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Tag: pornography

  • The Tremendous Harms of Pornography: Guarding Ourselves and Our Youth

    The Tremendous Harms of Pornography: Guarding Ourselves and Our Youth

    A previous article discussed the dangers of pornography, for both adults and youth. The obvious question follows: What are we to do? Many of us behave like ostriches, putting our heads in the sand, hoping that this problem will go away. If we understand, however, the impulses that lead to engaging with pornography, then it will be clear why the “ostrich strategy” is courting disaster.

    Allah created us with hormones and biological desires as part of maintaining the human species on this earth. When these hormonal impulses and desires in men and women kick in, then without having the guardrails and systems in place, it will be like putting sandbags in front of an ocean’s high tide. We need to live on higher ground where the high tide can’t reach us.

    Although the Qur’an does not explicitly mention pornography, its teachings provide profound guidance on modesty, chastity, and the sanctity of human relationships that effectively counteract the pull of indecency. A practicing Muslim is guided in such a way that even consuming pornographic content, let alone participating in the industry, feels alien and repulsive, totally contrary to the teachings of the Qur’an.

    Now, for those of us who are parents, we have another role: to safeguard our offspring. First, we must save ourselves from pornography, whether it is soft or hardcore. It’s like safety instructions for an emergency on an airplane—you first put an oxygen mask on yourself before you take care of that for your children. Then we must increase our awareness of this issue, including the reasons why we might not realize the magnitude of this problem. Here are some reasons why that is the case:

    • Parents who grew up in the in a non-Western society bring with them a cultural mindset which is rooted in the Islamic practice of haya (modesty). In that same mindset, however, talking to the youth about pornography, warning them about its harms, would be very uncomfortable for many parents, and for some even considered taboo.
    • Many Muslim parents may not have been exposed to such a tsunami of pornographic and vulgar situations in their early life and are currently busy with their professional and social lives, so they’re not aware of the decadent state of current society in the West.
    • They are now living married lives, the single most effective safeguard against immorality, and they are unaware or unable to imagine what their youth are exposed to, and thus unable to put themselves in their children’s shoes.
    • Parents who are immigrants to this country and live in a more conservative community falsely think that they too were exposed to such bad things, but they ended up being fine so the youth today will also be just fine. They often forget that the society they grew up in had a social safety net where an extended family and societal norms took care of many issues, whereas in this country, many times the temptations are enormous and, in the case of pornography, it can be addictive.
    Guiding Ourselves and Our Youth

    Being in a Western society, or living outside the West but following a Western secular lifestyle, there are some things we can do to guard ourselves from the scourge of pornography:

    • Do not take lightly what we, the adults, or our youth wear. We might think it’s okay to let our very young children wear swimsuits because they don’t yet have the stricter adult requirement of modesty, but we’re making our lives harder in the future by having to make a sharp turn on their lifestyle later on. As to what we, as parents wear, remember that we are the role models for our youth.
    • Limit watching so-called entertainment that acts like a gateway to pornography. If the older folks can’t stop watching Hollywood or Bollywood movies and watching TV shows that are contrary to Islamic modesty requirements, how can we expect that our children and youth will do so? They learn mostly from what we do rather than what we tell them.
    • Limit being in places where immodest clothes are the norm, such as beaches or resort/entertainment cities such as Las Vegas.
    • Avoid vain talk or discussion about immodest styles of living or media such as movies, TV shows, music videos, etc., that promote immodesty. Our ears also feed the nafs (self, soul). If we feed our nafs, so to speak, good nourishment, then it will energize us to good thoughts, desires, and actions. However, when we feed it with evil through our senses, it will drag us to evil. It’s very important to significantly limit, if not stop altogether, the intake of immodesty that we watch, that we talk about, and that we speak. Do this for seven days and observe how your iman (faith) and taqwa (consciousness of Allah; inclination to virtue; healthy fear of displeasing Allah) is significantly boosted.
    • Talk to the children and youth about alternatives that maintain modesty. They can occupy their free time with participation in sports, pursuit of a hobby, and socializing with like-minded youth.
    • Find out who their friends are and the family they come from. If the family has a modest lifestyle, they pass that on to their children. So, befriend those who uphold modesty.
    • Control their access to devices and put in place filters to block explicit content. It does become harder when they enter their adolescent and teen years as devices and access to the internet are ubiquitous and it’s almost impossible to stop access, either by them or through their friends. So, as they enter adolescence, start teaching them how to monitor themselves, and to be disciplined and wise in their use of the internet.
    • Finally, remind yourself and your family members again and again about the love of Allah and the rational and prudent fear of displeasing Him. This can be done through recitation and discussion of the Qur’an and ahadith.

     

    Qur’an and Ahadith as the Guide

    Surah An-Noor: Allah instructs both men and women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, highlighting the significance of personal modesty— “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity…” (Qur’an 24:30-31).

    Surah Ar-Rum: In this surah, it is emphasized that the sanctity of marriage is a bond that fulfills emotional and physical intimacy between spouses — “And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought” (Qur’an 30:21).

    Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) also highlighted the importance of marriage and how it is a shield against immodesty and unlawful sexual activity: “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power” (Sahih al-Bukhari).

    Surah Al-A’raf: Verses in this surah explicitly prohibit lewdness and indecency, which are intrinsic to pornography — “Say, ‘My Lord has only forbidden indecencies —what is apparent of them and what is concealed—and sin….’” (Qur’an 7:33).

    Surah Ash-Shams:  The importance of self-reflection and purification of the soul is emphasized —”He has succeeded who purifies it. And he has failed who corrupts it” (Qur’an 91:9-10).

    By fostering a mindset of self-improvement and every-growing consciousness of Allah’s commands, individuals are more likely to resist temptations, including the allure of pornography. The Qur’an’s comprehensive guidance on modesty, chastity, the sanctity of marriage, and the prohibition of indecency provides a strong foundation for addressing this issue. By adhering to these principles, individuals can cultivate a healthy perspective on sexuality and relationships, steering clear of the destructive path of pornography. The Qur’an, thus, offers a timeless solution to modern challenges, guiding believers towards a life of purity, dignity, and spiritual fulfillment.

  • The Tremendous Harms of Pornography to Adults and Youth

    The Tremendous Harms of Pornography to Adults and Youth

    In an otherwise normal, decent world, pornography is not a topic that we would wish to publicly discuss. Talking about issues with negative connotations often brings out the very destructive impact on the public that we intended to avoid.  But once a destructive issue is already in the public sphere and impacting society, it is important to discuss it. The case of pornography in the West and most countries in the world is exactly that—it’s way past the threshold. In fact, it’s wreaking havoc in society. Pornography has manifested in its most extreme state of vulgarity in our current time, using the omnipresent technology of the internet and mobile devices.

    Pornography has always been a part of human culture, going at least as far back as the fertility cults, with their pornographic drawings, that existed throughout the world. Some researchers suggest that fertility symbols were used as early as prehistoric times. The digital age has given pornography new dimensions and raised concerns about its negative impact on individuals and society as a whole. It’s just like “sugar” in the modern diet causing a public health disaster, it’s omnipresent—you don’t need to seek sugary products explicitly, but added sugar comes to you in every food you buy, be it kids’ milk pouches, juice, bread, ketchup… you name it. Similarly, pornography or the likes of it doesn’t need to be sought explicitly but comes to you as an ingredient in your everyday life—you go to a TV channel, a web page, YouTube, or internet gaming sites—you constantly get baited or even sampled (sampling is a direct marketing technique that offers the consumer a small sample for free so that they will be motivated to purchase the full product after that). Baiting is most often done with soft porn, a gateway to more hardcore pornography. According to definitions.net, softcore pornography is…

    “…commercial still photography or film that has a pornographic or erotic component but is less sexually graphic and intrusive than hardcore pornography, defined by a lack of visual sexual penetration. Softcore pornography includes stripteases, lingerie modeling, simulated sex and emphasis on the sensual appreciation of the human form. It typically contains nude or semi-nude actors involved in love scenes and is intended to be sexually arousing and aesthetically beautiful. The distinction between softcore pornography and erotic photography is largely a matter of taste.”

    Islamic Clarity About Pornography

    For Muslims, there is no distinction between soft- and hardcore porn. Islam is clear on the issue of producing or consuming sexually explicit material of any kind. It hasn’t just declared it unacceptable but creates barriers surrounding it so that society can prevent individuals coming close to it. Islam is the religion of haya, modesty. In that way, Islam provides, so to speak, a natural immunity to pornography. So, we shouldn’t be worried, right? Far from it. This danger is like an infectious virus—indiscriminately attacking Muslims and non-Muslims alike. We’ll go over why the Muslim “immune system” to pornography isn’t working. Let’s understand first the “immune system,” if you will, that’s inbuilt in Islam.

    • Islam has put modesty of men and women as a criterion of faith. It’s not just about wearing modest outfits and restricting the mixing of men and women; it is also a lowering of the gaze by both men and women.
    • Islam accepts the reality of human biology that drives us sexually. Thus, Islam puts marriage as a top priority to channel sexual impulses in a healthy and productive way. The Qur’an is very clear on every able man and woman getting married unless there’s a condition of prohibitive disability or abject economic hardship where they are advised by God to “fast” to counter the effect of human biology and hormones.
    • The Qur’an then takes it to the next level: advising men and women to not even come close to sexual involvement outside of marriage—knowing that humans are created weak and that one must stay away from the slippery slope of immoral activities.
    • At a societal level, the Islamic economy has made it very explicit that anything harmful to society shouldn’t be a money-making industry. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography, etc., are prohibited in the Islamic system. That’s a macro-level immunity that Islam provides.

    One should then ask why all the above aspects of such a broad-based defense mechanism is not working for Muslims. The answer is simple — we’re living in a society that promotes a lifestyle that compromises the “immunity” that we are supposed to have. Do not think that it’s only in America or in the West. It’s also ubiquitous in many Muslim countries as most of the world is now following the West as a cultural role model without giving any critical thought to religion or societal stability and well-being.

    Pornography is a legal business in most countries. Some may deny that Muslim countries have such an industry. I would argue, however, that the entertainment industry is not far removed from it, and most Muslim countries allow the almost unrestricted flow of Hollywood or Bollywood movies. As mentioned above, soft porn, which is prevalent in movies, is just one step from more hardcore pornographic material.

    To make the effect worse, marriage between a man and a woman is being hollowed out, while the uncensored mixing of men and women is encouraged or, many times, structurally necessary in the workplace.

    Harming of Faith and Healthy Relationships

    The most devastating harm pornography or the entertainment industry does is that they eat away the foundation of the faith (iman). Imam Ghazzali wrote in his book Minhajul Abedin that if our nafs (self, soul) is a wild beast that drags us to follow our desires, then the gates through which it’s fed are through our senses. The most important sense is our eyes. The more the beast is fed, the wilder it becomes. And it drags you further away from the remembrance of Allah. It’s like a rain shower on a barren land with a downward slope—you put soil on it to farm crops, but the rain washes away the topsoil. Likewise, every exposure to vulgarity washes away your deposit of faith. The exposure to pornography, or similar immodest content, takes away the taste of sweetness from our Ibadah (the regular worshiping activity like salah, fasting, charity, etc.).

    Another significant concern about pornography is its impact on personal relationships. A study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that high pornography consumption is associated with decreased satisfaction in intimate life in marriage. The unrealistic and often degrading depictions of intimate encounters can create toxic expectations, leading to dissatisfaction and conflict in real-world relationships. Pornography has been cited as a contributing factor in numerous divorces and breakups, further emphasizing the corrosive effects it can have on personal connections.

    The addictive nature of pornography is also a significant concern, with 8-9 percent of U.S. adults reportedly struggling with compulsive sexual behavior, often linked to excessive pornography use. Easy access to explicit content online can foster addiction, negatively impacting individuals and families. Alarmingly, 42 percent of unwanted online pornography exposure cases in 2019 involved minors, which can distort children’s understanding of healthy relationships and sexuality. The pornography industry also has ties to sex trafficking, with some individuals being exploited or even coerced to participate. Additionally, excessive pornography consumption is linked to negative mental health outcomes, including depression, anxiety, and risky sexual behaviors, particularly among adolescents.

    While society is being corrupted by decadent and often deviant behaviors, the proliferation of pornography in the United States has reached unprecedented levels, due to the internet and technological advancements. The pornography industry in the United States is a multi-billion-dollar behemoth, overshadowing the revenues of even some mainstream entertainment sectors. According to a 2020 report of one of the world’s largest adult content websites, they received a staggering 42 billion visits throughout the year, averaging over 115 million visits per day. This not only underscores the ubiquity of pornography but also highlights its immense influence on the population of the world.

    In a forthcoming article, I will discuss how to protect ourselves and our children from the tremendous harms of pornography.

  • Be Proactive to Protect Kids from Online Pornography

    Be Proactive to Protect Kids from Online Pornography

    Islam is distinguished by its commitment to wholesomeness and purity, but sadly Muslims are not immune to the dangers of pornography. Our children, in particular, are at risk of falling into its trap. If we have a computer in our home, and especially if our child has a smartphone, an almost limitless supply of sexually explicit material is merely a click away.

     

    We Muslim parents must not bury our heads in the sand about this issue. Although it might make us uncomfortable to talk about pornography with our kids, we absolutely should. In addition, we need to take proactive measures so that pornography stays out of our children’s hearts and minds. It is as addictive as a drug, and our children most likely will be exposed to it, whether by accident or by choice. Studies show that most young people are exposed to porn by age 13, and according to a survey of U.S. teens, “84.4% of 14-18 year-old males, and 57% of 14-18 year-old females have viewed pornography.”

     

    Muslim parents might think their children are safe because of their careful upbringing and religious values, but even children from good families can easily come across inappropriate images. Sometimes one accidental glimpse is enough to ignite curiosity that eventually leads to addiction. According to an article in Medium, “Statistically, a Muslim teen is far more likely to be addicted to pornography than to alcohol.”

     

    I remember many years ago, my friend’s young son needed to write a report about the White House (the home of U.S. presidents). He innocently googled “white house,” and it led him to a pornography website. Because he had a positive relationship with his parents and was not afraid of being blamed or punished for his mistake, he went right to his mother and explained what happened.

     

    ProtectKidsOnlineCa explains, “Most often children are accidentally exposed to explicit material by incorrectly typing in a web address or words into a search engine and they unexpectedly find they are on a site they did not intend to visit. Nonetheless, research suggests that early exposure to sexually graphic material is likely to have a negative influence and a potentially harmful impact on children.” These days, pornography is frighteningly commonplace and accessible. According to an article on the website Fight the New Drug, “Today, porn sites receive more website traffic in the U.S. than Twitter, Instagram, Netflix, Pinterest, and LinkedIn combined.”

    In addition to violating Islamic principles, consuming porn has numerous negative effects on our health. According to Fight the New Drug, “A number of peer-reviewed studies have found a link between pornography consumption and mental health outcomes like depression, anxiety, loneliness, lower life satisfaction, and poorer self-esteem and overall mental health. These studies have found that these links are particularly strong when pornography is consumed to try to escape negative emotions, and also when pornography consumption becomes heavy and compulsive.”

     

    Here are some steps we can take to protect our kids from pornography:

    1. Talk about it openly and calmly. If kids don’t find out about it from their parents, they will likely hear about it – or even receive links to it — from friends. It is much better that they learn about porn from a mature, informed, Islamic standpoint.

     

    Even if you hate the very idea of sexually explicit material, don’t turn your discussion into an angry, disgust-filled lecture. The key is to be calm and factual and to connect with your child, letting them know that you care about them and want to protect them from harm.

     

    If kids feel that porn is a topic that will enrage you or cause you to shame them for even asking about it, they will likely never approach you with questions, or admit that they’ve come across it. So, make sure you approach this topic with gentleness and wisdom, mixed with the firm resolve it deserves.

     

    1. Be clear on the Islamic stance. Kids might get the impression from their peers or society that porn is normal and fine. Nowadays, in many circles, watching porn is considered a natural part of adolescent exploration. It is our duty to tell our children that Allah has made it haraam (forbidden) to look at the awrah (private parts) of other people, or to watch any lewd or explicit content. Under no circumstances is watching porn acceptable for a Muslim, and we know that repeating sins can actually do terrible damage to our faith:

     

    Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Verily, when the servant commits a sin, a black mark appears upon his heart. If he abandons the sin, seeks forgiveness, and repents, then his heart will be polished. If he returns to the sin, the blackness will be increased until it overcomes his heart” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi).

     

    1. Remind our kids that Allah is always watching. We won’t always be there to see what they’re doing, but our kids should know that Allah is All-Seeing and All-Knowing. This is an awareness that they should carry throughout their entire lives. We must remind our children that none of us can hide our actions from Him, no matter how secretive we try to be.

     

    But also make sure to tell your kids that Allah sees and appreciates our self-control, as well. He knows when we are tempted to do something, and He rewards us if we avoid it for His sake. When we give up something for the sake of Allah, He will always give us something much better in return.

     

    1. Take extra precautions with smartphones. The number-one time kids deliberately look at porn is on their smartphones when they are alone in their room at night. What is the solution? We can break this down into a few steps:
    • First of all, evaluate whether or not your child should even own a smartphone. Many experts advise waiting until a child is at least fourteen years old. Depending on your child’s maturity level and general behavior, fourteen might be too young. Even if “all their friends” have a phone, it is not necessary to give in to a child’s begging or nagging. We are the parents, and we must do what we think is best for their mental and physical health.
    • Second, impose a nighttime ban on electronics. After a certain hour (based on your child’s schedule and your parental judgment), all technology should be removed from the child’s room and placed out of their reach. This will reduce the chance of inappropriate internet use as well as helping your child get enough sleep.
    • Third, take steps to block inappropriate websites from your child’s devices. This article offers some suggestions on “How to Block Pornography on your Children’s Devices.”

     

    1. Model responsible behavior. While most parents certainly don’t watch porn in front of their children, they sometimes do watch TV shows or movies with inappropriate themes and images. Almost all of the most popular programs in recent years contain a great deal of sexual content. In fact, most of the shows that are considered “normal” nowadays would have been considered “soft porn” when we were children.

    If your child sees you watching content with sexual intimacy or partial nudity, they will get the impression that this behavior is acceptable. Some adults might say, “I’m a married adult, not a child. I can watch ‘mature’ content.”

    But is that the correct Islamic standpoint? Modern society has normalized many things that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would never have sanctioned. Modesty is the hallmark of a Muslim, and all of us —no matter how old, no matter our marital status — should be lowering our gaze and avoiding inappropriate images.

     

    Sincere Muslims and caring parents must acknowledge that online pornography is one of the most difficult challenges we are facing in the digital age. We cannot ignore this risk and should be as forward-thinking, responsible, and cautious as possible to protect our children from a sin that could do irreparable damage to their souls.