scenario above is a true one. It was described to me by one of my clients who came in for counseling about a number of issues. He had always been a religious person and turning to the book of Allah (SWT) had never failed to bring him relief and remove his worries. This time was different, and he was feeling miserable. In session, he was critical of himself and questioned his faith: “Am I just not a good Muslim anymore?” He related his inability to read the Quran to having a spiritual blockage. What he did not realize, however, was that his inability to read the words of Allah (SWT) had nothing to do with his religiosity but had everything to do with the stresses in his life at that time. Once we worked on those stressors and cleared the negativity that was clouding his mind, he was able to move forward. He now believed in himself as a righteous person who was just facing issues that were affecting his mental clarity. At the end of therapy, he understood very clearly that spiritual health and mental health are thoroughly interconnected.

There is no doubt that religion and feelings of spirituality can be a lifeline for those who are struggling in life, whether they are dealing with physical, psychological, and/or relationship issues. The American Psychological Association cites studies done on various groups of people who are dealing with life stressors such as natural disasters, illness, loss of loved ones, divorce, and mental illness. These studies indicate that religion and spirituality help people to cope with these difficulties. It gives them comfort through the tough times and also serves as a support to lean on. Spirituality allows them to have a higher purpose that transcends the difficulties they are dealing with.

Similarly, there are numerous verses in the Quran that highlight how religious principles and practices, such as patience and relying on Allah (SWT), can be helpful during trying times. Allah (SWT) tells the believers to “seek help in patience and prayer” (Quran 2:45) and “…be patient and persevering: for Allah is with those who patiently persevere” (Quran 8:46). The practice of patience is indispensable during difficult times, and turning in prayer to Allah (SWT) through both salah and dua is a means to find strength, comfort, and wisdom.

The mistake that many Muslims make is to rely on their religious practice and faith as the only means for finding solace or alleviation of their distress. The belief that turning to Allah (SWT) is the only solution holds people back from also seeking help elsewhere when it is needed. Even though we turn to Allah (SWT), this does not mean we cannot or should not also reach out to human beings for support and advice. Oftentimes, a counselor, support group, or medical practitioner is required to resolve a situation. If we do seek help in counseling, that is not an indication that our iman is weak. In fact, Islam encourages us to seek help when we are unable to resolve problems or challenges on our own. Through counseling, we can address issues that are causing unhappiness or dysfunction in our lives; we can learn effective coping skills, and become skilled at putting circumstances and difficulties in a larger perspective and thus alleviate some of the emotional distress; and we can explore various strategies of practical problem-solving. If we consult a Muslim counselor who draws on both Islamic and Western principles of healing and change, we can even strengthen our relationship with Allah SWT. Unfortunately, many Muslims view the seeking of help through counseling as a stigma, like it is something to be ashamed of. Yet, the Prophet (pbuh) himself was a guide and advocate whom others turned to for advice on marital issues, financial problems, and more.

We need to allow ourselves to utilize all the resources that are available to take care of our mental health. The reality is that Islam is a perfect source of guidance and insight and solution to problems. But we human beings are imperfect in our knowledge and understanding, and sometimes another person can help us to see things more clearly and offer support as we strive to resolve our issues. But no matter what mental health issues we may struggle with, they do not reveal whether we are religious or not.

Islam teaches us to focus on the health of our bodies, minds, and emotions, and not to neglect any aspect of our soul’s well-being. Overall health, and particularly mental health, is interconnected with spiritual health. They feed and enhance each other and both must be focused on in order to live a healthy and happy life.

August 2, 2016
Quran as a Psychological Healing

As he gathered his thoughts, he wondered if he could ever recover from his sense of loss. The death of a close friend so unexpectedly had left him feeling so devastated that he could not muster up the strength to stand up straight. This was his friend who had been there for him, caring and supportive, through graduation, through the death of his father, through his marriage and the birth of his beloved child. And now this wonderful friend had left this world. How could he get through all of the pain and become whole again? He somehow rose to his feet and began walking down the hallway to his study. Books were something he turned to when he needed some kind of inspiration or solace. This was one of those times. He searched the shelves until his eyes fell on the Holy Quran, a copy his friend had given him when his father had passed. It served as a comfort then and must serve as one now. He picked it up and sank into his armchair, allowing the tears to flow even before he opened to the first chapter, “The Opening.” He trusted that the Quran would open his heart, sooth his emotions, and bring a light unto his mind. He would sit and read and reflect, soaking in all the wisdom the Lord from on high had to offer that would heal his broken heart.

When an individual is undergoing a harsh trial, one suggestion psychologists give to him/her is to focus on gratitude. This does not mean dismissing or denying the feelings of sadness, anger, etc., but to experience gratitude as shelter in a violent storm.

As humans, we will all endure difficulties in life for this is the nature of the life of this world. Allah (SWT) has created us to test us, and some of those tests that we encounter may be extremely painful. There are many resources for us to turn to in these times of sadness, loss, hardship, and struggle such as family members, friends, imams, therapists, support groups, etc. But one essential resource is the Holy Quran itself. Allah (SWT) says about the Quran, “And We send down of the Quran that which is a healing and a mercy to those who believe…” (Surah Al-Israa, 17:82). He (SWT) describes the Quran as a healing, something that soothes hearts and souls. We must believe in its ability to heal us when we are going through trials, particularly the psychological anguish that comes along with these tribulations. The sadness, anger, guilt, regret, and other negative emotions that arise within us can be soothed by the recitation of, and reflection on, the words of Allah (SWT).

When an individual is undergoing a harsh trial, one suggestion psychologists give to him/her is to focus on gratitude. This does not mean dismissing or denying the feelings of sadness, anger, etc., but to experience gratitude as shelter in a violent storm. The storm is still there and the wind is howling, but gratitude provides a safe haven, a place to momentarily rest and breathe deeply and endure with patience. The Quran contains numerous passages on gratitude as Allah (SWT) reminds the believers of what they have been given from Him: “And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah” (Surah al-Nahl, 16:53). This verse, among many, reminds us of how blessed we are even in the darkest of times. It is a reminder of the One who has given us all that we have, a reminder to thank Him and turn to Him for solace.

Another characteristic we learn from the Quran that can help heal hurting hearts is sabr, which is patience and perseverance. When one is going through a trial, the practice of sabr ensures that the one who is suffering is able to endure the trial and remain firm throughout. Sabr is a beautiful quality that Allah (SWT) describes in the Quran as a feature of the people who earn Jannah. If one struggles through a hardship and endures patiently, he/she will be rewarded greatly. Even knowing this fact brings comfort to the heart in harsh times. The promise of Allah (SWT) is true, and trusting in, and depending on that promise is often the strength that pushes a person forward despite being in distress. The Quran says, “Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits [of your toil], but give good news to those with sabr who, when afflicted with calamity, say, ‘Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.’ Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord, and mercy. And it is they who are the guided ones” (Surah al-Baqarah, 2:157). This promise of the blessings and mercy of Allah (SWT) is a beautiful one that can be remembered in challenging times for support and consolation. The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, “Strange is the affair of the believer; verily, all his affairs are good for him. If something pleasing befalls him, he thanks [Allah] and it becomes better for him. And if something harmful befalls him, he is patient and it becomes better for him. And this is only for the believer.”

Recitation and reflection on the words of Allah bring solace and healing. Gratitude is a safe haven because even in difficult times there are moments in which to focus on the many blessings to be grateful for. Sabr (patience and perseverance) is a virtue to practice at all times but especially when we are struggling with the tests of this life because the promise of Allah (SWT) is true: that the one who practices sabr in hard times surely deserves Paradise. The very thought of Paradise can be a solace for us in difficulty. We can close our eyes, imagine a place in Jannah that we are longing for, a place of complete ease and comfort and joy, and strive to earn that reward. Allah (SWT) tells us, “Now no person knows what delights of the eye await them [in the life to come] – as a reward for all that they did” (Surah as-Sajdah, 32:17). In harsh circumstances, if we remind ourselves of this beautiful place, it will provide a comfort to our hearts that will carry us through the pain towards a place of contentment.

June 2, 2016
Stop Ignoring the Issue of Sexual Abuse

She looked at herself in the mirror with tears streaming down her face. She could no longer keep it inside and felt that she had to tell her mother today. But, would her mother even believe her that her uncle had been touching her in places that no one should be touching? This was her mother’s brother. How would her mother react when she hears that it had been going on for a few weeks, ever since her uncle had moved in with them? He had warned her not to say a word, and that it was all her fault anyway that this was happening. She was 13 and afraid, but knew she had to tell her mother or it would never stop. If it didn’t stop, she didn’t know what she was going to do. The thought of it was unbearable. She wiped her tears and opened the door, ready to talk to her mother, but who did she find waiting for her when she opened the door? Her uncle…

According to the National Institute of Justice Report, three out of four adolescents who have been sexually assaulted were victimized by someone they knew well

Sexual abuse is a more common phenomenon in the Muslim community than we would ever care to believe, yet we do not face it head on as we should. It is a topic that people ignore and when it is brought up, heads begin shaking, as if to say “Shh! There’s no need to talk about that…Muslims don’t do that.” Yes, it is considered taboo, but the very fact that we won’t talk about this dire issue allows abuse to persist. Young girls and boys are afraid to tell anyone when it happens to them, and parents are reluctant to teach their children about boundaries, gently yet directly letting their children know that no one has the right to touch their private parts, or touch them in any way that makes them uncomfortable. If a child is not equipped with that knowledge, when an incident occurs, he or she suffers in the agony of silence and shame. And if the abuse is suspected or found out, it is too often ignored or hushed up, particularly if the abuser is considered religious or is a respected family member. This is a terrible betrayal of the child.

Victimized by Someone They Knew

According to statistics by the Crimes Against Children Research Center, 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys are victims of sexual abuse. These numbers are believed to be lower than the actual number of cases since most sexual abuse of children goes unreported. And when we think of sexual abuse, we may automatically think of a stranger as being the perpetrator of these acts, but this is not usually the case. According to the National Institute of Justice Report, three out of four adolescents who have been sexually assaulted were victimized by someone they knew well. The same is the case for younger children.

It is just not enough to teach children about “stranger danger” since the person more likely to sexually abuse a child is one who has easy access to him or her and earns the child’s trust, like a family member, teacher, religious figure, or family friend. The emotional and psychological consequences of this betrayal, from both the abuser and those who cover it up, are catastrophic. If we don’t do something as a community to tackle this issue, we are responsible for acquiescing to, and enabling, this abuse and betrayal.

A Campaign to Raise Awareness About Sexual Abuse

We, as community members, must raise awareness about this shattering issue. Families and communities are broken apart when sexual abuse occurs. But our children are precious, and shame and fear must not win out over doing what is right. The worry about life being disrupted, or the ruinous consequences for the perpetrator, if he or she is within the family or community circle, must not be stronger than the fear of a child being set up for lifelong pain and misery.

We must clearly convey this message about sexual abuse in workshops, Islamic schools, and masaajid so that people are informed and equipped with the tools on how to appropriately handle such a situation. Community leaders and imams must be at the forefront of this campaign to raise awareness by organizing or supporting workshops and events on this topic. The community can invite Muslim mental health professionals to provide informative lectures on sexual abuse. The future of the ummah depends on our willingness to face all issues, however challenging or ugly. We must show ourselves to be among those who stand up for justice, even if against ourselves or our inner circle, and especially for the protection and defense of our children. We must be silent no more.

April 3, 2016
Islamic Spotlight on Mental Health

Allah (SWT) says in the Quran, “And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than his jugular vein” (50:16). In this ayah, the Lord of the worlds describes His awareness of each and every human being, his or her innermost thoughts, desires, and intentions. The statement, “We know what his soul whispers to him,”provides us with comfort because it gives us reassurance that no matter what we suffer – our sadness or grief or worry – Allah (SWT) is aware of it as well. We are not alone. It also can instill fear in us because we are reminded that the negative, irresponsible, or unvirtuous thoughts that we have are not completely private because Allah (SWT) knows of them as well. Whatever anger, resentment, or jealousy we may feel, He is aware of it all. It gives us a reminder to hold ourselves accountable because the One who will hold us accountable in the next life is aware of everything that goes on in our minds.

The closeness between Allah (SWT) and His servant is further described by reference to the vein that our lives depend on, the jugular vein that is in the neck. The jugular vein carries large volumes of blood from the brain, face, and neck, back to the heart. Damage to the jugular and subsequent blood loss can quickly lead to shock and death. Yet, He (SWT) is closer to us than that physiological lifeline. There is nothing closer than that. Allah (SWT) is there even in our darkest of times. In our moments of sadness, feeling betrayed or abandoned, the Lord is with us, providing comfort and guidance through His deen, His Book, His messenger, and through our direct access to Him at every moment through salat and dua.He (SWT) is with us always. He has never left us and never will.

Allah’s Closeness Converges with Examination of Self

In tandem with Allah’s closeness to each one of us and His knowledge of the innermost self, is the Islamic focus on being self-examining. To be honest with ourselves, to increase awareness of our thoughts and behaviors so as to take fullest responsibility for ourselves and the way we live our lives – this is all part of maturing from the base level of unrestrained desire and impulse to the self-reproaching soul, aiming ultimately for tranquility and ease in daily living. This unfolds as thoughts, feelings, and actions come into harmony, aligned with Divine will. Sometimes we need help in candidly seeing ourselves and our habits of living, or in resolving issues that obstruct our growth, or solving problems that hamper the healthiness of our relationships. Mental health is just as real and important as physical health.

Yet, mental health is, for the most part, not discussed in Muslim communities, but rather silenced. A common stigma that works against dealing maturely and pragmatically with mental health issues is reflected in people’s negative judgements of those suffering with depression, anxiety, lack of motivation, and other personal challenges. They are often viewed as weak, incompetent, or crazy. Within the Muslim community in particular, this intertwines with cultural and religious views. People see those afflicted with psychological problems as lacking faith, patience, or trust in God. They are seen as religiously weak. Culturally, Muslims are taught to avoid airing their dirty laundry, to keep their personal and family problems secret. Add to this the well-intentioned but misguided advice to turn to God and all your problems will vanish. What is missing from this is that human action might also be appropriate and necessary. The Prophet (pbuh) has told us to tie the camel and then trust in God for her protection. For individuals who are suffering from feeling stuck, dejected, unable to make decisions, or unable to find solutions to their personal or family problems, they end up feeling hopeless and unable to find the support that they need when talk of mental health issues is taboo. This is something that needs to change.

It is difficult for many Muslims to accept that mental health issues exist. Instead of believing and accepting that mental illness does exist, many Muslims suspect black magic as a cause. They blame their issues on black magic and get caught up in finding out who is doing it and how to get rid of it. Even though there may be a chance that this is the case, it often serves as an unnecessary distraction from the real issue at hand. This can be a dangerous distraction since the real issue can fester while it is not being attended to.

Awareness is First Step to Getting Help

It is essential that we bring about more awareness within the Muslim community. In masjids, Islamic schools, community centers, and conventions, we need to offer more workshops and discussions on issues surrounding mental health. We need to normalize it and be open to talking about it so that we can eliminate the stigma and allow for more channels of communication, support, and change.

For those of you who are dealing with mental health issues, you are not alone. There are so many out there who have or had similar challenges and understand what you are going through.And there are counselors and therapists who are available to help. Reach out for help, have hope that things will get better, and believe that you will be able to overcome your struggles. Medication is appropriate in severe or chronic cases.And in all circumstances, counseling/therapy is a valuable and empowering process that facilitates your determination and effort to transform your life for the better. Give it a chance, and ultimately, give yourself a chance for a better future.

December 4, 2015
Volunteering and Its Impact on Self, Others, and the World

Unsure and apprehensive, he walked into the soup kitchen and found someone who looked as if he knew what he was doing. He asked him where he should go since this was his first time volunteering, and he was directed to the kitchen. As he walked there, his mind was racing. His friend had told him to come to volunteer to serve food to the homeless because it would look good on his transcript. He knew that he needed a boost for college so he decided to give it a shot. Now that he was here, however, he felt out of place. This neighborhood looked nothing like his and, on a Saturday morning, he would much rather be playing basketball. Once he arrived at the kitchen, he saw dozens of people scurrying around, some preparing food, some washing dishes, and others giving orders. He was placed at the cutting board to chop carrots. Soon, the food was prepared and it was time to serve. The next hour became an experience he would never forget for the rest of his life. He did not expect to be so affected by the people who came in for food: their tired faces, their tattered clothing, and their warm smiles. He left the soup kitchen that day feeling a deep sense of appreciation for his life and for the experience that helped to soften his heart.

The impact of helping someone is everlasting. Not only does it make us feel good and bring us closer to others, but we also obtain goodness in the hereafter. Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said,“Whoever removes one of the hardships of a believing soul, Allah will remove from him one of the distresses in the hereafter. Whoever solves someone else’s problem, Allah will make things easy for him in this world and in the life hereafter. Allah is ever assisting his servant as long as he is assisting his brother” (Sahih Muslim). This beautiful hadith describes how extraordinary it is to be involved in volunteer work that involves helping others and making a difference in their lives. Allah (SWT) loves such actions so much that He provides continuous ease for the person who engages in charitable activity.

Allah (SWT) discusses the “everlasting good deeds” in the Quran and these include the good things we do for others. When we donate our time to assisting others, it automatically creates an environment of good feelings and a desire to pass on the goodness to others. This is where the phrase “paying it forward” comes into play. When goodness is done to someone, they wish to pass that on to others. When they do this, the goodness multiplies. That is the power of helping others.

In taking care of others, we are taking care of ourselves. This is not only because we are investing in our personal account for the Akhirah, but for the fact that the Ummah is one body, as the Prophet (pbuh) has described. When one part is hurting, the rest of it feels the pain. Therefore, when we are helping and taking care of a part of the Ummah, the benefit automatically comes to us as well. In fact, science proves that not only is volunteering beneficial for others, but it is good for the one who is volunteering. Helping behavior is associated with reduced risk of mortality, decrease in stress, and a release of oxytocin,a feel-good hormone. Physiologically, helping others makes us feel good. The release of oxytocin not only benefits the individual, but also has an effect on those around us. Oxytocin is called “the compassion hormone” because circuits in the brain are active that cannot be active during a state of hostility or hate. This allows for an atmosphere of fellowship and caring to develop.

When we volunteer our time, energy, and resources, we are sending a message to the world that we are not selfish and, instead, believe in something greater than ourselves. We are stating that something larger than all of us exists. The inner satisfaction we gain from giving of ourselves is more important than any form of compensation we could receive. When we give without asking for money or benefits in return, we develop the personal characteristics of sacrifice, forgiveness, love, and a strong sense of humanity. There is nothing more valuable than that.

October 13, 2015