بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

LIVE news updates
Aug 26 The Gaza Memorial We Owe Our Children Jun 24 Transforming Your Reality Jun 17 A History of Muslim Americans’ Political Engagement Jun 17 My Brother is Gay: Navigating the Intersection of Religion and Family An interview with Imam Wesley Lebron Jun 10 Islam and the Romans: Early Muslim-Byzantine Interaction May 20 Reclaiming the Sunnah of Adoption and Foster Care: An Interview with Basmah Salam Apr 29 National Poetry Month: An Ode to Faith, Visibility, and the Conversations We Don’t Forget Apr 15 Beyond Ramadan: Taking Its Lessons Farther 

Author: Nailah Dean

  • An Escalating Housing Crisis

    An Escalating Housing Crisis

    In late 2019, I landed a new job in San Francisco. An East Coast native with a sprinkling of Texas living, I finally moved to a state with perfect weather. I was especially excited to enter the (in)famous tech bubble created by Silicon Valley startups. After just a week of intense apartment hunting, I found the perfect rent-controlled studio located in the Tender Nob— the nickname given to the neighborhood that sits between the pristine streets of Nob Hill and the troubling alleyways of the Tenderloin. I remember the day I signed my lease, the building manager, a Michiganer who had made SF his home in the 80s, laid out all the dos and don’ts of living in the building. He took particular care to show me how to unlock the heavy, iron gate that led to the front door and warned me to always double-check that it was locked so the “zombies” didn’t get in. It took me a few seconds to figure out that the “zombies” were those individuals without a home, and who publicly used drugs on the streets of the Tender Nob.

    That conversation was the first of many that taught me that the people of San Francisco had reached a certain hard-nosed attitude toward the homeless crisis. Though the Tenderloin sits within walking distance to some of the most expensive high rises and luxury stores in the city, it represents the crux of the housing emergency that began before covid. Walking the fifteen minutes from one of three mosques in San Francisco proper to my apartment, I would see tents and portable kitchen stovetops set in between small groups of men and women passing around needles or blunts. It became absurdly normal to see the occasional body passed out on the sidewalk. Sometimes they would be in a deep sleep, and other times they would be on the verge of overdosing. It was mostly impossible to tell which state they were in — and then the horrible feeling of “should I be calling 911?”

    The Homelessness Crisis Worsened

    These were my experiences before the pandemic. It seems impossible to imagine that the situation became even worse, but it did. The increase in criminal activity, drug use, and health/sanitary violations rose to such a level that San Francisco’s mayor, London Breed, declared a state of emergency in the Tenderloin on December 17, 2021. In a press conference in front of city hall, she said, “When we look at the conditions on our streets it is really unfortunate, it is sad, it’s heartbreaking…We have to move quickly. Too many people are dying in this city. Too many people are sprawled out all over our streets. And now we have a plan to address it.”

    She proposed a multi-step plan that aimed to target crime and public drug use to improve the neighborhood as a whole. The initiative is similar to the city’s COVID-19 Declaration of Emergency which allowed the city to respond to health and safety concerns on the streets quickly without bureaucratic barriers. The most controversial part of the plan was to increase the police presence in the area. I specifically remember walking past the police station in the middle of the Tenderloin and not being able to comprehend how just a block away needles were being passed around. The increased police presence contravened the city’s fight to decrease police funding after George Floyd’s death.

    While the Mayor tries to correct the obvious concerns that have arisen in the Tenderloin, the housing crisis in other parts of the state continues to worsen. In September of 2020, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced the issuance of an order to temporarily halt residential evictions to help prevent the further spread of COVID-19. The CDC’s eviction moratorium became a saving grace for so many across the country who were impacted by the pandemic. Many Americans had lost their jobs or worked reduced hours due to caring for sick relatives. Tenants needed time to get their finances in order. The CDC moratorium also spurred individual states to create their own temporary laws to help tenants.

    Additional Laws Passed to Protect Tenants

    In California, Governor Newsom enacted AB 3088, which did the same thing as the CDC order, protecting tenants from eviction for non-payment of rent if they could attest to being impacted by the pandemic. I am very familiar with that law, because just a few months after its passage, I transitioned from working as an immigration lawyer to a housing lawyer for a nonprofit. I took on the job of managing their outreach efforts and defending tenants at risk for eviction in housing court. No longer was I just a bystander watching the crisis from afar, I was in the trenches trying to teach people how to preserve their housing as the moratorium laws for California were extended again and again.

    The California legislature successfully extended AB 3088 twice more, until it finally expired on September 30, 2021. At that point, landlords began to slowly come out of the woodwork and file Unlawful Detainer actions (the legal term for the eviction) in housing court. The only saving grace for financially strapped tenants was to file applications for rental assistance through the state (vis-a-vis the county). If the tenant was brought to court for nonpayment of rent, they could have the case set aside while the rental assistance program was processing the application.

    The Coronavirus Aid, Relief, and Economic Security (CARES) Act which was signed into law on March 27, 2020, funded the Emergency Rental Assistance Programs (ERAP) throughout the country to help tenants facing eviction. Though the programs were well-endowed with millions of dollars, poor planning by government bureaucrats led to a very slow distribution of the funds to individuals in need. The application process required communication with the often-frazzled landlords and multiple fraud checks, leading to a serious backlog in applications. Now in 2022, many ERAP programs are still trying to play catch up, and have halted new applications, or they have run out of money. Worst of all, the last bill that extended AB 3088 (AB 832), which paused evictions while rental assistance applications were pending, expires in April. Housing attorneys in California fear that the wave of evictions, imminent during 2020 but halted due to the moratorium, is coming.

    At both the federal and state levels, there is no discussion about this impending disaster. Yet, shelter and safety are foundational needs. First, of course, is a roof over one’s head. But human beings should also not be subject to unsafe conditions such as mold, inadequate heat in winter, or rat infestation. Partnership of Strong Communities looks at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and notes that housing security, stability, and safety are foundational to the most basic well-being.

    Ubaydullah ibn Mihsan reported, “The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Whoever among you wakes up physically safe and secure about what he owns, healthy in his body, and he has his food for the day, it is as if he were given the entire world’” (Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2346). To figuratively be “given the entire world” is a lot to be grateful for. So, as believers, it is not enough that we personally have our basic needs met. We must recognize this impending housing crisis and think about creative ways to prevent and resolve it. And we must utilize whatever resources we have — time, energy, money, advocacy — to address the needs of those who are homeless.

  • The Stigma of Divorce

    The Stigma of Divorce

    Searching for love and marriage as a practicing Muslim woman in America is no easy task. Not only must women figure out where and how to find practicing Muslim men, but they must fit the unrealistic expectations of what some men (or their mothers) want. As a writer who focuses on learning about the experiences of the single Muslim woman seeking love and marriage, I’ve encountered one type of woman who has arguably the most painful experience: the divorcee.

    The Shame

    Although I’ve never been divorced myself, I do have a tiny taste of the effects of divorce in the Muslim community. I was thirteen years old when my parents got divorced. Not only was I burdened with the task of navigating the grief that comes with living in a split household, but I also encountered feelings of shame within the Muslim circles we frequented. I remember a few Sunday school peers telling me that my parents did something haram. The anxiety they caused me led me to beg God for my parents’ forgiveness, hoping that my increased prayers would somehow absolve our family of sin.

    Unfortunately, the adults I encountered didn’t do much to alleviate my fears. In my conversations with the adults about school or about the youth program my dad conducted, my parents’ divorce was always the elephant in the room—known, but never fully acknowledged. As a teenager in Dallas where I spent my formative years, I came to understand, based on a hadith, that marriage is half of a Muslim’s deen. But I also came to the belief that divorce was an unspoken evil. As I got older, however, I learned that divorce, while discouraged and considered as a last resort, is permitted when marriages do not go according to plan and can no longer be fixed. Somehow though, even now, sixteen years later, divorce is perceived by Muslims in the U.S. as taboo, and the women that survive divorce and seek a new relationship are viewed as “dirty.”

    A Cry for Help

    Last month a woman messaged me on Instagram after having read an article I wrote about women over 25 years old having a harder time getting married. She is 36 years old, originally from Pakistan, but had spent her formative years in the U.S. She had been previously married for seven years and was now divorced for two years. In the last year, she worked her way through the usual pitfalls and indignities experienced by many Muslim women when using matrimonial apps, searching for a second chance at love and marriage, only to find scorn and rejection.

    The men she met were always hyper-focused on the fact that she was “old” and no longer a virgin. Even though she lost her virginity lawfully, within marriage, the men always alluded to the fact that she was no longer “untouched,” and therefore less desirable. If the man was younger than her (in his twenties), he would speak to her in a sexual manner, insinuating that she should be more willing to transgress bounds because she was no longer a chaste woman. As for the older men, they took note of her age and made snide remarks about her decreasing fertility.

    This was not the first time I’ve heard this story. Divorced women from different parts of the country have told me of the difficulties they face meeting prospective husbands. Women who have been married for even a short period of time are penalized. I’ve even heard stories about divorced men with children turning down divorced women. But why? The reasoning given usually has to do with age (they want more children) and virginity. Sometimes these men preface conversations with divorced women by saying, “I will only consider you as a second wife.”

    What’s arguably worse is the treatment the women receive from other women. Because of the cultural baggage that is associated with divorce, sometimes community members and other married women cut off ties with divorcees. That might have to do with some fear that their own husbands will consider taking the new divorcee as a second wife. Or it might just have to deal with people not wanting to be involved in another person’s “messy divorce.”

    Islamic Perspective on Divorce

    There is a well-known hadith on divorce. Abdullah ibn Umar reported that Prophet Muhammad (s) said, “The most detestable of lawful things to Allah is divorce.” In a recent khutbah by Shaykh Yasir Qadi (https://youtu.be/VPyW3PFke-Q), he says divorce is generally understood to be makruh (disliked). So, although divorce is permissible, Muslims are taught to take all necessary precautions to prevent it and to utilize whatever resources are available for reconciliation before divorce is sought.

    Towards the end of the khutbah, Shaykh Yasir is very clear in reminding his congregants that the stigma associated with divorcees—especially by men toward divorced women—is completely due to culture, and not a teaching of Islam. There are several examples of Islamic tradition that show us that Allah and the Prophet (s) never intended for the ummah to think or act with any discrimination toward divorcees.

    The seerah contains stories of people who sought divorce and sought the guidance/approval of the Prophet (s). The wife of Thabit bin Qais came to the Prophet (s) and said, “O Allah’s Messenger (s), I do not blame Thabit for defects in his character or his religion, but I, being a Muslim, dislike to behave in un-Islamic manner.” On that Allah’s Messenger (s) said, “Will you give back the garden which your husband has given you [as a dowry gift]?” She said, “Yes.” Then the Prophet (s) said to Thabit, “O Thabit! Accept your garden and divorce her once” (Bukhari).

    Respecting Older, Divorced, or Widowed Women

    For evidence of the proper way to view older, divorced, or widowed women — with respect — we need not look any further than the marriage of the Prophet (s) to his beloved first wife, Khadijah bint Khuwaylid. Khadijah was married twice, and widowed twice, before she married the Prophet. During a time when the trend was to have multiple wives, the Prophet (s) chose to remain married only to Khadijah until her death. His love for her is well known, as is his loyalty and respect for her. Aisha narrated that the Prophet said, “She [Khadijah] believed in me when no one else did, she embraced Islam when people disbelieved me; and she helped and comforted me when there was no one to lend me a helping hand.” Ibn Abbas reported that the Messenger of Allah (s) said, “The best of women among the people of Paradise are Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, Fatimah bint Muhammad, Maryam bint ‘Imran, and ‘Asiyah bint Muzahim, the wife of Pharaoh.”

    Thus, it is important to recount that one of the most beloved women in Islamic history was not a virgin when she married the Prophet (s); she was 40 years old when she proposed to the Prophet (s) who was only 25 years of age; and she already had children from her previous marriages.

    Shaykh Yasir ends his khutbah on an uplifting note. He reminds us about the verse in Surah At-Talaq (the chapter titled “The Divorce”), sandwiched in between instructions on how to execute a divorce: “…And whoever puts his trust in Allah, then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed, Allah has already set for everything a measure” (Qur’an 65:3). Shaykh Yasir said it is no accident that this verse appears in the discussion about divorce. He said Allah wants divorcees to feel comforted, that they should not give up hope. The end of a marriage doesn’t signify the end of one’s life, or their well-being, or potential for happiness. If one puts their tawakul (trust) in Allah, He will provide for that person, whether that provision comes in the form of a new marriage or in a new life’s purpose. There is a way out of the sadness that comes from that door closing. Another one will surely open.

    Moving Past the Stigma

    A woman’s value as a prospective wife has historically been tied to her virginity. Islam does teach both men and women to guard their chastity for the purposes of marriage. But just like a man, a woman is worthy of being a marriage partner after being divorced or widowed. In the sight of God, a woman’s worth is no less due to divorce. Muslims know that the highest value of a person is their righteousness. And the Prophet (s) said, “A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, or her religion. Choose the pious one…” (Bukhari and Muslim).

    It’s important that we continue to discuss and destroy the stigma of divorce because it harms divorcees, it harms the children of divorced parents, and it harms the community by impairing solidarity and compassion. Those who really need to get out of a marriage find it hard to do so due to the negative perceptions of divorce, and so some women are choosing to stay in abusive relationships. I have encountered too many stories of women who have lingered too long in very unhealthy, dysfunctional, and harmful relationships because they were too scared to deal with the stigma of divorce. The fear of losing one’s social circle and not being able to get married again, especially if one wants or already has children, make women more hesitant to get out of a toxic marriage.

    Divorce can feel like one is losing everything. A divorced woman, however, can put her trust in Allah SWT, feel gratitude for another chance at happiness, and forge ahead to make a life that is meaningful and with purpose, whether remarried or not. Divorce does not — must not — diminish in the eyes of other Muslims a man’s or a woman’s integrity or honor as a human being. If we really want to practice and abide by the teachings of our deen, we will use our voices to change perceptions and uplift the status of divorced women.

  • The Power of Love for the Sake of Allah SWT

    The Power of Love for the Sake of Allah SWT

    Jane Austen, the 18th century English novelist, the literary queen of love and marriage, once wrote, “Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.” Most of her books are centered on the idea that friendships help young women go through the ups and downs of courtship, and all the books feature strong female friendships. Pairs like Elizabeth Bennet and Charlotte Collins show us that friends remain crucial to our well-being no matter what our relationship status may be. In reflecting on my own journey to find love and marriage, I’ve come to realize how significant a role my friends play in my life.

    While I enjoy reading about the dynamics of 18th century friendships in the Austen novels, the lessons learned pale in comparison to the teachings of friendship seen in the Islamic tradition. So, it led me to ponder in what ways Muslims have been taught the value of friendship.

    Prophet Muhammad’s Friendship with Abu Bakr

    Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (s) serves as the ultimate exemplar of what it means to be a good friend, and how we can cultivate relationships in pursuit of Allah’s love. The Prophet’s most notable friendship was with Abu Bakr, also known as as-siddeeq (the truthful). Abu Bakr was one of the first in the Prophet’s circle of family and friends to become Muslim. He remained by the Prophet’s side, helping to spread Islam and defending the Prophet through the most painful days of persecution.

    In describing his love for Abu Bakr, the Prophet (s) said, “If I had taken anyone as my khaleel [closest friend], I would have taken Abu Bakr, but he is my brother and companion” (Bukhari and Muslim). Scholars say that by using the word “khaleel,” the Prophet was expressing how deeply he cared for his brother in Islam, and if his love of Allah SWT wasn’t already the biggest occupant in his heart, he would have named Abu Bakr as the human that filled that space, as someone he valued most in dunya.

    On both sides of my family, relatives are of another faith, or no faith at all, therefore leaving me to search for more God-centered relationships in my community. In having found those souls who help me keep the remembrance of Allah foremost in my mind and heart, I have realized that the right type of friendship can fill voids and fulfill us in the most profound ways.

    Good Companionship Preserves and Increases Faith

    The Prophet (s) was reportedly asked, “Which of our companions are best?” He replied, “One whose appearance reminds you of God, and whose speech increases you in knowledge, and whose actions remind you of the hereafter” (Al-Muhasibi). The men and women that surrounded the Prophet (s) were some of the best exemplars of what it means to be a good Muslim, those who fulfill the role of best companions as described by the Prophet. After individuals like Abu Bakr entered the fold of Islam, they became examples of those who cultivate good character, those who are fair in their business dealings, gentle in their manner of speech, and whose every word and action was striving to please Allah SWT. These companions were noble, not by way of their lineage, but in the way they worshipped Allah, lived their daily lives, and interacted with others.

    We are the taught names and stories of the companions like Umar ibn Al-Khattab, Uthman ibn Affan, Ali ibn Abi Talib, and Sa’id ibn Zayd. They were not spontaneously perfect, they practiced Islam, they always were looking to reform themselves and increase their faith and good character. We learn about the times when the Prophet (s) had to correct this or that companion for their anger or their jealously, or some transgression. But this alerts us to the fact that each of us is a “work in progress,” that we can always better ourselves. The stories of the companions show us about our capacity to improve but also about the exemplary ability to uplift and care for one another. For what is the point of aiming for excellence if we do not extend it to uplift and care of others?

    Loving Others for the Sake of Allah SWT

    Reflecting on some of my closest friendships, I see qualities of a relationship that exemplifies loving each other for the sake of Allah. During financial difficulties or emotional hailstorms, my close friends have served as answers to my duas. Their kindness and generosity are a testament to the mercy that Allah extends to us when He puts certain people in our lives. During times of ease or difficulty, we fulfill our obligations to each other as fellow Muslims and Muslimahs, and simply as good humans.

    And we should never forget to let the people we love for the sake of Allah SWT know that we love them. We find in a narration that a man was with the Prophet (s) when another man passed by and the former said, “O Messenger of Allah, I love this man.” The Messenger of Allah asked, “Have you informed him?” He said, “No.” The Messenger of Allah then said, “Tell him [that you love him].” So, he went up to the man and said to him, “I love you for the sake of Allah,” and the other replied, “May Allah, for whose sake you love me, love you” (Abu Dawud).

    In fact, when we love another person for the sake of Allah, we earn Allah’s love. The Prophet (s) has told us, “A man set out to visit a brother [in faith] in another town and Allah sent an angel [to meet him] on his way. When the man met the angel, the latter asked him, ‘Where do you intend to go?’ He said, ‘I intend to visit my brother in this town.’ The angel said, ‘Have you done any favor for him?’ He said, ‘No, I have no desire except to visit him because I love him for the sake of Allah, the Exalted, and Glorious.’ Thereupon the angel said, ‘I am a messenger to you from Allah: that Allah loves you as you love him [your brother in faith]’” (Muslim).

    Not only do we receive the blessing of Allah’s love when we love others for His sake, we also are rewarded with the best protection and refuge on the day that matter’s most. The Prophet (s) said, “On the Day of Resurrection, Allah, the Exalted, will say, ‘Where are those who have mutual love for the sake of My Glory? Today I shall shelter them in My shade when there will be no shade except Mine’” (Muslim).

    The bonds of friendship are gifts. Caring and uplifting are gifts of the heart and soul. These, when rooted down, deep, into the rich, fertile ground of faith, are expressions of the love of Allah SWT, loving for the sake of Him. Here, there is true power.

  • Protecting Your Loved Ones: A Legal and Religious Perspective on Wills

    Protecting Your Loved Ones: A Legal and Religious Perspective on Wills

    In ordinary times, conversations about death are more or less rare. Most people prefer to avoid such thoughts, relegating the idea of the afterlife to the foggy, distant future. Others hesitate to engage in the topic for fear they will come across as negative or morbid. Yet, in the wake of a global pandemic, thoughts about the afterlife, what happens when we die, have become everyday dinner conversation.

    As Muslims, we are taught to routinely contemplate death by doing things like visiting graveyards, reading Qur’an verses about accountability at death, living our lives in ways that can earn us a place in paradise, while avoiding paths that could lead us to hell. Islam also encourages us to take practical steps in preparation of death. Ibn Umar (r) reported that Prophet Muhammad (s) said, “It is the duty of a Muslim who has something which is to be given as a bequest, not to have it for two nights without having his will written down regarding it” (Bukhari). While this hadith is clear in stating Islam’s stance on preparing a will, many American Muslims go most of their lives without one. Why? Because the preparation of a will or estate plan (the plan that dictates how and to whom belongings/property is distributed at death) can be complicated. In conceiving an estate plan, Muslims in the U.S. are pulled between two authorities—Islamic law (shariah) and state law.

    There are two main surahs that discuss inheritance: Surah Nisa’a and Surah Mai’dah. The inheritance verses in these surahs dictate how much of a decedent’s estate goes to the spouse and how much to the children, what’s allocated to the female children and to the male children, and what passes to the other relatives. Many Muslims assume that when they die, their family members will be able to distribute their assets according to the Qur’anic verses on inheritance. While this can easily be done if the decedent’s belongings are limited to small possessions (e.g., household goods or keepsakes), for estates comprised of real estate or whose total value is over a certain threshold, the distribution of assets must be done via a legal instrument that complies with state law. When there is no estate plan in place, state law may conflict with the decedent’s intended distribution under Shariah law. Laws governing intestacy, laws which govern how property is distributed after someone dies, varies from state to state.

    For example, in California, you must have a properly executed will (a document signed by the testator, or the person making the document, and two witnesses) in order for real property (real estate or land) to be distributed. Failure to have a legal document that passes the muster of California law, means the decedent’s property must go through probate proceedings. What exactly is probate? Probate is a legal proceeding created to finalize and execute the financial affairs of the deceased. If a person dies intestate (without a will), a probate court judge is responsible for ensuring that their property is distributed through the state’s intestacy laws. Speaking in very broad terms, under California law, real property is divided first among the spouse and children, and if there is no living spouse or children, then the estate will pass to other relatives like parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. As you may have guessed, state law generally conflicts with Islamic law when it comes to the percentage of the estate each heir is given.

    Creating a Shariah-compliant Will or Estate Plan

    So, what are American Muslims supposed to do to ensure preservation of their faith while complying with U.S. law? Simple answer: create a Shariah-compliant will or estate plan. There are attorneys (both Muslim and non-Muslim) who specialize in the area of Shariah-compliant estate plans. These attorneys can help you determine how you should allocate your property based on both Islamic law and state law. They will take the time to understand your primary goals, what type of property you have, and who are all the eligible parties that could inherit. Based on your needs, they may suggest that you create a trust (a fiduciary arrangement that allows a third party, or trustee, to hold assets on behalf of a beneficiary or beneficiaries), or a will (legal document used to transfer property). If you already know that your needs would be satisfied with creation of a will, you might consider using a popular website called mywassiyah.com. It is a great online tool that allows you to enter all your information, akin to H&R Block or TurboTax, and it then devises a will pursuant to Islamic guidelines and state law depending on which state you reside in.

    Planning for the end of your life may also include advance health care directives (i.e., preferences on medical treatment and life support systems), decisions about power of attorney (allows you to give legal authority to another person to sign documents and handle other important matters on your behalf), or nomination of guardians for your children. Taking time to consider what happens legally when we die is part of the Muslim’s focus on preparing for death and the afterlife. In discussing these options now, strategizing with your family and legal professionals, you are putting yourself and your loved ones in the best position possible in the event of your death.

    Disclaimer: Every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of this article at the time it was written. It is not intended to provide legal advice or suggest a guaranteed outcome as individual situations will differ.

  • Soulmates: Do They Exist in Islam?

    Soulmates: Do They Exist in Islam?

    If you have ever been invited to a walima, a Muslim wedding, you probably received a fancy invitation with this popular ayah inscribed beautifully across the front: “And We created you in pairs”(Quran 78:8). Although this verse is synonymous with Muslim marriage, the first time I ever really contemplated its beauty was after I binge-read the Twilight series. Yes, I admit (with much embarrassment) that I latched onto this magnificent verse after reading an over-hyped vampire teenage love story. At that age, my idea of true love, found in pursuit of marriage, was derived from bits and pieces of plot lines found in Hollywood television and fairytale books. I was captivated by visions of an all-consuming, knee-buckling sort of love. I dreamed about the day when I would find my other half, which I often referred to as my soulmate.

    On my journey to meeting and marrying a good Muslim man, I remained tethered to the ethereal concept of a soulmate. I believed the Divine created someone specifically for me. And so, I thought he would come into my life soon after I made my intention for marriage. I also assumed that when I met him, I would automatically know that he was the one because my soul would recognize its mate. Yet, after years of misconnects, I began to question whether soulmates even existed. Was I naïve to think that there was this one perfect person out there waiting for me? Was I searching for all the wrong signs? Was there even such a thing as a soulmate in Islam?

    Around that time, I attended a youth retreat in Rhode Island. I remember someone asking the Imam in a halaqa after Fajr if he believed in soulmates. The Imam hastily (and I might add haughtily) said, no! He went on to explain that it was possible that one might never get married in dunya. Perhaps a person was destined to meet their spouse in the next life, or even in their second marriage. He said by placing emphasis on the concept of soulmates we might undermine God’s will, forcing things that should not be forced.

    In that moment, I remember feeling shell-shocked.

    Had my entire teenagerhood been prefaced on a lie? What about “the pairs” mentioned in the verse above, in surah An-Naba? Wasn’t Allah referring to a pair of souls destined for love and marriage? Wasn’t I meant to find that one special person created just for me? I felt compelled to see if there were other opinions.

    Looking for Evidence

    Like a scientist searching for data to support her hypothesis, I turned to those around me. First, I spoke to my married friends. They described marriages that began as either high school sweethearts or movie perfect meet-cutes. I heard about strong connections which led to short timelines. They knew from the get-go that the person they were considering was the one they were going to marry. One friend, a widow, age seventy-seven, a beloved matriarch in the Muslim community, told me she met her husband when she was nineteen years old. He guided her to Islam, and together they traveled the world and raised four children. When he died, she was barely sixty, but vowed she would never marry again. She never used the word soulmate, but she described him and their relationship in a manner that seemed heaven sent. Unlike other couples I’ve met who seemed to fit more like jigsaw puzzle pieces that were jammed together because they looked close enough, her union sounded like it was harmonious (albeit not perfect). There was no doubt from her that there could never be another match.

    In my search, I also sought out evidence from our tradition. I listened to Islamic lectures about how humans can feel connected to one another in dunya because their souls previously bumped into each other in the spiritual realm, the barzakh, before being sent to the wombs of our mothers. It seemed plausible that maybe I had bumped into another soul on my way to dunya, and that soul might be my future husband.

    When I searched for textual evidence, I found another well-known ayah: “It is He Who created you from a single soul, and made from it its mate, that he might dwell with her …” (Quran 7:189). This ayah references the creation of Adam and then Hawwa (Eve in the Bible), from a single soul. The fact that our ancestral parents were initially one soul, and then by God’s decree became two, husband and wife, seemed to provide additional support for the existence of soulmates.

    Shifting Attention to Tawakkul

    Despite all my findings that could perhaps justify a belief in soulmates, I began to shift away from this concept after reflecting on my parent’s divorce. My Mother and Father had one of those perfect meet-cutes. They met in college and felt an instantaneous connection, including butterflies and dramatic declarations of love. Growing up, I witnessed the magnificence of their love through the highs and lows of their marriage and felt that they were surely soulmates. But then one day, they divorced, and I was forced to change my beliefs.

    Yet, it wasn’t the dissolution of their marriage that pulled me away from a belief in soulmates—it was the nature of their new marriages to other people. After some years, I realized that, while different in their formation, and without much of the trappings of what we are taught to look for when searching for love, these new marriages are ideal. These second unions are not band-aid attempts to patch up broken hearts or wounded egos, but they appear to be the same ethereal, crafted-pairs by Allah SWT.

    Today, my search for love and marriage is governed by a different concept.

    I now focus less on labels. I try not to get caught up in initial feelings, or lack thereof. I try not to get disappointed when things do not work out. Instead, I have shifted my attention to tawwakul, reliance on Allah. By placing complete reliance on and trust in Allah, first doing my part to actively find a spouse, and then giving control over to Allah to guide my decision making, I feel more at peace. I have full confidence that if marriage is in my future, it is Allah who will guide me to the right person.