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Tag: youth

  • The Tremendous Harms of Pornography: Guarding Ourselves and Our Youth

    The Tremendous Harms of Pornography: Guarding Ourselves and Our Youth

    A previous article discussed the dangers of pornography, for both adults and youth. The obvious question follows: What are we to do? Many of us behave like ostriches, putting our heads in the sand, hoping that this problem will go away. If we understand, however, the impulses that lead to engaging with pornography, then it will be clear why the “ostrich strategy” is courting disaster.

    Allah created us with hormones and biological desires as part of maintaining the human species on this earth. When these hormonal impulses and desires in men and women kick in, then without having the guardrails and systems in place, it will be like putting sandbags in front of an ocean’s high tide. We need to live on higher ground where the high tide can’t reach us.

    Although the Qur’an does not explicitly mention pornography, its teachings provide profound guidance on modesty, chastity, and the sanctity of human relationships that effectively counteract the pull of indecency. A practicing Muslim is guided in such a way that even consuming pornographic content, let alone participating in the industry, feels alien and repulsive, totally contrary to the teachings of the Qur’an.

    Now, for those of us who are parents, we have another role: to safeguard our offspring. First, we must save ourselves from pornography, whether it is soft or hardcore. It’s like safety instructions for an emergency on an airplane—you first put an oxygen mask on yourself before you take care of that for your children. Then we must increase our awareness of this issue, including the reasons why we might not realize the magnitude of this problem. Here are some reasons why that is the case:

    • Parents who grew up in the in a non-Western society bring with them a cultural mindset which is rooted in the Islamic practice of haya (modesty). In that same mindset, however, talking to the youth about pornography, warning them about its harms, would be very uncomfortable for many parents, and for some even considered taboo.
    • Many Muslim parents may not have been exposed to such a tsunami of pornographic and vulgar situations in their early life and are currently busy with their professional and social lives, so they’re not aware of the decadent state of current society in the West.
    • They are now living married lives, the single most effective safeguard against immorality, and they are unaware or unable to imagine what their youth are exposed to, and thus unable to put themselves in their children’s shoes.
    • Parents who are immigrants to this country and live in a more conservative community falsely think that they too were exposed to such bad things, but they ended up being fine so the youth today will also be just fine. They often forget that the society they grew up in had a social safety net where an extended family and societal norms took care of many issues, whereas in this country, many times the temptations are enormous and, in the case of pornography, it can be addictive.
    Guiding Ourselves and Our Youth

    Being in a Western society, or living outside the West but following a Western secular lifestyle, there are some things we can do to guard ourselves from the scourge of pornography:

    • Do not take lightly what we, the adults, or our youth wear. We might think it’s okay to let our very young children wear swimsuits because they don’t yet have the stricter adult requirement of modesty, but we’re making our lives harder in the future by having to make a sharp turn on their lifestyle later on. As to what we, as parents wear, remember that we are the role models for our youth.
    • Limit watching so-called entertainment that acts like a gateway to pornography. If the older folks can’t stop watching Hollywood or Bollywood movies and watching TV shows that are contrary to Islamic modesty requirements, how can we expect that our children and youth will do so? They learn mostly from what we do rather than what we tell them.
    • Limit being in places where immodest clothes are the norm, such as beaches or resort/entertainment cities such as Las Vegas.
    • Avoid vain talk or discussion about immodest styles of living or media such as movies, TV shows, music videos, etc., that promote immodesty. Our ears also feed the nafs (self, soul). If we feed our nafs, so to speak, good nourishment, then it will energize us to good thoughts, desires, and actions. However, when we feed it with evil through our senses, it will drag us to evil. It’s very important to significantly limit, if not stop altogether, the intake of immodesty that we watch, that we talk about, and that we speak. Do this for seven days and observe how your iman (faith) and taqwa (consciousness of Allah; inclination to virtue; healthy fear of displeasing Allah) is significantly boosted.
    • Talk to the children and youth about alternatives that maintain modesty. They can occupy their free time with participation in sports, pursuit of a hobby, and socializing with like-minded youth.
    • Find out who their friends are and the family they come from. If the family has a modest lifestyle, they pass that on to their children. So, befriend those who uphold modesty.
    • Control their access to devices and put in place filters to block explicit content. It does become harder when they enter their adolescent and teen years as devices and access to the internet are ubiquitous and it’s almost impossible to stop access, either by them or through their friends. So, as they enter adolescence, start teaching them how to monitor themselves, and to be disciplined and wise in their use of the internet.
    • Finally, remind yourself and your family members again and again about the love of Allah and the rational and prudent fear of displeasing Him. This can be done through recitation and discussion of the Qur’an and ahadith.
    Qur’an and Ahadith as the Guide

    Surah An-Noor: Allah instructs both men and women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, highlighting the significance of personal modesty— “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity…” (Qur’an 24:30-31).

    Surah Ar-Rum: In this surah, it is emphasized that the sanctity of marriage is a bond that fulfills emotional and physical intimacy between spouses — “And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought” (Qur’an 30:21).

    Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) also highlighted the importance of marriage and how it is a shield against immodesty and unlawful sexual activity: “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power” (Sahih al-Bukhari).

    Surah Al-A’raf: Verses in this surah explicitly prohibit lewdness and indecency, which are intrinsic to pornography — “Say, ‘My Lord has only forbidden indecencies —what is apparent of them and what is concealed—and sin….’” (Qur’an 7:33).

    Surah Ash-Shams:  The importance of self-reflection and purification of the soul is emphasized —”He has succeeded who purifies it. And he has failed who corrupts it” (Qur’an 91:9-10).

    By fostering a mindset of self-improvement and every-growing consciousness of Allah’s commands, individuals are more likely to resist temptations, including the allure of pornography. The Qur’an’s comprehensive guidance on modesty, chastity, the sanctity of marriage, and the prohibition of indecency provides a strong foundation for addressing this issue. By adhering to these principles, individuals can cultivate a healthy perspective on sexuality and relationships, steering clear of the destructive path of pornography. The Qur’an, thus, offers a timeless solution to modern challenges, guiding believers towards a life of purity, dignity, and spiritual fulfillment.

  • Staying Focused on Your Goals: Challenges, Obstacles, and Solutions

    Staying Focused on Your Goals: Challenges, Obstacles, and Solutions

    As human beings, we all have dreams that we wish to achieve in life. However, some of us continue to dream, while others wake up and chase those dreams, giving them form so that they become practical and attainable goals. When chasing a dream, one will encounter many obstacles and challenges, and upon encountering these barriers, many people cease the chase and return to the dreaming phase. Some of the most common of these barriers include vague or disorganized goal-setting, inconsistent work ethic, and procrastinating behaviors. Those who overcome these barriers are precise in their goal-setting and consistent in their action,avoiding procrastination by having a detailed schedule. These qualities lead them to become dream chasers, those who are able to wake up and take the proper steps to achieve their dream.

    Setting a Clear Goal and Being Consistent

    Before beginning to work towards a goal, one must set a clear goal first. Although this may seem like the simplest step, it is often the first obstacle in the path to achieving a goal. Oftentimes, we set unclear goals, and our pursuit of them is confused and disorganized. It is as if we are searching for something but are unsure of what we are searching for. As the famous author Jack Canfield once said: “Vague goals produce vague results.” Perhaps one of the most common goals that people set is “losing some weight.” What people fail to do is define exactly how much weight they wish to lose and the daily exercises they will engage in to achieve that goal. When they find that their disorganized efforts are not resulting in progress, they give up. This lack of clarity is what makes all sorts of individuals cease their pursuit of a dream. When setting your goal, you must be as specific as possible. Instead of saying that you want to “lose weight,” your goal should be that you want to “lose ten pounds in ten weeks by losing a pound a week.” Without specificity, we often find ourselves dreaming about an elusive goal instead of methodically pursuing that goal. It’s also important to articulate why you want to achieve a particular goal. If you want to lose weight, you might list that you want to do soin order to be healthier, to have more energy, to feel more comfortable in your clothing, and to be more confident in everything you do. Knowing why you want to achieve a goal, and keeping those intentions or purposes in mind, helps to stay motivated. The Prophet (s) said, “Actions are but by intention…” In fact, the intention of an action, in this case action toward a goal, is its foundation.

    On the road to achieving any dream, a lack of consistency is a major obstacle. Consistency is an integral part of achieving any goal, and it is what really sets the dreamers apart from the dream chasers. Dream chasers are the ones who do not wait for a moment of brilliant motivation, rather, they are the ones who achieve their goals by consistently taking small steps every single day to edge closer to their goal. The Prophet (s),for the first 13 years of his mission, consistently preached to whoever would listen and saw minimal success. It is estimated that when he left Mecca for Medina, there were only around 100 Muslims, meaning he gained an average of fewer than ten followers a year. Today, there are 1.8 billion Muslims, comprising the majority of the population in 49 out of the 195 countries in the world.The Prophet was disciplined, consistent, and dedicated to his goal despite encountering major obstacles all along the way.

    If your dream is to score high on the SAT, then you must work towards this goal every single day, set aside a specified amount of time each day to work towards this goal. If your goal is to be an elite athlete, then you must practice and work towards this goal every single day. In his book Outliers, author Malcolm Gladwell demonstrated that in order to achieve greatness in any field it is necessary to dedicate at least 10,000 hours towards it. He was referring to expertise and mastery in a complex task such as grandmaster level in chess or world-class neurosurgery. Goals like these require years of consistent practice and discipline. Many goals, however, are more modest but still require disciplined consistency, making it clear that in order to achieve any dream, consistency is perhaps the most important quality in the process.

    Overcoming Procrastination

    Another major challenge for young men and women in achieving a dream is procrastination. Oftentimes, people lose interest in their goals simply because they put no pressure on themselves to achieve a goal. They do not have any schedules or deadlines that push them to be resolute and consistent with their efforts. This leads to conscious or unconscious procrastination and a vague hope that “somehow and sometime” the dream will achieve itself. This mindset is similar to thinking that we can just leave everything to Allah to take care of, rather than taking whatever action is needed. A man once asked the Prophet (s) if he should tie his camel and trust in Allah or leave the camel untied and just trust that Allah will keep it safe. The Prophet (s) replied, “Tie her and trust in Allah.” This wisdom clearly demonstrates the necessity of taking action; and regarding goals, consistent action is absolutely necessary. One cannot simply postpone the dream and hope for it to occur itself; it requires consistent effort, and procrastination derails that effort completely. In order to achieve any dream, create a precise schedule and impose deadlines on yourself to keep yourself motivated and consistent. If your goal is to write and publish a book within a year, do not leave the task to the final few months. Start early, write every day, set yourself page-count deadlines, and make sure that you meet your realistic deadlines. Every deadline is simply a step closer to your ultimate goal, step by step to reach the summit of your dream.

    In summary, one’s thought process when working to achieve a goal should be clear and practical— having a clear goal of what you want to accomplish, knowing why you want to achieve that goal, having a disciplined action plan, and being consistent. Lastly, no matter how demanding, challenging, or frustrating the process may be, do not abandon your goal. Albert Einstein once remarked that “It’s not that I am so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” He’s talking about being patient and perseverant. Sabr, in fact, is an amazing Islamic trait and its meaning is both patience and perseverance! The Prophet (s) said,“Whoever persists in having sabr, Allah will give him sabr. Nobody can be given a blessing better and more comprehensive than sabr” (Bukhari). Therefore, be patient and persevere, put your trust in Allah, and follow through with your plan to achieve your goal.

    Dream Chasers

    Many young men and women today have dreams, in fact, almost all of them do. However, very few are able to recognize and implement the steps necessary to achieve those dreams. Instead, they find themselves chasing vague ideas, being inconsistent, or pushing away their deadlines until they forget the goal entirely. A small minority of people, however, understand the process of goalsetting and achieving. Those who successfully chase their dreams are crystal clear about their end goal and why they are working toward it.They consistently and methodically work towards their goal on a daily basis and have clear schedules and deadlines that keep them on track to achieve their dream. This small minority are not just dreamers, they are dream chasers, and through understanding the methodology to set and achieve goals, one can join this select group.

  • Investing in the Youth and Addressing Their Challenges

    Investing in the Youth and Addressing Their Challenges

    Our youth are the future of the ummah of the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, and as such, we want them to excel in obtaining knowledge of Islam and discharging their religious obligations. However, at times we are unaware of the hardships they face such as internal struggles, challenges at school, bullying, alienation at the mosque, and social media addiction. As Muslims, our aim in life, no matter what age we are, is to obtain the ultimate success through worshipping Allah as stated in so many verses of the Qur’an; and our responsibility is to be vicegerents on the Earth, as the Qur’an tells us, “And it is He who has made you vicegerents upon the earth and has raised some of you above others in degrees that He may try you through what He has given you. Indeed, your Lord is swift in penalty; but indeed, He is Forgiving and Merciful” (6:165).

    Vicegerency requires us to care for the Earth and those residing in it, beginning with our families. As such, we must work together to find solutions to the problems of the youth, and not just ignore seemingly complex or uncomfortable issues, or sweep them under the rug. Allah says in the Qur’an, “And let there be among you a people inviting to the good, enjoining the right and forbidding the wrong, and those are the successful ones” (3:104). The command to enjoin the good and forbid evil is a recurring message in the Qur’an. When our youth stray, we must find ways to bring them back into the faith. And we must establish preventive measures so as to protect them from temptations. Many corruptions pull at them including celebrity culture, faithless ideologies, gender confusion and “fluidity” (going way beyond homosexuality), pornography, drugs, etc.

    How is the community and the masjid we frequent addressing these and other important issues?

    Even if it is just a corner inside the masjid, do our youth have a place where they can vent or even dare to speak about the challenges they face?

    And we should not be fooled. The challenges our children are grappling with are both in the inner cities and the suburbs. And these serious issues exist both in public school settings and Islamic schools. Moreover, we should also keep in mind that our children are growing up in a culture and era that may be completely different from our own childhood experiences. Parents must be engaged with their children and lines of communication should always be open. During the teenage and young adult years especially, we must not overreact when they tell us something outside the scope of faith, good behavior, and God-consciousness. We do not want them to shut us out. We need to listen to them actively and hear them out. Then we can engage them in discussion and explain, from our point of view, from an Islamic point of view, what is right and what is wrong. If there is any chance that they will listen to us, it will be because we assume a mature and caring attitude and demeanor. If we come across as judgmental and harsh — always shouting “haram!” — we will lose them. We listen to them and guide them, with the hope that they might become God-conscious individuals who responsibly choose the good and reject what is wrong or sinful.

    A Practical Solution

    Our Islamic centers are in need of imams who are trained in traditional Islamic sciences, but who are also professionally equipped to deal with youth matters. There is a lot of research and experience from churches about this need. One pastor I know said: “I have been serving the youth for 15 years and I am still reminded of the importance of youth ministry.” A youth pastor in a church can be a young adult or older adult, needs a sound religious education, has a strong affinity for young people, and has the knowledge and experience to deal with the issues and challenges of youth. In our masjids, a leader or coordinator for the youth might best fit the role if he or she is a young adult, but they must have a solid Islamic education and strong eman. A young leader is more relatable for the younger generation. They can maintain the status of role model, while still being flexible and “cool” enough for the youth to feel like they can be themselves. The youth leader can act like a mentor for the community’s children and youth. He or she can be someone to confide in when the youth feel like they cannot approach a parent or the imam with a personal problem. In their role, they can aid the youth who is facing the challenges of emerging adulthood, religious obligations, and spirituality.

    It is important for the older generation to never minimize or negate the importance of programs for our youth, as they are the future adults of the Muslim ummah. The youth will inherit the Earth after us, so how do we teach and guide them? How do we reach them amidst all the cultural noise and confusion? How do we protect them from some of the issues and temptations they encounter? A viable solution is that alongside the imam who deals with the overall affairs of the masjid, marriage, divorce, Quran education, etc., the community can invest in a youth leader or coordinator with the qualifications and training necessary to mentor, aid, and support our future generation. We should never forget that our children are a trust, given to us by Allah. That applies to parents as well as communities. It is our duty to love them, to guide them, and to protect them. Again, our youth are the future of the ummah of the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him.

  • OPINION – WHAT SAY YOU?

    OPINION – WHAT SAY YOU?

    If you are a Muslim youth in America, it’s critical that you not only understand the fundamentals of Islam and its history, but also the history of minority communities in America. We must educate ourselves about the extermination of Native Americans, the chattel slavery and ongoing structural racism against African Americans, the exploitation of Chinese laborers, and the animosity toward Japanese immigrants, Jews, Irish Catholic refugees, and Latinos. We should also study the Red Scare and the McCarthyite persecution of Communists and those accused of being Communists, the Women’s Suffrage Movement and those who tried to impede it, and the contemporary issue, often a controversial topic in our communities, concerning the discrimination against members of the LGBTQ community. Even when we have differences with the beliefs or values of any particular oppressed minority, it is critical that we familiarize ourselves with how the dominant culture has repeatedly and systematically exploited, disenfranchised, and/or sought to decimate the social infrastructure and culture of minority communities. One infamous example is the CIA’s involvement in transporting and distributing crack cocaine in the African American community during the Reagan administration.Once dismissed as conspiracy theory,this chapter in CIA history has been researched and well- documented by various investigative journalists including Gary Webb, author of “Dark Alliances.” We must recognize the vital and unyielding commitment of Islam to justice, and to the rights and well-being of all people. This is one of the primary ways we will be able to recognize and withstand attacks against our own community, secure our future in this nation, and hold on to our values and beliefs.
    There are existing Islamic institutions in the United States that fail to differentiate between Islamic culture and the various traditions of Muslim-majority nations. Consequently, Muslim Americans, particularly Muslim youth, are often confused by teachings that unnecessarily disenfranchise and alienate them from aspects of American society that are not contradictory with Islamic beliefs. Rather than insisting that the Islamic worldview as delineated and taught in our traditional centers of learning is irreproachable and infallible, we must contribute to an environment that encourages critical thinking and a willingness to learn about the history and social nuances of the society in which we live. Young adult Muslim Americans should initiate an intensive study of American history, beyond that which is taught in our public schools. Our leaders and teachers must be individuals who are knowledgeable about the history of the 241-year-oldsocial, political, and economicexperiment known as the United States of America, with all its good points and its weaknesses, and its too frequent ignoble conduct toward many, both citizens and immigrants. Additionally, young Muslim Americans need to study classical Islamic works, as well as the literature of the revivalist theorists and movements of the last 150 years, from around the time of the decline and fall of the Ottoman Empire up to the present era. There was a time in our history when great Muslim scholars, thinkers, and visionaries guided the Ummah, even though the Muslim nations were physically and mentally colonized and in disarray. These leaders had firm understanding of Quran and sunnah as well as deep grasp of, and insight into, the social and geo-political conditions that prevailed.
    Let’s try stepping away for a moment from our non-productive social media “Statuses,” “Likes,” and the “clicktivism” that we are so passionately immersed in. Much of it is petty, distracting, or divisive. Muslim youth — let’s spend more time learning, thinking, and developing our character. That is a much more productive outlet for our youthful passion and energy.Acquiring sound knowledge and the purifying of our souls can unite us, giving us a common ground for speaking truth and taking action. What Say You?

  • Want Your Child to Grow in Confidence, Maturity, and Responsibility?

    Want Your Child to Grow in Confidence, Maturity, and Responsibility?

    Want Your Child to Grow in Confidence, Maturity, and Responsibility?

    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: “Make [things] easy, not difficult…” (Bukhari). He (pbuh) also said, “Woe to those who exaggerate [who are too strict]!”(Bukhari). He (pbuh) also said: “Moderation, moderation! For only with moderation will you succeed” (Muslim).

    Authoritarian Parenting
    • Parents’ role comes across to the children as despotic (absolute and dictatorial power over the child)
    • Strict rules and expectations which tend to be rigid and inflexible
    • Children are expected to be unconditionally obedient and unquestioning of parental demands
    • Parents feel it is their right to be respected by the child regardless of their own behavior; little or no consideration is given to the right of the child to be respected by the parent
    • High expectations are placed on children regarding their performance academically and in reaching any other goals set in place by parents
    • Little warmth or nurturing is expressed by the parents
    • Punishments are meted out with little or no explanation; with the aim of making the child “pay” for his/her mistake or non-compliance; punishments can be harsh, unrelated to the infraction, and inconsistent
    • Children are not given choices or options; complete control is exercised over the child
    Permissive Parenting
    • Parents often seem more like a friend than a parent
    • Few rules or standards of behavior are put in place and when there are rules, they are often very inconsistent
    • Bribery with toys, gifts, and food are used as a means to get child to behave
    • Abundant love and nurturing of the children is expressed without the balance of discipline
    • Few expectations are placed on children with regard to academic performance or other goals
    Authoritative Parenting

    Authoritarian and permissive parenting styles are seen as being opposite extremes. In between the two is the authoritative parenting style.

    So don’t use an authoritarian or permissive parenting style — choose Authoritative Parenting

    • Parent comes across to the children as role model, teacher, and guide
    • Rules are established and limits are put in place; expectations about children’s behavior and goals are expressed and discussed; flexibility and willingness to make adjustments are utilized as needed or appropriate
    • Children are expected to be obedient but parents are willing to listen to the children and allow their expression of opinion as a way to encourage good communication skills, independence, responsibility, and self-direction
    • Parents feel it is their right to be respected by the child but also believe that the respect must be deserved based on their own proper and fair behavior toward the child; equal consideration is given to the right of the child to be respected by the parents
    • High expectations are placed on children regarding their performance academically and in reaching any other goals set in place by parents, often in collaboration with the child
    • Warmth, caring, and nurturance are freely and frequently expressed
    • Consequences are used as a means to teach greater self-discipline and responsibility rather than as a rote punishment of the child; parents administer fair and consistent discipline and are willing to explain the natural connection between the infraction and the consequence
    • Children are encouraged to discuss options, make choices, and develop the capacity for decision-making and self-regulation in daily living

    Contributed by LivingEman.com

  • Your Child is Being Bullied: What Should You Do?

    Your Child is Being Bullied: What Should You Do?

    Bullying happens too often in schools, both in public and Islamic schools, and parents often don’t know what to do to help their child when he or she is a victim of bullying. When a parent becomes aware that their child is being bullied, it’s very important to address the issue immediately in order to avoid the negative effects of bullying. Those negative effects can impact their development, and diminish their confidence, security, and sense of self-worth.

    Studies in the past have shown that children who are subjected to bullying are likely to have problems in various other aspects of their lives. In addition to feeling unsafe, the child who is subjected to bullying feels the misery of social rejection. This can lead to poor academic performance and other more serious problems as the child gets older. Wanting to feel accepted and liked by his or her peers is extremely important to a child. Yet some children simply lack the social skills that allow them to navigate their way successfully on the playground, in groups of children playing together, or in any casual interaction with peers whether in the classroom, in the hallway, or during lunch at the cafeteria.

    For all children, the younger ones as well as older youth, it is also very important to make sure that they have some basic guidelines as to how to respond when bullying does occur. There is a nonprofit organization that provides very practical steps that you can teach your child in this regard. Their website is www.kidpower.org. The guidelines are available at: kidpower.org/library/article/prevent-bullying/.

    In all cases, make sure that you are supportive of your child and that he or she knows they can tell you anytime about what is going on at school and anything they are having difficulty with. Never convey the idea to your child that he should ignore the bullying or that she is somehow to blame. Make sure he knows that bullying is wrong and that it is not his fault. Share with your child the Islamic teachings about mocking others, calling them names, or talking badly about other people. You can read with your child Surah Al-Hujurat, verse 11, and discuss the meaning on an age-appropriate level.

    When your child is bullied, gently try to get him or her to talk about the bullying so that you can elicit information and details about when, where, and how it happens. Talk to your child’s teacher and, if necessary, the school principal and let them know that you want to work with them to ensure that your child does not continue to be subjected to bullying.

    Most importantly, make sure that your home is a place where your child feels safe and secure, physically as well as emotionally. Your child should always feel that he/she can openly and honestly communicate with you. Let your child know that together you can solve any problem or handle any challenge, and that with patience and perseverance the solution will be found.

    Contributed by LivingEman.com

  • It’s Your Life – Balance It with Your Faith

    It’s Your Life – Balance It with Your Faith

    It’s easy to get overwhelmed with life — school, career choices, family, friends, social activism, political involvement, worship, etc. Sometimes you just wonder, “where is the right balance.”

    Being a young American Muslim means navigating social, political, cultural, and personal challenges

    The Quran and the teachings of the Prophet (peace be upon him) don’t just lay out a simplistic or doctrinaire formula to follow for balancing one’s life because human beings are complex, diverse in our demographics and personal attributes. Rather than giving a formula, the Quran and Sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) give us guidelines on how to tackle the personal, social, spiritual, cultural, political, and occupational challenges in our lives.

    Inspiring Social Change

    It all begins with one’s connection to Allah. That connection, revisited five times a day with daily prayer, is the foundation for the right spiritual orientation that serves as the basis for balancing every other aspect of one’s life. An important result of the right spiritual orientation, related to the social, political, and cultural aspects of life, is social activism. When faith becomes fully absorbed and embraced, it not only becomes a means of change in the individual, but a means to change the society he/she lives in as well.

    I recently read and was inspired by the biography of Badsha Khan (1890 – 1988), the Pathan social worker and activist who founded the non-violent volunteer social group Khudai Khidmatgar (Servants of God) and established schools/literary centers throughout the forsaken Northern Indian Frontier. This was key to changing the cultural stagnation of his people and bringing about India’s independence from British colonialism. Even Gandhi was a fan and joined forces with him, calling him an “unquestionable man of God.” Badsha Khan was indeed a man of faith, and that faith became a catalyst for change in him, and then for the society around him.

    A key to finding balance in your life with your career is just finding what makes you happy, and being excellent at that

    When Pope Francis visited America last year and gave his historic speech to congress, he mentioned Dorothy Day amongst his four most notable figures in American history that were so vital for making this country great. Dorothy Day (1897-1980) was a convert to Catholicism, a journalist and social activist who started the Catholic Worker Movement. This became the foundation for the many hundreds of soup kitchens and other Catholic charities we see around the country today. During her time, anti-Catholic sentiment was very high. But with the establishment of many Catholic orphanages, schools, and hospitals, all building blocks of positive social change, the Catholic religion became “normalized,” woven into the fabric of American culture.

    The social activism of people like Badsha Khan and Dorothy Day is very inspiring, and is exactly the kind of contributions that young Muslims of America can offer today. No one is more equipped with creativity, energy, intelligence, and American authenticity to “normalize” Islam and combat the current trends of Islamophobia, than the Muslim youth of America today. At the same time, their social activism can also serve to make the country a better place for all Americans. Not everyone needs to be a Badsha Khan or Dorothy Day, but part of finding the balance in one’s faith is using it not just as a means of self-improvement, but improvement and bettering of the society you live in as well. The Prophet (pbuh) said, “the best people are those who are the most beneficial to others.”

    Identity: ‘O My People’

    The reason that the likes of people like Badsha Khan and Dorothy Day were so successful is that they were able to see their fellow Indians and Americans, respectively, as “their people.” This is the prophetic spirit that serves as a most essential aspect of embracing an identity that is conducive for social change, and balancing between one’s Muslim and American roots. I say it is the prophetic spirit because all throughout the Quran, the prophets (peace be upon them) addressed their people as “O my people” (ya qawmy). That is a term of endearment, and a term that suggests belonging to, and identification with, the very people they were addressing. This despite the fact that the people they were addressing were mostly pagan or polytheist. Thus, it is possible to belong to a people, feel deep concern for their welfare, and have feelings of affection for them even if they don’t share your religion. They may not be your ummah (religious community), but they are a part of your qawm (people).

    Faith should not just inspire how to interact with and change the larger society you live in, but how you see yourself and your place in that larger society as well

    A question then arises. How many of our Muslim youth can look at their neighbor, be he/she ethnically, demographically, racially and/or religiously different, and truly, honestly feel in their hearts that they are “my people.” Perhaps a more important question follows: how can we be a catalyst of social change and benefit for them if we don’t feel that belonging, identification, and affection? And how can we have a balanced approach to a Muslim-American identity if we don’t embrace that? Faith should not just inspire how to interact with and change the larger society you live in, but how you see yourself and your place in that larger society as well.

    Political Involvement

    Political awareness and engagement on local, state, and national levels are essential to giving Muslims the voice they need to achieve relevance and consideration of our interests on the national level. Interestingly, the Prophet (pbuh) stated that using one’s voice to instigate change for the better is a religious obligation. He said, “When one sees a wrong, let him change it by his hand, and if he cannot, then by his tongue…” The tongue is what produces voice. Tasweet in the Arabic language means to produce a voice, but it also means to vote.

    Many Muslims may not see political involvement as a necessary part of faith — and it isn’t. But producing change with one’s “voice” is, and there is no greater or more effective way of doing that than voting. Especially now, when the country’s soul is essentially up for grabs in this historic election. Young Muslims have many opportunities for more political involvement, whether it be on the local or national level. Organizations such as MPAC and CAIR are good places to start. Regardless of the approach, having a strong political awareness and voice is a key component to a faith-driven balanced life for the American Muslim.

    Aim High and Pursue Your Passion

    I once gave a talk about career choices and was approached by a well-intentioned “uncle” afterwards. He told me that this idea of pursuing one’s passion as a life career choice was ridiculous, and that I did not understand the “rule of fours.” I asked him what that was, and he told me in his culture you are either a doctor, lawyer, engineer, or failure. Yup – that’s it — four options. Unfortunately, this kind of sentiment is all too pervasive in the Muslim community. If everyone is a doctor, lawyer, or engineer, not only would that create imbalance in our communities, but psychologically it would create imbalance in anyone who is not naturally passionate about those fields. A key to finding balance in your life with your career is just finding what makes you happy, and being excellent at that. Muhammad Ali was not a doctor, lawyer, or engineer, but he became an honorable and beloved man by being true to himself and sincere in his faith; and he pursued his passion until he became great at it. American Muslims need to follow that example, and aim high in their careers. The Prophet (pbuh) said at the end of a longer hadith, “…If you ask of Allah, ask Him for Firdaus [the highest place in Paradise]” (Sunan Ibn Majah). We can infer from this that we are meant to aim high in all our endeavors. In fact, of the three dimensions of faith — Islam, eman, ihsan — ihsan is the pinnacle. The basic meaning of “ihsan” is excellence, the pursuit of perfection; and we are instructed, as Muslims, to strive for excellence in all aspects of our lives, in our intentions, words, and actions. Thus, it is the sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) to aim high in one’s career, whatever that career choice is — not limiting oneself to a few possible professions.

    Allah said that the parable of a good word (meaning any utterance or idea that is true and good and beneficial) is like a good tree, “…its roots firmly fixed, and it’s branches [reaching out] toward the sky…” (Quran 14:24). One beautiful commentary about the “branches [reaching out] toward the sky” states that Allah said that to show that for the person of faith, there is no end to their potential. Such should be the psychology of the young American Muslim, with whatever career path they choose in life. I’m reminded of the hadith where the Prophet (pbuh) put his hand on the shoulder of Salman Al-Farsi and said “If this faith were to reach the constellation of Pleiades (tharya), it would be someone from this person’s type that would reach it” (Bukhari). What better way of showing that the real sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) is to really “reach for the stars.” The only real way to find balance in one’s life with their career is to follow the Prophet’s sunnah and aim high. The only way to really do this is truly to pursue your passion.

    Making Time for Family, Friends, and Fun

    We are social creatures, and without a constant dose of healthy social engagement, our lives will not be balanced. This is a prophetically recognized need. When Ibrahim (pbuh) left his family in the barren land of Becca (now called Mecca) he made dua for them, asking Allah to “incline people’s hearts towards them” (Quran 14:37). That is essentially the foundation for a social network.

    Having a strong network of friends and family in one’s life is not just an important part of a balanced life, but a healthy part of life in general. In fact, it’s likely a part of why some communities in the world tend to live longer than others. That is what Dan Buettner shows in his bestseller book, “Blue Zones,” that looks at places in the world where people live the longest — Sardinia, Italy; Okinawa, Japan; Nicoya, Costa Rica; and a community of Seventh-day Adventists in Loma Linda, California). Amongst other factors, all had strong social networks, with large and frequent family and friend get-togethers. Having family and friends in our lives is one of the most important components of a balanced life, as they see us from an angle we don’t see ourselves, and have our best interest in mind with their advice, support, and constructive criticism.

    And in the midst of it all, don’t forget to have some time to yourself and just have fun! We know about sleep debt, but few people know that we can also have a “play debt,” as detailed by Dr. Stuart Brown in his bestseller book “Play.” Whether it be sports, games, or simple playfulness, don’t forget to include some play in your life. Even the Prophet (pbuh) would take time to race with Aisha (R). Having a faith-driven balanced life means having fun too.

    In conclusion, being a young American Muslim means navigating social, political, cultural, and personal challenges. These challenges apply in many ways to every person, but also in other ways are unique to each individual. The Quran and teachings of the Prophet (pbuh) provide timeless advice for navigating those challenges, and balancing one’s life in healthy, happy, and successful ways.

  • Detecting Early Signs of Risk in Our Youth

    Detecting Early Signs of Risk in Our Youth

    Young children and teens today are bombarded from all around them via fellow peers, enticing ads, music, movies, and more, all calling them to engage in harmful behaviors. They are told to do whatever will make them “happy” or “fulfilled,” messages that turn them away from modesty, decency, common sense, and wisdom. It is essential that we, as community leaders, parents, educators, and medical and mental health professionals be aware of the constant struggle that is faced by today’s youth. We must not dismiss or deny signs of risky behavior, or believe that our youth are immune to such things as alcohol or drug use, or becoming sexually active.

    My question to the parents is always “What prevented you from seeking help when you started noticing a change in your child’s behavior?”

    We must also learn to recognize the warning signs and take action right away before things progressively become worse. In order to understand the struggle, we must first take a look at what could lead to psychological, spiritual, and/or social decline in our youth and what we can do to prevent that. Although these three categories are intertwined and influence one another, we will look at them separately to more deeply understand the impact of each.

    Psychological

    In her recent article, 12 Warning Signs Your Child May Have a Mental Health Issue, Dr. Susan Newman discusses “parent radar,” an essential tool all parents have that can help them discern if there is a psychological issue to be dealt with. The parent radar is the innate sense that something is not right with your child even though others may be telling you that it is a phase or a stage and the child will grow out of it. It is the feeling deep down that the mood swings, aggressive behavior, or overeating are not just part of growing up and learning how to cope with and navigate the complexities of life, but are a result of a deeper issue the child is dealing with. Trusting that feeling is essential because ignoring it could lead to dire consequences. When there is a feeling that something is just not right, it is time to seek help to rule out any mental health issues the child may be struggling with. Ignoring the feeling and hoping the issue will go away is where many parents go wrong. The issue will only increase in intensity and will become that much more difficult to resolve.

    I often have parents come into my office with a child who is being disruptive or disrespectful to the parent, a child who is failing in school, a girl who is being aggressive with her siblings, or a boy who has become withdrawn and non-communicative with family members. When I ask how long this has been going on, they typically answer: a few months, over a year, or sometimes a few years. My question to the parents is always “What prevented you from seeking help when you started noticing a change in your child’s behavior?” The answer is not always the same, but most often it is: “We didn’t think it was a big deal” or “We thought it would go away on its own.”

    It is essential to reach out for help when any warning signs present themselves. Ann Douglas, author of Parenting Through the Storm: Find Help, Hope, and Strength When Your Child Has Psychological Problems, discusses the warning signs to look out for. A few of these are frequent mood swings; display of intense emotions such as angry outbursts or extreme fear; difficulty sleeping or having nightmares; a lot of physical complaints. These are just a few of the many warning signs in children that may indicate that a psychological component is playing a part. It is important to be aware of the fact that any significant, extreme, or negative change in your child’s normal mood or behavior should be looked into. As parents, we must keep the communication open with our children, preteens, and teens so that we are able to discuss honestly and directly with them any concerns we may have with regard to their behavior. When children feel comfortable talking to their parents, they are more likely to turn to them for help.

    Spiritual

    Too often parents clash with their children or teens over religion, urging them to pray salah and read Quran, and wondering where they went wrong when their child refuses to comply or follow through. There is a common fear among Muslim parents that their children will go astray and completely denounce the deen or not wish to live a life of obedience to Allah’s commands. Parents spend many nights on the prayer rug earnestly seeking Allah’s help in guiding their children. Prayers are a huge step in the right direction, but so is patient, loving communication and interaction with our children. From a very young age, the parent is the role model when it comes to religion. They must be authoritative (not authoritarian), yet kind and fair. If religion is associated with any misbehavior or less than mature words and actions on the part of the parent(s), the child is likely going to feel alienated from Islam. Educating your child about the deen, demonstrating on a daily basis its values and principles, and imbuing it with meaning and purpose and joy through your love and encouragement – all this is essential, especially in the teen years.

    Warning signs of spiritual decline include a lack of interest in going to the masjid, in reading the Quran, or in praying. These may seem obvious but what may not be as clear is the feeling underneath the lack of interest. What is occurring inside the child/teen that is leading to this distance from deen? This must be unearthed in order for the spiritual decline to be understood and addressed. I have often seen in my practice teens who have lost hope in Allah because of prayers being unanswered, or others who have committed sins that they do not believe they could be forgiven. Trust, hope, and belief in Allah’s mercy are essential discussions to engage youth in so that they can relate these valuable principles to their own situations. Again, communication is always key. A connection to your teen and awareness of what he/she is going through is necessary in order to be a mentor, a compelling influence, and a source of guidance and comfort to him or her.

    Social

    The social life of preteens and teens is so important to them. This stage of life is when they are discovering themselves and, therefore, depend very highly on their peers. We know it well that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has said: “Man is influenced by the faith of his friends. Therefore, be careful of whom you associate with.” This statement must be focused on in this stage of a person’s life because the early teen years are when strong friendships are being developed. As parents, we must be aware of the people who are spending time with our youth, and the influence they may have on them, for good or ill. If our children are showing any signs of disinterest in being around family, mistreating others, becoming non-communicative, isolating themselves, etc., we must take note and remedy the situation before it worsens.

    Perhaps greater than the influence of friends is the influence of the Internet. Social media has grown so exponentially that many parents are unable to keep up with the different apps and social media outlets that the youth connect to and engage in on a daily basis, often multiple times a day. Inappropriate words, pictures, and videos can be shared in an instant, and access to them has become easier than ever before. Dr. Carolyn C. Ross, in her article, Overexposed and Under-Prepared: The Effects of Early Exposure to Sexual Content, notes the danger:

    Research has long established that teens who watch movies or listen to music that glamorizes drinking, drug use or violence tend to engage in those behaviors themselves. A 2012 study shows that movies influence teens’ sexual attitudes and behaviors as well. The study, published in Psychological Science, found that the more teens were exposed to sexual content in movies, the earlier they started having sex and the likelier they were to have casual, unprotected sex.

    It is simple common sense that there are detrimental effects on children from exposure to sexual and violent content. We as parents must strive to minimize such exposure via phones, tablets, and computers. Limits must be placed on when and where the device is used and for how long. There are numerous parental controls that are available on devices so that parents can control what their children are being exposed to. Some warning signs to look out for include: a decrease in time spent with family, an increase in time spent on devices, a decrease in communication/interaction with others, and any negative attitude or behavior change. Constant monitoring and open discussions with teens about sex, alcohol/drugs, and violence can prevent exposure and the more feared result, addiction. Children as young as nine years old are being exposed to pornography, and we simply cannot ignore this issue any longer; we must openly discuss in our homes and in our Islamic centers the danger to our children.

    Prevention is Key

    Unfortunately, parents so often seek professional help only when a situation with their child has reached crisis proportions. We as a community need to encourage one another to ask for help, to seek counseling, and to attend workshops so that we can work to prevent psychological, spiritual, and social problems in our youth. We must be proactive in creating resources within the community to protect the youth from harmful influences. The greatest need for children is connection and a sense of belonging. When they feel a lack of connection to their parents and to their community, that is when the need for something else comes into the picture. These feelings of loneliness and isolation drive teens to turn to drugs and sex, and also make them susceptible to depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions.

    Communication is essential among families, friends, and community members so that we can assist one another when a warning sign presents itself. Counseling should never be a last resort but, instead, must be a resource that we encourage one another to utilize in times of chronic or acute stress, or any alarming concern. This can prevent even larger problems from taking hold of our families and communities. It is time we moved forward, from burying our heads in the sand to facing the problems head and heart on.

  • Seeking His Shade: Growing up in the Worship of God

    Seeking His Shade: Growing up in the Worship of God

    Have you ever heard the saying — Youth is wasted on the young? Those of us who can still lay claim to being young often have no real sense of the value of our youth. We’re strong in body, passionate in emotion, and have ample free time that makes older folks envious. There are young people who use their youthful years wisely, and others who fritter it away as though it holds no worth, thinking, “I’ll change sooner or later but I’ve got time to do whatever I want now.”

    Youth is a time of exploration. Older youth don’t yet have the family, financial, and civic responsibilities of an adult; but they have time, energy, health, and exuberant curiosity to explore, develop skills, and grow in knowledge

    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “Take benefit of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free time before you are preoccupied, and your life before your death.” Youth is mentioned as one of the categories here because it involves the part of your life where you are at your peak health. It’s the time when you’re in a position to lay a foundation for the rest of your life, to institute habits of discipline, to practice virtues, to learn how to think and reason and use common sense. This is the time when you’re able to begin an exciting journey of discovery, of contribution and service, of beneficial impact on your community and the world.

    In the era of the Prophet (pbuh), youth was not seen as a barrier to accomplishing things. There were military leaders who were teenagers. There were Quranic scribes who, in our times, would be considered too young to take on such an important task. There were scholars who were raised in the presence of the Prophet, listening to his words and absorbing his wisdom at tender ages. For these individuals, their youth was an asset, never a limitation. We’re often (mistakenly) taught that as young people we do not have the skills, patience, or dedication to contribute in a substantive way to our communities and to the larger ummah. But as we’ve mentioned, throughout Islamic history many young people achieved great things.

    The very act of having good people in your life can make or break your status with God. Your peers affect you in ways that you may not comprehend at first glance.

    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “There are seven whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day when there is no shade except His Shade.” Among the seven he mentioned is a young person who grows up in the worship of Allah. How can we ensure that Allah (SWT) grants us this status on the Day of Judgment? And how can we capitalize on our time to make sure we’ve fulfilled our greatest potential during the dynamic and bountiful years of our youth?

    Surround Yourself with Good Friends

    I couldn’t be more grateful to my parents who strove to put me in the presence of intelligent and well-mannered people, including my peers. They always knew where I was and with whom. They knew my friends’ parents, and the kinds of people they were. I’ll openly admit that as a child, this was often irritating to me. I didn’t want to have to answer a million questions about who my friends were or where we were going and for how long. I wanted my “freedom.” Now, as an adult and as a parent, I have come to sincerely appreciate the effort that my parents exerted so that I would be in the company of good, trusted people. The very act of having good people in your life can make or break your status with God. Your peers affect you in ways that you may not comprehend at first glance.

    For example, in Surat al-Kahf, Allah (SWT) mentions the story of a group of young men who escaped their town and secluded themselves in a cave because they were the only ones who believed in one God. Allah (SWT) caused them to sleep for 309 years. As part of the story, Allah (SWT) describes the group, saying: “They will say there were three, the fourth of them being their dog; and they will say there were five, the sixth of them being their dog – guessing at the unseen; and they will say there were seven, and the eighth of them was their dog. Say, [O Muhammad], ‘My Lord is most knowing of their number. None knows them except a few. So do not argue about them except with an obvious argument and do not inquire about them [among the speculators] from anyone’” (18:22). It may seem like the dog is mostly irrelevant in the story, but the fact that Allah (SWT) mentions him several times is no coincidence. Scholars of tafseer have explained that the reason the dog is mentioned so often is that it was in the company of these righteous young people. Being in the company of these believers was enough for the dog to be honored to the level of being mentioned three separate times in this Quranic verse. This is the blessing of righteous companionship!

    Not only do we need to surround ourselves with good people, we also need to ensure that we become the sellers of musk. Every person who sits with us should leave with something beautiful.

    Similarly, in a beautiful hadith Qudsi, Allah (SWT) explains that the angels search for groups of people who are remembering Allah, and they surround them with their wings. At the end of the hadith, Allah (SWT) says: “Bear witness that I have forgiven them.” Then one of the angels would ask, “Among those assembled, there is one who is not of them [i.e., a sinner]; he only came for some other need.” Allah would reply: “Even so, they are one another’s companions and their companions shall not suffer.” Just our presence with the people who remember Allah can be a means for us to be forgiven!

    Having righteous companionship can affect our status with Allah (SWT). Good people remind us of our blessings and remind us to be grateful for them. Good people can lift us up in times of distress so that we don’t get lost in our pain. Good people help our hearts stay open and receptive to Allah’s message and guidance. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), said, “The likeness of a righteous friend and an evil friend is the likeness of a perfume seller and a blacksmith. As for the perfume seller, he may either bestow something on you or you may purchase something from him, or you may benefit from his sweet smell. And as for the blacksmith, he may either burn your clothes or you may be exposed to his awful smell.”

    Not only do we need to surround ourselves with good people, we also need to ensure that we become the sellers of musk. Every person who sits with us should leave with something beautiful.

    Read, Read, and Read Some More

    As a child, I would walk to the nearby library with my siblings and we would each take out at least ten books at a time. Once we got home, we would hole ourselves up in our rooms, devouring the books one by one. This was our entertainment before the advent of hand-held devices. Our mother would have to pry books out of our hands in order for us to eat or sleep at a decent time.

    Growing up this way made us into voracious readers. Although many of us have succumbed to the allure of hand-held devices, there is still no greater pleasure than holding a book and reading in silence. Reading opens the mind to frames of reference other than our own. It enriches our vocabularies so that we might become articulate speakers and writers. It lets us glimpse realities that we haven’t lived, and helps us develop understanding and empathy. “Read!” was the first word ever revealed to our beloved Prophet (pbuh). Years later, after a victorious battle in which the Muslims captured a number of their enemies, Prophet Muhammad advised that if any of them would teach ten children how to read and write, they would be freed. The ability to read and write was given such significant value that teaching it was considered enough of a ransom to warrant an enemy’s freedom. Allah (SWT) tells us in the first verses revealed: “Read! — in the Name of your Lord Who created, created man from a clinging substance. Read! — and your Lord is the Most Generous, Who taught by the pen, taught man that which he knew not” (96:1-5).

    In the Quran and the Prophetic traditions, there is great emphasis placed on reading, learning, and contemplating. Attaining to knowledge is given such a high status that even the Prophet himself would supplicate to Allah, saying “My Lord! Increase me in knowledge.” Reading is the gateway into the world of learning. It is the start of a life-long journey of reflection and exploration. The Quran advises, “Say, [O Muhammad], ‘Travel through the land and observe how He began creation. Then Allah will produce the final creation. Indeed, Allah is able to do all things’” (29:20).

    Reading isn’t just an intellectual exercise. It’s about expanding your mind to a point where you start to recognize and appreciate all the signs that Allah (SWT) has placed on this earth. So for a portion of each day, put aside social media, gaming, and TV and read! Read and strive to understand the Quran; read about the amazing scholars, writers, and inventors who came before us. Read about history, politics, economics, psychology, physics, linguistics, alternative energy sources, health and fitness… the list is endless. And the capacity to expand our minds and deepen our understanding is relatively endless as well.

    Grow Your Passions and Be Active

    Once you reach the age of puberty, you are held accountable for all that you do, and that thought can be daunting. But you also have the opportunity to do good and therefore cement your status as a “youth who grew up in the worship of God.” Youth is a time of exploration. Older youth don’t yet have the family, financial, and civic responsibilities of an adult; but they have time, energy, health, and exuberant curiosity to explore, develop skills, and grow in knowledge.

    Take courses outside of school, develop interesting hobbies, volunteer with your school’s MSA or other groups, work on neighbourhood projects or political campaigns that you believe in. You can even start a small business on your own or with a group of other like-minded peers. The opportunities are quite literally endless. But above all, remember that you are doing all of these things so that Allah will accept you as a youth who took advantage of his or her years before old age. And most of all, remember that you are doing all of these things as part of your worship, as a demonstration that your words and deeds flow from your eman; and your eman, in turn, is constantly growing and informing your daily living with a believer’s sense of meaningfulness and purpose. Ensure that this intention is present, and He will bless all that you do.

    Remember that Your Surroundings Don’t Define You

    I know how difficult it is to grow up in a place where others often belittle your identity, or look at you with suspicion. Perhaps you may feel that you’re at a disadvantage because you live somewhere remote, unable to learn at the feet of scholars, or you live in an environment not conducive to Islamic beliefs. But I remind myself constantly of the examples of the righteous people who came before me – some of whom had to live and preach in much more difficult circumstances. Prophet Musa (pbuh) was raised in the household of one of the worst oppressors and transgressors in history — Pharaoh himself. His adoptive mother Aasiya (may Allah be pleased with her) was in the same boat, but she had it even worse – she was married to Pharoah. And yet both of them rose above these toxic influences surrounding them – Musa (pbuh) became a prophet and messenger whose brilliant example is immortalized in the Quran. Aasiya became a martyr whose strength inspires us to this day, and whose dying words have become part and parcel of our beliefs: “My Lord, build for me near You a home in Paradise.”

    The opposite is also true. You can grow up in the best and most loving, supportive environments for a believer and still go astray. Take for example Prophet Nuh’s (pbuh) son. Regardless of the fact that his father was a prophet, Nuh’s son vehemently disbelieved in the truth. Even as the waves of the flood were getting higher and more violent, he refused to board his father’s ark and eventually perished. You are not defined solely by your surroundings. You are defined only by your own worship of God and your dedication to goodness in all facets of your life. Despite your flaws and sins (we all have them) – you’re so much stronger than you think.

    I pray that I and each person reading this meet under the Shade of Allah (SWT) because we used our youthful years to worship Him (SWT). Ameen.

  • Protecting Our Muslim Youth in a Gender-fluid and Hyper-sexual Society

    Protecting Our Muslim Youth in a Gender-fluid and Hyper-sexual Society

    When I was invited to write an article about preparing youth for marriage, I eagerly agreed. I was excited to tackle the topic, not because this has become my field of expertise as the subject of my doctoral research and the focus of a great deal of my work as a youth counselor, but because I saw an opportunity. I had an opportunity to address marriage preparation, one among a list of important topics focusing on the well-being of our youth, including mentoring, developing leadership, time management, and other skills for success, or finding balance in one’s life. However, rather than simply discussing the importance of premarital education and counseling, I decided to focus instead on the issue of moral decline as it relates to sexuality, an issue that is plaguing our youth and causing a detrimental ripple effect deep into the bedrock of young marriages. This article focuses on the hyper-sexuality and shifting views of gender identification that our youth are currently exposed to. We, as parents, educators, community leaders, and activists must come to understand these issues if we are going to protect our children and youth.

    At an increasingly younger and younger age, youth are exposed to very mature content for which they are completely unprepared to process in the context of family, faith, and personal well-being

    As Muslims, we don’t talk about sex. And we definitely don’t talk about sexuality or sexual orientation with our youth. The taboo topic that often results in tongue-tied parents and red-faced religious leaders is not discussed in a healthy way with youth who are already socially exposed to these concepts through a variety of mediums. In neglecting the discussion of these topics, we are left instead with a multitude of curious teens and young adults seeking to learn about sexuality from the many sources that do offer open dialogue: friends, books, magazines, school, television, and, of course, the Internet. While the information may be plentiful and easily accessible, without guidance, a teenager may be left to his or her own devices to make sense of a very grown-up topic. Yet, our faith clearly indicates that we must have conversations with our youth in preparing them for dealing with the real world, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) instructed that there should be no shyness in matters of religion when legitimately seeking knowledge.

    Social Influences

    Today, our youth are surrounded by books, movies, shows, and songs that glamorize intimacy removed from the sanctity of marriage. At an increasingly younger and younger age, youth are exposed to very mature content for which they are completely unprepared to process in the context of family, faith, and personal well-being. Songs by popular figures aim to normalize homosexuality and/or bisexuality, such as Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl,” in which Perry sings, “and I liked it.” Popular family shows such as “Modern Family” present same-sex parents Mitchell and Cameron.

    At the same time, books aimed at a young audience such as “See You at Harry’s” by Jo Knowles encourage exploration of teen and preteen sexual identification rooted in same-gender relationships. “Adult” books such as the infamous “Fifty Shades of Grey” by E.L. James completely subvert the idea of sexuality, presenting the content as romantic while filled with sexual and emotional abuse of women characters. Teenagers can covertly access this book despite warnings to stay away. Without a doubt, the impact of exposure to sexuality outside of marriage, and sexual lifestyle choices, is a corruption of the eyes, ears, and hearts, particularly in youth; and this is highly destructive to their developing worldview, sense of self and identity, and perceptions of marriage.

    With every open conversation we have with a teenager, there are ten more conversations that we need to have. Education, communication, patience, love, and prayer—lots and lots of prayer—form the cornerstone of open dialogue with our youth

    Every day, we see media icons such as Caitlyn Jenner (formerly known as Bruce Jenner) who are portrayed as heroes for choosing to “become” a gender they are more comfortable with, while the famed offspring of that same notorious family (Kim, Khloe, Kylie, and the other Kardashians) consistently flaunt their hyper-sexuality in the grossest form of shameless media exposure. Early teens and preteens are encouraged to explore not only what they will be when they grow up, but also what gender they select, as if it is a choice as easily negotiable as dying your hair or wearing colored contacts. Gender is currently viewed by pop culture as completely unbound by biology and genetics, resulting in the emergence of the cisgender identification (referring to the alignment of one’s gender identity with one’s biological sex assigned at birth) so as to normalize the transgendered choice.

    What can help our youth withstand the tide so as not to be swept away by the appeal to satisfy every fleeting desire? In a world that constantly preaches individualism and unbridled fulfillment of self, children are taught to feed the nafs al-ammara (base, lower self), to satisfy all worldly desires regardless of moral or religious reservations. This message of satisfying the self at all times and at all costs is a problematic contradiction for Muslims who believe in controlling desires of dunya as the ultimate form of submission to the will of Allah (SWT). But this message pales in comparison to the glitzy appeal of a world that advocates for the unfettered attainment of all desires. Consistently raising the bar on what will satisfy the nafs becomes a major factor in the lack of contentment pervading the marriage realm. When presented with a buffet of lifestyle choices, the singular distinction of monogamous marriage is seen as restrictive and confining. Marriage then becomes synonymous with monotony rather than being viewed as a path towards tranquility, stability, and, according to hadith, completing “half the deen.”

    Opportunities

    As Muslims in the West, we find ourselves working so hard on the constant defense of our faith from threats external to our communities that we sometimes lose sight of what threatens our youth internally. At one time, parents could easily warn their children about staying away from relationships with the opposite gender, which of course often occurred anyway but were considered scandalous when news inevitably reached the ears of the community. Yet, the parents of today have a whole other slew of sexual stances and definitions to warn their children about, things that they themselves may not fully understand. Trying to keep up with the constant barrage of LBTQ+ messages and identities from transsexual to pansexual to everything in between, is difficult for a generation that understands sexuality and gender identities as their parents and grandparents did, and their religion sanctions. Despite the religious rejection of these identities and actions, the exploration of such identities among our youth is growing at a terrifyingly rapid rate. The Internet provides an ever-changing menu for a variety of identifications, and our youth, decidedly more tech-savvy than us, are exposed to this confusing and harmful phenomenon.

    One may argue that the youth of the ‘60s, ‘70s, and ‘80s also grew up in a sexually permissive society and that the generation of that era turned out just fine. In those days, however, family values were still at the core of society and children were not indoctrinated to believe they had a choice in sexual orientation and gender identity. Traditional families and gender roles still held sway.

    As a Muslim community, we have yet to find the antidote for exposure to today’s sexual permissiveness, or the words to address it. We prefer to remain reticent on the topic of gender identification and homosexuality. Unlike the vocal faith groups who actively speak out against same gender relationships and the breakdown of the traditional family, we tend to tiptoe around the situation and prefer not to discuss something that we feel has nothing to do with our community. We try to avoid “planting the seed” in the minds of our youth without realizing that the seed has already been planted by others and that our reticence causes more confusion than clarification.

    Into the Future

    Protecting our youth in a gender-fluid and hyper-sexual society begins with talking to our own children. It begins by bringing down the barriers and allowing our youth the safe space needed to discuss with us openly what may be on their minds, what they are confused about, and what challenges they face as they attempt to navigate psychologically and emotionally through such turbulent times. Our work continues with identifying the factors that may influence our children and promoting a healthy consciousness of what a traditional faith-based relationship looks like. We must model purposeful, mature, and peaceful living in our own relationships. We are the stewards of the coming generation. With every open conversation we have with a teenager about the topics discussed in this article, there are ten more conversations that we need to have. Education, communication, patience, love, and prayer—lots and lots of prayer—form the cornerstone of open dialogue with our youth.

    What More Can We Do?

    After understanding the identity threats that impinge on our youth’s emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being, our natural response is “what more can we do?” The seemingly insurmountable mountain can be scaled by opening the lines of dialogue and discussion with our children. Here are some suggestions:

    • Begin discussion with your children from a young age about biological elements of the body. Don’t let their natural curiosity lead them down the path towards asking the wrong people or looking for information in the wrong places.
    • Refer often to the Quran. Teach your children the verses of Surat Ar-Rum regarding marriage and the creation of males and females as mates for one another, and other verses from the Quran that emphasize the beauty and sanctity of the marital relationship.
    • Keep hay’aa (modesty) as a central reference point in your home. Teach youth what modesty in action, in thoughts, in glances, and in interactions means, in addition to modesty in dress. Emphasize the importance of hay’aa for both girls and boys.
    • As your pre-teens and teens begin to enter the world of changing emotions and fluctuating hormones, be sure to discuss with them the difference between desire and action and how they can mitigate the emotions that they may not yet understand fully.
    • Help your children to recognize and fully appreciate the beauty of tawbah (repentance) and the love that Allah (SWT) has for those who sincerely repent; also talk about His love for those who are tested with desires but guard against sin because of their love for pleasing Him (SWT).
    • Use the words of the Quran regarding our prophets to exemplify guiding principles that can help protect our youth. For example, reference the story of Prophet Yusuf (pbuh) and how he was pulled by a woman’s desire, and he preferred to be put in prison than to be placed in that position. Explain to them also the situation of Prophet Lut (pbuh) and how he stood against those who acted in a way that was not pleasing to Allah (SWT) in trying to satisfy their lustful desires.
    • Finally, make a great deal of dua for the protection of your children and all the children of the ummah. Let your children see and hear you making dua often, and talk to them about the power of dua. Let them know that your dua is sincere and heartfelt, coming from a place of love for Allah (SWT) and for them.

    Finally, if you find it difficult to have these conversations with your children or teens, find a trusted mentor, an older sibling, or a youth group leader who can help guide your child in the right direction. May Allah (SWT) guide us all and guide all our children to the straight path. May He protect our coming generations from the fitnahs that we see today and the ones that we may not yet see.