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Legacy: The Prophetic Way

Prophet Muhammad (s) was born in an uncivilized society, and through the message of Islam, he educated, reformed, and refined that society. Idol-worship had been rampant, the poor were oppressed and exploited by the rich, and women were refused the dignity of being treated as worthwhile human beings. And in just over 20 years, the Prophet (s) transformed this society completely, creating and fostering a culture where Allah SWT alone was worshipped, where the rights of the poor were not only safeguarded but prioritized, and where women were raised to their divinely ordained status.

In some ways, our world today has fallen back into many of the norms of that uncivilized society before the advent of Prophet Muhammad, that era of jahiliyah, ignorance. We’re being forced to confront this ignorance on all different fronts — godless ideologies, religious fanaticism, unbridled greed, war mongering, and economic exploitation, to name just a few. The pervasive nature of this unchecked darkness makes us doubt if we could ever possibly find our way out of this.

But Allah SWT told us, more than 1400 years ago, “Today I have perfected your faith for you, completed My favor upon you, and chosen Islam as your way” (Qur’an 5:3). Islam is our salvation. Islam is the solution. And so, we turn to the example of the Messenger of Allah (s), and we ask ourselves this: how did one man come to a people who were in a state of such moral degradation and completely transform them into the most righteous of all generations?

True Transformation

It starts with perfecting one’s own character. The Prophet (s) was a man whose sense of morality and virtue was completely unparalleled. Before prophethood, he was known amongst his tribe as “Al-Amin,” “The Trustworthy,” and after, even as those same people were abusing and torturing him for bringing the message of Islam, they had no doubts about his honor. In fact, up until the very night he was migrating to Medina, despite suffering at the hands of his own kin for almost 13 years, many of them still entrusted him with their valuable possessions, because even as they despised his message, they knew there was no one more trustworthy than him.

However, this transformation doesn’t end with just our own selves, but rather we ought to work to facilitate growth in others as well. The Prophet (s) was a mercy to mankind and forgiveness was a constant theme throughout his life. There is a narration of a woman who would throw trash at the Prophet (s) and attempt to humiliate him daily. But there came a day when she did not throw trash and when he noticed her absence, the Prophet (s) went and inquired about this person who had expressed such abuse towards him. And when he heard that she had fallen ill, he went to visit her, and she was so moved by the compassion and generosity of soul of the Prophet (s), she immediately accepted Islam, right then and there.

There is something powerful in how the Prophet (s) was able to forgive all people, even those who were directly responsible for some of the most difficult moments of his life. The Prophet (s) looked at Wahshi, the man who murdered his beloved uncle, Hamza (r), and he was able to show him compassion. So, when Wahshi came to the Prophet upon accepting Islam, instead of demanding retribution for the death of his uncle, the Prophet (s) forgave him. And Wahshi (r) would go on to face the false prophet, Musaylamah the Liar, and with that same spear he had once used to kill the uncle of Prophet Muhammad (s), Wahshi (r) defeated one of the greatest enemies of Islam.

And the fulfillment of this transformation can be seen in an impact that lasts long after individuals. The Prophet (s) was generous and tolerant, even to those who might not have expected it of him. After the conquest of Mecca, representatives from all over the Arabian Peninsula began sending delegations to the Prophet (s). In one such instance, a delegation of Christians from the city of Najran came to visit the Prophet, and while conversing with him, the time for their prayer arrived. Instead of asking them to leave or find somewhere else to perform their worship, Prophet (s) showed them respect and honor and he allowed them to pray according to their religious tradition within his own mosque.

This tradition of tolerance and respect was continued under the Caliphate of Umar ibn Al-Khattab (r). When the Muslims conquered Jerusalem, Umar (r) entered the city peacefully and with assurances of the protection of the religious freedom of all those who inhabited the land. In fact, when prayer time came around, and a priest offered Umar (r) the opportunity to pray within a church, Umar turned it down – not out of disrespect, but rather because he didn’t want the church to eventually be turned into a mosque. Thus, to maintain the dignity and rights of the Christians under his rule, Umar (r) made the decision to preserve their holy site.

But this didn’t end with the Companions and those who had directly learned from the Prophet. Rather, more than 500 years later, when Salahuddin Ayyubi conquered Jerusalem once more, he spared the Christians within it. He allowed them to live and freely practice their faith, in stark contrast to how the Crusaders had brutally shed the blood of Muslim inhabitants when they had entered the city. Salahuddin also made active efforts, like Umar (r), to protect Christian sites in Jerusalem, namely The Church of The Holy Sepulchre, in accordance with the same teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (s) that had been passed down to him through centuries and across generations.

An Incomparable Legacy

We can’t start talking about reforming the world until we first purify ourselves and then work to change the hearts and minds of the individuals around us. The Prophet (s) was a master at this. He understood people on a level that most never even bother to try. He made them feel heard and appreciated for even the smallest of things. He took the time to get to know and love everyone on such an individual basis that even those who only had a couple years with him were infinitely impacted by him.

We speak of legacy, but real legacy is not defined by hitting certain milestones, or by leading in polls, or by being obsessed with solo success. Real legacy is about the lasting impact you are able to leave, on the world, on those within it, and on those who come long after you, yourself, have passed on.

Every single time the adhan is called and all Muslims in the vicinity who hear and heed this call, stand together, united in their striving to worship the Creator, that is a mark of the Prophet’s legacy. Every single time a Muslim makes an effort to smile and treat others with kindness because the Prophet (s) said “smiling is charity,” that is a mark of his legacy. Every single time a Muslim helps an orphan, in any way possible, because the Prophet (s) loved and emphasized the care of orphans, that is a mark of his legacy. Every time we choose courage, humility, selflessness, kindness, tolerance, patience — the list of the Prophet’s exalted traits goes on and on — that is a confirmation and a testimony to the legacy of Prophet Muhammad (s).

This legacy wasn’t built in one day or one month or one year. This is a legacy that took 23 years to build; 23 years of changing the hearts and the minds of the people by approaching them from a place of genuine concern and commitment to sharing divine guidance; 23 years of guiding and facilitating individuals to become leaders and creating communities of people who were committed to the overall betterment of society. And for 23 years the Prophet instilled such love and hope and trust that even today, more than 1400 years later, those of us who have never met the Prophet (s), who know him only through what’s been preserved about him, every single day 1.8 billion of us around the world actively choose to carry on and fulfill the legacy of Prophet Muhammad (s).

September 21, 2022
‘A Man is a Vendor of His Soul’

Prophet Muhammad said, “Each day a man is a vendor of his soul — either freeing it or brining it to ruin” (Muslim). If we reflect on this hadith, we might wonder “What does freeing the soul entail?” Of course, Muslims know that the Prophet worshipped Allah SWT in the most complete and devoted way. That worship, though, is more than performing required rituals. It also entails speaking and acting in ways that reflect truth, not just about lordship and the creation but also about oneself and others. That means a striving for self-awareness and dedication to purification of the heart. The Prophet was the ultimate model for “freeing the soul,” demonstrating the most elevated character and the most sublime personality. It’s important to note that this article focuses on the daily interactions the Prophet (s) had with others. It does not cover his courage and tenacity, his discipline and absolute will in striving to achieve his mission.

Never Looking to Privilege Oneself Above Others

The Prophet (s) was modest in the most pleasing and honorable way. When he approached a gathering, he forbade people to stand up for him and he would sit wherever a place was available. He sat among them as if he were just an ordinary person. He treated all alike with respect and dignity. When he spoke to an individual, that person would feel as if the Prophet were fully attentive and interested in him or her. The Prophet listened to others with utmost patience, waiting until they had completed their talk before responding.

If he was served by anyone, he was the first to serve others. When he was not attending to his prophetic duties, he was helping in the domestic chores and responsibilities. He used to repair his own shoes and mend his own clothing. The household servants were fed and clothed the same as the Prophet was.

He did not consider himself as privileged above others. Once he was traveling with his companions and when it was time to prepare food, he asked them to slaughter a sheep. One man said he would slaughter it, another said he would skin it, and a third said he would cook it. Then the Messenger of Allah said, “I will collect wood for the fire.” They said, “No, we will suffice you that work.” He answered, “I know that you can do it for me, but I hate to be privileged. Allah hates to see a servant of his. privileged above others.” And then the Prophet went and collected firewood” (Khulasat as-Siyar). The Prophet also said, “The leader of the people is their servant” (Sunan al-Daylami and Sunan al-Tabarani).

Jarir (r) narrated the following: “A man came into the presence of the Prophet (s) on the day Makka was conquered. The man started shaking as he saw the spiritual and physical grandeur of the Prophet. When the Prophet (s) saw him in that state, he said to the man with a benevolent voice, ‘Relax, do not feel distressed! I am not a king. I am the son of a woman from the tribe of Quraysh who used to eat sun-dried meat’” (Ibn Majah, al-Tabarani).

Acting Out of Kindness and Compassion

The Prophet was the epitome of human kindness and gentleness. When we reflect on his life and the way he interacted with those around him, we realize how kind and caring he was with people. The Prophet’s kindness and love for those around him were essential to the success of his message.
The Prophet (s) said, “Gentleness adorns everything and its absence leaves everything defective” (al-Albaany, Saheeh al-Jame’).
“I start the prayer with the intention of lengthening it, but when I hear a child crying, I shorten the prayer, as I know his mother would suffer from his screams” (Bukhari).

About captives of war, the Prophet (s) said, “They are your brothers! Offer them what you eat and drink” (Muslim).

One day in Medina, some men arrived, barefoot and emaciated, from a tribe undergoing hardship and misfortune. The Prophet (s) was moved by their condition and gathered his companions together to collect donations for the suffering tribe (Muslim).

Ibn Umar said that a goat had been slaughtered in his house. When he came home, he asked his servants if some of the meat had been sent as a gift to a neighboring Jew. He added, “I had heard the Messenger of Allah as saying that Angel Gabriel had been regularly insisting that one treat his neighbors kindly; indeed, so much so, that I surmised the neighbor should be nearly made a recipient of one’s inheritance” (Bukhari).

Facilitate Things for Others: Do Not Seek to Make Things Hard

Aisha said, “The Messenger of Allah, whenever he is given the opportunity to choose between two affairs, he always chooses the easiest and most convenient. But if he is certain that it is sinful, he will be as far as he could from it.”

Prophet Muhammad (s) said: “Make things easy, not difficult…” (Bukhari). The Prophet was the greatest exemplar of facilitating the way for people to submit to Allah SWT of their own volition, according to their individual capacities, state of development both in character and in spiritual understanding. It is reported that “A Bedouin once urinated in the masjid. The people rushed to punish him, but the Prophet ordered them to ‘leave him alone until he finishes and then pour a bucket of water (over the place where he had urinated.)’ ‘Your mission is to make things easy and not to make them difficult.’ Then the Prophet called the man over and explained to him that the masjid is a pure place, a place of worship, and that urination there is inappropriate” (Bukhari).

Be Easy to Get Along With; Express Appreciation

Aisha (r) reports that whenever the Prophet (s) was alone with his family at home, he was the easiest of men, always smiling. The Prophet’s actions are such a great model of how we should build our homes. Imagine, for example, a parent who reserves their best behavior for outside the home and behind closed doors they indulge in moodiness and disagreeableness. An agreeable person tends to be pleasant and likable, willing to accommodate others’ interests and needs, and they find satisfaction in cooperating with others and in compromising when appropriate in order to reach a resolution or agreement. They do not see themselves as superior to others but rather enjoy equitable and harmonious interactions and relationships.
Prophet Muhammad (s) said, “The believer gets along with others and is easy to get along with…” (al-Albaany, As-selselah as-saheehah). The Prophet also said, “Whoever does not thank people, indeed he does not thank Allah SWT” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi). Being grateful is an essential ingredient in healthy relationships, whether with spouse, children, parents, friends, or colleagues. The more we thank others, the more life will be enjoyable and harmonious.

Never Seek to Blame or Find Faults in Others; Forgive Again and Again

Ali (r) said about the Prophet (s) “…three things he stayed away from with regard to others — he did not find fault, lay blame, or seek to expose anyone’s weak points” (al-Tirmidhi, Shama’il). If the Prophet heard some news of a person’s inappropriate or bad behavior, he would never name the person, but rather would say, “Why do certain people do so and so…” He never focused on or sought out the shortcomings of others or disparaged people. He was the most forbearing and forgiving, always looking to teach the people, inspiring them to improve themselves by his own example.

Anas (r) remembered: “I served the holy Prophet for ten years. He never said ‘uf’ [an expression of dissatisfaction], nor did he ever ask me why I did this or did not do that” (Muslim, Abu Dawud). The Prophet (s) was the last one to get angry and the first to be satisfied. When Aisha (r) was asked about the character of the Prophet (s), she said, “He was not indecent or lewd, nor a person to raise his voice in the market. He did not return an offense with another offense, but he forgave and pardoned” (al-Tirmidhi). The Prophet (s) said, “Forgive your servant seventy times a day.”

Mu’awiyah ibn al-Hakam al-Sulami reports: “I joined a congregational prayer led by the Prophet when a man sneezed. I said to him, ‘May God have mercy on you.’ People looked askance at me. I said to them, ‘I am ruined! Why are you looking at me like that?’ They began to hit their own thighs. I realized that they wanted me to stop talking. When God’s messenger finished his prayer, he neither punished, rebuked, nor expressed displeasure with me. He just said to me, ‘It is not permissible to say any ordinary talk during prayer; it consists of God’s praise and glorification and reciting the Qur’an’” (Muslim, Abu Dawud).

The Prophet (s) was the most eloquent and fluent, using words to uplift and dignify

He was unpretentious and straightforward in his manner of speaking. He spoke when necessary, often remaining silent for a long period, and when he spoke it was decisive and to the point at hand. The Prophet (s) said: “…Whoever believes in Allah and the Day of Judgment either let him say something virtuous or keep silent” (Bukhari).

This is a profound statement by the Prophet (s). Words can hurt deeply and once they are out of our mouths, it is very hard to undo the damage they cause. We should always maintain awareness about the impact of our words — we do not want our words to belittle, to antagonize, to mislead, to cause division, to betray, or to cause any other sort of harm. Prophet Muhammad (s) said, “Rights will be returned to their owners on Judgment Day to the point that the the hornless sheep even will receive its right by way of retaliation regarding a horned sheep that butted it” (Muslim).

Part of speaking in a virtuous way is keeping one’s promise. In fact, the Prophet (s) said, “There are three signs of a hypocrite: when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he is trusted, he betrays his trust” (Bukhari and Muslim).

The above hadith, recommending that we say something virtuous or keep silent, segues to another hadith that interweaves with its meaning: The Prophet (s) said, “…that my silence shall be contemplation, that my speaking shall be remembrance, that my seeing shall be lessons” (Ruzain in the book “Wasayeh al-Rasul”). This is so profound — for a believer, his or her silence can be used in a beneficial way, to contemplate deeply about truth, the signs of Allah, about His many bounties, about the human condition, about one’s own self in an honest and examining way, and on and on. His or her speaking can be remembrance of Allah SWT and His guidance and wisdom. His or her seeing is for gaining deeper understanding and striving for discernment, good judgement, and wisdom.

Seeking Knowledge, Reflecting, Acting Upon It

These above-mentioned ahadeeth are just a very small sampling of statements by the Prophet (s) and descriptions of his character and personality. Now here is an interesting thing to ponder: what if I read many ahadeeth about the Prophet’s model of behavior and feel in awe of his character, and then later that day I am offended by something my friend says and I blame and insult her? What if you read many if the ahadeeth and share a couple of wondrous ones at a halaqa and then later that night renege on the promise you made to your child to spend time with him?

Knowing about the upright character of the Prophet is inspiring to Muslims. But all the words in the world describing his character and personality remain just words if we don’t take that knowledge and use it to transform ourselves. The Prophet used to supplicate, “O Allah, I seek refuge in You from useless knowledge.” What is useless knowledge? Imam al-Hassan al-Basri, (r), said, “There are two kinds of knowledge: knowledge of the tongue; and knowledge of the heart which is the beneficial knowledge. Knowledge of the heart raises people in rank. It is the inner knowledge which is absorbed by the heart and puts it [the heart] right. Knowledge of the tongue is taken lightly by people – neither those who possess it or anyone else act upon it.”

Al-Hasan al-Basri also said, about the sincere seeker of knowledge, “When a man sought knowledge, it would not be long before it could be seen in his humbleness, his sight, upon his tongue, and his hands, in his prayer, in his speech, and in his disinterest in worldly allurements. And a man would acquire a portion of knowledge and put it into practice, and it would be better for him than the world and all it contains. If he owned it [the world and all it contains], he would give it in exchange for the hereafter.”
Let’s take the prophetic wisdom to heart — “Each day a man is a vendor of his soul — either freeing it or bringing it to ruin” (Muslim).

October 28, 2020
The Sunnah of Marital Relation: The Prophet as the Ideal Spouse

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him – pbuh) is the perfect example for us to follow in all aspects of our lives. Allah (glory to Him, the Exalted, subhanahu wa ta’ala – SWT) tells us in the Holy Quran: “You have indeed in the Messenger of Allah a beautiful example [of conduct] for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the final Day, and remembers Allah much” (33:21). There is no better source to draw on for guidance when it comes to one of the closest and most intimate relations one has: balancing the rights and responsibilities of being a spouse. But having a role model to follow in this aspect of our lives makes it easier to tread this path which has happy times as well as challenges that can prove to be a real test of our faith.

The Best to His Wives

The Prophet (pbuh) exemplified the perfect character of a spouse who follows the guidance of Allah (SWT). He is reported to have said: “The best of you is the best to his wife and I am the best to my wife” (At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah). We can find evidence of this in numerous other ahadith (recorded sayings or actions) of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) where he is found manifesting this beautiful character in his marital relations. Also, his wives, themselves, have given witness to his exemplary ways of relating to, and interacting with, them. It is reported that when Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) received the first revelation and he came rushing to his wife Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her, radiallahu anha – R) overwhelmed and afraid, she comforted him with these words: “God will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously, and assist those afflicted with calamities who deserve help.”
It is interesting to observe how Khadija (R), who had been with him for 15 years, attests to his immaculate character. A wife is one who knows her husband the most intimately, and naturally has seen the best and the worst sides of his personality. The fact that Khadija had such a high opinion of her husband, detailing for him his excellent traits in order to assure him that he was not deluded or being misled by the revelation experience, attests to the genuineness of Prophet Muhammad’s character. He was good to his wives just like he was good to those outside his home. A question worth asking ourselves is whether our spouses would have similarly high opinions of us.

Romantic, Loving, and Caring

The Prophet (pbuh) was a loving and caring husband and did not hesitate to carry out little acts of kindness that showed his affection toward his wives. Many men find it awkward to extend themselves with simple and affectionate gestures, or they think they are too busy or overwhelmed with responsibilities to be romantic and loving toward their wives. Likewise, there are women who dismiss the importance of everyday gestures of affection toward their husbands. Who had more responsibilities in his life than Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)? Yet he made the time to be thoughtful, loving, caring, and romantic with his wives.

Ayesha (R) is reported to have said that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) would often eat and drink from the same spot on a vessel or bone as her, to show his love. She said: “I would drink then I would hand it [the vessel] to the Prophet (pbuh) and he would put his mouth where mine had been and drink; and I would eat the meat from a bone and he would put his mouth where mine had been” (reported in Muslim). Ayesha (R) also informs us about a number of other simple acts of love and affection that the Prophet (pbuh) would do on a regular basis. Examples include laying in her lap (Muslim), kissing her (Muslim), asking her to groom his hair (Muslim), and going for a walk with her in the evening (Bukhari). Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) also did not hesitate to declare his love for his wife in public. While many men find it awkward to do so, the Prophet (pbuh) did not. Amr Bin al-As (R) reported that he asked the Messenger (pbuh): “O Allah’s Messenger! Who is the most beloved to you among the people?” He replied; “Ayesha (R).” He asked: “And from among the men?” He replied, “Her father” (Bukhari and Muslim).

The Prophet (pbuh) exemplified the perfect character of a spouse who follows the guidance of Allah (SWT). He is reported to have said: “The best of you is the best to his wife and I am the best to my wife” (At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah).

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) also expressed his love to his wives in unique ways. Ayesha (R) would often ask the Prophet (pbuh), “How is your love for me?” The Prophet (pbuh) would reply, “Like the rope’s knot” (meaning that it was strong and secure). She would often ask after that, “How is that knot?” and he would reply “The same as ever” (reported in Hiya al Awliya). Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) would spend his time at home with his wives when he was not engaged in Islamic dawah or the governance and guidance of the community. He would participate in the domestic chores and be ready and willing to serve family members. Al-Aswad reported that he asked Ayesha (R): “What did the Prophet (pbuh) do at home?” She said: “He used to be at the service of his family; and when it was time for prayer, he would go out to pray” (Bukhari). Ayesha (R) is also reported to have said in another narration: “He acted like other men. He would mend his clothes, milk his goat, and serve himself” (Ahmad and Bukhari).
The Prophet (pbuh) would also console his wives in public when they were upset. Safiyyah Bint Huyyiy (R) narrated: “The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) went to Hajj with his wives. On the way my camel knelt down as it was the weakest among all the other camels, and so I wept. The Prophet came to me and wiped away my tears with his robe and hands. The more he asked me not to weep, the more I went on weeping” (Ahmad). The Prophet (pbuh) did not get embarrassed, angry, or impatient. He just reassured her and compassionately wiped away her tears. The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) was distinctly kind and considerate to his wives in public. Anas ibn Malik narrates: “I saw the Prophet (pbuh) making for her [Safiyyah] a kind of cushion with his cloak behind him [on his camel]. He then sat beside his camel and put his knee for Safiyyah to put her foot on, in order to ride [on the camel]” (Bukhari).

Playful and Entertaining

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) used to laugh with his wives, entertain them, and play with them. He raced with his wife Ayesha (R) and teased her after beating her in one race. Ayesha (R) reports that the Messenger said to her: “Come I will race you.” She continues, “So I raced with him and I won. After I became heavier, he raced me and he won, so he laughed and said this one for that one” (Abu Dawood). In another narration, Ayesha (R) said: “It was the day of ‘Id, and the Black people were playing with shields and spears; so either I requested the Prophet (pbuh) or he asked me whether I would like to see the display. I replied in the affirmative. Then the Prophet (pbuh) made me stand next to him and my cheek was touching his cheek and he was saying, ‘Carry on! O Bani Arfida,’ till I got tired. The Prophet (pbuh) asked me, ‘Are you satisfied [is that sufficient for you]?’ I replied in the affirmative and he told me to leave” (Bukhari).

The Messenger (pbuh) is reported to have said: “Everything that does not involve remembrance of Allah is futile, senseless, and wasted – except for four acts: a man entertaining his wife, a man training his horse, a man walking between the two posts [when practicing archery], and teaching swimming to another man” (reported in an-Nasai). How many men today are playful and enjoy simple fun with their wives? How many consider laughing with them and entertaining them a form of ibadah because it is following the Sunnah? Indeed, if we all followed Islam in its true essence, life would be a lot easier and our relations much more beautiful.

Consulting His Wives

The Prophet (pbuh) would talk to his wives when something was bothering him and he would consult them for advice in important matters. Seeking the advice of his wives or talking to them about official matters was certainly not gratuitous or done to appease them. That was not the way of the Prophet. On the day of Hudaibiya, for example, the Prophet (pbuh) signed a treaty with the pagans of Makkah which included the provision that the Muslims must leave without performing pilgrimage that year. The Muslims who had come prepared in the state of ihram were angry and were reluctant to abide by this condition and did not follow Prophet Muhammad’s (pbuh) orders to sacrifice their animals and shave their heads. The Prophet (pbuh) was distressed and went to his wife, Umm Salamah, to relate the situation to her. She advised him to conduct these rights himself first and that his companions would follow upon seeing him do so. The Prophet (pbuh) acted on this advice and his companions followed, just as Umm Salamah had predicted. This shows us that the Prophetic Sunnah of consultation certainly includes consulting one’s wife.

Patient at Times of Conflict

Marital relationships are some of the most vulnerable relationships and conflicts are bound to happen. It is how these conflicts are managed that fortifies or weakens the marriage bond. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was one of the most patient husbands when it came to marital conflicts. Like any other couple, he and his wives would have their arguments and disagreements, but the way these conflicts were managed provides us with a beautiful example to follow. Anas and Umm Salamah (R) reported that once the Prophet (pbuh) was in Ayesha’s (R) house with some of his companions and Umm Salamah sent to him a plate of food. When Ayesha (R) saw it, she took a rock the size of a hand and hit the plate with it, breaking it into two pieces. The Prophet (pbuh) gathered the plate’s parts and told his companions, “Eat – your mother was overcome with jealousy; eat – your mother was overcome with jealousy!” So they ate. The Prophet (pbuh) then kept the broken plate in Ayesha’s house, sent a good plate of hers, with food, to Umm Salamah, and said: “A comparable plate for a [damaged] plate and comparable food for [ruined] food” (reported in An-Nasai and Ibn Majah). He (pbuh) dealt with this patiently instead of getting angry himself.

The Prophet was very understanding of his wives’ feelings and moods and dealt with that in a light and easygoing manner. Ayesha (R) said that one day Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said to her: “Indeed, I know when you are pleased with me, and when you are angry: When you are pleased with me you say [while making an oath], “No, by the Lord of Muhammad.” And when you are angry with me you say, “No, by the Lord of Ibrahim.” She replied: “Yes indeed, by Allah, O Allah’s Messenger! I do not abandon [when angry] except your name” (Bukhari, Muslim and Ahmad). Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is also reported to have said: “Let not a believing man hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her traits, he would be pleased by others. (Muslim and Ahmad). He (pbuh) never hit any of his wives nor did he ever verbally or emotionally abuse them. Ayesha (R) reported: “Never did Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) hit with his hand a woman, a servant, or anyone else – except during fighting for Allah’s cause” (reported by Muslim).

Restraining the Tongue with One’s Spouse

The Prophet (pbuh) is reported to have said: “A true believer is not involved in taunting, or frequently cursing [others] or in indecency or abusing” (Tirmidhi). If we were to follow the example of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), our marital relations would be a lot more beautiful and peaceful. Many couples acknowledge the evil of abuse, but fall into the trap of verbal and emotional abuse. Constant taunting, cursing, and demeaning language become the norm and over time, the relationship suffers greatly. The way to break out of this cycle of abuse is first of all to understand that Islam enjoins believers to speak virtuous words or remain silent, and to absolutely practice restraint from taunting, cursing, or any sort of verbal abuse. We must be utterly conscious of the words we say to our spouse, constantly reminding ourselves of the grave consequences of negative, harmful words.
There are instances when a marriage relationship seems simply unworkable or beyond repair. In such a situation, Islam allows for divorce. But even when it comes to divorce, Islam encourages good conduct. Allah (SWT) says in the Quran: “…Retain them in kindness or release them in kindness. But do not retain them to hurt them so that you transgress [the limits]. If anyone does that, he wrongs his own soul. Do not take God’s instructions as a jest” (Quran 2:231). The Prophet (pbuh) provided us an excellent model to follow to beautify our marital relationships. If we give these sunnahs as much importance as we give to the sunnahs of prayer and fasting, we could alleviate much suffering, and strengthen the ummah with the formidable building blocks of strong and happy families.

July 25, 2015