بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Author: Dr. Shahid Athar

  • The Role of Interfaith Dialogue

    The Role of Interfaith Dialogue

    Prophet Muhammad, 1447 years ago, announced his Islamic mission and since then opposition has been pursued by those whose beliefs and ways of life were/are challenged by the deen of Islam. Followers of previous faith traditions never accepted Muhammad as a prophet of God. During his lifetime he was called a liar, magician, poet, and lunatic. Now they call him a pedophile, a warmonger, and a terrorist. Islam, from its beginning however, flourished because of its purity of monotheistic belief and its uncompromising emphasis on a moral code for humanity including universal social justice and opposition to oppression. Over the years countless individuals have become Muslim and adopted Islamic values. Unfortunately too many so-called Muslims have abandoned Islamic teachings and joined in the ranks of oppressors, engaging in acts of injustice, terrorism, and disregard for the sanctity of human life. Professor Yvonne Haddad of Hartford Seminary asked students in her history class, “What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word Muslim?” All but one, a Muslim student, responded spontaneously “terrorism.”
    The perception of Islam even before 9/11 was not favorable. In 1993, the LA times asked 1273 readers nationwide a number of questions about the religion and its adherents. Asked their impression of Islam, 14 percent indicated “favorable,” 22 percent “unfavorable,” and 64 percent indicated they didn’t know or have an opinion. In the same poll, 41 percent viewed Islam as an antidemocratic religion, and 29 percent thought that Islam poses a threat to the security of United Sates and its Western allies. The perception of Islam after 9/11 has become more negative. According to a 2013 PEW research study, the Islamic religion is considered by 42 percent of the respondents to encourage violence compared to 22 percent in 2002.

    Does Islam Promote Violence and Terrorism?

    Central to the issue of violence and terrorism is the concept of jihad. The word “jihad” literally means “struggle,” which in Islamic terms means to strive in the way of God. Any struggle done in day-to-day life to please God can be considered jihad. Despite the assertions by Muslim extremists, which is then parroted and highlighted by opponents of Islam, the natural state of affairs with non-Muslims is not one of war. As pointed out by Shaykh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, every Muslim is a mujahid (one who engages in jihad) but not a muqatil (fighter). In a paper “What is New about Al-Qaradawi’s Fiqh of Jihad?” by Rashid Al-Ghannoushi, the author notes that Al-Qaradawi distinguishes between two types of jihad – military and civil, and that military jihad involves the defense of Muslims when they are attacked. As to civil jihad, he quotes from Al-Qaradawi’s book to show that civil jihad “encompasses the academic, scientific, cultural, social, economic, educational, health, medical, environmental and civilizational fields. The objective of this civil jihad is to exert oneself for Allah’s sake in order to educate the ignorant, employ the unemployed, train workers, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, house the homeless, treat the ill, achieve self-sufficiency for the needy, build schools for pupils, universities for students, mosques for worshippers, clubs for sports lovers to practice their hobbies.” Al-Ghannoushi also points out that Shaykh Al-Qaradawi asserts that Islam calls for interaction with the non-Muslim world, not isolation.

    Interfaith Interaction, Not Isolation

    I sincerely believe interfaith dialogue and activism is the need of the time. Interfaith involvement is not giving up one’s faith or compromising one’s beliefs but engaging in a process of self-education about others and finding opportunities for dawah through interaction and exchange of views. It is coming together on common ground as fellow human beings. It is a venue for sharing one’s faith with others.
    An experience of great satisfaction for me has been interfaith dialogue with others. One of my dialogue partners, a Benedictine nun, Sister Mary Margaret Funk, wrote a popular book titled, “Islam Is: An Experience of Dialogue and Devotion.” Despite the fact that the world has become a global village, sometimes followers of faith traditions live in their own closed enclaves, never venturing outside to see how other people live or believe, and likewise, never inviting people of other faith traditions into their domain. Thus, fear of others is sometimes as a result of not knowing one another. Knowing each other is not only a social need but a divine injunction. Quran says, “We have created you from a single pair of souls and made you into nations and tribes that you might know one another” (Quran 49:13). Just because a person has a skin color different than mine, was born into a land different than where I was born, or prays to God but in a different manner or in a different language than my own, he or she does not become less worthy of my respect and caring for his or her well-being. As a physician, I know that beneath the surface differences, the color of the blood is the same, the contraction of the muscles is the same, and the structural purpose of the skeleton is the same – in each and every human being. So the outer differences manifested in the diversity of the human family is no justification for discriminating against others on the basis of skin color, ethnicity, gender, or faith tradition, as we must accept that God, in His omniscience and wisdom, created humanity with a diversity that challenges us to interact and get to know one another in peaceful and cooperative ways.
    Muslims, in the tradition of Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him), have always entered into interfaith dialogue with people of other faiths, conveying in straightforward ways that the messages of previous prophets are from the same God who has asked us to know one another. Thus, when a Christian delegation came to find out about the Prophet and Islam, he allowed them to stay in the mosque, engaged them in friendly, respectful discussion, and allowed them to pray according to their Christian traditions. He also sent delegations to different parts of the world with the task of explaining to other peoples the mission of the Prophet. Interfaith dialogues should not be interfaith debates. Interfaith work is directed toward creating a better and more tolerant environment in a pluralistic society. Its main purpose is to create mutual understanding and appreciation among people of different faiths, to cooperate in striving toward mutually agreed-upon goals, and to support and promote peaceful coexistence in society.

    Ramadan: A Prime Opportunity

    Ramadan is the most blessed month in Islam. It is an occasion to share iftar meals with family, friends, neighbors, and non-Muslims. It is a prime opportunity to talk about Islam and present accurate information, as well as to dispel any misconceptions one’s guests might have about Islam and Muslims. In 1992, Interfaith Alliance of Indiana started an interfaith Ramadan iftar and the White House, State Department, Pentagon, and many governors and mayors have all adopted participation in this tradition as a norm. Many Muslims opposed interfaith activities and initiatives until after 9/11, and then the need became apparent and more and more mosques started holding their own interfaith iftars. In 1993, I conducted a survey of non-Muslim attendees to our iftar about their perception of Islam before and after attending the interfaith iftar (published in Dr. Laleh Bakhtiar’s book, “Ramadan-Motivating Believers to Action”). Out of 93 attendees who responded, 87 said they learned much about Islam and 89 said the experience removed misconceptions in their minds about Islam. Many looked forward to coming back for the next year’s iftar. One Christian attendee fasted a full day to experience the challenge and joy of fasting. Two attendees joined Muslims in maghrib prayer (much to the dislike of some Muslims). In Indiana, the tradition has continued with an annual iftar hosted by the Governor and the Mayor. Last year when representatives of Al Salaam Foundation went to Carmel, Indiana (about 25 miles north of Indianapolis) to invite the mayor to the interfaith iftar, Mayor Brainard asked, “Do you have a mosque or place for the function?” They told him they didn’t as of that time. He then offered his home to hold the
    interfaith iftar. Over 200 Muslims and non-Muslims attended, including Congresswoman Susan Brooks (R-Indiana).
    Many Opportunities to Interact and Engage
    In addition to interfaith iftars, there are countless other opportunities for Muslims to interact with the non-Muslim community so as to promote understanding and peaceful relations. Following are a few options:
    Interfaith Thanksgiving – Muslims should join with other Americans in giving thanks to God for placing them in the land of opportunity and religious freedom. Muslim families can invite their neighbors for Thanksgiving dinner or an Islamic center can offer Thanksgiving dinner for the needy.
    Free health clinic – These can be offered through the mosque, in conjunction with another religiously or community sponsored free clinic, or by one or more Muslim physicians at their private practice offices.
    Food pantry for the needy – This is a wonderful opportunity to relieve the suffering of another human being and act on the teachings of Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) who has said “He is not a Muslim who goes to sleep with full stomach but his neighbor goes to sleep with an empty stomach.”
    Participation in the political process – Voting for candidates who support social justice and other issues that are important to Muslims is essential. Educating oneself to know which candidates promote values that are consistent with Islamic norms is part of exercising one’s civic rights and acting according to democratic principles. Immigrant Muslims should bring their hearts where their bodies are. Home is not where grandparents are buried but where grandchildren play and will encounter their future. Pave the way for a positive future for them by engaging in the political process.
    Imam Fakhri Al Razi is known to have said “We should cease to divide world between Darul Islam [domain of Islam] and Darul Kufr [domain of disbelief] but divide the world into Darul Islam and Darul Dawah. Thus, if you are not living in Darul Islam, you are in Darul Dawah.” Dawah to Islam includes giving lectures, pamphlets, CDs and other materials; but it is also, and so importantly, the conduct (akhlaq) of a Muslim. The best example is that of our beloved Prophet (pbuh), who was sent as a mercy to mankind.

  • After Da’wah: Supporting Reverted Muslims

    After Da’wah: Supporting Reverted Muslims

    Da’wah, that is, invitation to Islam, is an order of Allah, a practice of Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him), and a necessary aspect of faith. When a person opens his or her heart to guidance from a da’i, with the mercy of Allah and His permission, and becomes a Muslim, what then does he or she experience in terms of the transition to living as a Muslim? Entering into the Muslim community, they often are not sure how to dress or whether to take a new name or keep the name their parents gave them at birth. New Muslims may not be sure how to proceed in learning the correct way to pray or fast, what books they should read to acquire more knowledge about Islam, or what needs to be changed in their dietary habits, and so on.
    Follow-up with a new Muslim after da’wah is crucially important. Without help and support, the new Muslim might get discouraged or feel lost. It is essential for each community to have a plan and a structure in place to monitor the progress of a new Muslim in terms of his or her overall well-being, Islamic education, and assimilation into the community. The local Muslim community must take responsibility to help assimilate the revert. Otherwise the journey – from the first realization that Islam is the ultimate truth, to ongoing, lifelong efforts to increase knowledge, deepen eman, and conform one’s character and everyday behavior to Islam’s moral code – will be very difficult. His family might be indifferent to his conversion or even hostile, rather than supportive of his search for truth. The female revert may find that her family rejects her because of the Islamic dress requirements, or if she works, she may further find new challenges and difficulties at her job.

     When a person opens his or her heart to guidance from a da’i, with the mercy of Allah and His permission, and becomes a Muslim, what then does he or she experience in terms of the transition to living as a Muslim?

    If this new Muslim is coming out of prison, there are additional issues. There are 1.5 million inmates in the U.S., out of which over 100,000 are Muslims. Most were not Muslim when they entered the prison but then reverted through the guidance of Allah and the d’awah provided by fellow Muslim inmates, Muslim chaplains, or volunteers. Muslim inmates have many challenges and needs while in prison, and many more when they are released. While in prison, they face numerous obstacles from the prison system about their Islamic practices including praying, reading Qur’an, fasting, and eating halal food. Upon release, It may also be difficult for them to find a job or to find a local Islamic center where they feel welcomed and valued as a revert.
    Abu Musa narrated that Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, “A faithful believer to a faithful believer is like the bricks of a wall, enforcing each other.” While [saying that] the Prophet clasped his hands, by interlacing his fingers. To fully support the new revert and reinforce his or her newly growing eman, communities can do a number of things as part of an overall plan. First, there should be a welcome committee in the Islamic center which oversees the welcoming of each new Muslim to their community. Second, the Islamic center can organize a mentoring program to provide one-to-one caring, guidance, and help to the revert. The mentor will be involved directly with the revert so as to know what his or her personal survival needs are, as well as providing extra emotional support when necessary. Third, a budget to provide financial assistance to those reverts who need it is essential since financial pressures on new Muslims can have devastating and lasting effects on their commitment to the deen. And finally, a class or series of classes for new reverts is extremely important so that they are provided with a solid foundation of basic Islamic knowledge upon which to build their dedication to Islam, a lifelong seeking of knowledge, and a sense of shared personal growth and religious conviction with other community members. They should be made to feel like they fit seamlessly, like a brick placed snugly, perfectly, into the strong wall of Muslim fellowship and solidarity – like Islam and their new community have become their stronghold and fortification for life.

  • Interfaith Dialogue: The Need of our Time

    Interfaith Dialogue: The Need of our Time

    Before the tragedy of 9/11, many American Muslims were opposed to interfaith dialogue, thinking that it would compromise their faith. Thus in 1985 when Imam Ihsan Bagby and I, along with Rabbi John Stein and Rev. Jerry Zehr, started Interfaith Alliance in Indiana, Muslims hesitated to participate. After 2001, perception of interfaith initiatives changed. More and more mosques saw the need and interfaith committees were formed. In addition, a number of interfaith organizations emerged. We held our first interfaith iftar (breaking fast at the end of the day in Ramadan) at ISNA mosque in Plainfield, Indiana in 1990. Now it has become an annual tradition at the White House, State Department, and the Pentagon, as well as iftars being hosted by governors and mayors.

    Why dialogue with others?

    The interfaith movement is an opportunity to engage with adherents of other religious traditions in positive ways, to share one’s faith, and to celebrate the various holidays. And particularly for Muslims nowadays, it is an excellent way to dispel myths and misunderstandings about Islam. Quran encourages interfaith dialogue with the verse, “Invite all to the way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and engage with them in ways that are best and most gracious” (16:125).

    Why engage with People of the Book (Jews and Christians)?

    Interfaith engagement, especially with the People of the Book, is a way to build understanding, find commonalities of belief and social responsibility, and encourage one another in faith and good works.

    “ Say [O Mohammad]: O people of the book, come to a common understanding between us and you, that we shall worship no one except One God that we shall take no partners with Him and none of us shall take others for Lord beside One God” (Quran 3:64).

    It was a Christian priest, Waraqah, cousin of Khadija (Prophet Mohammad’s first and only wife for 25 years) who first testified that Prophet Mohammad (p) had received divine revelation. And a Christian king, Najashi of Abyssinia (Ethiopia), gave asylum to 80 Muslims who migrated from Mecca because of persecution by pagan Arabs. In fact, the Quran says, “…nearest among them in love to the believers will you find those who say, ‘We are Christians’ because among these are men devoted to learning and men who have renounced materialism, and they are not arrogant” (5:82).

    When a delegation of Christians from the Roman Empire visited Prophet Mohammad, he invited them to stay in his mosque and allowed them to pray there according to their traditions. In 628 AD he granted a charter of privilege to the monks of St. Catherine Monastery in Mt.Sinai to assure them of their rights as a Christian minority. The charter is very significant in demonstrating the respect and tolerance of other faith communities as exemplified by the Prophet (p):

    “This is a letter from Mohammad ibn Abdallah, as a covenant to those who adopt Christianity. We are with them, they are my citizens, we will defend them.

    • No compulsion is to be on them.
    • Neither their judges to be removed from their jobs nor their monks from their monasteries.
    • No one is to destroy their house of worship, or to damage it, or to take anything from it to a Muslim’s house.
    • No one is to force them to fight (for Muslims). Muslims are to fight for them.
    • If a Christian woman is married to a Muslim man, it should not take place without her approval. She is not to be prevented from attending her church to pray.
    • No one from my nation is to disobey this covenant till Last Day.”

    As mentioned above, interfaith dialogue is an excellent way to dispel myths and misunderstandings about Islam. I address 25 of them in my booklet, “Healing the Wounds of September 11,” and the booklet can be used by those who engage in dawah, in interfaith initiatives and activities, and by individual Muslims who have non-Muslim family members who raise questions or seek better understanding of Islam and Muslims. Following, as example, are five of the points covered in the booklet:

    Shariah law: It is the Islamic legal, moral, and spiritual code covering not just prayer and fasting but all aspects of a Muslim’s life. Shariah is by no means limited to criminal justice or the fixed punishments for serious crimes.

    Retaliation and vengeance: Prophet Mohammad (p) did not order killing of anyone who opposed, insulted, or persecuted him or his followers. Nor did he seek to humiliate or get revenge, even at times of triumph. Most of the battles he participated in were defensive, when Muslims were attacked by unbelievers

    Treatment of women: Men and women are equal in all acts of piety (Quran 33:35) and they receive the same punishment for any particular crime. The oppression of women was rampant in the pre-Islamic culture. Islam opposed the degradation of women and instituted measures to elevate them to their rightful status and value in society. Their confinement to the home started with the colonization of Muslim lands, a practice which was later continued by Muslim kings and tribal leaders.

    The sanctity of human life: “If anyone has killed [without authorization, sanction, or justification] one person, it is like he has killed the whole of mankind” (5:32). Accordingly, terrorism has no place in Islam. Addressing legitimate grievances of Muslims who are victims of political tyranny, imperialism, or colonialist occupation is imperative. But terrorist reactions are not the proper Islamic way to advance the cause of social justice and political freedom.

    Jihad: Prophet Mohammad said “The highest level of jihad is conquest of self (against evil temptations and all egotistic inclinations of the lower self).” Jihad means, literally, “struggle” and in common usage it means any and all ways necessary to struggle in the way of Allah. While this includes military struggle, when necessary, against persecution or oppression, the misnomer “Holy War” lends a warring and fanatic connotation to the word “jihad” that does not accord with its linguistic and doctrinal meaning. Also encompassed by the meaning of “jihad” is the inner struggle of each individual to overcome the inclinations of the lower self and its base desires.

    In addition to the importance of educating ourselves to be knowledgeable and articulate in dispelling the myths and misunderstandings about Islam whenever we have the opportunity to do so — and one of the best opportunities is during interfaith dialogue — we also have to be mindful of presenting ourselves and our arguments with “wisdom and beautiful preaching” and to engage “in ways that are best and most gracious.” Below are some guidelines of effective engagement in interfaith dialogue:

    Show respect and tolerance of others at all times. Each person has the right to his/her belief and religion. “Let there be no compulsion in religion” (Quran 2:256). Respect others’ beliefs as you expect them to respect yours. Quran forbids Muslim to deride a non-Muslim’s religion or belief system.

    Do your best to remove prevailing misconceptions about Islam and Muslims.

    Share your faith but never compromise your beliefs by skewing, diluting, or distorting your presentation in order to win points with those you are speaking to.

    Look for common ground as humans and as believers in God and religion. All the concerns of the contemporary world, including the scourge of terrorism by states or rogue groups, climate change, political corruption, the moral decadence of youth culture, and countless other issues, are common concerns of all faith communities.

    Pay particular attention to the common goal of all faiths which is to serve the needs of those who have been given less, who are disadvantaged, suffering, or oppressed. Find ways to cooperate in utilizing the group’s resources such as wealth, knowledge, compassion, and piety to serve society and work to bring greater social justice. Collaborate as faith communities determined to leave all our children a better world, filled with love and compassion rather than hatred and apathy.

    Closing a Session with Prayer

    Sessions of interfaith dialogue should be concluded with faith-based inspiration and mutual appreciation. The two following prayers can be used:

    Prayer of Prophet Muhammad (p):

    “O Allah! Put affection in our hearts, set right the matters between us, guide us to the ways of peace, save us from the darkness [and turn us] towards the light; save us from all kinds of indecency, the apparent as well as the hidden; and bless our hearing, our seeing, our hearts, our spouses, and our children; and turn in mercy upon us. Indeed, You are the One who greatly accepts repentance, One who is repeatedly Merciful.”

    Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi:

    “Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace, where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is giving that we receive, it is pardoning that we are pardoned, it is dying that we are born to eternal life.”

    On March 22, 2013, Pope Francis urged Catholics to engage in dialogue with Islam, and said “The role of religion is central to peace. We should engage in service to the poor and not in mutual rivalry.” As Muslims, we should respond actively to this positive initiative and show our appreciation for his outreach.

  • What is an Islamic Personality?

    What is an Islamic Personality?

    The question — “What is an Islamic personality” — comes into the Muslim mind now and again. There is no record of companions asking Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) this question as the perfect Islamic personality was embodied and demonstrated by the Prophet himself. The Prophet is not amongst us now except in the record that has been left in certain verses of the Qur’an and in the hadeeth literature. Wanting to close the gap between what we are and what we can potentially be, we ask the question again — what is an Islamic personality?

    Personality is the external manifestation of both built-in and acquired aspects of character, all the thoughts and feelings and behaviors that come into play when dealing with the self, other people, and the surroundings. The newborn, with its innate genetic personality traits, is constantly influenced by external stimuli, social interactions, and learning opportunities. His character develops as a result of the interplay of his genetic predisposition and his increasingly diverse experiences. Everyone around a child, including parents, siblings, peers, teachers, and extended family affect his developing selfhood. It has been said, “A man is known by the company he keeps.” That “company” is not only the real-life people in his daily activities and interactions; it is also the characters in the books he reads and in the movies and TV shows he watches. That “company” is also each thought that animates his inner dialogue, a chattering that goes on day in and day out. Those thoughts are some of the building blocks of habitual behavior.

    Watch your thoughts as they become your words; watch your words as they become your actions; watch your actions as they become your character; and watch your character as it may become your destiny

    Habits are acquired as a result of internal drives and external stimuli that elicit a response. The drives are of two types: a) basic instincts such as hunger, thirst, the physiological urge for sex, self-preservation, maternal protectiveness, and so on; b) acquired inclinations such as a well-developed work ethic or passion for a hobby like hiking. Most of the social and cultural norms that a person interiorizes and abides by are acquired drives. They are a set of rules and expectations by which a group guides the behavior of its members, with the aim of satisfying the basic instincts while, at the same time, maintaining societal values and protecting the interactions between individuals of that group.

    Those social and cultural norms arise out of a basic moral code. Such a code is universal and common to all religions, and even fundamental to secular ideology. Every individual, whether he believes in one God, many gods, or no god, appreciates a person who is honest, trustworthy, humble, generous, and so on. The Islamic moral code — the foundation for the Islamic personality — is based upon true human nature, is universally applicable, and not subject to whim, passing notions or trends, or majority vote. It is an ethics of highest perfection, consistent, constant, and permanently for the pleasure of God. This ideal is outlined in the Qur’an and demonstrated by the life of the Prophet. Thus, the perfect Islamic personality, the exemplary role model, is Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). “Verily in the messenger of Allah, you have a good example of one who looks toward Allah and the last day and mentions Allah frequently” (Qur’an, 33:21).

    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), himself, has said, “I have been sent to perfect your conduct.” This exemplar of upright comportment established himself as a truthful and trustworthy person even before he became a prophet. Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her), his first wife, said to him about his character, “You join the ties of relationship, you speak the truth, you bear people’s burdens, you help the poor, you entertain the guest, you mitigate (decrease) the pain and grief suffered for the sake of truth.” After his death, when a group of Muslims who never met him came to his wife Ayesha (RAA) and asked her to describe his character, she replied with a question, “Have you not read Qur’an?” Thus, Prophet Muhammad’s character was nothing but a living example of Qur’an itself. In order to get an idea of the character of the believer, therefore, one has to read the Qur’an with the aim of discovering the elements that comprise that character. In Surah Al-Mu’minun, believers are described as those who are humble, avoid vain talk, do their prayers, spend in charity, and guard their modesty. In Surah Al-Infal, it is said of them, “When Allah is mentioned, their hearts feel fear, when Qur’an is recited it increases their faith, and they have trust in their lord.” In Surah Tawbah, Allah SWT says, “they protect each other, enjoin good and forbid evil and strive in the cause of Allah.” In Surah Ra’d, they are described as the ones who keep their promises, have patience, and migrate for the cause of Allah.

    If we engage in reflection and self-examination in order to assess how we fare in relation to the characteristics of a believer, we might be pained to acknowledge that we don’t always measure up, and even display at times traits attributed to unbelievers or hypocrites, especially in our social dealings. A Muslim is not supposed to lie, backbite, be envious, break his promise, be of loose character with the opposite sex, oppress, abuse, blame, or harm in any way. In fact, only if we are striving to purify our personalities from such inclinations, can we be a “mirror to fellow Muslims” as the Prophet has instructed us. The Qur’an says, “O prophet! We have sent you as a witness, a bearer of glad tidings, a warner and as one who invites people to Allah with His permission and as a shining lamp” (Qur’an 33:45-46). Thus, the Prophet did not hesitate in correcting companions, in being a “mirror to fellow Muslims” when he found a need, but always in the best manner. When Asma, sister of his wife Ayesha, came to him while he was with Ayesha, he noticed that Asma’s dress was too thin. He turned his face away and told her, “When a woman reaches puberty, nothing should be seen of her (by non-mahrem) except this and this,” and he pointed to his hands and face. Once a man came to the Prophet, sat down, sneezed, and he did not say, “Praise be to Allah.” The Prophet remained quiet. Then another man came, sat down, sneezed and said, “Praise be to Allah.” The Prophet responded by saying, “Allah’s mercy be on you.” Then the first man asked, “How come you did not pray for me?” The Prophet replied, “You forgot Allah and I forgot you!”

    The Islamic personality is comprised of traits we should cultivate in ourselves, like being humble and guarding our modesty. It is also a working model of purification so that we strive to eliminate habits such as backbiting or blaming. And notably, the Islamic personality takes care to internalize the teachings and principles that transform the self so as not to simply create and present to the world a persona that is more image than substance. The delight of a perfume is not its name or the shape of its bottle, but its pleasing fragrance. The quality of a book is not its cover but its contents. The promise of happiness in a marriage is not a once-and-done exchange of verbal pledges to love and honor, but a lifetime of daily affirmations and dedicated efforts to build a successful marriage relationship. Likewise, dawah in Islam is not sloganeering, merely pamphlets and videos and lectures. The character of a Muslim him or herself is the most genuine promise and pledge and affirmation and effort — an invitation to a non-Muslim to discover the beliefs that underlie and engender the upright character of the Muslim they are encountering. It is our destiny to transform ourselves and to invite others to that same path of self-purification. So it becomes imperative to cultivate an Islamic personality in all its particulars, and we can begin by realizing that our thoughts are the closest companions we have, the most influential “company” we keep. We can remember Allah SWT (keep Him and the Islamic precepts and wisdom in our thoughts) whether after a sneeze or in a heated exchange; in all cases speaking only words of virtue, and behaving only in the best of manners. We do well to heed the advice of Imam Ghazali: “Watch your thoughts as they become your words; watch your words as they become your actions; watch your actions as they become your character; and watch your character as it may become your destiny.”

  • Marriage, Intimacy Related Questions

    Marriage, Intimacy Related Questions

    Twenty years ago when my children were growing up, living in American society, I realized the need for appropriate Islamic sex education for Muslim youth and parents. I wrote an article on this topic. At that time, and even now to some degree, “sex” was considered by some Muslims to be a dirty word.  Thus my article was rejected by nearly all the American Muslim magazines, and their explanation was “We are not ready for it”. Finally the Journal of the Islamic Medical Association (JIMA) published it. Then I edited and published the book Sex Education for Muslim Youth and Parents (1994- Kazi). Although conservative Muslims consider sex a taboo subject and avoid talking about it, young Muslim men and women frequently ask me questions regarding sex and marriage via email.

    Here are some of those questions, which have been left unedited, and my responses (these should be taken as my personal opinion and not a fatwa as I am not a mufti but a physician; readers may or may not agree with my opinion – and Allah SWT knows best.)

    Q I am 28 year old and getting married in 3 months. I like to know what is permissible islamically and what is not in matters of sex after marriage?

    A Sex is an expression of love. All acts of sex between husband and wife are permissible with mutual consent except anal sex, sex during menstruation and sex out side marriage. There are no laws about sexual positions. It is up to a couple to decide what pleases and satisfies them.

    Q Are husband and wife allowed to look at and touch each other’s private parts or should they do it under cover in the darkness?

    A Modesty (haya) is part of the Islamic faith. It is preferable that a couple protect each other’s privacy. Nudity even in front of husband or wife is not encouraged.  However, what spouses do behind closed doors is up to them. To my knowledge, Prophet (pbuh) used to cover when in private relationship with his wives.

    Q  Is oral sex permitted in Islam? (This is the most frequently asked question.)

    A Oral sex is neither forbidden nor encouraged but falls into a gray area. It is up to husband and his wife to mutually agree to it making sure organs are clean and disease free. What appears to be normal to non-Muslims may not be good for Muslims.

    Q What should be the frequency of sex? It appears my husband wants sex every day and I don’t.

    A This is a common complaint. There is no hard rule. In the first year of marriage a couple may have sex daily. After that it may be a couple times a week or a couple times a month. It has to do with the mutual desire for each other. Islam does not permit forced sex or marital rape.

    Q We have a 3 month infant. While the baby nurses on my breast, my husband wants to nurse on my other breast. Is this allowed in Islam?

    A NO. If he does that, this act will nullify his marriage to you.

    Q We are engaged. Our marriage is planned after 6 month. During this period, is it permissible that we go out to Movie Theater together, hold hands or kiss each other?

    A No. You two should not be alone together. If you go out, maybe you can have another family member with you. No holding hands or kissing before marriage. You will have plenty of time to show your affection after marriage.

    Q Is masturbation allowed in Islam? (a frequently asked question)

    A Masturbation falls in the category of makrooh (detestable). Some scholars have allowed it for young single Muslim men living in a non-Muslim society to prevent falling into temptation of adultery.

    Q Is watching porn OK between husband and wife?

    A NO. The same concept of haya applies here. Remember, the woman and man who are nude and performing lewd acts in these movies (for money) are someone else’s sister, brother or wife. Do you wish your sister, brother or wife to be seen like this by others? Treat others as you wish to be treated.

    Q Is it OK to take Viagra or Cialis to improve my sexual performance?

    A Please refer to my article “Sex, Viagra and Islam” available on line at www.islam-usa.com . If you have ED (erectile dysfunction) you should see your doctor (an internist, an endocrinologist or a urologist) to find the cause. Indiscriminate use of such drugs may damage your health and may not be effective if you have hormone deficiency or pituitary tumor.

    Q We just got married. Both of us are still college students and want to delay having children till we graduate. Is contraception allowed in Islam?

    A Delaying pregnancy and family spacing is allowed in Islam. In fact Imam Ghazali has cited several reasons for this including preserving the health and beauty of the wife. However certain criteria have to be met to be allowed to do so.

    The contraceptive should not lead to abortion, should be by mutual consent, and it should  not be irreversible. Thus tubal ligation, vasectomy, IUD and the morning after pill are not allowed. Using a condom or the withdrawal method is permissible. Oral contraceptives (pill) may be permissible if no other medical contraindication is present as they prevent the formation of a zygote (egg) rather than cause the expulsion of it.

    I seek Allah’s protection and forgiveness from misleading and being misled.

    by Shahid Athar

  • Marriage of Muslim Girls (and Boys) in America

    Marriage of Muslim Girls (and Boys) in America

    The marriage of Muslim girls in America is becoming a problem.  Recently, a Muslim father wrote a letter in a national magazine complaining that despite all his efforts to teach his children Islam, his college-going daughter announced that she would marry a non-Muslim boy whom she met in college. As I was wondering why a Muslim girl would prefer a non-Muslim boy over a Muslim, the following issues came to my mind:

    1. Might be she is opposed to and scared of arranged marriages. However, she should know that not all arranged marriages are bad ones, and about 50% of all love marriages end up in a divorce in this country.  Arranged marriages should be “arranged” with the approval of both boy and the girl.  I am personally opposed to the blind arranged marriages, for that is not Islamic.
    2. It is possible that the Muslim boys she or her family knows may not care for marrying Muslim girls.  In this white supremacy cult of our society, many of us are living with an inferiority complex.  Thus, Muslim boys in pretext of  dawah, get involved with non-Muslim girls because of their easy availability.  Muslim parents who also live with an inferiority complex do not mind their son marrying a white American girl, but they would object if he marries a Muslim girl of a different school of thought (Shia/Sunni) or different tribe, like Punjabi, Sindhi, Pathan, Arab vs. non-Arab, Afro-American vs. Immigrant.  Both the parents and the boy should remember that the criterion for choosing a spouse that was placed by the Prophet Muhammad (P) was not wealth or color, but Islamic piety.
    3. She may have been told that early marriage, that is, age 18 or less, is a taboo, and she should wait for later age. According to statistics, 80% of American girls, while waiting to get settled in life with marriage, engage freely in sex with multiple boyfriends.  However, this freedom is not and it should not be available to Muslim girl (as well as boys).  Every year, huge number of teenage girls in this country who think that they are not ready for marriage  get pregnant.  By the age of 24, when a Muslim girl decides that she is ready for marriage, it may be too late for her.  If she reviews the matrimonial ad section in Islamic magazine, she will quickly notice that boys of the age group of 25 to 30 are looking for girls from the 18 to 20 year age group.  They wrongfully assume that an older girl may not be chaste.
    4. She may also carry a wrong notion not proven scientifically that marrying healthy cousins may cause congenital deformities in her offspring.

    Let us discuss some other issues.

    1. Marriage with People of the Book. The Quran permits Muslim men to marry women from the People of the Book (Chapter 5, verse 5).  Whatever Quran makes permissible remains permissible, and we cannot make it non-permissible. At the same time, Quran discourages Muslim men and women from marrying an idolater (mushrik), saying that a believing man or a believing woman, even as slaves, is better than idolaters (Ch. 2, verse 221).Thus, Muslim reformists in the past, including Caliph Umer (RA) discouraged Muslim men from marrying women from People of the Book. My personal opinion is that a Jewish or Christian girl who wants to marry a Muslim boy should preferably become Muslim for at least six months before marriage, with the conviction that even if the marriage does not take place, she will remain a Muslim.
    2. Wrong expectations. If you review the matrimonial ads in the Islamic magazines, the wish list for Mr. Right or the Perfect Wife is very similar.  All fathers and brothers want to marry their daughters or sisters to a professional such as a physician, engineer or lawyer, as if other modes of living such as in the case of teachers, mechanics, taxi drivers or carpenters, have no right to marry.
    3. Importing brides or grooms from overseas (green card marriages). There is nothing wrong with marrying someone from overseas, preferably a relative who has visited the USA.  It would be easier for him or her to adapt to the lifestyle in the USA than it would be for a total stranger from overseas, who marries a girl with a green card.  Such marriages are usually disastrous.
    4. Marriage with a widow or older woman. This does not take place anymore in our society because of the culture.  To the contrary, Islam came to abolish such customs, and the Prophet Mohammed (P) himself set an example.
    5. Role of parents and community elders in introducing prospective brides or grooms. There is nothing wrong with doing so.  Again, it is the culture that stipulates that the girl and her parents do not initiate a proposal but wait for the offer.  To the contrary, Khadija sent a proposal to her business manager through her friend and the father of Fatima (RA) sent a message to Ali, his cousin that suggested that he marry his daughter because he (PBUH) thought that both of them were suitable for each other.  Therefore, the introduction of eligible bachelors to each other is the duty of the parents and community elders, regardless of their sex or relationship.

    By Shahid Athar