بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

LIVE news updates
Jun 24 Transforming Your Reality Jun 17 A History of Muslim Americans’ Political Engagement Jun 17 My Brother is Gay: Navigating the Intersection of Religion and Family An interview with Imam Wesley Lebron Jun 10 Islam and the Romans: Early Muslim-Byzantine Interaction May 20 Reclaiming the Sunnah of Adoption and Foster Care: An Interview with Basmah Salam Apr 29 National Poetry Month: An Ode to Faith, Visibility, and the Conversations We Don’t Forget Apr 15 Beyond Ramadan: Taking Its Lessons Farther  Apr 15 The Power of Saying No: A Reflection on Boundaries

Author: Laura El Alam

  • Could Speaking Up About Palestine Affect Your Career?

    Could Speaking Up About Palestine Affect Your Career?

    Muslims in the U.S. might feel compelled or even morally obligated to educate others about the catastrophic destruction in Gaza, and many believe the First Amendment will protect their right to free speech. But can expressing their views about Palestine affect their current or future employment?

    In recent months, several prominent figures who have publicly voiced pro-Palestinian views have found their careers in jeopardy. Jackson Frank, a Philadelphia sports reporter, was fired after tweeting “solidarity with Palestine.” Michael Eisen, editor-in-chief of the journal eLife, lost his job after he retweeted a satirical article that he felt “calls out indifference to the lives of Palestinian civilians.” David Velasco, the editor in chief of the magazine Artforum, was terminated after he published an open letter from artists calling for “an end to the killing and harming of all civilians.”

    The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) reports, “Employees are experiencing intimidation should they choose to express support for Palestinian human rights. Multiple websites have emerged to target employees in recent days, documenting the names of individuals at major corporations who expressed support for Palestinians under attack in Gaza. Corporate executives, such as one JP Morgan Chase executive, have amplified efforts to intimidate employees who oppose the humanitarian crisis in Palestine. These efforts together send a clear message to employees: support for Palestinian human rights may cost them their career.”

    University students also have reason to believe their professional aspirations will be in jeopardy if they speak openly in favor of Palestine. An anonymous student at Harvard University told Al Jazeera, “Any graduate students who support Palestine have to come to a decision on whether or not they’re willing to put their future career on the line before they speak up.”

    Her worries are justified. When thirty student groups at Harvard signed a letter holding Israel “responsible for all the unfolding violence,” there was an immediate backlash. Some Wall Street executives demanded to know who was behind the letter so they could avoid hiring them. Additionally, many of the students were doxxed – their personal information was shared online to shame or intimidate them.

    On top of that, a conservative news media watchdog called Accuracy in Media parked a billboard truck by Harvard’s campus and displayed names and photos of students allegedly involved in the letter, calling them “Harvard’s leading antisemites.” Similar trucks appeared near other Ivy League campuses. In a country whose First Amendment supposedly guarantees the right of free speech, why are people being sanctioned for voicing their concerns, opposition, or opinions? Can Americans freely speak up about Palestine, or not?

    The answer is not black and white. Before you publicly share your opinions on Palestine, it would be wise to keep some things in mind:

    “Free speech” has limitations

    CAIR advises, “Employees should be aware that the First Amendment does not protect private employees from discipline because of speech. The First Amendment generally only protects public employees, like federal and state government employees, if they are speaking as a private citizen on a matter of public concern, and that speech does not disrupt the workplace. Some states have laws that protect employee speech, but not all do. It is your responsibility to be aware of your free speech limitations in your workplace.”

    CAIR adds, “Employees may have specific clauses in their employment contracts that impact their rights and legal remedies. Employees should review their employment contracts and consult with a local attorney to make informed decisions and protect their rights.”

    Take precautions on social media

    You might assume your employer isn’t reading your Instagram or Facebook posts, but if they’re public, anyone can see them. CAIR recommends that you take the following steps to ensure that you are not subjected to disciplinary measures at work:

    1. Set your social media accounts to private.
    2. If your account is public, use a pseudonym and remove any personal identifying information such as personal photos and location.
    3. Never identify your employer on your social media accounts.
    4. Do not post hateful or threatening content.

    Employers should be equitable

    Your private-sector employer might decide to sanction you for expressing pro-Palestinian sentiments, but in that case, they should also discipline anyone who voices pro-Israel opinions.

    CAIR notes, “Under both Title VII and Section 1981, employers should be mindful not to treat their Palestinian or Muslim employees differently than their Israeli or Jewish counterparts. A situation in which we believe an employee may have an actionable claim would be if a Palestinian or Muslim employee was disciplined for posting a Palestinian flag or expressing Pro-Palestinian sentiments at work, but an Israeli or Jewish employee is not disciplined for posting an Israeli flag or expressing Pro-Israeli sentiments at work. An employer would be discriminating against the Palestinian employee on the basis of national origin, or the Muslim employee on the basis of religion.

    Moreover, if employers are offering benefits such as paid compassionate leave to their Jewish or Israeli employees, an employer should offer the same benefits to their Palestinian or Muslim counterparts.”

    Resources if you face disciplinary measures or discrimination in the workplace

     

    Finally, remember that you do have the right to feel safe and fairly treated in your workplace. Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 protects employees and job applicants from employment discrimination based on race, religion, color, sex, and national origin.  If you believe that your rights are being violated, contact CAIR immediately. Report any incidents of bias, discrimination, and/or harassment.

  • Three Gems for any Muslim’s Bookshelf: Reflecting on the Names of Allah, A Temporary Gift, and Stars in the Prophet’s Orbit

    Three Gems for any Muslim’s Bookshelf: Reflecting on the Names of Allah, A Temporary Gift, and Stars in the Prophet’s Orbit

    Reflecting on the Names of Allah by Jinan Yousef

    There are some books that deserve a permanent place on your nightstand, always at arm’s reach to provide comfort, insight, or valuable information. Reflecting on the Names of Allah is one of those books. I have turned to it countless times when I want to understand and love my Creator more, explain some of His remarkable attributes to my children, or customize my dua’s by invoking one of His beautiful names. If I am in a slump, this book always provides an eman boost. I can literally open the book to any page and immediately immerse myself in a short but beneficial Islamic lesson.

    Many of us have learned most or all of Allah’s names, but few of us have delved into the nuanced meanings of them. We know He is the Most Forgiving, for instance, but have we ever considered just how all-encompassing His forgiveness is? Do we know the subtle but important differences between Ghafir al-Dhanb, Al-Ghaffar, Al-Ghafur, and Al-Afuw? Realizing how Allah is willing to cover, erase, forgive and wipe clean even the gravest of sins is incredibly comforting for those who seek repentance. Yousef explains these names and many more in depth, in clear and reader-friendly language. Readers learn what the words mean, their Arabic roots, and how to incorporate them in daily life. Additionally, Yousef offers concrete steps for spiritual reflection and growth.

    As a convert whose native language is English, I find the information in Reflecting on the Names of Allah to be extremely beneficial, well-written, and fascinating. I believe it would be an excellent addition to any Muslim’s library.

     

    A Temporary Gift by Asmaa Hussein

    If you have ever suffered a soul-shattering loss or struggled to maintain your taqwa in times of distress, then you will likely benefit from reading A Temporary Gift by Asmaa Hussein. In her debut book filled with moving journal entries and poignant, deeply personal reflections, Hussein recounts how she coped with the death of her husband and beloved soul mate, Amr, after he was killed at a protest in Egypt in 2013. Shocked and devastated by the sudden and tragic loss of her husband, Hussein had to find a way to navigate life as a young widow and single mother.

    “I have good days and bad days,” Hussein writes. “My mind comprehends that Allah (swt) has better plans for me than I could possibly have for myself. It’s my heart, though, that is having a hard time understanding how to hold and process all of this pain without bursting. . . I immediately feel lighter when I lift my hands to Allah (swt) and admit my pain and need to Him. It’s as though I am depositing all my sadness and fears into His care, knowing He will soon relieve my sorrows, knowing that He will never forget me. How merciful and loving He is to His slaves!” (p. 48).

    Despite all of her grief, anger, and worry, Hussein’s faith in her Creator never wavered. A Temporary Gift is not just a young woman’s story of heartache and loss, but a guidebook for all Muslims about how to trust in Allah, even in the midst of the most painful, gut-wrenching trials.

    Every time I pick up Hussein’s book, I find a new gem to reflect upon, a line or paragraph that really speaks to me. It is the kind of book you can read over and over, only to find certain parts resonating with you more depending on the season of your life.

    This book is not only for those who are grieving. Anyone can find inspiration in Hussein’s deep faith and beautiful reminders of Allah’s perfect planning and wonderful attributes. It is a reminder for us all that everything in this life is a temporary gift, and that we need to use each day to prepare for the next life – the permanent one – in the Hereafter.

    Stars in the Prophet’s Orbit by Asma Tabaa’ (translated by Sawsan Tarabishy)

    English-speaking Muslims who wish to read the inspiring stories of the companions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) have an excellent resource in Stars in the Prophet’s Orbit by Asma Tabaa’. Here, the stories of sixty companions, both male and female, are laid out in compelling and historically accurate detail.

    Experienced Muslims who already know the basic stories of the most well-known companions will probably still learn a great deal of new information in Tabaa’s book. They will probably also discover some lesser-known companions they had not previously heard about.

    New Muslims who wish to learn the basics and parents who want to teach their children about the companions will benefit greatly from this resource. The companions are listed in the table of contents so the reader can easily jump to the individual they wish to read about.

    Even though these remarkable people lived over 1,400 years ago, Tabaa’ believes their stories will inspire the Muslims of today. She writes: “Throughout history and until today, scholars have focused upon the importance of the Prophet’s biography and the biographies of his unparalleled Companions in order to instill the love of Allah and His Messenger into the hearts of Muslims. Through their stories, we continue to be inspired by lessons of altruism, loyalty, honesty, modesty, purity, piety, generosity, and sacrifice” (p. XII).

    For me, reading about the companions in Tabaa’s eloquent words does inspire me a great deal. I enjoy Stars in the Prophet’s Orbit and I think it is a blessing for our ummah.

  • The Astonishing Power of Words

    The Astonishing Power of Words

    The average human speaks thousands of words each day. Social beings who crave meaningful connection, we regularly talk with family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and sometimes even strangers. With all these conversations we are having–all the thousands of words that pass through our lips – how many of us are mindful of what we utter? How many of us stop to reflect on the immense importance of choosing our words carefully?

     

    In Islam, the power of words cannot be underestimated. They have the potential to propel us towards Allah’s pleasure or drive us away from Him.

     

    Our tongue, working with the lips and teeth, allows for speech which has enormous influence on the actions taken by the body. Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “When the son of Adam wakes up in the morning, all of his limbs defer to the tongue and they say, ‘Fear Allah regarding us, for we are only a part of you. If you are upright, we are upright. If you are crooked, we are crooked’” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi).


    Maintaining an “upright” or wholesome tongue might seem easy, but the Prophet, peace be upon him, said that most humans fail this crucial test.  Abdullah ibn Mas’ud reported: “The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Most of the sins of the children of Adam are on their tongues’” (al-Mu’jam al-Kabir lil-Ṭabarani).

     

    We know, therefore, that the words we speak can be the main cause of earning Allah’s displeasure. Acts like backbiting, using foul language, belittling others, and lying are all ways we can sin with our tongues. On the other hand, we can use words to make a positive impact on the people around us and to earn Allah’s pleasure. In the Qur’an, God says, “Do you not see how Allah compares a good word to a good tree? Its root is firm and its branches reach the sky, always yielding its fruit in every season by the Will of its Lord. This is how Allah sets forth parables for the people, so perhaps they will be mindful” (14:24-25).

     

    The Prophet (s) said, “A man speaks a good word without knowing its worth; Allah records for him His good pleasure till the day he will meet Him; and a man utters an evil word without realizing its importance; Allah records for him His displeasure till the day he will meet Him” (Riyad as-Salihin, Book 18, Hadith 1516).

     

    Imagine! Our good words have the potential to bear beautiful fruit continually like a miraculous tree and to earn magnificent rewards that Allah will accumulate for the day we meet Him in the afterlife. How wonderful it would be to find an immense load of positive words we’ve uttered, saved and savored by the One who hears and records every single one!

     

    Now that we are eager to use our words for good, what are some ways we can do this?

     

    • Give dawah. We can call others to Islam with our words. This might include explaining the basic rules and pillars of our faith, and it might also be more subtle. We teach others about Islam every time we use our tongues to tell the truth, to give sincere compliments, to say words of patience and encouragement rather than annoyance, to keep our language clean and our message wholesome. We can use our tongue for good in almost every interaction we have, and in nearly every circumstance with neighbors, coworkers, friends, family, and strangers.

     

    • Instill a love of Islam in our children. The way we speak about our faith will influence our children. When it is time to pray, do we sigh and say, “Ugh! I have to hurry up and pray maghrib?” or do we say, “Maghrib has just entered! Allah is waiting to hear from us and to answer our du’as!”

     

    When a calamity strikes, do our children hear us say, “Why did Allah allow this to happen to me?” or “This is so unfair!” Or do they hear us utter, “There is no power or strength except with Allah,” or “Alhamdullilah” or, “Allah, please help me find a solution to this difficulty?”

     

    • Enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong. In a world that is filled with inequity and injustice, we have the power to use our words to speak up for what we know is fair and good, and to decry unfairness and corruption. This takes courage, though. It is easy to speak about people behind their backs, or to complain from the relative anonymity of a social media post, or to grouse with friends. But to confront a tyrannical person directly . . .  to protest injustice face-to-face . . .  or to publicly praise a noble cause even when it’s not in line with popular opinion . . . that is a courageous and worthy use of words.

     

    In the Qur’an, Allah tells us, “The Most Compassionate, He taught the Qur’an, created humankind, taught him speech”(55: 1-4).The speech that He has taught us has immense power. We can use it to please Him, make the world a better place, and earn unfathomably wonderful rewards in Paradise, or we can abuse it, causing disastrous results. When we think about it, it is disconcerting that the tongues that we take for granted and the words that spew from our lips in torrents can be so potent. We speak so much, yet we rarely stop to ponder whether our words are propelling us towards the Hellfire, or helping us reach heavenward like fruitful, blessed trees.

    This article is a reminder to me and to all of us that our words deserve a great deal of thought and care. If we tend to be heedless with our tongues, it is time to break that habit and replace it with something better. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “He who believes in Allah and the Last Day must either speak a good word or remain silent” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim).

     

    Let us make every effort to make good words – or silence – our only presentation to the world.

  • 5 Tips to Be an Effective Mentor for New Muslims

    5 Tips to Be an Effective Mentor for New Muslims

    Sahl ibn Sa’d reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “By Allah, that Allah guides a man through you is better for you than a herd of expensive red camels” (Sahih Bukhari and Muslim). When we consider the immense potential rewards for helping someone navigate their journey to Islam, it is no wonder many Muslims are eager to try. Sadly, some of us do more harm than good when we advise new converts. As good as our intentions might be, many of us make mistakes that can actually confuse or repulse a person who is learning about the deen.

    Our newest brothers and sisters look up to us and rely on us to give correct and beneficial advice. Let’s make sure we’re being the best mentors we can be. Here are five tips to make your interactions with new Muslims more helpful and inspiring.

    1. Be humble and know your limitations. Recognize that some of your Islamic knowledge may be incomplete or could even be incorrect. Very few are trained scholars, and nearly all of us have been influenced by our culture (and not always in a positive way). Many people from Muslim-majority lands have grown up with some false information, superstitions, or cultural practices that were presented as part of Islam. If we are not careful, we might pass incorrect information along to a new Muslim.


      For instance, in some countries, Muslim females are taught that women who have their periods during Ramadan should pretend to fast (or actually fast) all day to avoid any “embarrassing” conversations with their menfolk about why they’re eating or drinking. Women, however, should not put on a facade of fasting during Ramadan, in their homes or anywhere else. And they certainly should not fast when they are menstruating just to avoid embarrassment or to protect men in their family from having to notice a menstruating woman. Menstruation is a normal part of female physiology, created by Allah.  In addition, a fast performed in a state of ritual impurity will not be accepted by Allah SWT.


      There are many other examples of cultural beliefs that get passed off as Islamic rules. “Women shouldn’t go to the mosque” is another example, as is “The devil will eat with you if your nails are long,” and “If you don’t fold your prayer mat, Shaytan will pray on it.” Keeping in mind that we might have grown up with some beliefs that are not Islamically correct, we should think very carefully before we give advice to new Muslims and pass it off as “truth.” New converts trust established Muslims to guide them, and many times, they naively assume that we know everything. So, if we are unsure of an answer to a question, or if we realize our culture or superstitions might have influenced our opinion, it’s always best to advise a new Muslim to talk with an imam or scholar, or to consult a reputable website.  Better yet, help them find a class for new converts where many of their questions can be answered correctly.

    1. Keep it positive. Muslims who advise new brothers and sisters tend to focus on explaining the dos and don’ts, with a particular emphasis on the don’ts.  Instead of focusing on the negative, like listing everything that is wrong or haraam with a convert’s lifestyle, start with encouraging them to know and love Allah and His Prophet (s). Once someone truly comprehends the magnificence of their Creator and the enlightened way of living as embodied and demonstrated by the final messenger, they will naturally want to understand the divinely revealed rules and strive to follow them. Lectures, scolding, or negative messages do not inspire people to love Islam. Kindness, warmth, generosity, and patience do.
    1. Walk the walk. New Muslims are observing what you do. If you tell them that Muslims are brothers and sisters to each other, but they see you backbiting one person and excluding another, they will note your hypocrisy. Oftentimes new Muslims judge Islam on the behavior of the imperfect Muslims around them, rather than the perfection of the deen So, remember: our actions speak louder than our words. We can talk all we want about integrity, honesty, modesty, and kindness, but if we really want to inspire new Muslims, we should show these qualities in our words and actions. We need to strive to be sincere believers and, when we make a mistake, admit that we were not living up to our deen’s high standards and then make amends.
    1. Encourage them. Be kind and patient. New Muslims have an immense amount of information and practical observances to learn: how to pray, how to make wudu, the intricacies of the Islamic dress code and gender relations, a lengthy list of Arabic words and phrases, and so much more. It takes a long time to develop a firm understanding of the deen and a strong Islamic personality.

      Don’t expect them to be perfect overnight! If you see them doing something haraam, find a way to advise them kindly and gently. Think of the Prophet’s (s) forbearance when the man urinated in the masjid. He (s) did not shame, scold, or punish the man, but simply washed the unclean area and explained the importance of purity in the masjid.

      I have seen newly converted sisters being scolded and shamed for wearing nail polish, for having noisy babies who whimper during prayers, or for wearing clothes that are too tight. Some of them never came back to the masjid! If the Prophet (s) could patiently endure something as inappropriate as a man urinating in the masjid, can’t we be more patient with our brothers’ and sisters’ behavior as well?

      You might say, “Well, they need to know the rules in order for their worship to be accepted, and in order to avoid sin.” While this is true, it is also important to consider the delivery of your message. Following the example of our beloved Prophet (s), advice should always be given in a loving, gentle way. For instance, you could say, “I love the color of your nail polish! Since our wudu doesn’t count if the water can’t reach our fingernails, I like to paint my nails when it’s the time of the month when I can’t pray.”

    1. Include and appreciate them as they are. Help new Muslims feel like a beloved and welcome part of the community. Recognize the unique experiences, talents, and perspectives they bring to the table. Don’t try to mold them to fit into your ethnic group or your image of what a Muslim looks like/wears/eats. Islam is for all people and all times. No culture has a monopoly on Islam.

      Here are a few examples. A female convert who grew up in the U.S. does not have to wear a salwar kameez or an abaya to be appropriately dressed. She can find clothes in local stores that are modest and reflect her personal style and cultural background. A young man can wear blue jeans and sneakers instead of a thobe and still be sincere; his attitude is more important than his wardrobe or “looking the part” of a pious Muslim.  Latino and African American Muslims can, and should, bring their favorite dishes and delicacies to the masjid potluck because Arabic and Indo-Pakistani foods are not the only viable options! As long as the ingredients are halal, they are all “Islamic” foods. These are just some examples based on stories I have heard from fellow converts over the years. As a whole, we Muslims need to do a lot more work on being inclusive and open-minded!

      Let’s also remember that converts should not have to shed their entire identity to fit into the fold of Islam. While they must replace or refine any practices that compromise their deen, they can still celebrate what makes them unique. It is very important that they feel an ongoing sense of comfort and enthusiasm while establishing their new Islamic way of life and increasing their dedication to Allah and His deen. Learning and practicing a new faith is already challenging enough. If we make a convert feel like he or she also has to change their personality, style, cuisine, and heritage, it is overwhelming and unnecessary and might drive them away from Islam.

      May Allah empower us to be gentle, inspiring, and helpful guides to our newest brothers and sisters in faith. May He see and reward every effort we make to be better mentors. May Allah reward our dawah efforts with His incomparable generosity, blessing us with gifts that are better than a herd of red camels, a fleet of luxury cars, or anything else we might consider the ultimate worldly prize. Ameen.

  • Family Meetings Can Be Full of Baraka (Blessings)

    Family Meetings Can Be Full of Baraka (Blessings)

    Does the thought of holding regular family meetings sound appealing to you? Perhaps it seems like one more task on your never-ending to-do list. If part of you resists the idea of incorporating family meetings into your routine, it might be helpful to learn about their advantages and how to run them effectively so that everyone – even the least enthusiastic or most skeptical of family members – can benefit.

    What Are the Merits of family Meetings?

    According to child psychologist Sarah Conway: “The family meeting is an opportunity to address the everyday difficulties that arise within a family while also reinforcing your family values and living out your family mission statement. They are great opportunities for learning and growth for both adults and children. And they can provide a safe space for children to make mistakes, practice skills, and explore their own ideas and beliefs.”

    Family meetings can be advantageous to a husband and wife even if they don’t have children. A couple’s relationship is likely to improve if they regularly dedicate a chunk of time to discussing important issues in a calm, caring, mindful environment. So often, spouses approach each other with problems or requests at a time that is inconvenient or stressful. People who are busy or distracted cannot give their full attention to their spouse and they often answer in a way they would not if they had more time to think. A scheduled weekly meeting is the perfect time for both parties to bring up their concerns, plans, and important topics.

    When children are involved in the family meetings, they can learn many valuable life skills. Conway says: “And there are so many important skills children get the chance to learn and practice during a family meeting: listening to others, communicating respectfully, managing differences and resolving conflicts, problem solving and even empathy. They are a fantastic opportunity to build resilience and strengthen connections and they can significantly reduce conflict within a family when they occur regularly.”

    How Do You Run a Family Meeting Effectively?
    • Set your intention. Begin each meeting with “Bismillah” and try to carry it out for the sake of Allah with the best adab (manners). Each participant should aim to behave with a positive, loving attitude. After all, a family meeting is one way to show dedication and care to the people closest to you, and God willing, your good intentions will be rewarded.
    • Agree on some ground rules. Together, decide when and where meetings will be held, who will participate, and how long they will last (hint: it is better to keep the meetings relatively short). Meetings will be particularly effective if you keep in mind the Prophetic etiquette for communicating with others (detailed below).
    • Always start on a positive note. Kick things off with a quick game, or take turns giving compliments to each other, or have everyone share a favorite memory.
    • Open the floor to people’s concerns. If several problems need to be addressed, try to tackle only one or two per meeting. Prioritize which issues need to be settled immediately, and which can be deferred to the following week. If one person’s topic requires a particularly lengthy or personal discussion, it might be best to dedicate a separate time for it. A family meeting should be inclusive of all members and not dominated by one individual.
    • Allow all participants to speak. Listen without interrupting others or dismissing their concerns. Family meetings are not the time to be dictatorial. The environment should be as attentive, positive, and relaxed as possible.
    • If needed, have an agenda for the upcoming family meeting. If, during the week, a family member raises a concern or complaint that needs careful consideration, put it on the agenda for the upcoming family meeting. This has a few advantages:
      • The person knows you are taking their concern seriously and will address it.
      • At the meeting, you will have time to listen patiently to their story and give a measured, thoughtful response.
      • If it is a minor problem, it may have resolved itself naturally by the time the meeting arrives.
    • When problem solving, listen respectfully to everyone’s suggestions. It is true that parents have ultimate decision-making power, but they can and should be open to their children’s ideas. A child will be more likely to follow through with a plan if he or she has had some say in it. Besides, kids can often surprise us with their ingenuity and creativity.
    • Set some goals. What was resolved in today’s meeting? What actions will each family member take to make positive changes, or to fix the problem? Write a brief action plan with the intention of checking on your progress the following week.
    • Finish with a du’a and some loving gestures. Even if the family meeting brought forth some heated feelings or frustration, try to end on a good note. Circle back to your intention – pleasing Allah – and ask Him to ease your affairs and put baraka in your life. End the meeting with hugs or other signs of affection for each other.
    Use Our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) as Your Role Model

    It is significant to note that the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing be upon him) exemplified the very same skillful communication we will need to use if we wish to hold successful meetings. When interacting with others, he would consistently demonstrate certain techniques. He would:

    •  turn his whole body to face the person who was speaking.
    •  listen without interrupting.
    •  maintain eye contact.
    •  listen with empathy and not jump to quick conclusions or judgment.
    •  hear both sides of an argument before he made a decision.
    •  ask questions, if clarification is needed, instead of assuming what the speaker meant.
    •  listen respectfully to everyone, regardless of their age, gender, or status.
    •  be willing to learn from others’ experiences.
    •  be patient, kind, and gentle.

    Structured, regular meetings can help families enhance their love for one another, resolve issues, and increase communication. When done for the sake of Allah, they can also be full of baraka. The ideas above can serve as a template for your family, but with time and experience, you might decide to tweak it to suit your needs. Once you give family meetings a try, you will likely find more tranquility and success in your relationships, God willing.

  • Be Proactive to Protect Kids from Online Pornography

    Be Proactive to Protect Kids from Online Pornography

    Islam is distinguished by its commitment to wholesomeness and purity, but sadly Muslims are not immune to the dangers of pornography. Our children, in particular, are at risk of falling into its trap. If we have a computer in our home, and especially if our child has a smartphone, an almost limitless supply of sexually explicit material is merely a click away.

     

    We Muslim parents must not bury our heads in the sand about this issue. Although it might make us uncomfortable to talk about pornography with our kids, we absolutely should. In addition, we need to take proactive measures so that pornography stays out of our children’s hearts and minds. It is as addictive as a drug, and our children most likely will be exposed to it, whether by accident or by choice. Studies show that most young people are exposed to porn by age 13, and according to a survey of U.S. teens, “84.4% of 14-18 year-old males, and 57% of 14-18 year-old females have viewed pornography.”

     

    Muslim parents might think their children are safe because of their careful upbringing and religious values, but even children from good families can easily come across inappropriate images. Sometimes one accidental glimpse is enough to ignite curiosity that eventually leads to addiction. According to an article in Medium, “Statistically, a Muslim teen is far more likely to be addicted to pornography than to alcohol.”

     

    I remember many years ago, my friend’s young son needed to write a report about the White House (the home of U.S. presidents). He innocently googled “white house,” and it led him to a pornography website. Because he had a positive relationship with his parents and was not afraid of being blamed or punished for his mistake, he went right to his mother and explained what happened.

     

    ProtectKidsOnlineCa explains, “Most often children are accidentally exposed to explicit material by incorrectly typing in a web address or words into a search engine and they unexpectedly find they are on a site they did not intend to visit. Nonetheless, research suggests that early exposure to sexually graphic material is likely to have a negative influence and a potentially harmful impact on children.” These days, pornography is frighteningly commonplace and accessible. According to an article on the website Fight the New Drug, “Today, porn sites receive more website traffic in the U.S. than Twitter, Instagram, Netflix, Pinterest, and LinkedIn combined.”

    In addition to violating Islamic principles, consuming porn has numerous negative effects on our health. According to Fight the New Drug, “A number of peer-reviewed studies have found a link between pornography consumption and mental health outcomes like depression, anxiety, loneliness, lower life satisfaction, and poorer self-esteem and overall mental health. These studies have found that these links are particularly strong when pornography is consumed to try to escape negative emotions, and also when pornography consumption becomes heavy and compulsive.”

     

    Here are some steps we can take to protect our kids from pornography:

    1. Talk about it openly and calmly. If kids don’t find out about it from their parents, they will likely hear about it – or even receive links to it — from friends. It is much better that they learn about porn from a mature, informed, Islamic standpoint.

     

    Even if you hate the very idea of sexually explicit material, don’t turn your discussion into an angry, disgust-filled lecture. The key is to be calm and factual and to connect with your child, letting them know that you care about them and want to protect them from harm.

     

    If kids feel that porn is a topic that will enrage you or cause you to shame them for even asking about it, they will likely never approach you with questions, or admit that they’ve come across it. So, make sure you approach this topic with gentleness and wisdom, mixed with the firm resolve it deserves.

     

    1. Be clear on the Islamic stance. Kids might get the impression from their peers or society that porn is normal and fine. Nowadays, in many circles, watching porn is considered a natural part of adolescent exploration. It is our duty to tell our children that Allah has made it haraam (forbidden) to look at the awrah (private parts) of other people, or to watch any lewd or explicit content. Under no circumstances is watching porn acceptable for a Muslim, and we know that repeating sins can actually do terrible damage to our faith:

     

    Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Verily, when the servant commits a sin, a black mark appears upon his heart. If he abandons the sin, seeks forgiveness, and repents, then his heart will be polished. If he returns to the sin, the blackness will be increased until it overcomes his heart” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi).

     

    1. Remind our kids that Allah is always watching. We won’t always be there to see what they’re doing, but our kids should know that Allah is All-Seeing and All-Knowing. This is an awareness that they should carry throughout their entire lives. We must remind our children that none of us can hide our actions from Him, no matter how secretive we try to be.

     

    But also make sure to tell your kids that Allah sees and appreciates our self-control, as well. He knows when we are tempted to do something, and He rewards us if we avoid it for His sake. When we give up something for the sake of Allah, He will always give us something much better in return.

     

    1. Take extra precautions with smartphones. The number-one time kids deliberately look at porn is on their smartphones when they are alone in their room at night. What is the solution? We can break this down into a few steps:
    • First of all, evaluate whether or not your child should even own a smartphone. Many experts advise waiting until a child is at least fourteen years old. Depending on your child’s maturity level and general behavior, fourteen might be too young. Even if “all their friends” have a phone, it is not necessary to give in to a child’s begging or nagging. We are the parents, and we must do what we think is best for their mental and physical health.
    • Second, impose a nighttime ban on electronics. After a certain hour (based on your child’s schedule and your parental judgment), all technology should be removed from the child’s room and placed out of their reach. This will reduce the chance of inappropriate internet use as well as helping your child get enough sleep.
    • Third, take steps to block inappropriate websites from your child’s devices. This article offers some suggestions on “How to Block Pornography on your Children’s Devices.”

     

    1. Model responsible behavior. While most parents certainly don’t watch porn in front of their children, they sometimes do watch TV shows or movies with inappropriate themes and images. Almost all of the most popular programs in recent years contain a great deal of sexual content. In fact, most of the shows that are considered “normal” nowadays would have been considered “soft porn” when we were children.

    If your child sees you watching content with sexual intimacy or partial nudity, they will get the impression that this behavior is acceptable. Some adults might say, “I’m a married adult, not a child. I can watch ‘mature’ content.”

    But is that the correct Islamic standpoint? Modern society has normalized many things that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would never have sanctioned. Modesty is the hallmark of a Muslim, and all of us —no matter how old, no matter our marital status — should be lowering our gaze and avoiding inappropriate images.

     

    Sincere Muslims and caring parents must acknowledge that online pornography is one of the most difficult challenges we are facing in the digital age. We cannot ignore this risk and should be as forward-thinking, responsible, and cautious as possible to protect our children from a sin that could do irreparable damage to their souls.

  • ‘We Hear and Obey’ — The benefits of True Submission

    ‘We Hear and Obey’ — The benefits of True Submission

    The word “Islam” means “submission.” Submitting means yielding to a superior authority, and Muslims know that the Creator of the universe is the ultimate authority with no equal. Life demonstrates over and over again how powerless and weak we humans really are. Since Allah has all the might, perfection, and magnificent attributes, submitting to Him is the only logical option. He alone has complete control, and He is our only hope for success in this worldly life and the hereafter.

    Despite this, many of us struggle with true submission. Following Allah’s rules diligently and trusting Him wholeheartedly can be difficult when our lower nafs – our ego – asserts itself. Allah promises eternal Paradise to those who worship and obey Him, but the egotistic or self-centered nafs is shortsighted. It craves the pleasures of this world, no matter how fleeting and imperfect they are. While we know that we should obey His commands fully, we often fall short. Our desires are often at odds with what Allah has ordained for us, and we sometimes give into temptation instead of obeying the One who knows what is best for us.

    What would happen if we managed to truly, completely submit to the will of Allah? What if we stopped trying to make Islam fit our own sensibilities and preferences, quit trying to justify our disobedience, and stopped questioning His will? There are a variety of benefits to true submission.

    Emotional Benefits of True Submission

    Trusting Him completely relieves stress — This worldly life will be full of struggles; Allah has promised us this: “And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits but give good tidings to the patient” (Qur’an 2:155). Some tests feel unbearably difficult, and we might not be able to perceive any possible good or wisdom in them in the midst of suffering and grieving. But in our lowest moments, if we can only remember that Allah’s mercy is incomparably vast, and His wisdom is totally comprehensive, we will find great comfort in submitting to His will. We humans cannot see the big picture, but He can. Allah tells us in the Quran: “It could be that you dislike something when it is good for you; and it could be that you like something when it is bad for you. Allah knows, and you do not know” (2:216).

    Scholar Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya explains: “Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his [the slave’s] own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore, if the pains of this world tire you, do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of du’a. So, pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know that verily Allah does not forget it.”

    Remembering and trusting Allah during tribulations helps to regulate our emotions — When we try our best to accept Allah’s decree with patience and we thank and praise Him by du’a even as our heart is breaking, we will find relief. Allah tells us, “…those who believe and whose hearts find comfort in the remembrance of Allah. Surely in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find comfort (13:28).

    Experiencing fulfilling relationships brings emotional stability — Islam recognizes that meaningful connection with other humans is so important for emotional stability. Allah and His Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) emphasize the enormous value of relationships, including kinship, marriage, and ties of brotherhood/sisterhood in faith. For instance, in Islam, spouses are supposed to care for each other and fulfill each other’s needs. Allah describes husband and wife as garments for each other, enjoying a uniquely intimate and protective relationship: “They are garments for you, and you are garments for them” (2:187).

    Sincere believers are supposed to be so sympathetic and caring to their brothers and sisters in faith that they feel each other’s pain. The Prophet (s) said, “You see the believers as regards their being merciful among themselves and showing love among themselves and being kind, resembling one body, so that, if any part of the body is not well then the whole body shares the sleeplessness and fever with it” (Bukhari).

    Similarly, children and parents should have a close and loving relationship. The Prophet (s) encouraged his Companions to be affectionate and patient with youngsters, and his own interactions with children were gentle and playful. Sons and daughters, for their part, are told to treat their parents with respect and mercy.

    The Messenger of Allah (s) said, “Every righteous child who casts a look of mercy and affection upon his parents shall be granted, for every look of his, rewards equivalent to that of an accepted hajj.” Those around the Prophet questioned: “O Prophet of Allah! Even if he were to look at them a hundred times a day?” The Messenger of Allah (s) replied: “Indeed! Allah is the Greatest and Most Kind.”

    In all these ways, Islam promotes wholesome relationships that honor humans’ emotional need for companionship, love, support, intimacy, and friendship. Thus, true surrender to Allah SWT brings fulfilling relationships and emotional stability.

    Physical Benefits of True Submission

    Less stress-related illness results from submitting to Allah — If we experience emotional stability and comfort due to our trust in Allah, then our bodies will benefit. Stress can cause many health problems including headaches, upset stomach, tense muscles, sleep problems, and a weakened immune system. When we submit to Allah, trust His plan, and spend our days in remembrance and worship, we will naturally experience fewer stress-induced health problems.

    Islam teaches moderation and balance so a healthier lifestyle results — In addition, our submission to Allah keeps us from engaging in potentially harmful behaviors that could sabotage our physical health. Muslims are, for instance, prohibited from partaking in substances like alcohol and drugs that can negatively affect our health. In a world where sexually transmitted diseases are commonplace, a practicing Muslim who is intimate only within the confines of a marriage will be safe from such diseases. We are supposed to eat in moderation, too. The Messenger of Allah (s) said, “A human being fills no worse vessel than his stomach. It is sufficient for a human being to eat a few mouthfuls to keep his spine straight. But if he must [fill the stomach], then one third for food, one third for drink and one third for air” (Sunan Ibn Majah).

    If we live a life of moderation and balance, as Islam requires, our physical health will benefit greatly.

    Spiritual Benefits of True Submission

    Our souls will truly feel at peace only when we are obeying our Lord. A Muslim’s spiritual success is in fact dependent upon submission. Allah tells us in the Qur’an, “You who believe, enter wholeheartedly into submission to God and do not follow in Satan’s footsteps, for he is for you an open enemy” (2:208).

    We fulfill our soul’s true purpose and that puts the soul at ease — Submission gives us spiritual clarity and ease. There are many times in life when we might be confused about whether we are making the right decision, or whether one course of action is better than another. But when we are worshiping Allah according to His commands, we are never in doubt. Have you ever regretted making sujood? Or fasting for the sake of Allah? Or praying tahajjud? Of course not! All acts of submission bring us peace and a sense of certainty because they are fulfilling our soul’s true purpose.

    “We hear and we obey” brings safety, justice, and eternal peace — What does submitting wholeheartedly look like? When a certain requirement is difficult for us, our submission is most apparent and meaningful. For instance, for people who find it very difficult to complete the five daily prayers on time, submission reveals itself in making prayers a top priority, regardless of inconvenience to their schedule. For those who crave material things, submission will mean avoiding riba, interest, to purchase a larger house or new car they desire. For those who struggle with adhering to the Islamic dress code, submission means covering their body for the sake of Allah and lowering their gaze, even when this entails a daily battle with their nafs. Every one of us probably has certain aspects of Islam that are more difficult for us to submit to, but our compliance is a recognition of Allah’s authority over us and a measure of our sincerity.

    If we are truly submitting to Him, we will not be enslaved by anything else. Our goal as believers should be the unwavering, unhesitant submission of the faithful, as described in the Qur’an, who say, “We hear and obey.”

    “The Messenger believes in what has been sent down to him from his Lord, as do the faithful. They all believe in God, His angels, His scriptures, and His messengers. ‘We make no distinction between any of His messengers.’ And they say, ‘We hear and obey. [Grant] us Your forgiveness, our Lord. To You we all return!’” (2:285).

    The beauty of submission in Islam is that when we bow down to Him both literally and figuratively, we can trust Allah completely. He alone, the perfect One who is free from any defect, does not abuse His power. He alone is worthy of our complete devotion. If we submit to another human being, we will likely be exploited or oppressed. If we make an intangible goal like fame or status our primary desire, we will be disappointed when they do not deliver true satisfaction. But when we surrender ourselves to Allah, the Most Loving, the Most Just, we can rest assured that He will care for us, reward us, and treat us fairly. No one else but Allah can promise us safety, justice, and eternal bliss in return for our submission. Let us all strive to be among those who can truly say, “We hear and obey.”

  • The Importance of Gentleness

    The Importance of Gentleness

    Recently I read a Facebook post that made me cry tears of sadness and joy. It started out quite sad, but then took an unexpected turn that made my heart swell with love for Islam. It was written by a non-Muslim woman whom I will call Susan. She explained that she had suffered severe dental problems due to neglecting her oral health for a long time.

    “That’s what happens when you don’t take care of your teeth!” many people were quick to point out to her. It turns out that Susan had endured years of neglect as a child and then homelessness and financial instability as a young adult. These factors made taking care of her teeth and seeking professional dental care unusually difficult. She was also autistic and had extreme sensitivity to the sensations of brushing and flossing. The normal dental hygiene routine that most people take for granted felt like torture to her.

    Susan finally summoned up her courage and gathered enough money to see a dentist. By now her pain and tooth decay were extreme. The dentist shamed her for waiting for so long to make an appointment and for taking such poor care of her teeth. He told her there was little hope for her oral health and made it clear that it was her own fault, due to her negligence. She left his office in tears, feeling deeply ashamed and even more hesitant to seek dental care.

    Her severe pain compelled her to try again, though. The second dentist treated her much like the first one had, scolding her for her poor hygiene and telling her the situation was beyond hope. At this point Susan thought she could never bear to see another dentist, no matter how bad her symptoms got. But once more, pain drove her to seek help, despite her terror.

    The third time, by coincidence, Susan saw a Muslim dentist. Reflecting on the experience in her Facebook post, Susan wrote movingly about how the Muslim dentist was extremely kind and gentle with her. The dentist did not know Susan’s backstory of neglect, poverty, and autism, but her inherent compassion led her to treat Susan carefully and patiently. The dentist addressed Susan’s problems and assured her that there was still hope for her teeth. She explained the steps Susan would need to take and offered helpful suggestions about how to accomplish those tasks more easily.

    Concluding her post, Susan wrote to her Facebook audience, “If you are afraid of having your teeth cleaned, see a Muslim dentist! They are by far the gentlest and most understanding!”

    Of all the people in the Facebook group who read Susan’s post, I might have been the only Muslim. There were people of many different faiths and some of no faith at all. So, for many of the readers, this was an introduction to Islam, or a perspective they’d never considered. Reading Susan’s words of praise for the third dentist, I instantly felt a rush of love for my sister in Islam – the remarkably kind woman whom I’ll probably never meet – who gave such a wonderful example of our faith through her compassion and gentleness with Susan. She didn’t know that Susan would share her story with hundreds of people on a Facebook group, or that her beautiful example would plant a seed of positivity in many non-Muslims’ minds.

    Our Behavior Speaks Volumes About Our Faith

    Susan’s post made me think of how each one of us is educating the world about Islam through our behavior, whether we realize it or not. No matter our profession or role in life, we represent Islam through our words, actions, and attitude. Whether we are someone’s colleague, neighbor, service provider, or casual acquaintance, our honesty, kindness, trustworthiness, warmth, and generosity will speak volumes about our faith. Of course, the opposite behaviors will send a very negative message about Islam, so we must be always conscious of our words and actions and strive to display the best adaab, Islamic manners. Of all the attributes we are supposed to exemplify as sincere Muslims, I think that gentleness speaks the loudest. I believe it is, in fact, one of our greatest tools for dawah, calling to Allah.

    In reading Susan’s story, I was reminded of the story of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and how he dealt with the man who urinated in the masjid:

    “While we were in the mosque with Allah’s Messenger, a desert Arab came and stood up and began to urinate in the mosque. The Companions of Allah’s Messenger said: ‘Stop, stop,’ but the Messenger of Allah said: ‘Don’t interrupt him; leave him alone’. They left him alone, and when he finished urinating, Allah’s Messenger called him and said to him: ‘These mosques are not the places meant for urine and filth, but are only for the remembrance of Allah, prayer, and the recitation of the Qur’an,’ or Allah’s Messenger said something like that. He (the narrator) said that he (the Holy Prophet) then gave orders to one of the people who brought a bucket of water and poured it over” (Sahih Muslim).

    Here we have an example of unhygienic and impolite behavior. The Bedouin likely did not realize that urinating in a masjid was both unclean and inappropriate. Like so many of us in modern times would do, the people who witnessed the act were quick to rebuke the man. But the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), whose manners were the finest of all humankind, put a stop to their condemnation. He did not choose to shame the Bedouin, but rather dealt with the issue efficiently and quietly, allowing the man to preserve his dignity. He then spoke calmly with him to educate him about proper behavior in a masjid.

    If the Companions had shamed or scolded the Bedouin harshly, would he ever be likely to return to a masjid again? Would he consider embracing Islam? Would he think well of Muslims? The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) knew that gentleness was the key to instilling a love of Islam in people’s hearts.

    He (peace and blessings be upon him) was also gentle with his Companions, even when they made mistakes. When some of them committed the grave error of abandoning the battlefront against the Prophet’s orders, he (peace and blessings be upon him) did not punish or chastise them. In the Qur’an, Allah tells the Prophet: “It was by the mercy of God that you were lenient with them, for had you been stern and coarse of heart they would have dispersed from around you” (3:159). In fact, Ali (r) said about the Prophet (s) “…three things he stayed away from with regard to others — he did not find fault, lay blame, or seek to expose anyone’s weak points” (al-Tirmidhi, Shama’il).

    In a world that is often quick to judge, shame, condemn, ridicule, and punish, gentleness says, “Pause. Reflect. There is a better way.” Harshness drives people away, but gentleness beckons them in. Ridicule makes people dislike themselves or want to hide in shame, but gentleness encourages them to come out of their shell, and to feel comfortable, safe, and open to new ideas. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Allah is gentle, and He loves gentleness in all matters” (Sahih Muslim and Sahih Bukhari).

    Finding Opportunities to Employ Gentleness

    If we truly want to inspire others to love Islam and if we genuinely wish to follow the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and please our Creator, we should make gentleness the hallmark of our behavior.

    Before we judge another person, we should remember that:
    • Generally, we don’t know an individual’s life story and the cause of their behaviors. Often there is pain, suffering, or lack of knowledge behind a person’s undesirable actions.
    • We, too, are imperfect and have flaws. We should work to improve ourselves instead of criticizing others.
    • Shaming people does not help them improve.
    • If we take the time to find out why a person is acting in a certain way, we will likely feel more sympathetic to their situation and be able to find productive ways to help solve their problems.

    Imagine this scenario: a non-Muslim comes to us and expresses interest in Islam but admits to making many bad choices in his or her life. If we behave like the first or second dentist, we will tell that person, “It’s your fault you’ve led such a bad life. It’s too late now to change. You’re too flawed. You should have done something sooner to change. Shame on you!” This sentiment might not be conveyed directly in words but rather in the attitude and demeanor, but its negative effect is the same. Will that person be likely to investigate Islam further?

    If, however, we act like the third dentist, we will tell the person, “It’s wonderful that you want to make positive changes in your life! Allah is the Most Forgiving, and He will always accept sincere repentance. Your past is over, so focus on the future. Becoming a Muslim will wipe away your sins. Let me help you learn about Islam. Remember: it’s okay to make mistakes. No one is perfect. The important thing is to keep learning and striving.” Imagine how a gentle response like that might inspire that person to love Islam!

    Every single day we will find opportunities to employ gentleness. It will not always be easy because gentleness is often most necessary in situations that are fraught with frustration, disappointment, or drama. We might feel entitled to be harsh with someone who does not act the way we think they should. We might wish to hurt the person who hurts us. But before we react, we should try to remember that gentleness is absolutely fundamental to our faith. Allah is gentle and He loves gentleness. What better reason do we need to make this characteristic a priority in our life?

  • How to Rise Up Out of an Eman Slump

    How to Rise Up Out of an Eman Slump

    Almost all of us have experienced times in our lives when our trust in Allah or obedience to Him are weaker than they should be. Sometimes extremely difficult challenges distract and upset us, making worship seem more burden than blessing. Other times we’re so caught up in enjoying our blessings that we become complacent and ungrateful, forgetting how desperately we need to embrace our deen, even in the good times. No matter what the cause of our eman slump, we need to find a way out.

    This dunya, with all of its pain and pleasure, is temporary. We should not waste a single moment that could be spent earning Allah’s pleasure. When we feel ourselves slipping into a slump, we must learn to identify it, pick ourselves up, and get back to our purpose – worshiping Allah to the best of our ability. Here are some tips for when you feel like your faith is weak.

    Remember: a dip in Eman does not make you a bad person, or a hopeless case.

    Even the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), the most perfect Muslim and the most beloved by Allah, worried and prayed about the steadfastness of his heart. He realized that humans are imperfect, changeable, and weak. In an authentic hadith, we learn that Shahr bin Hawshab said: “I said to Umm Salamah (wife of Prophet Muhammad): ‘O Mother of the Believers! What was the supplication that the Messenger of Allah said most frequently when he was with you?’ She said, ‘The supplication he said most frequently was, “O Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion’” (al-Tirmidhi).

    The second we feel hopelessness or doubts creeping in, we should make the same supplication as our beloved Prophet. Knowing that weakness is part of being human can help us be gentle with ourselves. It also reminds us that a strong eman is not something to take for granted; it is a gift from Allah that we must cherish and nurture.

    Find Solace: Allah has not abandoned you.

    An eman slump often goes hand-in-hand with feelings of helplessness or despair. A vicious cycle begins when we feel too sad or lethargic to keep up with our Islamic duties, then guilty and ashamed when we avoid our responsibilities, and then even more despondent. The most important thing to remember in our times of weakness is that Allah SWT has not abandoned us. He never will. He is closer to us than the jugular vein, no matter how distant we feel from Him.

    While we may have strayed from Him, He has not gone anywhere. He is eagerly waiting for us to reconnect with Him. We might have been lazy, sinful, unmotivated, or struggling, but He is constant, perfect, and perpetually loving. His mercy outweighs our ingratitude, and His forgiveness is more powerful than our sins. He is always eagerly awaiting our repentance and allowing us opportunities to make a U-turn, no matter how far we’ve traveled in the wrong direction.

    Shaytaan is devious. He wants to make us think that we’re beyond hope, that our weak eman has taken us too far from our Lord, and that we should just give up. Every time a nagging voice inside us says that we’ve sinned too much, skipped too many prayers, grown too distant from our Lord, we need to know this first and foremost: Allah’s mercy is so vast that He can and will forgive our sins. It is our duty to repent sincerely and start making efforts, even if this means starting with baby steps.

    The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessing be upon him) has told us that Allah the Almighty said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it” (al-Tirmidhi and Ahmad ibn Hanbal).

    Take Action: The best way to reconnect with Allah is through acts of worship.

    While our five daily prayers are the bedrock of our duties, there are voluntary acts that help us connect to Him. At the first sign of an eman slump, take action:

    1. Qur’an — Read the Qur’an and let Allah’s words be a balm for your soul. Listen to the recitation that you enjoy most. Replace television, podcasts, music, or other forms of distraction with Qur’an and see how peaceful you will start to feel.
    2. Gratitude — When times are tough, there are still many things to be grateful for. Make a list of things you want to thank Allah for, especially the multitude of basic things we take for granted.
    3. Praise — Making dhikr by saying “subhanAllah, alhamdullilah, and Allahu akbar” or “la ilaha illa Allah” or “subhan Allahi wa bi hamdihi” can bring us nearer to our Lord. The Prophet said: “Allah says: ‘I am as My slave thinks of me, and I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me within himself, I remember him within Myself; and if he remembers Me in a gathering, I remember him in a better gathering; and if he draws one span nearer to Me, I draw one cubit nearer to him; and if he draws one cubit nearer to Me, I draw a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running’” (Ḥadīth Qudsi, Bukhari).
    4. Istighfar — Saying astaghfirullah (I seek forgiveness from Allah) is a wonderful way to find relief and happiness. Asking Allah for forgiveness can reduce anxiety, increase inner peace, and facilitate contentment. Istighfar opens the doors of sustenance, mercy, and ease.
    5. Duaa — Ask Allah to help you with everything that is distressing you. He will never tire of our requests, and He will never leave us empty-handed. One beautiful supplication that is useful in many situations is, “O Allah, there is no ease except what You make easy. And you can ease sorrow if You wish.” Remember to make duaa for others, as well. Whenever we ask something for our brother or sister in faith, an angel says, “Ameen, and the same to you.”

    Finally, whenever you feel you have regained a state of strong eman, consider supporting a brother or sister who seems to be struggling. Offer a smile, a listening ear, financial help, a hot meal, or something that will lessen their burdens a little bit. With your help, they might feel more able to cope with life and spend more time in worship. You might be the one to help them out of their slump, and that is surely pleasing to your Lord. The Prophet told us, “Whoever relieves the hardship of a believer in this world, Allah will relieve his hardship on the Day of Resurrection. Whoever helps ease one in difficulty, Allah will make it easy for him in this world and in the Hereafter” (Sahih Muslim).

  • My Hijab is American

    My Hijab is American

    “Go back to your own country!” the man shouted as he passed me on the street. Instinctively, I looked around to see whom he was addressing. Then I remembered that I’d recently started wearing a hijab, and the fact that I now covered my hair with a scarf was apparently enough to provoke a stranger’s assumptions about my citizenship and trigger irrational anger, and even verbal harassment. That incident happened nearly 23 years ago, but it’s still fresh in my memory. It was one of my first experiences with Islamophobia and the first time I felt like a foreigner in my own homeland.

    “You’re in America now. Dress like an American.” These words were scribbled on an anonymous note and shoved under my best friend’s windshield wipers. Recounting the story to me, my friend chuckled wryly. “My dress is from Macy’s, and my scarf is from Old Navy. I’m pretty sure my clothes are American.” Unlike me who grew up white and Christian, my friend endured bigotry from an early age as the only brown-skinned Muslim girl in a predominantly white neighborhood. That anonymous note was just one of many injustices she’d suffered over the years.

    Though our childhoods were different in some ways, my friend and I were both born and raised in the United States, and we are culturally American. At the same time, we are proud Muslims who choose to dress modestly and cover our hair in accordance with our religion. Though at times we’ve been made to feel like we don’t belong, we know that this is our own country, and we do dress like Americans. In fact, when you think about it, in many ways hijab is quintessentially American. Hijab is American? How?

    Religious Liberty

    The Founding Fathers took many measures to separate church from state. From the very beginning, the United States has championed religious liberty. As historian Jill Lepore writes in her book. These Truths: A History of the United States, “The rights established in the Bill of Rights were also extraordinary. Nearly every English colony in North America had been settled with an established religion . . . So far from establishing a religion, the Constitution doesn’t even mention ‘God,’ except in naming the date. . . At a time when all but two states required religious tests for office, the Constitution prohibited them. At a time when all but three states still had an official religion, the Bill of Rights forbade the federal government from establishing one. Most Americans believed . . . that religion can only thrive if it is not part of government, and that a free government can only thrive if it is not part of religion.”

    The First Amendment forbids Congress from promoting one religion over others and prevents the government from interfering with a person’s beliefs or religious practices. So, every time a Muslim woman openly wears Islamic clothing, she is exemplifying and enjoying a fundamental American right. This same right allows a Jewish man to wear a yarmulke, a Catholic nun to wear a habit and veil, and a Buddhist monk to don a robe. Unlike France, for instance, which has banned visible religious symbols in its public schools, the United States allows its citizens to practice their faith openly, wherever they are. In addition, The Civil Rights Act of 1964 prohibits employers from discriminating on the basis of religion. These are liberties that Americans of any faith should not take for granted. Every time we see someone wearing a symbol of their religion – including a hijab– we should feel grateful and united, not hostile or divided.

    Deep Muslim Roots

    Muslims are not newcomers or interlopers in the United States. We have been present in this land for at least 500 years and are an integral part of the fabric of our nation. According to historian Sam Haselby, “By 1503, we know that Muslims themselves, from West Africa, were in the New World. Muslims thus arrived in America more than a century before the Virginia Company founded the Jamestown colony in 1607. Muslims came to America more than a century before the Puritans founded the Massachusetts Bay Colony in 1630. Muslims were living in America not only before Protestants, but before Protestantism existed. After Catholicism, Islam was the second monotheistic religion in the Americas.” Haselby adds, “Historically, Muslims are Americans, as originally American as Anglo-Protestants. The popular misunderstanding, even among educated people, that Islam and Muslims are recent additions to America tells us important things about how American history has been written.”

    We must also remember that many enslaved Africans were Muslims. Their bloodlines and their influence on our culture continue to this day. Historian Dr. Sylviane Diouf writes, “Estimates vary, but [Muslims] were at least 900,000 out of the 12.5 million Africans taken to the Americas. Among the 400,000 Africans who spent their lives enslaved in the United States, tens of thousands were Muslims.”

    Most of those enslaved people were forced to abandon their Islamic practices, but some found ways to preserve their faith, at great personal risk. According to an article in The Conversation, “Historian Sylviane Diouf explains how despite such efforts, many slaves retained aspects of their customs and traditions, and found new, creative ways to express them. Diouf argues that blues music, one of the quintessential forms of American culture, can trace its origins to Muslim influences from the slave era.”

    Future Growth

    While Muslims currently make up a little over 1% of the population in the U.S., our numbers are growing exponentially. The Pew Research Center “estimates that there were about 3.45 million Muslims of all ages living in the U.S. in 2017, and that Muslims made up about 1.1% of the total U.S. population. By 2040, Muslims will replace Jews as the nation’s second-largest religious group after Christians. And by 2050, the U.S. Muslim population is projected to reach 8.1 million, or 2.1% of the nation’s total population — nearly twice the share of today.”

    Clearly Muslims are a rapidly-growing demographic, and in many ways that is good news for the United States. Because Islam requires high standards of behavior, sincere, practicing Muslims will always strive to be excellent neighbors, colleagues, citizens, and friends. “About seven-in-ten Muslims (69%) say working for justice and equality in society is essential to what it means to be Muslim, and nearly as many (62%) say the same about protecting the environment,” according to the Pew Research Center.

    Far from being anti-American, Muslims in the U.S. are proud of their faith and their nationality. “Muslim Americans overwhelmingly embrace both the ‘Muslim’ and ‘American’ parts of their identity,” reports another Pew Research poll. “For instance, the vast majority of U.S. Muslims say they are proud to be American (92%), while nearly all say they are proud to be Muslim (97%). Indeed, about nine-in-ten (89%) say they are proud to be both Muslim and American.”

    Stronger When United

    Most people are not so bigoted that they would shout at a Muslim on the street or leave demeaning notes on their windshield. However, there are many Americans who consider themselves open minded and tolerant, yet still make negative assumptions – even subconsciously – when they see a Muslim, especially one wearing a hijab. While Muslim women don’t need the approval or validation of strangers, I do hope this essay might open some eyes and hearts. After all, we live together in this nation, and we are stronger when we are united.

    Muslims are a fundamental, positive part of this country’s past, present, and future. Those of us who wear a hijab are exercising our right to religious freedom. It is a private, voluntary act of worship that is visible to the public, and we are grateful that our Constitution protects us. Rather than inspiring negativity, xenophobia, and misconceptions, our hijab should remind our fellow citizens of the rich diversity, the unique and precious religious liberty, and the meaningful Islamic roots of this nation. Hijab is American. This is our country, too.