A previous article discussed the dangers of pornography, for both adults and youth. The obvious question follows: What are we to do? Many of us behave like ostriches, putting our heads in the sand, hoping that this problem will go away. If we understand, however, the impulses that lead to engaging with pornography, then it will be clear why the “ostrich strategy” is courting disaster.
Allah created us with hormones and biological desires as part of maintaining the human species on this earth. When these hormonal impulses and desires in men and women kick in, then without having the guardrails and systems in place, it will be like putting sandbags in front of an ocean’s high tide. We need to live on higher ground where the high tide can’t reach us.
Although the Qur’an does not explicitly mention pornography, its teachings provide profound guidance on modesty, chastity, and the sanctity of human relationships that effectively counteract the pull of indecency. A practicing Muslim is guided in such a way that even consuming pornographic content, let alone participating in the industry, feels alien and repulsive, totally contrary to the teachings of the Qur’an.
Now, for those of us who are parents, we have another role: to safeguard our offspring. First, we must save ourselves from pornography, whether it is soft or hardcore. It’s like safety instructions for an emergency on an airplane—you first put an oxygen mask on yourself before you take care of that for your children. Then we must increase our awareness of this issue, including the reasons why we might not realize the magnitude of this problem. Here are some reasons why that is the case:
- Parents who grew up in the in a non-Western society bring with them a cultural mindset which is rooted in the Islamic practice of haya (modesty). In that same mindset, however, talking to the youth about pornography, warning them about its harms, would be very uncomfortable for many parents, and for some even considered taboo.
- Many Muslim parents may not have been exposed to such a tsunami of pornographic and vulgar situations in their early life and are currently busy with their professional and social lives, so they’re not aware of the decadent state of current society in the West.
- They are now living married lives, the single most effective safeguard against immorality, and they are unaware or unable to imagine what their youth are exposed to, and thus unable to put themselves in their children’s shoes.
- Parents who are immigrants to this country and live in a more conservative community falsely think that they too were exposed to such bad things, but they ended up being fine so the youth today will also be just fine. They often forget that the society they grew up in had a social safety net where an extended family and societal norms took care of many issues, whereas in this country, many times the temptations are enormous and, in the case of pornography, it can be addictive.
Guiding Ourselves and Our Youth
Being in a Western society, or living outside the West but following a Western secular lifestyle, there are some things we can do to guard ourselves from the scourge of pornography:
- Do not take lightly what we, the adults, or our youth wear. We might think it’s okay to let our very young children wear swimsuits because they don’t yet have the stricter adult requirement of modesty, but we’re making our lives harder in the future by having to make a sharp turn on their lifestyle later on. As to what we, as parents wear, remember that we are the role models for our youth.
- Limit watching so-called entertainment that acts like a gateway to pornography. If the older folks can’t stop watching Hollywood or Bollywood movies and watching TV shows that are contrary to Islamic modesty requirements, how can we expect that our children and youth will do so? They learn mostly from what we do rather than what we tell them.
- Limit being in places where immodest clothes are the norm, such as beaches or resort/entertainment cities such as Las Vegas.
- Avoid vain talk or discussion about immodest styles of living or media such as movies, TV shows, music videos, etc., that promote immodesty. Our ears also feed the nafs (self, soul). If we feed our nafs, so to speak, good nourishment, then it will energize us to good thoughts, desires, and actions. However, when we feed it with evil through our senses, it will drag us to evil. It’s very important to significantly limit, if not stop altogether, the intake of immodesty that we watch, that we talk about, and that we speak. Do this for seven days and observe how your iman (faith) and taqwa (consciousness of Allah; inclination to virtue; healthy fear of displeasing Allah) is significantly boosted.
- Talk to the children and youth about alternatives that maintain modesty. They can occupy their free time with participation in sports, pursuit of a hobby, and socializing with like-minded youth.
- Find out who their friends are and the family they come from. If the family has a modest lifestyle, they pass that on to their children. So, befriend those who uphold modesty.
- Control their access to devices and put in place filters to block explicit content. It does become harder when they enter their adolescent and teen years as devices and access to the internet are ubiquitous and it’s almost impossible to stop access, either by them or through their friends. So, as they enter adolescence, start teaching them how to monitor themselves, and to be disciplined and wise in their use of the internet.
- Finally, remind yourself and your family members again and again about the love of Allah and the rational and prudent fear of displeasing Him. This can be done through recitation and discussion of the Qur’an and ahadith.
Qur’an and Ahadith as the Guide
Surah An-Noor: Allah instructs both men and women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, highlighting the significance of personal modesty— “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity…” (Qur’an 24:30-31).
Surah Ar-Rum: In this surah, it is emphasized that the sanctity of marriage is a bond that fulfills emotional and physical intimacy between spouses — “And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought” (Qur’an 30:21).
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) also highlighted the importance of marriage and how it is a shield against immodesty and unlawful sexual activity: “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power” (Sahih al-Bukhari).
Surah Al-A’raf: Verses in this surah explicitly prohibit lewdness and indecency, which are intrinsic to pornography — “Say, ‘My Lord has only forbidden indecencies —what is apparent of them and what is concealed—and sin….'” (Qur’an 7:33).
Surah Ash-Shams: The importance of self-reflection and purification of the soul is emphasized —”He has succeeded who purifies it. And he has failed who corrupts it” (Qur’an 91:9-10).
By fostering a mindset of self-improvement and every-growing consciousness of Allah’s commands, individuals are more likely to resist temptations, including the allure of pornography. The Qur’an’s comprehensive guidance on modesty, chastity, the sanctity of marriage, and the prohibition of indecency provides a strong foundation for addressing this issue. By adhering to these principles, individuals can cultivate a healthy perspective on sexuality and relationships, steering clear of the destructive path of pornography. The Qur’an, thus, offers a timeless solution to modern challenges, guiding believers towards a life of purity, dignity, and spiritual fulfillment.
