thanks – The Message International

Jabir (ra) reported that the Prophet (s) said, “Whoever is not grateful for small things will not be grateful for large things.” And the companion of the Prophet (s), Abdullah Ibn Masood (ra) said, “Eman is two halves, half sabr (patience and perseverance) and half, shukr (gratitude).”

Gratefulness is an essential aspect of Islam. The Prophet (s) said, “Whoever does not thank people, does not thank Allah” (al-Tirmidhi). It should be a central part of every Muslim’s life. Not only is it an important part of our worship, but it also has a profound effect on our mental health and well-being. Research shows that it can reduce stress, improve sleep, and enhance interpersonal relationships. When engaging in negative or counterproductive thoughts, expressing gratitude can shift the mind to a more positive, beneficial outlook. Gratitude for even small things keeps you more satisfied with what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t have. Gratitude reduces feelings of regret, envy, resentment, and frustration, all of which weigh us down mentally and emotionally. A study done by Harvard Health showed that people who reflected on the things they were grateful for were more optimistic about their lives and had fewer doctor visits than those who focused on things that caused them irritation.

Effects of Gratitude on Stress

We all know what some of the most common stressors are —an exhausting work or school schedule, parenting, a tumultuous relationship, loss of a loved one, experiencing abuse, a serious health diagnosis, and the list just goes on. While it is natural to feel fatigue or disappointment or fear when challenged with life’s inevitable stressors, we should aim to stay centered and God-conscious, realizing that the ups and downs of life are part of the test of our faith. Striving to maintain some degree of equanimity is important as stress can cause high blood pressure, erratic heart rhythm, higher stress hormone levels, increased blood pressure, depression, anxiety, difficulty sleeping, and/or irritability.

Even with the daily small inconveniences, disappointments, frustrations, and other challenges, gratitude can offset stress. Dr. Emmons, author of “The Little Book of Gratitude,” states that gratitude can reduce cortisol, a stress hormone, by 23 percent, thereby reducing the health problems associated with high levels of stress. When we express gratitude, our brain releases the chemicals serotonin and dopamine. Serotonin causes us to feel happier, calmer, and more focused. Dopamine is a reward chemical that makes us feel more motivated and productive. These are commonly known as the “happy hormones” that give us overall positive mood and emotions. Thanking others and the Almighty can open the doors to a happier life.

Gratitude and Everyday Relationships

Everyone likes to feel appreciated by those around them, whether spouses, children, friends, or co-workers. The best way to show appreciation is to express it, and there are countless ways to do that. Expressing your gratitude for those around you fosters stronger, healthier and more loving relationships with those people. A 2011 study done by psychologist Nathan Dewall demonstrates that showing appreciation enriches and increases your social circle. People like being around those who make them feel good. One of the ways to show gratitude to your closest loved ones is learning their love language. It may be words of affirmation, acting in ways that help them or serve them, or physical touch and show of affection. Giving gifts, however small, is of course a show of gratitude. The Prophet (s) said: “Give each other gifts and you will love each other” (al-Adab al-Mufrad).

Overcoming Trauma Through Gratitude

Gratitude has also been shown to help people overcome trauma. A 2006 study published in Behavior Research and Therapy found that war veterans who routinely expressed gratitude showed lower rates of PTSD. The practice of gratitude demonstrated a positive effect on motivation and higher self-esteem, and an overall increase in days experienced as pleasant. The study suggests that gratitude “may have salutary effects on everyday functioning.”

We go through many emotions after a traumatic experience, and many people keep their emotions bottled up and then withdraw from social interactions. Gratitude can help people climb out of that state of isolation and work through their emotions. You don’t necessarily have to change how you feel about your situation. You can still feel angry or sad. These emotions aren’t abnormal and ignoring them can put you right back into feelings of withdrawal, but there has to be a balance of emotions. You have to “look on the bright side,” to put things in a more positive perspective, if you want to move forward. Practicing gratitude can be an important part of that process.

The Prophet said, “How wonderful is the affair of the believer! Indeed, all of his affairs are good for him. This is for no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is grateful to Allah, which is good for him. And if something bad happens to him, he has patience, which is good for him” (Muslim). We should never stop being grateful for what we have, for our blessings both big and small, and for the people around us, family and friends, who we care about and who care about us.

We are living through difficult times and many people feel a bit overwhelmed by what is going on in the world. Some complain, some hold all of the troubles inside and don’t talk about it, and other feel a perpetual anxiety. It’s good during difficult times to remind ourselves to be thankful. Below are three simple stories about gratitude, about staying centered in adversity, and about the benefit of remembering Allah SWT and counting the favors He bestows upon us.

This Too Is for the Good

A traditional teaching story about a farmer who lived long ago conveys this wisdom. One day while working in the field, the farmer’s plough horse dropped to the ground and died. Everyone in the village said, “Oh, what a horrible thing to happen.” The farmer said simply, “This too is for the good.” Everyone in the village got together and gave him a new horse as a gift. A few days later, the new horse jumped a fence and ran away. Everyone in the village shook their heads and said, “What a poor fellow!” The farmer smiled and said, “This too is for the good.” Eventually, the horse found his way home, and everyone again said, “What a fortunate man.” The farmer said, ” This too is for the good.” Later in the year, the farmer’s son went out riding on the horse and fell and broke his leg. Everyone in the village said, “How unfortunate for the poor boy.” The farmer said, ” This too is for the good.” Two days later, a marauding band of thieves came into the village and tried to coerce young men to join them. When they saw that the farmer’s son had a broken leg, they left him alone. Everyone said, “What a fortunate young man.” The farmer smiled again and said, ” This too is for the good.” One of the villagers said to the farmer, “It seems that whether good things or bad things happen to you, all you say is ‘this too is for the good.’” The farmer smiled and said, “Yes, that’s true…and this too is for the good?!” (modified from the traditional teaching story).

The Prophet (s) said, “The affair of the believer is amazing! The whole of his life is beneficial, and that is only in the case of the believer. When good times come to him, he is thankful and it is good for him, and when bad times befall him, he is patient, and it is also good for him” (Muslim).

Troubles are Like Dandelions

A teenage girl was complaining to her mother about the difficulties in her life — it seemed like her teacher always criticized her, her best friend borrowed things and didn’t return them, there was a leak under her bathroom sink that had soaked everything stored under there, and she had stained her favorite shirt. Her mother listened patiently to the litany of complaints. Then she said, “Sweetheart, the troubles we encounter in life are like dandelions. Dandelions are unpopular, considered a weed that grows profusely where it’s not wanted, and are nearly impossible to get rid of. However, we can shift our perception of dandelions and all of a sudden, they don’t look so annoying and unwanted.”

The mother continued, “Did you know that dandelions have been used in Chinese traditional medicine for over a thousand years to help the liver remove toxins from the bloodstream. Did you know, honey, that more nutrition is packed into a dandelion than in most vegetables? And the fact is, dandelions have wide-spreading roots that loosen and aerate hard-packed soil and prevent erosion.” The mother then pointed out the potential benefits of the troubles and challenges her daughter was facing, and would always face, in life: “Sweetheart, each trouble you encounter is a gift when you face it with patience and try to remember with gratitude the good things in your life. When you do that, you are using that difficulty or hardship or frustration, like a dandelion, to remove toxins from your mind and heart, toxins like impatience and discontentedness. Each inconvenience you endure with grace and gratitude nourishes your strength of character. Each nuisance you deal with in a balanced way loosens and spiritually aerates any hardness of your heart.” The mother touched her daughter’s hand and said, “There was a man who could not get rid of the dandelions in his front lawn. He tried everything and nothing worked. So, he called a local farmers and gardeners association to ask for advice. He told them everything he had tried to eradicate the troubling weeds. After listening patiently to him, the agriculture specialist replied, ‘Sir, the only way to deal with the nuisance and inconvenience of the dandelions is to learn to love them.’” The mother then added, “Sweetheart, thank God for the dandelions. And then reframe your complaints about your life so that you see each difficulty as a gift.”

The Prophet (s) said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor anxiety, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick of a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that” (Bukhari and Muslim).

What Can I Find to Be Grateful For?

A mother was at the grocery store with her 18-month-old son who lately had begun throwing temper tantrums whenever he couldn’t get what he wanted. This morning he was asking for candy and when told it was almost time for lunch and he could have a candy after lunch, the toddler began whining and kicking while in the grocery cart seat. The mother started feeling her blood pressure rise and sweat on her brow. “Another tantrum…This is getting to be too much. I can’t take it anymore. He’s impossible to deal with!” Then the thought came into her head, “What can I find to be grateful for in this situation right now?”

That question was an instantaneous interrupt of her spiraling out-of-control anger and resentment toward her son for acting up. Immediately she thought, “Wow, I feel angry and resentful toward a toddler! That’s crazy!” She repeated the question — “What can I find to be grateful for in this situation right now?” The answer came spontaneously — “I am grateful for my own good health and having a child who is healthy.” This thought calmed her, and she reached out and touched her son’s arm, a spontaneous reaching-out to reassure herself that yes, there he was, able-bodied and full of healthy vigor enough to squirm and whine like the childish human being that he was. Her touch also seemed to calm the boy just a little. Enough that the mother then thought, “What else can I find to be grateful for in this situation right now?”

She looked around at the well-stocked shelves, food of every sort, fresh fruits and vegetables, meat, chicken…why, anything she might want. And she had the money to buy more than enough for her family. All those cans of soup and beans and… then an idea came to her, and she said to her son with a big smile on her face, “Let’s count the cans of soup on this shelf and see if there are more than five!” Her son who loved to count got excited, forgot all about the candy, and started pointing to cans with his arm outstretched. “One, two, three….” The mother thought, “Let me count my blessings and remember God in this moment!”

“And if you were to count Allah’s favors, you would not be able to number them; most surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful” (Qur’an 16:18).

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Gratitude: A Central Part of Every Muslim’s Life