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Tag: Muslim Women

  • Niqab: For You, Ya Rabbi

    Niqab: For You, Ya Rabbi

    I was born with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. My mother, exhausted from having given birth, and my father, staring in shock, could only watch on as the doctor took action. Calmly, efficiently, she snipped off the cord and so I took my first breath. This is a story I’ve heard many times, and this is a story that perfectly highlights the nature of not only my life, but of human existence as a whole. Death is an inevitable truth that follows every single one of us from the moment we appear in this world. And we never know when it may come for us, so it is crucial that we treat each day as if it is our last. Death is the reality that drove me to becoming a niqabi.

    When I was first considering wearing niqab, I was desperate to talk to someone else who had taken this step. I needed to hear about someone else’s experience. So I went through all my contacts, stretched all my connections, and yet came up empty-handed. Until finally, by the will of Allah, I stumbled across the profile picture of a girl who I had mutual connections with but had never interacted with. All I knew of her was that she was wearing niqab in one picture, and I messaged essentially this complete stranger, asking if she’d be willing to get on a call with me. And Subhan Allah, she said yes. We had one phone call which lasted maybe an hour. And then years later when I began wearing niqab, I texted her to thank her, and she replied by congratulating me and making du’a for me. And that was the extent of our interaction, two conversations, years apart. But what she did for me — the advice, the sisterhood, the instant support that I was offered – those are things for which I will be forever grateful.

    I went to my parents next. I remember when I told my dad what I was considering, he only had one thing to say. He told me, “Sarah if you’re doing it, make sure you’re doing it with the right intentions.” It was a reminder that I needed. Even now when sometimes I feel my intentions start to waver, I think back on that conversation, and I renew my purpose for wearing niqab.

    Before I committed to it fully, I went through a period where I would wear it once a week. I was trying to get myself used to it, how I felt with it, how others reacted to it. So, every Thursday, I would wear niqab to campus. And the days I wasn’t wearing niqab, I would wear a mask. This was the first semester back after covid, and there were a lot of students wearing masks, so it wasn’t anything that looked out of place. Even when I was wearing a mask though, I wore it with the intention of doubling as a niqab, although it of course came without the societal pressures of niqab and was much easier. So, I very easily grew accustomed to sort-of-but-not-fully wearing niqab, and it took something really big to push me to the next level.

    Over winter break, my uncle passed away. It’s sad how often it takes something as jarring as death to puts things into perspective. There is a difference of opinion on the ruling of niqab, but the one that I follow is that covering my face is a recommended act – there is reward for doing it, but there is no sin for not doing it. But witnessing death like that made me see the frailness of my own life, how my own death could be right around the corner. I realized that I need all the reward I can get before I meet my Creator. I began to understand that my fard acts weren’t enough, I needed to perfect my sunnahs as well, niqab being one of them. And I was already doing it once a week, so why not just commit to it all the way? My uncle’s passing was the catalyst that pushed me to go through with wearing niqab full-time, and so I pray that every time I adorn it, he is rewarded as well.

    I will admit however that this wasn’t the easiest decision. I didn’t want to diminish the seriousness of this choice. Once I took this step, I wanted to have taken it for good and not keep going back and forth on it. But it quickly became a test when I saw how everyone was reacting to it.

    A lot of the people who I was sure would be supportive, or at the very least not make a fuss over it, were extremely critical of my decision. I got told I was being “extreme” and doing “too much” by those who should have had my back. Someone I trusted tried to pull my niqab down in public because they thought it would be “funny.” I understand that it was a big change for everyone, but it was also a big change for me, and I, myself, needed time myself to adjust and grow comfortable with it. The way I saw it was that if my parents were supportive of my decision, and they were alhamdulillah, then no one else had the right to interfere or be opposed to my choices. And it truly hurt that a lot of the criticism came from those who should have been proud of me. But at the same time, the amount of support I got from the overall Muslim community, as well as even the non-Muslims in my life, was beautiful to witness.

    The one thing I was completely unprepared for how difficult it would be to eat. And that’s when my mom as well as my friends really stepped up. My mom taught me how to bend my upper body forward so my niqab would fall away from my face, and I could eat without making a mess. When I went out to lunch with some friends, they insisted on offering me the seat closest to the wall – something any niqabi can tell you makes eating so much easier. When I grabbed ice cream with another friend, she offered to hold the bowl while we walked, so I could hold my niqab with one hand, and eat with the other. So many people were so cognizant, and it opened my eyes to the strength that comes with being in this ummah. I began to understand why the concept of community is stressed so much in our religion.

    Wearing niqab also did wonders for my confidence. It made me so much more comfortable with being Muslim and talking about Islam. It forced me to self-reflect on my words and actions and renew my intentions to do everything for only my Rabb.

    One point I will mention is that wearing the niqab also unfortunately made many Muslims put me on a pedestal. People came to me as if covering my face meant I had a higher level of eman, even though that is absolutely not the case. I wear niqab because of how much I sometimes struggle with concentrating in salah or because of how difficult I can find it to connect with the Qur’an. And so, part of my intention is that because I’m struggling with these other elements of the deen, I can at least maximize the part of the deen that is easy for me – dressing modestly.

    I’ve been wearing niqab for about a year and a half now. It is a decision that I’ve doubted and questioned — yes, but also one where every doubt is swiftly followed by relief. On each occasion where I’ve begun to feel uncertain about niqab, Allah SWT sends me some kind of sign, and I’m able to find contentment in this matter. To anyone who’s considering starting the niqab, or deciding to put on the hijab, or even just attempting to dress more modestly – say bismillah and go for it. Life is too short, and death is too quick to be hesitant on these matters. And as long as whatever decisions we make are made for the sake of pleasing our Rabb, He has promised us a beautiful reward.

  • My Hijab is American

    My Hijab is American

    “Go back to your own country!” the man shouted as he passed me on the street. Instinctively, I looked around to see whom he was addressing. Then I remembered that I’d recently started wearing a hijab, and the fact that I now covered my hair with a scarf was apparently enough to provoke a stranger’s assumptions about my citizenship and trigger irrational anger, and even verbal harassment. That incident happened nearly 23 years ago, but it’s still fresh in my memory. It was one of my first experiences with Islamophobia and the first time I felt like a foreigner in my own homeland.

    “You’re in America now. Dress like an American.” These words were scribbled on an anonymous note and shoved under my best friend’s windshield wipers. Recounting the story to me, my friend chuckled wryly. “My dress is from Macy’s, and my scarf is from Old Navy. I’m pretty sure my clothes are American.” Unlike me who grew up white and Christian, my friend endured bigotry from an early age as the only brown-skinned Muslim girl in a predominantly white neighborhood. That anonymous note was just one of many injustices she’d suffered over the years.

    Though our childhoods were different in some ways, my friend and I were both born and raised in the United States, and we are culturally American. At the same time, we are proud Muslims who choose to dress modestly and cover our hair in accordance with our religion. Though at times we’ve been made to feel like we don’t belong, we know that this is our own country, and we do dress like Americans. In fact, when you think about it, in many ways hijab is quintessentially American. Hijab is American? How?

    Religious Liberty

    The Founding Fathers took many measures to separate church from state. From the very beginning, the United States has championed religious liberty. As historian Jill Lepore writes in her book. These Truths: A History of the United States, “The rights established in the Bill of Rights were also extraordinary. Nearly every English colony in North America had been settled with an established religion . . . So far from establishing a religion, the Constitution doesn’t even mention ‘God,’ except in naming the date. . . At a time when all but two states required religious tests for office, the Constitution prohibited them. At a time when all but three states still had an official religion, the Bill of Rights forbade the federal government from establishing one. Most Americans believed . . . that religion can only thrive if it is not part of government, and that a free government can only thrive if it is not part of religion.”

    The First Amendment forbids Congress from promoting one religion over others and prevents the government from interfering with a person’s beliefs or religious practices. So, every time a Muslim woman openly wears Islamic clothing, she is exemplifying and enjoying a fundamental American right. This same right allows a Jewish man to wear a yarmulke, a Catholic nun to wear a habit and veil, and a Buddhist monk to don a robe. Unlike France, for instance, which has banned visible religious symbols in its public schools, the United States allows its citizens to practice their faith openly, wherever they are. In addition, The Civil Rights Act of 1964 prohibits employers from discriminating on the basis of religion. These are liberties that Americans of any faith should not take for granted. Every time we see someone wearing a symbol of their religion – including a hijab– we should feel grateful and united, not hostile or divided.

    Deep Muslim Roots

    Muslims are not newcomers or interlopers in the United States. We have been present in this land for at least 500 years and are an integral part of the fabric of our nation. According to historian Sam Haselby, “By 1503, we know that Muslims themselves, from West Africa, were in the New World. Muslims thus arrived in America more than a century before the Virginia Company founded the Jamestown colony in 1607. Muslims came to America more than a century before the Puritans founded the Massachusetts Bay Colony in 1630. Muslims were living in America not only before Protestants, but before Protestantism existed. After Catholicism, Islam was the second monotheistic religion in the Americas.” Haselby adds, “Historically, Muslims are Americans, as originally American as Anglo-Protestants. The popular misunderstanding, even among educated people, that Islam and Muslims are recent additions to America tells us important things about how American history has been written.”

    We must also remember that many enslaved Africans were Muslims. Their bloodlines and their influence on our culture continue to this day. Historian Dr. Sylviane Diouf writes, “Estimates vary, but [Muslims] were at least 900,000 out of the 12.5 million Africans taken to the Americas. Among the 400,000 Africans who spent their lives enslaved in the United States, tens of thousands were Muslims.”

    Most of those enslaved people were forced to abandon their Islamic practices, but some found ways to preserve their faith, at great personal risk. According to an article in The Conversation, “Historian Sylviane Diouf explains how despite such efforts, many slaves retained aspects of their customs and traditions, and found new, creative ways to express them. Diouf argues that blues music, one of the quintessential forms of American culture, can trace its origins to Muslim influences from the slave era.”

    Future Growth

    While Muslims currently make up a little over 1% of the population in the U.S., our numbers are growing exponentially. The Pew Research Center “estimates that there were about 3.45 million Muslims of all ages living in the U.S. in 2017, and that Muslims made up about 1.1% of the total U.S. population. By 2040, Muslims will replace Jews as the nation’s second-largest religious group after Christians. And by 2050, the U.S. Muslim population is projected to reach 8.1 million, or 2.1% of the nation’s total population — nearly twice the share of today.”

    Clearly Muslims are a rapidly-growing demographic, and in many ways that is good news for the United States. Because Islam requires high standards of behavior, sincere, practicing Muslims will always strive to be excellent neighbors, colleagues, citizens, and friends. “About seven-in-ten Muslims (69%) say working for justice and equality in society is essential to what it means to be Muslim, and nearly as many (62%) say the same about protecting the environment,” according to the Pew Research Center.

    Far from being anti-American, Muslims in the U.S. are proud of their faith and their nationality. “Muslim Americans overwhelmingly embrace both the ‘Muslim’ and ‘American’ parts of their identity,” reports another Pew Research poll. “For instance, the vast majority of U.S. Muslims say they are proud to be American (92%), while nearly all say they are proud to be Muslim (97%). Indeed, about nine-in-ten (89%) say they are proud to be both Muslim and American.”

    Stronger When United

    Most people are not so bigoted that they would shout at a Muslim on the street or leave demeaning notes on their windshield. However, there are many Americans who consider themselves open minded and tolerant, yet still make negative assumptions – even subconsciously – when they see a Muslim, especially one wearing a hijab. While Muslim women don’t need the approval or validation of strangers, I do hope this essay might open some eyes and hearts. After all, we live together in this nation, and we are stronger when we are united.

    Muslims are a fundamental, positive part of this country’s past, present, and future. Those of us who wear a hijab are exercising our right to religious freedom. It is a private, voluntary act of worship that is visible to the public, and we are grateful that our Constitution protects us. Rather than inspiring negativity, xenophobia, and misconceptions, our hijab should remind our fellow citizens of the rich diversity, the unique and precious religious liberty, and the meaningful Islamic roots of this nation. Hijab is American. This is our country, too.

  • Embracing Authenticity as a Muslim Woman

    Embracing Authenticity as a Muslim Woman

    Allah made each and every one of us humans unique. There are no two people exactly alike, and this diversity is a great blessing. In the Quran, Allah tells us: “O humanity! Indeed, We created you from a male and a female, and made you into peoples and tribes so that you may get to know one another” (49:13).

    Sometimes for Muslim women, it can be particularly challenging to embrace and express our unique selves. When we are wearing a hijab that clearly marks us as a believer in a non-Muslim land, we feel pressure, sometimes, to present a “perfect” image to the world. After all, we often feel like a walking billboard for our faith, knowing some people will judge Islam by our actions.

    Some of us who have encountered bigotry might try to remain as inconspicuous and bland as possible in an attempt to ward off any confrontation or harassment. But by attempting to hide our imperfections, quirks, personality, and unique qualities, we run the danger of hiding the authentic self that is a gift to the world.

    I struggled with expressing my authentic self when I first embraced Islam 23 years ago. On one hand I knew I needed to shed parts of me that did not align with Islam. This meant making some drastic changes to the way I dressed, the foods I ate, and the activities I enjoyed. Like many new Muslims, once I had transformed many of my habits, I had to ask myself, “Who am I now?” The problem was, I didn’t know the answer.

    If I could go back and talk to young, new-Muslim Laura, I would tell her this: you can still be yourself! You do not have to wear a shalwar kameez from Pakistan, or an abaya from Jordan if you’re not comfortable in those clothes. You can find a modest wardrobe at your local department store that fits your style. If you want to wear Converse high tops with jeans and casual shirts, just make sure the pants are baggy, the top is loose and long-sleeved, and the shoes are . . . well. . . your favorite color!

    Many of my hobbies and passions were still permissible, but for a while I gave them up. I wish I’d had easy access, back in 2000, to comfortable and modest clothes that would have enabled me to pursue my love of sports. I gave it up for a while because being modest and athletic seemed impossible. Nowadays, of course, even Nike has a sports hijab! In fact, Islamic clothing for nearly any occasion or activity is merely a click away. It’s nice to be sporty again; that’s part of who I am.

    When I became a Muslim, I gave up pork and alcohol, of course, but I didn’t need to replace my mom’s pot roast recipe with samosas or maqlooba (as delicious as those are). Cuisines from Muslim-majority lands are not “more Islamic” than the foods I’d grown up with, as long as all ingredients are halal.

    I stopped celebrating holidays with my non-Muslim family, and that really hurt my relationship with them. I wish I had listened to this talk by Dr. Yasir Qadhi about the permissibility of celebrating Thanksgiving and private celebrations with one’s non-Muslim family members, or even gathering with them on other holidays as long as I didn’t participate in overtly religious rituals.

    In giving up almost everything that had defined me before Islam, I surrendered huge chunks of my authentic self. I did not realize, back then, that Islam does not have one culture. Muslims are beautifully diverse, and no country or ethnicity has a monopoly on Islam. Even the Prophet (peace be upon him) explicitly addressed this in his farewell sermon: “There is no superiority of an Arab over a non-Arab, or of a non-Arab over an Arab.”

    Sometimes “born” Muslims pressure converts to adopt their culture along with the deen. This can cause new Muslims to feel unnecessary shame about their own background. It can also trigger a painful identity crisis, since converts don’t seem to fit in with their old community anymore, but they also feel like outsiders amongst Muslims.

    It took me many years to settle into my own authenticity. I finally feel at peace with who I am – an American Muslim who loves Islam while simultaneously embracing many parts of me that were formed in my youth. Now that I’m celebrating my true self, I’ve found that my relationships with non-Muslims have become more rewarding, as well. For years I tried to be “perfect” so that no one could fault me, or Islam. I hid away my flaws and quirks and tried to make myself invulnerable. As a result, I built a wall that kept non-Muslims from knowing me as a human being.

    Nowadays I try to let my true self show through as much as possible. I speak about my passions, my fears, my flaws, and my strengths. I am less afraid to show people that I am an imperfect person who is striving to improve and please her Creator. In fact, I think my authenticity allows others to let their guard down. I now let people know that, like them, I deal with challenges as a mother, a wife, a daughter, and a professional. I have a lot more in common with them than they might initially think.

    When I show non-Muslims my true self, they often share with me their own concerns, flaws, and hopes. We connect on a human level. I am convinced that forming genuine connections with Muslims is the only way that people can be open to learning about Islam. When the teacher is humble, accessible, and relatable, students are willing to listen. Sometimes I discuss religion directly, but most of the time I hope that non-Muslims will learn about my faith indirectly, from my words and actions.

    Of course, we Muslims must always find a balance between showing the world our authentic self and having appropriate modesty. Ibn Abbas reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, every religion has a character, and the character of Islam is modesty” (Sunan Ibn Mājah).

    Being authentic does not mean telling everyone everything about yourself. It does not entail compromising your principles or broadcasting your sins or flaws. It simply means using your unique personality, talents, viewpoint, and challenges in appropriate ways to facilitate halal interactions and meaningful connections. It also means being content with who you are while striving to become a better Muslim every day.

    Allah made you you for a reason – not to be ashamed of who you are, not to try to conform to others’ standards, but to use your unique strengths to make the world a better place.

  • The Four Best Women of Paradise – Part Two

    The Four Best Women of Paradise – Part Two

    Part one of this article covered two of the four women mentioned by Prophet Muhammad (s) in the following hadith: Ibn Abbas reported that the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The best of women among the people of paradise are Khadija bint Khuwaylid, Fatimah bint Muhammad, Maryam bint Imran, and Asiyah bint Muzahim, the wife of Pharaoh.”

    Khadijah bint Khuwaylid and Faimah bint Muhammad were the two exemplars of faith detailed in part one. Now we look at the other two: Maryam bint Imran and Asiyah bint Muzahim, may Allah be pleased with them all.

    Maryam bint Imran (r)

    Maryam’s father died before her birth and she was under the care of Prophet Zakariya (a.s.), her uncle. The mosque was her safe haven as she lived there and engaged in constant acts of worship such as dhikr, prayer, and active remembrance of Allah SWT. This was an answered prayer to Maryam’s mother, Hannah, who vowed that she would raise a child who would focus on worship and remembrance of Allah. When Prophet Zakariya used to visit Maryam in her prayer room at the mosque, he would find winter fruits in the summer and summer fruits in the winter, as mentioned in Tafseer Ibn Katheer. He would be amazed by how there was always food available to Maryam no matter the season. This access to surpluses of food, and even fruits out of season, were from Allah SWT. We are told in the Qur’an, “So her Lord accepted her with good acceptance and caused her to grow in a good manner and put her in the care of Zakariya. Every time Zakariya entered upon her in the prayer chamber, he found with her provision. He said, ‘O Mary, from where is this [coming] to you?’ She said, ‘It is from Allah. Indeed, Allah provides for whom He wills without account’” (Qur’an 3:37).

    The divine miracle that Allah SWT bestowed upon Maryam was her conceiving and giving birth to Jesus (a.s.), Isa in Arabic. The Qur’an recounts this miraculous birth: “She [Maryam] said, ‘How can I have a son when no man has ever touched me, nor am I unchaste?’ He [the angel] said, ‘So will it be! Your Lord says: It is easy for Me. And so will We make him a sign for humanity and a mercy from Us.’ It is a matter decreed” (Qur’an 19:20-21). Shortly before she gave birth to Isa, Maryam sat underneath a palm tree in extreme fatigue and in constant pain and suffering.

    After she gave birth, it is revealed in the Qur’an that her newborn baby [according to some, it was Jibril, the angel] said, “Do not grieve; your Lord has provided beneath you a stream. And shake toward you the trunk of the palm tree; it will drop upon you ripe, fresh dates. So, eat and drink and be content. And if you see from among humanity anyone, say: ‘Indeed, I have vowed to The Most Merciful abstention, so I will not speak today to a human being’” (Qur’an 19:24-26).

    When the darkness of difficulties encompasses us, it is difficult to imagine any light that may be present or will shine forth. While we may often question the hardships in our lives and feel as though our du’a seeking Allah’s guidance is not being responded to, we must always keep in mind that for every hardship, obligation, and restraint Allah SWT has placed upon us, there lies a greater wisdom. Maryam (r) demonstrated her dedication to Allah SWT and her surrender to His Lordship through her years of seclusion in the masjid, in constant dhikr and prayer. When hardships came her way, such as conceiving a child when she was not married, enduring the pain of childbirth with no one around to help or comfort her, and having then to face those who threw accusations at her, she held firmly to the rope of Allah SWT, asking Him for guidance through those difficult times.

    She had a clear understanding that Allah SWT is in control of everything that comes onto our path, and she accepted her circumstances with patience and resolve. Maryam also voiced her gratitude to Allah SWT whenever she received a blessing. For example, when Zakariya would ask her about the seasonal fruits available to her all year long, she credited Allah SWT for this blessing. This active remembrance Maryam had of Allah SWT during both times of ease and hardship shows how conscious she was of His presence. This conscious awareness and remembrance strengthened her eman and allowed her to stand firmly on the straight path, fully in surrender to Allah.

    We often seek Allah’s guidance and communicate with Him the most when we are experiencing trials and hardship. Yet, when we are granted bounties and blessings, we can learn from Maryam that those too are times for du’a to express our gratitude. Seeking closeness to Allah encompasses all human experience — to show gratitude to Him for every single blessing in our life during our moments of happiness, to ask for forgiveness during our moments of regret, and to seek guidance and comfort during our moments of sorrow. These are lessons we can learn from the life and character of Maryam, one of the four best women of Paradise.

    Asiyah bint Muzahim (r)

    Asiyah was a queen, the wife of Firawn, the pharaoh during the time of Musa (a.s.). After hearing from a fortune teller that he would be overthrown by a man from the Bani Israel, Firawn ordered all the Israelite baby boys to be killed. Musa’s mother heard of this horrendous order, so she put Musa in a basket and let it float down the Nile River. “And We inspired the mother of Musa: ‘Suckle him, but when you fear for him, then cast him into the river and fear not, nor grieve. Verily! We shall bring him back to you and shall make him one of the messengers” (Qur’an 28:7).

    Prophet Musa was safely found downstream by Asiyah who would become a supporter of his prophethood and a believer in the faith he propounded. When Firawn discovered Asiyah’s belief in Allah SWT and Prophet Musa’s message of faith, he grew furious, as he was an idol worshipper and strongly denied the truth about Allah SWT. Asiyah was tortured by Firawn as a result of her faith.

    Abu Uthman an-Nahdi reported that Sulayman said: “Firawn’s wife was tortured in the heat of the sun. When her torturers would take a break and walk away, the angels would shade her with their wings, and she would see her home in Paradise.” We are told in the Qur’an, “And Allah sets forth an example for the believers, the wife of Pharaoh, who prayed, ‘My Lord! Build me a house in paradise near You, deliver me from Pharaoh and his deeds, and save me from the people, the wrongdoers’” (Qur’an 66:11). Despite the severe pain from the torture Asiyah was subjected to, she kept her grasp firmly on the rope of Allah. Her faith was more important than all else. It is said that after making the du’a as presented in the above verse that Allah SWT responded to Asiyah by opening the skies and allowing her to see her home in paradise. Seeing this, Asiyah was joyous. This marked the final moment of Asiyah’s life as a huge boulder was placed on her body, killing her, as ordered by Firawn.

    Asiyah (r) portrays the epitome of standing one’s ground and having an unshakeable faith. She stood up against a corrupt and brutal monarch, her own husband, who attempted to destroy her faith and shatter her soul. When the world challenges who we are and what we believe in, we must unapologetically shine forth in our identity and stay firm in our beliefs.

    From the stories of these four remarkable women come symbols of courage, intelligence, heart, and leadership. We must reflect on these symbols and the virtuous traits they represent and find our own courage, intelligence, heart, and leadership. Then we are properly carrying on the legacy of these four best women of Paradise.

  • Muslim Women’s Day: Gender Equity, Equality, and Roles in Islam

    Muslim Women’s Day: Gender Equity, Equality, and Roles in Islam

    So often, we, the female community, are told that we aren’t capable. And we witness the cultural narration of male superiority that stains people’s minds, still evident in our contemporary world. We experience or witness the cultural gender gap and female oppression in predominantly Muslim countries. I specify “culture,” because culture is where the injustice and oppression against women originates. Culture is what systematically and psychologically warps people’s minds about women. Islam, in contrast, honors women. Islam has established women rights, their dignity, and their worthiness. Any culture which does not implement fully the Islamic dictums and principles with regard to gender will fail to honor women in the way that Allah SWT ordains. We must banish the dark clouds of ignorance and seek to enlighten people about the Islamic view of gender identity, relations, and rights.

    Gender Equality Versus Gender Equity

    Gender equality can be defined as rights, responsibilities, and opportunities being accorded regardless of gender. Equality thus does not take into account the biological and natural tendencies of each gender. Yet, in the Qur’an, Allah SWT affirms the gender differences of the male and the female. The wife of Imran had made du’a to Allah SWT, wanting to dedicate her unborn child (Maryam, the mother of Jesus) to His service. The Qur’an says, “But when she delivered her, she said, ‘My Lord, I have delivered a female.’ And Allah was most knowing of what she delivered, and the male is not like the female…” (3:36). Gender differences are biological, an intrinsic nature. Because of gender differences, Islam aligns more with the views of gender equity than with gender equality. Gender equity means, according to a UNESCO summary review, “fairness of treatment for men and women according to their respective needs. This may include equal treatment or treatment that is different, but which is considered equivalent in terms of rights, benefits, obligations, and opportunities.”

    An example of gender equity is in sports. There are separate leagues in most sports for men and for women. The obvious reason is that males and females have biological differences. Therefore, the separation promotes fairness rather than males and females competing together regardless of natural advantages or disadvantages. Males and females are not the same physically, mentally, or emotionally. With the specific strengths and weaknesses specific to each gender, Allah SWT gave each gender certain responsibilities in accordance with their nature.

    The responsibility that has been firmly directed to men is to support his family financially (Qur’an 4:34). This includes any household costs and any and all costs to support members of the family. Although a woman does not have the responsibility of financial support of the family, she can rightfully earn, spend, and keep her money without interference. The responsibilities of women are to take care of the husband in the home as well as the children if there are any offspring. The high value and level of dignity accorded to the role of the mother is depicted in the Prophet (s) saying, “Paradise lies under the feet of mothers.”

    The roles of men and women are meant to be complementary. This division of labor makes perfect sense and suits the intrinsic natures of the genders. The importance of the woman as the heart of the family rather than as a domestic worker is underscored by the behavior of the Prophet. He used to help his wife Aishah with household chores. When Aishah (r) was asked what the Prophet (s) when he was at home, she said, “He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was the time for prayer, he would go for it.” Men and women are expected to be “allies” to one another (Qur’an 9:71) and in a marriage, their roles are complementary. Both women and men equally have the right to consent to or reject a marriage proposal and each has the right to a divorce. However, men must pay a mahr (dowry) to the woman. If the woman initiates a divorce, she must pay back the mahr to the man.

    Spiritual Equality

    In the Qur’an, Allah SWT says, “And whoever does righteous deeds, whether male or female, while being a believer – those will enter Paradise and will not be wronged, by as much as the speck on a date seed” (4:124). In Islam, there is spiritual equality of the male and the female. The deeds of men and women are justly determined on the same scale. And as Shaykh Yasir Qadri points out, “The potential to enter Jannah is the same regardless of gender.”

    In fact, the Qur’an does not attribute superiority based on biological gender. Allah SWT says in the Qur’an, “Surely the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous among you” (49:13). That applies to all human beings, male and female. The Prophet’s wife, Umm Salama, once asked the Prophet (s) why Allah SWT addressed men in the Qur’an but not women specifically. Allah SWT soon revealed this verse: “Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so – for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward” (Qur’an 33:35).

    Securing Our Space

    The theme for this year’s Muslim Women’s Day is “Securing Our Space.” This is about learning to get out of our comfort zone and advocate for ourselves. Cultures stereotype women in various ways. Some characterize her as a domestic worker, no better than a servant. Some sexualize her and make it like her appearance is the most important thing about her rather than her character or her soul. Some cultures depict women as emotionally unstable. It is up to us to carry ourselves with respectability and embody the character that Islam enjoins upon human beings. We advocate for ourselves by working on ourselves, purifying our hearts, and emulating the Prophet in the way that he lived — with the greatest strength, dignity, and integrity. In this way, we are best capable of speaking up and demanding the full rights accorded to us by Islam.

  • ‘Hijab Is Our Crown, Not a Crime’

    ‘Hijab Is Our Crown, Not a Crime’

    How often does a simple hashtag launch a movement? Sometimes, with the mention of just one article of clothing. In the fall of 2013, the hashtag #IStandForHijab did just that, launched a movement, by asking for solidarity from other women. It invited their participation in donning hijab and experiencing what a hijabi’s day feels like in a society that relishes a woman exposing her beauty to all. World Hijab Day is in its tenth year, celebrated every February 1, since 2013.

    The brainchild of New Yorker Nazma Khan, the original hashtag has expanded into an international event encompassing 67 countries and participation from women with a wide range of religious affiliations or no affiliation at all. It was created to combat Islamophobia, as a direct response to anti-hijab sentiments spawned by 9/11. Khan uses her platform, World Hijab Day (WHD), to convey to non-Muslims what hijab represents to Muslim women and to help diffuse the misconceptions about Islam in general. Each year, social media posts show women wearing hijab in solidarity, from celebrities to politicians and everyone in between. The yearly event has been covered by national and international media including BBC, Huffington Post, The New York Times, Al-Jazeera, and CNN.

    In 2017, WHD was recognized by the state of New York, and the UK recognized the day with an event attended by Prime Minister Theresa May. A 2017 article in The Hollywood Reporter quoted Khan as saying, “In middle school, I was ‘Batman’ or ‘ninja.’ When I entered university after 9/11, I was called Osama bin Laden or terrorist. It was awful. I figured the only way to end discrimination is if we ask our fellow sisters [women] to experience hijab themselves.” According to the same article, New York City mayor, Bill de Blasio, tweeted, “Your hijab is beautiful, and we welcome you just as you are.” A male observer of World Hijab Day stated, “It’s commonly believed that wearing a veil is a form of sexual discrimination. I didn’t find it to be so. To my surprise, the veil was strangely liberating, an unapologetic form of self-expression” (Joe Galvez – Philippines, WHD.com).

    Encouraging Religious Tolerance and Much More

    Since its inception, WHD has morphed into a global phenomenon and today is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization. Their website states that they are, “a global movement to encourage religious tolerance, cultural understanding and international solidarity,” and “campaigning for a world where Muslims can proudly and freely practice their faith,” and, it says, they are “independent of any political ideology or economic interest.” The organization works throughout the year to dispel myths about not only hijab but Islam as well. They issue press releases, host annual events, publish educational blogs and hijab stories, and host hijab challenges and annual events like the 30-Day Ramadan Hijab Challenge.

    Participation on this ten-year anniversary is expected in over 150 countries. This year’s theme is, “Hijab is our crown, not a crime.” The hashtag #DressedNotOppressed directly addresses the core misunderstanding about hijab, and the theme alludes to countries limiting the rights of Muslim women to wear hijab or burqas in public spaces like schools or work. Recently, the highest court of the EU ruled in favor of employers banning “visible symbols of religious or political belief, such as headscarves” but urged member states to “consider the rights and interests of the employee, including by taking into account national legislation on freedom of religion” (Aljazeera, 2021).

    Despite positive strides made by WHD, across the world religious intolerance is on the rise, with attacks against Muslims, men and women, increasingly reported. According to the American Muslim Poll 2020, over 60 percent of Muslims report being discriminated against. Women who wear hijab and men with beards are the faces of Islam and are the ones who bear the brunt of attacks and vitriol. CAIR’s 2020 Annual Report showed that Muslim high school students are often victims of Islamophobia and get bullied or harassed. Girls have had their hijab pulled at or off, and 33 percent of Muslim students felt the need to change themselves to blend in. That might have included altering their names or using a nickname or removing hijab.

    It may take another ten years to normalize hijab in America, but for now, one can simply say the word “hijab” and be perfectly understood. This February 1st, like the nine previous ones, World Hijab Day will shine a positive light on Muslim women in hijab and for that single day, their fellow global citizens will be reminded about choice, and dignity, and that religious tolerance must apply to all.

  • World Hijab Day and the Rights of Women in Islam

    World Hijab Day and the Rights of Women in Islam

    So often, women’s rights in Islam are misconstrued. From the ignorant shouts of “Islam oppresses women!” to the never-ending spiral of questions like, “Are you forced to wear that?” — it has never been easy to be a Muslim girl in America, especially if she wears hijab. Non-Muslims never associate feminism with Islam. However, so much of the Islamic teachings about women focus on securing their social, political, and economic rights. There are many schools of thought in Western feminism; however, at the core of all of them is the quest to secure women’s human and civil rights.

    Feminism, mainly, is not a movement of women wanting to declare their superiority to men or to promote diminishment of men. For a Muslim who advocates for the rights of women, it should not be the intention to see men and women as equal, meaning “the same” in their inherent characteristics and nature. Women have various strengths and weaknesses and so do men. However, that does not mean that either gender is superior or inferior to the other. Allah SWT created men with primary traits that serve their role as maintainer and protector of the family; and He created women with primary traits that serve their role as nurturer and, ideally, progenitor of God-conscious and virtuous children. That in no way precludes a man from being nurturing and compassionate or a woman from being tenacious and strong. In fact, for far too long, women have been labeled as “weak,” “too emotional,” “incapable,” or “too bossy.” The fact that men, in their predisposition, are logic-oriented and woman, in their predisposition, are heart-oriented, creates a perfect balance. And mind and heart are both revered in Islam, and both are absolutely necessary for both genders, for understanding and faith (heart — see, for example, Qur’an 26:87-89, 22:46, 3:8; mind — see, for example, 29:35, 23:80, 8:22).

    During pre-Islamic Arabia, women were given little rights and were often dehumanized. They were accorded scant respect, had little to no legal protections, and often faced oppression. The beginning of the 7th century marked the beginning of Islam and a new outlook on women. One writer, Jim Garrison, in a HUFFPOST opinion piece, noted that with the advent of Islam, “Women in the 7th century Arabia had rights not extended to most women in the West till recent centuries over 1000 years later.”

    Dignity, Worth, and Life Itself

    The brutal practice of female infanticide, also called “gendercide,” was common during the pre-Islamic era. Killing infant girls by burying them alive was a cultural norm. There was a lot of anti-female bias among the people at the time, favoring sons and seeing a female newborn as an economic liability and burden, and socially undesirable, even a disgrace. “When one of them is given the good news of a female child, his face becomes dark, and he is filled with inward grief. He hides himself from the people because of the evil of these tidings. Should he keep it in humiliation or bury it in the dust? Verily, evil is what they decide” (Qur’an 16:58-59).

    While men and women are not the same, they are equal in the sight of God. Allah SWT tell us, “To whoever, male or female, does good deeds and has faith, We shall give a good life and reward them according to the best of their actions” (Qur’an 16:97). And we are advised as to what the only true superiority is: “Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah, is the most righteous of you…” (49:13).

    Marriage

    A woman once came to the Prophet (s) and told him that her father had forced her to marry his nephew. The woman had been given no opportunity to consent or reject this marriage. The Prophet (s) responded to this by annulling the marriage. During the pre-Islamic era, the consent of a woman to a marriage was perceived as irrelevant. The oppressive cultural norm of arranged marriage without the woman’s consent prevailed until the advent of Islam. In Islam, there is a marriage contract which is integral to the legality and sanctity of a marriage. Both the bride and groom must give consent, both verbally and by signing the contract. Islamically, consent is a key requirement for a marriage to take place, and women have the freedom to choose their husbands.

    In addition to the contract, there is also a mandatory dowry (mahr) that the groom gives to the bride. The mahr specifics are included in the marriage contract. The mahr is a certain amount of wealth or property the husband gives to his wife after the nikah marriage). Some examples of mahr are pieces of gold, jewelry, cash, or other gifts, according to the financial capability of the groom. The mahr becomes the bride’s own possessions, for her to save or utilize as she pleases. In the Qur’an, Allah SWT says, “And give the women their dowry graciously. . .” (Quran 4:4).

    In pre-Islamic Arabia, women were often dehumanized and treated as property and accorded little respect by men and, particularly, by husbands. The Qur’an and Prophet Muhammad’s teachings, on the other hand, express the importance of respect and kindness towards wives. Prophet Muhammad (s) said, “The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best behavior, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives.” Unlike the cultural norms and social stigmas at the time, Prophet Muhammad (s) always showed love and respect towards his wives, was affectionate with the children, and helped out with household chores. Although Islam recommends many guidelines to keep a marriage strong and loving, divorce is allowed. Muslim women are given the right to initiate divorce. In that case, however, they are required to return the mahr to the husband unless he allows her to keep it. If a man initiates the divorce, the woman has the right to keep the mahr.

    Inheritance

    The rights of inheritance were revealed in the Qur’an more than 1,400 years ago. Women were also guaranteed the right to own, manage, and dispose of property. Women in the U.S. were given these rights centuries later. According to an article in The Guardian, in 1848 the “Married Woman’s Property Act” is passed in New York. It is later used as a model for other states, all of which pass their own versions by 1900. For the first time, a woman wasn’t automatically liable for her husband’s debts; she could enter contracts on her own; she could collect rents or receive an inheritance in her own right; she could file a lawsuit on her own behalf. She became for economic purposes, an individual, as if she were still single.” According to stepfeed.com, Islam was the first religion to give women inheritance rights.

    Education

    Prophet Muhammad (s) said, “The seeking of knowledge is obligatory for every Muslim.” This advice was directed to both men and women. After Islam spread in Arabia and the Prophet’s message on the importance of seeking knowledge was known, many female scholars rose to prominence in the early years of Islam. In “Al-Muhaddithat: The Women Scholars in Islam” by Mohammad Akram Nadwi, the author writes the following:
    A striking case is that of Amrah bint Abd al-Rahmān, the great tabi’iyyah (Successor), muhaddithah [expert in ahadith] and faqīhah [expert in Islamic law], who intervened in a court case in Madinah to prevent a miscarriage of justice. It is remarkable enough that she knew that the case was in progress and the circumstances of it and what sentence the qādī [judge] had passed but not yet carried out. Many famous men jurists were residents and active in the city; none of them intervened. What is astonishing is that she did intervene, and no one questioned her right to do so. The defendant was a non-Muslim, not known to Amrah except as the defendant in this suit, in which she had no personal, private interest. The qãdi reversed his decision and released the defendant only because he could have no argument against the authority of the hadith she was able to cite. He did not know or remember it, or simply failed to bring it to bear when reaching his judgment. Once he knew the hadith, he did as a Muslim should – he acted upon it.

    There are numerous examples of female Muslim scholars throughout Islamic history who were highly respected and sought after as teachers.

    A Muslim woman, Fatima al-Fihri, founded a mosque in Fes, Morocco in 859 CE. Al-Qarawiyyin, as it was called, served as a place of instruction on religious and spiritual matters and later became a leading educational center. It still operates today and is part of Morocco’s university system. UNESCO calls al-Qarawiyyin the oldest continually operating higher learning institution in the world.

    The first revelation to Muhammad began with “Read…” The Qur’an, in numerous verses, calls for believers, men and women, to think, to reason, to reflect. Many verses tell us to look for lessons in nature, in history, and in the capacities, as well as the limitations, of the human being. Believers are also encouraged to cultivate wisdom and good judgement. All of these injunctions point to the importance of seeking knowledge and education, for both women and men.

    The Wrap

    Islam confers on women a high status and respect and provides for their human and civil rights. Many Muslim-majority countries today still restrict the rights of women. It is, however, up to women to know their rights and never be afraid to speak up when their Islamic rights are diminished.

  • The Burqa Ban: Déjà Vu from the Dark Ages

    The Burqa Ban: Déjà Vu from the Dark Ages

    During the Dark and Medieval Ages of Europe, religious intolerance was encouraged by the Catholic Church as well as the various European kingdoms scattered across the continent. They would often call for “inquisitions,” where Catholic militias and gangs would purge Jews, Muslims, and non-Catholic Christians from their localities. Minorities were either expelled, killed, or forcibly converted to Catholicism. Many were also forced to live in ghettos; in fact, the word “ghetto” originated in Italy to describe a Jewish locality in Venice. Although the inquisitions have long ended in Europe, a new approach for a similar objective — to root out the beliefs, traditions, and/or symbols of the “other” — has been undertaken, and intolerance is now resurfacing.

    Today, several European countries including Austria, Belgium, Denmark, France, the Netherlands, and most recently Switzerland, have imposed complete or partial bans on the Islamic dress for women, namely the hijab, niqab, and burqa. In these states, fines or jail time has been prescribed as punishment for those wearing a burqa or niqab in public and wearing even the hijab at a university or school is enough to warrant removal from the institution. Claiming concern about security, female liberty, and secularism, many European countries have given Muslims, and Muslim women in particular, two practical options: integrate into European society by compromising their faith or practice their faith elsewhere to avoid the punishment. Similar to the Medieval Ages, Europe today refuses to validate and give full rights to “others,” and instead of encouraging the diversity and freedom of expression that secularism champions, it has given Muslims the option to either give up the tenets of their faith or face the consequences — a dangerous déjà vu from the Dark Ages.

    The Claim of Security

    One of the most widespread claims against the burqa or niqab being worn in public is that they are a security concern. In April of 2017, Paul Nuttal, a now-former member of the European Parliament representing the United Kingdom Independence Party, claimed that “if CCTV is to be effective, in an age of heightened terror, you need to see people’s faces.” Mr. Nuttal was a vocal advocate for a ban on burqas and niqabs in the United Kingdom throughout his tenure. However, when asked to provide data as to how effective a burqa ban would be, The Home Office, Scotland Yard, and the National Police Chiefs Council all told Fact Check they were not aware of any statistics showing the proportion of people who cannot be identified on CCTV, or any records of the reasons why. David Videcette, a former officer with Scotland Yard’s Anti-Terrorist Squad, asserted that burqas did not pose a security threat, stating that “CCTV generally often just shows people’s bodily movements and what they did somewhere, as opposed to identifying them facially.” Instead of providing increased security, the burqa bans may be emboldening those who see Muslim women as targets for harassment. The Collective Against Islamophobia in France stated in a 2011 report, the same year that France imposed the burqa ban, that 94 percent of victims of anti-Muslim physical and verbal abuse are women, and over 84 percent of all reported Islamophobic acts are targeted at women. The report also stated that the increasing Islamophobic attacks are often aimed at Muslim women who are singled out because they are wearing a hijab, burqa, or niqab. Interestingly, since the start of the COVID-19 Pandemic, European countries such as France have imposed strict guidelines for the required use of face masks in public and no security concerns were raised by either politicians or the populace.

    The Claim of Female Oppression

    Many European politicians have also claimed that the burqa is a symbol of female oppression imposed by Muslim men. Former French president Nicolas Sarkozy, who is often seen as the pioneer of the “burqa ban” movement, stated in 2009 that the burqa is “a problem of liberty and women’s dignity,” before also stating that the burqa is “not a religious symbol, but a sign of subservience and debasement.” Several European politicians have made similar claims. Ironically, these self-portrayed champions of female liberty refuse to take into account the opinions of those who they claim to be liberating. In all of the “burqa ban” debates in European parliaments, not one burqa- or niqab-wearing Muslim woman was consulted, which makes it difficult to take at face value the seemingly good intentions of these politicians. It has indeed been mostly men creating legislation regarding the manner in which a woman dresses — a major issue that modern feminists should oppose and bring to light. Moreover, the European Court of Human Rights out rightly rejected the argument that a burqa ban was necessary for liberating women, commenting that “A State Party cannot invoke gender equality in order to ban a practice that is defended by women.” The applicant in that particular case asserted that she wore the niqab voluntarily like the vast majority of Muslim women who wear the burqa and niqab did. If European politicians are actually concerned for the rights of Muslim women, perhaps they should consult some of the “victims” before speaking for them.

    The Claim of Secularism

    Perhaps the greatest element of irony in the arguments of those who want to ban the burqa or niqab being worn in public is the claim of defending the values of secularism. European politicians such as Mr. Sarkozy have often stated their intention to “protect secular values” and maintain the separation of church and state when imposing bans on hijabs in schools and universities. However, even a superficial analysis of the tenets of secularism shows that the freedoms of religion and expression are well supported and encouraged in a secular society. In openly secular societies such as the United States, for example, the French burqa ban was strongly condemned. Former spokesperson of the State Department, Philip Crowley, bluntly declared that “We [The United States] do not think that you should legislate what people can wear or not wear associated with their religious beliefs,” before further asserting that “in the United States, we would take a different step to balance security and to respect religious freedom and the symbols that go along with religious freedom.” Furthermore, Article Nine of the European Convention of Human Rights addresses the freedoms of religion and expression, giving the right to practice one’s religion “in public or private, through worship, observance, practice, and teaching.” Amnesty International, in response to a ban on face veils in Belgium, explicitly stated that it “would violate the right to the freedom of expression, and of religion, of women who choose to express their identity or their beliefs in this way.” When Switzerland moved to ban the burqa in March of 2021, Ravina Shamdasani, the United Nation’s Human Rights Office spokeswoman, expressed her dismay at Switzerland “joining the small number of countries where actively discriminating against Muslim women is now sanctioned by law.” She further stated that the move was “deeply regrettable.”

    For years, European politicians have claimed that the burqa ban is in the interest of security, women’s rights, and the values of secularism. However, as a study by Shaira Nanwani of Emory University found, “the burqa ban is disproportionate to both of its stated aims of promoting gender equality and promoting public safety.” Not only does the ban fail in its alleged aims of promoting security and female liberty, it is also clearly not in line with secular values. The upholders of secularism, especially feminists, must now work to save secularism in the cradle which birthed it — Europe. Several European states have sent a strong message to Muslims: give up your religion or face the consequences. This is the same message that Europe sent to Jews, Muslims, and other minorities during the Dark and Medieval Age Inquisitions. Given that none of the stated objectives of the burqa ban have been achieved, it is time to wonder if modern Europe’s motives are the same as they were all those centuries ago.

  • The Lesson Buried in the Sting

    The Lesson Buried in the Sting

    Smiling in pleasant anticipation, I entered the tiny hair salon on the bustling street corner in Fez. The sign above the door proclaimed “For women only” in Arabic and French. What a treat to be able to let my hair down, literally and figuratively, knowing that men wouldn’t enter the shop! Having my hair styled in a proper salon was one of those small but significant luxuries of visiting my husband’s homeland, Morocco.

    As an American Muslim who wears a khimar, I’ve had to find creative ways to get my hair cut in the States. Since almost every mainstream salon here is accessible to males and females, I can’t just walk in, remove my scarf, and relax. When I’m unable to locate or afford a stylist who makes house calls, I tend to go to mainstream establishments and ask if they have a room in the back that offers privacy. Most don’t offer secluded styling areas, but over the years some helpful, bemused staff members have found creative ways to accommodate me. As a result, I’ve had my hair cut in stuffy employee break rooms amongst half-eaten sandwiches and even in janitors’ closets surrounded by mops and brooms!

    But here I was in Morocco where Islamic traditions were understood and honored. This salon’s only customers were women, and the stylists were female too. Sitting in the bright main area in a comfortable chair, I unwrapped my hijab fearlessly and felt a wave of gratitude as my hairdresser said, “Bismillah” before she started snipping. Ahh! I thought, This is how a haircut should be!

    These Were My Sisters in Faith

    While the stylist herself did not wear khimar, and neither did the other women around us, they were my sisters in Islam. They were fascinated by me because I was clearly a foreigner but also a Muslim, so I was both strange and familiar to them. Through my translator (my husband’s sweet cousin who had accompanied me), the staff and customers peppered me with questions: “How long have you been a Muslim?” “What do you think of Morocco?” “Is it hard to wear hijab in the United States?” They nodded towards my teenage daughter, who was with me, and inquired, “She wears hijab, too? Even in America? Willingly?”

    When my stylist had finished cutting, brushing, and blow drying my hair, the onlookers gave their warm approval. She had done an excellent job. I thanked her and began to put my scarf back on.
    “Noooo!” chorused all the women around me, “You’ll mess up your hairdo!”
    “But I’m leaving now,” I explained. “I have to cover it.”
    “Don’t cover it too much, then,” my stylist advised. “Just wrap the scarf loosely so you don’t ruin
    the style.”

    She attempted to arrange it for me, with the result that half of my hair was showing. The women nodded their approval. “Thank you for your hard work,” I replied through my translator, “I really like the hairstyle. But for me, hijab needs to be 100 percent.”I wrapped the scarf snugly and got up to leave. Then one of the women fired a final, lethal shot. I hadn’t seen it coming — not there in Morocco surrounded by my sisters in faith. I guess that’s why it hurt so much.“But you look so much younger and prettier without it!”

    Now, I’m aware that those same words have been said to countless women who cover their hair and bodies for the sake of Allah SWT. I don’t pretend to be the only one who has dealt with this situation. It seems to be a favorite test of the Shaytan, who knows our weaknesses and seeks to exploit them through the poisonous words of people around us. When uttered by non-Muslims, those words are hurtful. But when they are said by our sisters in faith, they sting even more.

    I believe there are some Muslim women who are so self-confident that they don’t need anyone’s validation of their beauty, physical or otherwise. No petty, biting words can pierce their innate sense of worthiness and dignity. Their relationship with Allah SWT is so strong they don’t doubt their inherent value for a second. Sadly, I think those self-confident women are few and far between. Most of us have grown up believing that others’ opinions determine our beauty. Deep down, many of us have bought into the lie that our physical appearance is more important than our inner light.

    Therefore, when someone says we look younger and prettier without hijab, most of us immediately deduce that we look old and ugly with it. High-minded as we try to be, few of us desire to look old and ugly. This fear and insecurity can make us start to question or even resent our modest Islamic attire.
    I might have wallowed in my own feelings of resentment and self-doubt in that moment, but I was more focused on my teenage daughter, who had been listening to the whole conversation. Through the salon mirror, I could see her reflection. She was clearly filled with fury on my behalf. Her face had turned red and she was fighting back angry tears. She, too, had been told by non-Muslim friends that she looked “so much prettier” without her hijab. For a teenager in a non-Muslim environment, in this age of filtered, flawless selfies and the glorification of exhibitionism, the concept of not being pretty enough can be devastating. And here her mother was being told the same thing by adult Muslim women who should know better! No wonder my daughter was upset.

    With Hindsight, Distance, and Perspective

    Instead of coming up with a clever reply to the commenter, I focused my energies on consoling my daughter and getting out of the salon as quickly as possible. As we walked home, I’ll admit I felt deflated. Half an hour before I had been feeling pampered and safe amongst sisters, but I now felt diminished and even foolish, somehow, although I had done nothing wrong. The thrill of a new hairstyle was gone. I found myself wondering exactly how old and unattractive I looked with my hijab and contemplating how much nicer it felt to be praised and showered with compliments. Then I pondered why strangers’ opinions mattered so much to me and whether that made me a weak Muslim. All of this inner turmoil — plus my daughter’s indignation — were caused by people who should have been supporters.

    If I were able to go back in time, now that I have the benefits of hindsight, distance, and perspective, I would have said to the sisters in the salon, “You have chosen not to prioritize hijab, and that is between you and Allah SWT. But what if your offhand words to me, perhaps unintended, preyed on my insecurities so much that I decided to remove hijab permanently? Would you want that on your conscience on Judgement Day? When Allah SWT asks you what you did to help your sisters in faith, will you be able to say you encouraged them to practice their faith courageously and fully? As a convert to Islam, I might be particularly susceptible to the opinions of ‘born Muslims.’ Do you really want to admit to Allah SWT that instead of advising me to strive to please Him, you enticed me to disobey Him? To doubt my worth and question my priorities? To believe that my physical attractiveness was more important than my integrity? Please, sisters, we all need to think before we speak. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Most of the sins of the children of Adam are on their tongues’” (al-Tabarani).

    To myself and my daughter I would say, “Don’t grieve over those hurtful words. Thank Allah for this test because it will only strengthen you. Never, ever prioritize people over your Creator. Never seek their approval more than His. Remember that no matter what you do, many people will not be pleased. Even if you put all of your effort into beautifying yourself with the perfect hair, makeup, physique, and clothing and display all of it to the world, they will still find fault. Some people are insecure, some jealous, some shallow, and some misguided. You are not the problem, and neither is your hijab. If you seek to please Allah SWT you will always win. Do not resent the people who put your faith to the test. Make dua’a for them, identify the lesson buried in the sting, and march forward, away from caring about the approval of others, always with your eyes on the prize: Paradise.”

    Having recounted this story, I would like to add that a number of remarkable Moroccan women were among those who inspired me to become Muslim in the first place. My sister-in-law is an exceptionally bright, capable, and strong mother, wife and professional. When I first met her, she told me with unmistakable passion and sincerity that she loved Islam and loved her hijab and would never give them up, insha’Allah. Her words and conviction impressed me profoundly. My mother-in-law is the most patient, sincere, and gentle person I’ve ever met, masha’Allah. She is a walking example of reliance on Allah SWT and trust in His plan. My husband’s Moroccan family, in general, welcomed me warmly before I became a Muslim, supported and loved me unconditionally, and later celebrated my conversion. I know Allah SWT has seen all of their contributions to my growth and that He SWT will reward them, insha’Allah.

    Words are powerful and we must choose them carefully. We all have the potential to support one another and enjoin each other to good, or to disparage, harm, or even mislead. Let us choose wisely, knowing that one day we will answer for our decisions.

  • Empowering Women – Reinstituting the Divinely Ordained Balance

    Empowering Women – Reinstituting the Divinely Ordained Balance

    Most people dream of a world where everyone is afforded dignity and worth, safety and security, aspiration and opportunity for accomplishment. Smack in the center of this challenge is the relation between those with authority and those who follow and obey that authority. Most human authority, historically, has deemed itself privileged, preferred, and entitled. That has endlessly resulted in harm and denial of rights for countless human beings. Muhammad, peace be upon him, however, delivered to humanity a model of leadership based on serving, of being a servant — first to God and then to other people and the rest of the created world. In this model, there is no basis for an unquestioned supremacy of leaders, be it in business, government, or family.
    If our leaders do not have genuine spirit of service in their hearts, then we end up with corruption and widespread injustices and misery. Umar (RAA) is reported to have said to the people, “I have appointed over you governors and agents, not to beat your bodies or take your monies, but rather to teach you and serve you.” Those who understand the infrastructure of authority and obedience serving a greater good, will teach and serve. Those who imperil their own souls with unbridled ambition, serve themselves and cavalierly turn a blind eye to maltreatment of others and denial of their rights, and even the means of survival beyond subsistence. Those who serve themselves care only about reaching their own greatest potential in the accrual of power, prestige, and wealth, even while denying to others the opportunities to progress and thrive.

    Authority and Obedience are Functional and Contractual

    Leadership in Islam is intended to serve the needs of the people and support the greater good. It also is meant to unlock the greatest potential in all human beings, both of the leader and those who follow that leadership. That only takes place when the leader understands the limits and qualifications placed upon his authority/power and is devoted to the objectives of leadership according to Islamic teachings. With awareness that leadership in Islam ordains that both authority and obedience subscribe to the same system of belief, the same objectives and goals whose primacy is spiritual rather than material, the same adaab, selfsame surrender to the Lord, and to the same criteria of the permissible and the forbidden, much of the danger attached to the wielding of power is dismantled. Common wisdom is that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely, wherein a leader takes on attributes of arrogance and overweening pride as if he were destined to rule over other people. Islam, however, makes it crystal clear that authority and obedience are contractual, an agreement between two or more aiming for a common purpose; the root meaning of “contract,” in English, is “to draw in, to bring together.” This contrasts with the leader having power over and against those within the domain of his authority.

    Yet, the European concept of the divine right of kings which held sway through the middle ages, asserted that the leader is legitimized and given the right to rule according to the direct will of God, without being conditional upon anything else. Islamically, the leader’s authority is conditional upon obedience to Allah SWT and His messenger and obligated to standards of bil ma’ruf —in accordance with shari’ah and all that is good (discussed in more detail below). Leadership in Islam is a trust. The leader has been entrusted to guide and to serve those who follow him. And when a leader breaches that trust, whether by error or malfeasance, he is to be corrected. When Abu Bakr (RAA)was chosen as khalif, he made the following pronouncement to the people: “O people, I am appointed as your ruler. I am not the best among you. If I do good, help me; if I do wrong, straighten me. Truth is honesty and falsehood is treason. The weak among you is strong until I restore his right for him; and the strong among you is weak until I take the other’s rights from him, insha’Allah. Obey me as long as I obey Allah and His messenger. If I disobey them, you don’t owe me any obedience…” This is supported fully by the hadith, “There is no obedience to any created being in disobeying the Creator” (Ahmad).
    Imagine if every husband announced to his wife upon marriage, “O dear wife, I have been appointed by Allah SWT as the ameer of the family. This does not mean that I am better than you. If I do good, help me; if I do wrong, straighten me. Truth is honesty and falsehood is treason. I will restore the rights of any family member who is rendered weak by circumstance; and I will ensure that my position of strength in the family never takes your or the children’s rights away, insha’Allah. Obey me as long as I obey Allah and His messenger. If I disobey them, you don’t owe me any obedience…”
    Illustrating this in a practical way within the family is a story about a couple who went for Islamic counseling because they had differing views about how to discipline their children. The father was very authoritarian, believing that the children were obligated to respect and obey him unconditionally. He was extremely strict and when he perceived any instance of disrespect or noncompliance with the rules he had established for the children, he would lose his temper and grab for anything handy to hit the children with. When the mother would try to intervene and stop him from hitting one of their children, he would scream at her that she had no right to stop him and that her actions were undermining his authority. In a counseling session, the counselor asked the man to describe what his wife said and did when she intervened. The man admitted that she very calmly would put her hand on his shoulder and say something like, “Why don’t we sit down and talk about this situation and see if we can find some solution we can all learn something from.” The counselor asked if she had a disrespectful tone or attitude. The man said that she did not. The counselor also asked if he and his wife had discussed the matter of discipline privately, when the children were not around, in order to come to some agreement. They had spoken about it many times, according to the husband, but had found no common ground.
    The counselor pointed out that the intervening by the man’s wife falls under the category of enjoining the right and forbidding the wrong, as the father was acting out of anger and his harshness would harm the child. His temper also taught the child indirectly that the indulging of impulse and anger is acceptable, rather than teaching the virtues of self-restraint, tolerance, and patience. She also was following the Quranic principle that we should “remind” our believing brothers and sisters about the teachings of Islam, because “reminding benefits believers.” The counselor also pointed out the hadith about helping your brother whether he is the oppressed or the oppressor, and that the way to help the oppressor is to stop his oppression. This was an entirely new way to look at the dynamic and the husband began to gain a broader awareness and deeper understanding of the issue of disciplining the children and of his wife’s efforts to calm the situation down when he got over-reactive.
    In fact, the man whose intention is to please Allah SWT seeks to reach his greatest potential in perfecting character. And this is only achieved if he desires and facilitates his wife and his children reaching their greatest potentials as well. Their strength of character is a great motivator and mirror for him, as his strength of character is for them. And while there is something of hierarchy advocated by Islam for every group — a group traveling or studying together, a communal group such as family or clan, a body politic such as a nation — in that they should select an ameer, there is also a built-in egalitarian check and balance. If the leader does good, the others in the group are to assist and obey; and if he does wrong, they are to do what needs to be done to set things right.

    Those who lead based on an understanding of leadership as some kind of power and privilege over others, unqualified and absolute, are hard put to justify their position when confronted with the exemplary leadership of the Prophet (pbuh) and the companions. There is a story about Umar (RAA) when he was khalif that further illustrates the real-life application of these principles of Islamic leadership. It is both serious and humorous. He was walking through the streets of Madinah one evening, making sure that all was peaceful and secure in the city under his rule. He heard sounds of some sort of depravity coming from a house. He became incensed and knocked on the door. No one answered, so he climbed upon on the wall of the courtyard and yelled down to the man in the inner courtyard, “Why are you breaking the law and allowing such behavior in your house?” The man replied, “No man has the right to speak to another in that manner. Maybe I have committed a wrong, but think how many wrongs you have committed — spying, despite Allah’s command, ‘you shall not spy’; breaking and entering by climbing over the courtyard wall despite the command of Allah to ‘enter a house by the door’; entering without the owner’s permission in defiance of Allah’s command to ‘enter no house without the owner’s permission’; and omitting the salaam, though Allah has commanded ‘enter no house without indicating that you are a friend and greeting with peace those within.’” Umar (RAA) withdrew in remorse saying, “I forgive you your wrong.” The man responded, “That is your fifth wrong; how can you say that you forgive what Allah has condemned as a wrong?”

    Authority is Qualified by Bil Ma’ruf

    The reason that authority is given the fullest respect and is owed obedience in Islam is because it commits itself to upholding the law first and foremost as applied to itself and is willing to be corrected if it errs. Umar said, “May Allah bless the one who brings me my shortcomings as a gift.” The bottom line is that obeying those in authority is provisional on their adhering to the commandments of Allah SWT and the sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh), including speaking and acting according to bil ma’ruf. A verse in the Quran relates the incident of a group of women who came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, to pledge their loyalty to him. They were asked to obey the Prophet (pbuh) as long as what he commanded was bil ma’ruf: “O Prophet! When believing women come to you to take the oath of fealty to you, that they will not associate in worship any other thing whatever with Allah, that they will not steal, that they will not commit adultery, that they will not kill their children, that they will not utter slander, intentionally forging falsehood, and that they will not disobey you in any matter which is bil ma’ruf, then do receive their fealty, and pray to Allah for their forgiveness; for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful” (Quran, 60:12).

    In the phrase “enjoin the right and forbid the wrong,” the word translated as “right” is ma’ruf. This Arabic word is very comprehensive. As already mentioned, ma’ruf is that which is in accordance with sharia and all that is good. That includes justice, fairness, respect, equity, caring, compassion, considerateness, kind regard, and what is Islamically customary. Now we know that the Prophet would never command that which was not bil ma’ruf. Yet Allah SWT qualifies obedience to the Prophet with this condition. Therefore, we can understand that obedience to any human being is contractual and functional, conditional on their leadership and command conforming to bil ma’ruf. Demonstrating disrespect or unfairness, or lack of compassion, considerateness, or kindness would be a betrayal of the condition of bil ma’ruf. Addressing husbands, the Quran says, “…Live with them on a footing of bil-mar’uf” (Quran, 4:19).

    Some men, as husbands, stray outside the bounds of bil-mar’uf and use their authority as head of the family to coerce or subjugate. The Prophet (pbuh), in Imam Anasaa’e and Al-Mustadrak of Imam Al-Haqim, is reported to have said, “I emphatically warn about [transgressing against] the rights of two groups that appear to be weak – orphans and women.” Insight as to why this warning is necessary is found in the Arabic language. The word “kabeer” in Arabic means big and the “big guy” in the house in comparison to the wife and children is the husband and father. The root of “kabeer” is “kibr” which means arrogance; and a derivative of the root is “kabt,” which means suppression. So, men are warned — and take note of the words of the Prophet: “I emphatically warn” — not to transgress against women.

    Reinstituting the Divinely Ordained Balance

    Some might think that discussion of this sort leads to a disempowering of men by a commensurate empowering of women. And they worry that empowering women might lead to female arrogance or rebellion or neglect of the primary duty of women to bear and raise children who enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, children who place their most precious values in the domain of the spiritual rather than the material, who establish prayer, who are sincere lovers of truth and persevere against all odds to worship Allah SWT and to make peace in the world. Muslim women know this is their primary responsibility — raising this caliber of children.

    And some caution that a social and political space that is inclusive of women will lead to fitna and, again, to dereliction of childbearing and childrearing. With regard to fitna, we only need to look at Islamic history in Makkah and Madinah to see the full involvement of women and the positive contribution they made to the early success of the Islamic mission. It is a fact that women today, with all the conveniences of the modern world, are able to raise children and also pursue education, career, or voluntary service, if they are so inclined. Those who argue that other activities impinge upon household endeavors need to consider that children grow up and a woman (the mother) has then another ten or twenty or thirty years to engage in productive activities beyond childrearing, utilize her gifts and develop her skills, and to contribute to the welfare of society. Furthermore, studies also show that a full ten percent of couples are unable to conceive. The population of the world today is almost 8 billion. Approximately half are women. Of those 4 billion women, 10 percent will be in marriages that are childless. That is 400 million women. That is a lot of human energy, talent, resource, and potential for contribution to the good of humanity.
    To ensure that the leadership of the man within the family or society stays within divinely ordained bounds does not impinge on the honor, dignity, and empowerment of men. And neither does the empowerment of women impinge on men. It also does not impinge on the honor of men to note that women by nature are the ones predisposed to cooperation, submission, inclination to peaceful relations rather than confrontation and/or conflict, to be cautious about asserting themselves beyond established boundaries. The predisposition of men, given the biological prompting of testosterone, are more inclined to competition, desire for dominance, willingness to engage in physical confrontation, willing to push boundaries and claim new territories. This, of course, is part of the divine design, ensuring that these predominantly male traits will serve humanity’s will to survive, build, invent, progress, and thrive.
    But does not the standing up for justice and enjoining the right and forbidding the wrong require both male and female dispositions— both male courage and assertiveness and female compassion and devotion to human well-being? Does not the progress and prosperity of human society require empowerment of both men and women? Can children be raised to be strong in character if their first teachers and most influential mentors are debilitated female individuals? Studies show that one’s personality and basic attributes are already formed by age three to five. Empowered women raise empowered children.
    We can find ample indications of honoring and worthiness of the female gender in the divine scheme of things. The emotional predisposition of women has within its scope female intuition, compassion, and the general inclination to nurture. These attributes should be seen as noble and esteemed. But the emotional predisposition of women has often been presented as a liability, described in terms of instability, incapacity, hysteria — generally, inferiority. It is true that the intellect has been raised high in honor by the teachings of Islam. And the logical predisposition of men as a gender has been rendered by scholars and writers as noble and esteemed. Yet, according to the Prophet (pbuh), the highest level of the intellect, after eman, is to be of service to the creation. To which gender does serving others come more naturally? It is within the scope of the female inclination to nurture and to feel compassion toward others. The highest level of the intellect after eman, according to the Prophet, is not rationalism, logic, or deductive reasoning. It is the serving of others. And that is predispositionally a female trait.
    Another example is the way the companions of the prophet understood the purpose of acquiring knowledge – that the primary purpose was to become more caring, and merciful toward others. So, the intellect, and its capacity and propensity to acquire knowledge, traditionally seen as a male domain, have ends and objectives which are more distinctly feminine and emotionally based (i.e., serving others, caring, and being merciful). Further, the Prophet said, “Knowledge is a tool to facilitate obedience. Look to whose authority you take it [knowledge]” (Muslim). Obedience to Allah SWT is a fundamentally noble action. Obedience is conjoined to the ultimate challenge of surrendering wholly to Allah SWT. Here again, obedience and surrender are integral to the natural disposition of women, more-so than to the disposition of man. Obedience and surrender are acquired by man through knowledge of deen, refinement of the character, and training.
    The best example, however, that points to the honor that Allah SWT has bestowed on women as a gender has to do with mercy. We know that the foremost attribute of Allah SWT is rahmah. He is the Benevolent, The Merciful. And we know from hadith Qudsi that His mercy prevails over His wrath. Which gender, by nature, is the more merciful, compassionate one?

    The Most Elegant and Stable Balance

    The only intention in making these points is to underscore that Allah SWT has honored women just as He has honored men. Imagine if after citing these indications of female honor and dignity we then went further and declared that women are superior to men. We would have tipped the scale and instituted imbalance, with an egotistic desire pushing heavily on one side of the scale. But the most elegant and stable balance has been divinely ordained and must be observed, for it is God Who “understands the finest mysteries and is well-acquainted [with them] (Quran, 33:34). The beautiful balance has two necessary supports, the two integral parts of a complementary pair. The Prophet (pbuh) said, “Women are the sisters of men” (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Al-Tirmidhi, and others). And together, they struggle to establish justice: “The believers, men and women, are awliy [helpers, supporters, friends, protectors] of one another. They enjoin what the right and forbid the wrong; they establish the prayer and give in charity; and they obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His mercy, for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise” (Quran, 9:71).
    And He (SWT) makes it clear that men and women, together, can serve the greater good and become worthy of His forgiveness and enduring reward:
    “Indeed, the submitting men and the submitting women, the believing men and the believing women, the obedient men and the obedient women, the truthful men and the truthful women, the steadfast men and the steadfast women, the reverent men and the reverent women, the charitable men and the charitable women, the fasting men and the fasting women, the chaste men and the chaste women, and for men and women who engage much in God’s praise — God has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward” (Qur’an 33:35).