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Jun 24 Transforming Your Reality Jun 17 A History of Muslim Americans’ Political Engagement Jun 17 My Brother is Gay: Navigating the Intersection of Religion and Family An interview with Imam Wesley Lebron Jun 10 Islam and the Romans: Early Muslim-Byzantine Interaction May 20 Reclaiming the Sunnah of Adoption and Foster Care: An Interview with Basmah Salam Apr 29 National Poetry Month: An Ode to Faith, Visibility, and the Conversations We Don’t Forget Apr 15 Beyond Ramadan: Taking Its Lessons Farther  Apr 15 The Power of Saying No: A Reflection on Boundaries

Tag: leadership

  • Three Principles of Islamic Leadership

    Three Principles of Islamic Leadership

    How do we know what virtuous leadership is, according to the Islamic worldview? We see so much corruption in the world today and leaders seem more interested in popularity and personal gain than principle and virtue. So, what are some principles of Islamic leadership?

    The first principle is that Allah SWT provided for us a role model to emulate.

    Allah SWT appointed a human being, the best of created beings, as the final messenger of Allah. And to the final Messenger, Allah says: “Those [prophets] were guided by Allah, so follow their guidance. Say, ‘I ask no reward of you for this [Qur’an]— it is a reminder to the whole world’” (Qur’an 6:90).

    What did the prophets and messengers do with regard to their responsibility of conveying the message of the Creator to their nations? Their messages were clear, simple, and direct, without sugarcoating and without complex ideas or philosophies. The message was consistent: worship the one true God, the One alone deserving of worship, and associate none with Him. Prophet Muhammad followed in the footsteps of the previous messengers; but he is the final figurative brick of a great edifice of divine guidance, the final chosen human being, and the one responsible for being a leader not just for one generation but for the rest of time.

    When he received the first divine message in the Cave of Hira, Prophet Muhammad (s) did not know what was happening and was naturally afraid. When he rushed to his wife Khadijah for comfort, she indeed comforted him and reminded him that he was a good person, and that God would never forsake him. She mentioned his traits of honesty, upholding family ties, and helping others. When she took him to her cousin, the elder Waraqa, who was well versed in the previous scriptures, he asked about what happened in the cave and immediately understood what the supernatural occurrence was. The being in the cave was none other than the Great Angel [angel Gabriel]. Waraqa said, “This is the same one who keeps the secrets, whom Allah had sent to Moses. I wish I were young and could live to the time when your people would kick you out.” Allah’s Messenger asked, “Will they kick me out?” Waraqa replied in the affirmative and said, “Anyone who came with something similar to what you have brought [i.e., a message from God] was treated with hostility; and if I should live till the day when you are kicked out then I will support you strongly.”

    One point must be emphasized: anyone who wants to bring about change must recognize that no prophet or messenger – and they are the greatest of people – was unopposed. Hostility and opposition are unfortunately expected in this world when one preaches and lives according to the truth. A leader in Islam recognizes that their mission of righteousness and truth will sometimes be challenged, and that one must be strong and steadfast no matter the situation. That is emulating the role model as embodied by Prophet Muhammad (s).

    A second principle of Islamic leadership is emphasizing that power and success are from Allah.

    Leaders who trust in Allah attribute success to Him [“…and my success is from Allah…” (11:88)], they thank Allah for all blessings, and they have humility while trusting fully in Allah’s power. For example, with the blessings Dhul Qarnayn was given, he said, “This is a mercy from my Lord.” He knew that true power, success, and provisions do not come from human beings. The opposite example is that of Qarun, who was blessed by Allah with significant wealth, and he attributed it to his own intellect and knowledge instead.

    On a personal level, this principle should be connected to one’s livelihood, wealth, health, family, and so forth. Everything good is from Allah, and we take all measures and engage in all efforts while, at the same time, trusting completely in Him. This principle is exemplified when a parent teaches their child that their blessings are all from Allah, and that correct attribution is liberation from ego-worship. When Allah says, “Whoever puts his trust in Allah, Allah will suffice him…” (Qur’an 65:3), we are reminded to internalize the reality that Allah is truly sufficient for us. Without Allah, we have nothing. “If Allah helps you, none can defeat you. But if He denies you help, then who else can help you? So, in Allah let the believers put their trust” (3:160). When the time comes, we leave this world. Or while still alive, our material blessings might be lost. No created being or that which he possesses is permanent. What is permanent is success in the sight of Allah SWT.

    A third principle is that a leader does not compromise on Islamic principles.

    In the Qur’an, Allah SWT tells Prophet Muhammad (s) to say that “… I only follow that which is revealed to me, and I am not but a clear warner” (46:9). That, along with so many other sources of evidence, let us know that the Prophet would never compromise the truth.

    When the Prophet (s) started conveying the message of Allah, he could have accepted the offer of the Quraysh to be their king, justifying it to himself with the idea that he would later convince them of the divine message.  He could have also compromised the message as they requested and then tried to unite with them and gradually make changes later “as allies.” He could have addressed social ills and aimed to be a reformer to first gather large support, and then later utilize the strength in numbers to present the divine message. But he did not compromise the truth. When the people of Ta’if wanted to accept Islam without giving charity, he could not accept their offer. When Quraysh offered him power, wealth, and authority, he refused all bribes. When they told him that they would worship his Lord for one year and then he would worship theirs for one year, he refused.

    Even when his uncle – who loved him and protected him – mentioned various offers to him on behalf of the pagan elites, he refused without any vagueness, stating, “O Uncle, by Allah, if they put the sun in my right hand and the moon in my left hand to end this affair, until Allah prevails or I die for His cause, indeed I will never leave it.” Prophet Muhammad, in the footsteps of previous messengers, conveyed the truth without compromise, even though that meant that he and his followers would continue to be persecuted relentlessly. This is one of many proofs of his integrity and uprightness as a prophet. Throughout his prophethood, he was absolutely unwilling to compromise the truth, and it is because it is not permissible for any human being, including the messengers, to change something that is ordained by the Creator.

    Similarly, today, the believer who is pleasing to Allah leads himself and the community to goodness regardless of opposition, challenges, requests to water down the message, etc. A genuine leader in Islam cannot be bribed; he will never engage in corrupting the message. He is unwilling to compromise the truth in order to gain more followers, conversions, or any other end. Ultimately, the leader is distinguished by his principled stance that matters that are fixed in Islam (ordained by Allah) can never be changed.

    Furthermore, we are reminded that principled leadership avoids the ego-based traps of seeking fame or fortune. Islamic leadership is about the truth, it is about bringing guidance to the people and advancing goodness and justice in the world. Allah SWT tells us in the Qur’an, “And if the truth had followed their desires, verily the heavens and the earth and whosoever is therein would have been corrupted…” (23:71).

    The Prophet (s) set an example for his followers and for all believers for all times. He is indeed the role model Allah SWT has provided us. And so, any true Muslim leader knows that, even though he demonstrates complete dedication to his role and function, all power and success is from Allah SWT. And the virtuous leader, whether the head of state, the imam of a mosque, or the head of the family, always stands firm for the truth (al-haqq); he never compromises the truth. “And that is because Allah is the Truth…” (Qur’an 31:30).

  • It’s Your Life – Balance It with Your Faith

    It’s Your Life – Balance It with Your Faith

    It’s easy to get overwhelmed with life — school, career choices, family, friends, social activism, political involvement, worship, etc. Sometimes you just wonder, “where is the right balance.”

    Being a young American Muslim means navigating social, political, cultural, and personal challenges

    The Quran and the teachings of the Prophet (peace be upon him) don’t just lay out a simplistic or doctrinaire formula to follow for balancing one’s life because human beings are complex, diverse in our demographics and personal attributes. Rather than giving a formula, the Quran and Sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) give us guidelines on how to tackle the personal, social, spiritual, cultural, political, and occupational challenges in our lives.

    Inspiring Social Change

    It all begins with one’s connection to Allah. That connection, revisited five times a day with daily prayer, is the foundation for the right spiritual orientation that serves as the basis for balancing every other aspect of one’s life. An important result of the right spiritual orientation, related to the social, political, and cultural aspects of life, is social activism. When faith becomes fully absorbed and embraced, it not only becomes a means of change in the individual, but a means to change the society he/she lives in as well.

    I recently read and was inspired by the biography of Badsha Khan (1890 – 1988), the Pathan social worker and activist who founded the non-violent volunteer social group Khudai Khidmatgar (Servants of God) and established schools/literary centers throughout the forsaken Northern Indian Frontier. This was key to changing the cultural stagnation of his people and bringing about India’s independence from British colonialism. Even Gandhi was a fan and joined forces with him, calling him an “unquestionable man of God.” Badsha Khan was indeed a man of faith, and that faith became a catalyst for change in him, and then for the society around him.

    A key to finding balance in your life with your career is just finding what makes you happy, and being excellent at that

    When Pope Francis visited America last year and gave his historic speech to congress, he mentioned Dorothy Day amongst his four most notable figures in American history that were so vital for making this country great. Dorothy Day (1897-1980) was a convert to Catholicism, a journalist and social activist who started the Catholic Worker Movement. This became the foundation for the many hundreds of soup kitchens and other Catholic charities we see around the country today. During her time, anti-Catholic sentiment was very high. But with the establishment of many Catholic orphanages, schools, and hospitals, all building blocks of positive social change, the Catholic religion became “normalized,” woven into the fabric of American culture.

    The social activism of people like Badsha Khan and Dorothy Day is very inspiring, and is exactly the kind of contributions that young Muslims of America can offer today. No one is more equipped with creativity, energy, intelligence, and American authenticity to “normalize” Islam and combat the current trends of Islamophobia, than the Muslim youth of America today. At the same time, their social activism can also serve to make the country a better place for all Americans. Not everyone needs to be a Badsha Khan or Dorothy Day, but part of finding the balance in one’s faith is using it not just as a means of self-improvement, but improvement and bettering of the society you live in as well. The Prophet (pbuh) said, “the best people are those who are the most beneficial to others.”

    Identity: ‘O My People’

    The reason that the likes of people like Badsha Khan and Dorothy Day were so successful is that they were able to see their fellow Indians and Americans, respectively, as “their people.” This is the prophetic spirit that serves as a most essential aspect of embracing an identity that is conducive for social change, and balancing between one’s Muslim and American roots. I say it is the prophetic spirit because all throughout the Quran, the prophets (peace be upon them) addressed their people as “O my people” (ya qawmy). That is a term of endearment, and a term that suggests belonging to, and identification with, the very people they were addressing. This despite the fact that the people they were addressing were mostly pagan or polytheist. Thus, it is possible to belong to a people, feel deep concern for their welfare, and have feelings of affection for them even if they don’t share your religion. They may not be your ummah (religious community), but they are a part of your qawm (people).

    Faith should not just inspire how to interact with and change the larger society you live in, but how you see yourself and your place in that larger society as well

    A question then arises. How many of our Muslim youth can look at their neighbor, be he/she ethnically, demographically, racially and/or religiously different, and truly, honestly feel in their hearts that they are “my people.” Perhaps a more important question follows: how can we be a catalyst of social change and benefit for them if we don’t feel that belonging, identification, and affection? And how can we have a balanced approach to a Muslim-American identity if we don’t embrace that? Faith should not just inspire how to interact with and change the larger society you live in, but how you see yourself and your place in that larger society as well.

    Political Involvement

    Political awareness and engagement on local, state, and national levels are essential to giving Muslims the voice they need to achieve relevance and consideration of our interests on the national level. Interestingly, the Prophet (pbuh) stated that using one’s voice to instigate change for the better is a religious obligation. He said, “When one sees a wrong, let him change it by his hand, and if he cannot, then by his tongue…” The tongue is what produces voice. Tasweet in the Arabic language means to produce a voice, but it also means to vote.

    Many Muslims may not see political involvement as a necessary part of faith — and it isn’t. But producing change with one’s “voice” is, and there is no greater or more effective way of doing that than voting. Especially now, when the country’s soul is essentially up for grabs in this historic election. Young Muslims have many opportunities for more political involvement, whether it be on the local or national level. Organizations such as MPAC and CAIR are good places to start. Regardless of the approach, having a strong political awareness and voice is a key component to a faith-driven balanced life for the American Muslim.

    Aim High and Pursue Your Passion

    I once gave a talk about career choices and was approached by a well-intentioned “uncle” afterwards. He told me that this idea of pursuing one’s passion as a life career choice was ridiculous, and that I did not understand the “rule of fours.” I asked him what that was, and he told me in his culture you are either a doctor, lawyer, engineer, or failure. Yup – that’s it — four options. Unfortunately, this kind of sentiment is all too pervasive in the Muslim community. If everyone is a doctor, lawyer, or engineer, not only would that create imbalance in our communities, but psychologically it would create imbalance in anyone who is not naturally passionate about those fields. A key to finding balance in your life with your career is just finding what makes you happy, and being excellent at that. Muhammad Ali was not a doctor, lawyer, or engineer, but he became an honorable and beloved man by being true to himself and sincere in his faith; and he pursued his passion until he became great at it. American Muslims need to follow that example, and aim high in their careers. The Prophet (pbuh) said at the end of a longer hadith, “…If you ask of Allah, ask Him for Firdaus [the highest place in Paradise]” (Sunan Ibn Majah). We can infer from this that we are meant to aim high in all our endeavors. In fact, of the three dimensions of faith — Islam, eman, ihsan — ihsan is the pinnacle. The basic meaning of “ihsan” is excellence, the pursuit of perfection; and we are instructed, as Muslims, to strive for excellence in all aspects of our lives, in our intentions, words, and actions. Thus, it is the sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) to aim high in one’s career, whatever that career choice is — not limiting oneself to a few possible professions.

    Allah said that the parable of a good word (meaning any utterance or idea that is true and good and beneficial) is like a good tree, “…its roots firmly fixed, and it’s branches [reaching out] toward the sky…” (Quran 14:24). One beautiful commentary about the “branches [reaching out] toward the sky” states that Allah said that to show that for the person of faith, there is no end to their potential. Such should be the psychology of the young American Muslim, with whatever career path they choose in life. I’m reminded of the hadith where the Prophet (pbuh) put his hand on the shoulder of Salman Al-Farsi and said “If this faith were to reach the constellation of Pleiades (tharya), it would be someone from this person’s type that would reach it” (Bukhari). What better way of showing that the real sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) is to really “reach for the stars.” The only real way to find balance in one’s life with their career is to follow the Prophet’s sunnah and aim high. The only way to really do this is truly to pursue your passion.

    Making Time for Family, Friends, and Fun

    We are social creatures, and without a constant dose of healthy social engagement, our lives will not be balanced. This is a prophetically recognized need. When Ibrahim (pbuh) left his family in the barren land of Becca (now called Mecca) he made dua for them, asking Allah to “incline people’s hearts towards them” (Quran 14:37). That is essentially the foundation for a social network.

    Having a strong network of friends and family in one’s life is not just an important part of a balanced life, but a healthy part of life in general. In fact, it’s likely a part of why some communities in the world tend to live longer than others. That is what Dan Buettner shows in his bestseller book, “Blue Zones,” that looks at places in the world where people live the longest — Sardinia, Italy; Okinawa, Japan; Nicoya, Costa Rica; and a community of Seventh-day Adventists in Loma Linda, California). Amongst other factors, all had strong social networks, with large and frequent family and friend get-togethers. Having family and friends in our lives is one of the most important components of a balanced life, as they see us from an angle we don’t see ourselves, and have our best interest in mind with their advice, support, and constructive criticism.

    And in the midst of it all, don’t forget to have some time to yourself and just have fun! We know about sleep debt, but few people know that we can also have a “play debt,” as detailed by Dr. Stuart Brown in his bestseller book “Play.” Whether it be sports, games, or simple playfulness, don’t forget to include some play in your life. Even the Prophet (pbuh) would take time to race with Aisha (R). Having a faith-driven balanced life means having fun too.

    In conclusion, being a young American Muslim means navigating social, political, cultural, and personal challenges. These challenges apply in many ways to every person, but also in other ways are unique to each individual. The Quran and teachings of the Prophet (pbuh) provide timeless advice for navigating those challenges, and balancing one’s life in healthy, happy, and successful ways.

  • Detecting Early Signs of Risk in Our Youth

    Detecting Early Signs of Risk in Our Youth

    Young children and teens today are bombarded from all around them via fellow peers, enticing ads, music, movies, and more, all calling them to engage in harmful behaviors. They are told to do whatever will make them “happy” or “fulfilled,” messages that turn them away from modesty, decency, common sense, and wisdom. It is essential that we, as community leaders, parents, educators, and medical and mental health professionals be aware of the constant struggle that is faced by today’s youth. We must not dismiss or deny signs of risky behavior, or believe that our youth are immune to such things as alcohol or drug use, or becoming sexually active.

    My question to the parents is always “What prevented you from seeking help when you started noticing a change in your child’s behavior?”

    We must also learn to recognize the warning signs and take action right away before things progressively become worse. In order to understand the struggle, we must first take a look at what could lead to psychological, spiritual, and/or social decline in our youth and what we can do to prevent that. Although these three categories are intertwined and influence one another, we will look at them separately to more deeply understand the impact of each.

    Psychological

    In her recent article, 12 Warning Signs Your Child May Have a Mental Health Issue, Dr. Susan Newman discusses “parent radar,” an essential tool all parents have that can help them discern if there is a psychological issue to be dealt with. The parent radar is the innate sense that something is not right with your child even though others may be telling you that it is a phase or a stage and the child will grow out of it. It is the feeling deep down that the mood swings, aggressive behavior, or overeating are not just part of growing up and learning how to cope with and navigate the complexities of life, but are a result of a deeper issue the child is dealing with. Trusting that feeling is essential because ignoring it could lead to dire consequences. When there is a feeling that something is just not right, it is time to seek help to rule out any mental health issues the child may be struggling with. Ignoring the feeling and hoping the issue will go away is where many parents go wrong. The issue will only increase in intensity and will become that much more difficult to resolve.

    I often have parents come into my office with a child who is being disruptive or disrespectful to the parent, a child who is failing in school, a girl who is being aggressive with her siblings, or a boy who has become withdrawn and non-communicative with family members. When I ask how long this has been going on, they typically answer: a few months, over a year, or sometimes a few years. My question to the parents is always “What prevented you from seeking help when you started noticing a change in your child’s behavior?” The answer is not always the same, but most often it is: “We didn’t think it was a big deal” or “We thought it would go away on its own.”

    It is essential to reach out for help when any warning signs present themselves. Ann Douglas, author of Parenting Through the Storm: Find Help, Hope, and Strength When Your Child Has Psychological Problems, discusses the warning signs to look out for. A few of these are frequent mood swings; display of intense emotions such as angry outbursts or extreme fear; difficulty sleeping or having nightmares; a lot of physical complaints. These are just a few of the many warning signs in children that may indicate that a psychological component is playing a part. It is important to be aware of the fact that any significant, extreme, or negative change in your child’s normal mood or behavior should be looked into. As parents, we must keep the communication open with our children, preteens, and teens so that we are able to discuss honestly and directly with them any concerns we may have with regard to their behavior. When children feel comfortable talking to their parents, they are more likely to turn to them for help.

    Spiritual

    Too often parents clash with their children or teens over religion, urging them to pray salah and read Quran, and wondering where they went wrong when their child refuses to comply or follow through. There is a common fear among Muslim parents that their children will go astray and completely denounce the deen or not wish to live a life of obedience to Allah’s commands. Parents spend many nights on the prayer rug earnestly seeking Allah’s help in guiding their children. Prayers are a huge step in the right direction, but so is patient, loving communication and interaction with our children. From a very young age, the parent is the role model when it comes to religion. They must be authoritative (not authoritarian), yet kind and fair. If religion is associated with any misbehavior or less than mature words and actions on the part of the parent(s), the child is likely going to feel alienated from Islam. Educating your child about the deen, demonstrating on a daily basis its values and principles, and imbuing it with meaning and purpose and joy through your love and encouragement – all this is essential, especially in the teen years.

    Warning signs of spiritual decline include a lack of interest in going to the masjid, in reading the Quran, or in praying. These may seem obvious but what may not be as clear is the feeling underneath the lack of interest. What is occurring inside the child/teen that is leading to this distance from deen? This must be unearthed in order for the spiritual decline to be understood and addressed. I have often seen in my practice teens who have lost hope in Allah because of prayers being unanswered, or others who have committed sins that they do not believe they could be forgiven. Trust, hope, and belief in Allah’s mercy are essential discussions to engage youth in so that they can relate these valuable principles to their own situations. Again, communication is always key. A connection to your teen and awareness of what he/she is going through is necessary in order to be a mentor, a compelling influence, and a source of guidance and comfort to him or her.

    Social

    The social life of preteens and teens is so important to them. This stage of life is when they are discovering themselves and, therefore, depend very highly on their peers. We know it well that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has said: “Man is influenced by the faith of his friends. Therefore, be careful of whom you associate with.” This statement must be focused on in this stage of a person’s life because the early teen years are when strong friendships are being developed. As parents, we must be aware of the people who are spending time with our youth, and the influence they may have on them, for good or ill. If our children are showing any signs of disinterest in being around family, mistreating others, becoming non-communicative, isolating themselves, etc., we must take note and remedy the situation before it worsens.

    Perhaps greater than the influence of friends is the influence of the Internet. Social media has grown so exponentially that many parents are unable to keep up with the different apps and social media outlets that the youth connect to and engage in on a daily basis, often multiple times a day. Inappropriate words, pictures, and videos can be shared in an instant, and access to them has become easier than ever before. Dr. Carolyn C. Ross, in her article, Overexposed and Under-Prepared: The Effects of Early Exposure to Sexual Content, notes the danger:

    Research has long established that teens who watch movies or listen to music that glamorizes drinking, drug use or violence tend to engage in those behaviors themselves. A 2012 study shows that movies influence teens’ sexual attitudes and behaviors as well. The study, published in Psychological Science, found that the more teens were exposed to sexual content in movies, the earlier they started having sex and the likelier they were to have casual, unprotected sex.

    It is simple common sense that there are detrimental effects on children from exposure to sexual and violent content. We as parents must strive to minimize such exposure via phones, tablets, and computers. Limits must be placed on when and where the device is used and for how long. There are numerous parental controls that are available on devices so that parents can control what their children are being exposed to. Some warning signs to look out for include: a decrease in time spent with family, an increase in time spent on devices, a decrease in communication/interaction with others, and any negative attitude or behavior change. Constant monitoring and open discussions with teens about sex, alcohol/drugs, and violence can prevent exposure and the more feared result, addiction. Children as young as nine years old are being exposed to pornography, and we simply cannot ignore this issue any longer; we must openly discuss in our homes and in our Islamic centers the danger to our children.

    Prevention is Key

    Unfortunately, parents so often seek professional help only when a situation with their child has reached crisis proportions. We as a community need to encourage one another to ask for help, to seek counseling, and to attend workshops so that we can work to prevent psychological, spiritual, and social problems in our youth. We must be proactive in creating resources within the community to protect the youth from harmful influences. The greatest need for children is connection and a sense of belonging. When they feel a lack of connection to their parents and to their community, that is when the need for something else comes into the picture. These feelings of loneliness and isolation drive teens to turn to drugs and sex, and also make them susceptible to depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions.

    Communication is essential among families, friends, and community members so that we can assist one another when a warning sign presents itself. Counseling should never be a last resort but, instead, must be a resource that we encourage one another to utilize in times of chronic or acute stress, or any alarming concern. This can prevent even larger problems from taking hold of our families and communities. It is time we moved forward, from burying our heads in the sand to facing the problems head and heart on.

  • Seeking His Shade: Growing up in the Worship of God

    Seeking His Shade: Growing up in the Worship of God

    Have you ever heard the saying — Youth is wasted on the young? Those of us who can still lay claim to being young often have no real sense of the value of our youth. We’re strong in body, passionate in emotion, and have ample free time that makes older folks envious. There are young people who use their youthful years wisely, and others who fritter it away as though it holds no worth, thinking, “I’ll change sooner or later but I’ve got time to do whatever I want now.”

    Youth is a time of exploration. Older youth don’t yet have the family, financial, and civic responsibilities of an adult; but they have time, energy, health, and exuberant curiosity to explore, develop skills, and grow in knowledge

    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “Take benefit of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free time before you are preoccupied, and your life before your death.” Youth is mentioned as one of the categories here because it involves the part of your life where you are at your peak health. It’s the time when you’re in a position to lay a foundation for the rest of your life, to institute habits of discipline, to practice virtues, to learn how to think and reason and use common sense. This is the time when you’re able to begin an exciting journey of discovery, of contribution and service, of beneficial impact on your community and the world.

    In the era of the Prophet (pbuh), youth was not seen as a barrier to accomplishing things. There were military leaders who were teenagers. There were Quranic scribes who, in our times, would be considered too young to take on such an important task. There were scholars who were raised in the presence of the Prophet, listening to his words and absorbing his wisdom at tender ages. For these individuals, their youth was an asset, never a limitation. We’re often (mistakenly) taught that as young people we do not have the skills, patience, or dedication to contribute in a substantive way to our communities and to the larger ummah. But as we’ve mentioned, throughout Islamic history many young people achieved great things.

    The very act of having good people in your life can make or break your status with God. Your peers affect you in ways that you may not comprehend at first glance.

    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “There are seven whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day when there is no shade except His Shade.” Among the seven he mentioned is a young person who grows up in the worship of Allah. How can we ensure that Allah (SWT) grants us this status on the Day of Judgment? And how can we capitalize on our time to make sure we’ve fulfilled our greatest potential during the dynamic and bountiful years of our youth?

    Surround Yourself with Good Friends

    I couldn’t be more grateful to my parents who strove to put me in the presence of intelligent and well-mannered people, including my peers. They always knew where I was and with whom. They knew my friends’ parents, and the kinds of people they were. I’ll openly admit that as a child, this was often irritating to me. I didn’t want to have to answer a million questions about who my friends were or where we were going and for how long. I wanted my “freedom.” Now, as an adult and as a parent, I have come to sincerely appreciate the effort that my parents exerted so that I would be in the company of good, trusted people. The very act of having good people in your life can make or break your status with God. Your peers affect you in ways that you may not comprehend at first glance.

    For example, in Surat al-Kahf, Allah (SWT) mentions the story of a group of young men who escaped their town and secluded themselves in a cave because they were the only ones who believed in one God. Allah (SWT) caused them to sleep for 309 years. As part of the story, Allah (SWT) describes the group, saying: “They will say there were three, the fourth of them being their dog; and they will say there were five, the sixth of them being their dog – guessing at the unseen; and they will say there were seven, and the eighth of them was their dog. Say, [O Muhammad], ‘My Lord is most knowing of their number. None knows them except a few. So do not argue about them except with an obvious argument and do not inquire about them [among the speculators] from anyone’” (18:22). It may seem like the dog is mostly irrelevant in the story, but the fact that Allah (SWT) mentions him several times is no coincidence. Scholars of tafseer have explained that the reason the dog is mentioned so often is that it was in the company of these righteous young people. Being in the company of these believers was enough for the dog to be honored to the level of being mentioned three separate times in this Quranic verse. This is the blessing of righteous companionship!

    Not only do we need to surround ourselves with good people, we also need to ensure that we become the sellers of musk. Every person who sits with us should leave with something beautiful.

    Similarly, in a beautiful hadith Qudsi, Allah (SWT) explains that the angels search for groups of people who are remembering Allah, and they surround them with their wings. At the end of the hadith, Allah (SWT) says: “Bear witness that I have forgiven them.” Then one of the angels would ask, “Among those assembled, there is one who is not of them [i.e., a sinner]; he only came for some other need.” Allah would reply: “Even so, they are one another’s companions and their companions shall not suffer.” Just our presence with the people who remember Allah can be a means for us to be forgiven!

    Having righteous companionship can affect our status with Allah (SWT). Good people remind us of our blessings and remind us to be grateful for them. Good people can lift us up in times of distress so that we don’t get lost in our pain. Good people help our hearts stay open and receptive to Allah’s message and guidance. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), said, “The likeness of a righteous friend and an evil friend is the likeness of a perfume seller and a blacksmith. As for the perfume seller, he may either bestow something on you or you may purchase something from him, or you may benefit from his sweet smell. And as for the blacksmith, he may either burn your clothes or you may be exposed to his awful smell.”

    Not only do we need to surround ourselves with good people, we also need to ensure that we become the sellers of musk. Every person who sits with us should leave with something beautiful.

    Read, Read, and Read Some More

    As a child, I would walk to the nearby library with my siblings and we would each take out at least ten books at a time. Once we got home, we would hole ourselves up in our rooms, devouring the books one by one. This was our entertainment before the advent of hand-held devices. Our mother would have to pry books out of our hands in order for us to eat or sleep at a decent time.

    Growing up this way made us into voracious readers. Although many of us have succumbed to the allure of hand-held devices, there is still no greater pleasure than holding a book and reading in silence. Reading opens the mind to frames of reference other than our own. It enriches our vocabularies so that we might become articulate speakers and writers. It lets us glimpse realities that we haven’t lived, and helps us develop understanding and empathy. “Read!” was the first word ever revealed to our beloved Prophet (pbuh). Years later, after a victorious battle in which the Muslims captured a number of their enemies, Prophet Muhammad advised that if any of them would teach ten children how to read and write, they would be freed. The ability to read and write was given such significant value that teaching it was considered enough of a ransom to warrant an enemy’s freedom. Allah (SWT) tells us in the first verses revealed: “Read! — in the Name of your Lord Who created, created man from a clinging substance. Read! — and your Lord is the Most Generous, Who taught by the pen, taught man that which he knew not” (96:1-5).

    In the Quran and the Prophetic traditions, there is great emphasis placed on reading, learning, and contemplating. Attaining to knowledge is given such a high status that even the Prophet himself would supplicate to Allah, saying “My Lord! Increase me in knowledge.” Reading is the gateway into the world of learning. It is the start of a life-long journey of reflection and exploration. The Quran advises, “Say, [O Muhammad], ‘Travel through the land and observe how He began creation. Then Allah will produce the final creation. Indeed, Allah is able to do all things’” (29:20).

    Reading isn’t just an intellectual exercise. It’s about expanding your mind to a point where you start to recognize and appreciate all the signs that Allah (SWT) has placed on this earth. So for a portion of each day, put aside social media, gaming, and TV and read! Read and strive to understand the Quran; read about the amazing scholars, writers, and inventors who came before us. Read about history, politics, economics, psychology, physics, linguistics, alternative energy sources, health and fitness… the list is endless. And the capacity to expand our minds and deepen our understanding is relatively endless as well.

    Grow Your Passions and Be Active

    Once you reach the age of puberty, you are held accountable for all that you do, and that thought can be daunting. But you also have the opportunity to do good and therefore cement your status as a “youth who grew up in the worship of God.” Youth is a time of exploration. Older youth don’t yet have the family, financial, and civic responsibilities of an adult; but they have time, energy, health, and exuberant curiosity to explore, develop skills, and grow in knowledge.

    Take courses outside of school, develop interesting hobbies, volunteer with your school’s MSA or other groups, work on neighbourhood projects or political campaigns that you believe in. You can even start a small business on your own or with a group of other like-minded peers. The opportunities are quite literally endless. But above all, remember that you are doing all of these things so that Allah will accept you as a youth who took advantage of his or her years before old age. And most of all, remember that you are doing all of these things as part of your worship, as a demonstration that your words and deeds flow from your eman; and your eman, in turn, is constantly growing and informing your daily living with a believer’s sense of meaningfulness and purpose. Ensure that this intention is present, and He will bless all that you do.

    Remember that Your Surroundings Don’t Define You

    I know how difficult it is to grow up in a place where others often belittle your identity, or look at you with suspicion. Perhaps you may feel that you’re at a disadvantage because you live somewhere remote, unable to learn at the feet of scholars, or you live in an environment not conducive to Islamic beliefs. But I remind myself constantly of the examples of the righteous people who came before me – some of whom had to live and preach in much more difficult circumstances. Prophet Musa (pbuh) was raised in the household of one of the worst oppressors and transgressors in history — Pharaoh himself. His adoptive mother Aasiya (may Allah be pleased with her) was in the same boat, but she had it even worse – she was married to Pharoah. And yet both of them rose above these toxic influences surrounding them – Musa (pbuh) became a prophet and messenger whose brilliant example is immortalized in the Quran. Aasiya became a martyr whose strength inspires us to this day, and whose dying words have become part and parcel of our beliefs: “My Lord, build for me near You a home in Paradise.”

    The opposite is also true. You can grow up in the best and most loving, supportive environments for a believer and still go astray. Take for example Prophet Nuh’s (pbuh) son. Regardless of the fact that his father was a prophet, Nuh’s son vehemently disbelieved in the truth. Even as the waves of the flood were getting higher and more violent, he refused to board his father’s ark and eventually perished. You are not defined solely by your surroundings. You are defined only by your own worship of God and your dedication to goodness in all facets of your life. Despite your flaws and sins (we all have them) – you’re so much stronger than you think.

    I pray that I and each person reading this meet under the Shade of Allah (SWT) because we used our youthful years to worship Him (SWT). Ameen.

     

  • Protecting Our Muslim Youth in a Gender-fluid and Hyper-sexual Society

    Protecting Our Muslim Youth in a Gender-fluid and Hyper-sexual Society

    When I was invited to write an article about preparing youth for marriage, I eagerly agreed. I was excited to tackle the topic, not because this has become my field of expertise as the subject of my doctoral research and the focus of a great deal of my work as a youth counselor, but because I saw an opportunity. I had an opportunity to address marriage preparation, one among a list of important topics focusing on the well-being of our youth, including mentoring, developing leadership, time management, and other skills for success, or finding balance in one’s life. However, rather than simply discussing the importance of premarital education and counseling, I decided to focus instead on the issue of moral decline as it relates to sexuality, an issue that is plaguing our youth and causing a detrimental ripple effect deep into the bedrock of young marriages. This article focuses on the hyper-sexuality and shifting views of gender identification that our youth are currently exposed to. We, as parents, educators, community leaders, and activists must come to understand these issues if we are going to protect our children and youth.

    At an increasingly younger and younger age, youth are exposed to very mature content for which they are completely unprepared to process in the context of family, faith, and personal well-being

    As Muslims, we don’t talk about sex. And we definitely don’t talk about sexuality or sexual orientation with our youth. The taboo topic that often results in tongue-tied parents and red-faced religious leaders is not discussed in a healthy way with youth who are already socially exposed to these concepts through a variety of mediums. In neglecting the discussion of these topics, we are left instead with a multitude of curious teens and young adults seeking to learn about sexuality from the many sources that do offer open dialogue: friends, books, magazines, school, television, and, of course, the Internet. While the information may be plentiful and easily accessible, without guidance, a teenager may be left to his or her own devices to make sense of a very grown-up topic. Yet, our faith clearly indicates that we must have conversations with our youth in preparing them for dealing with the real world, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) instructed that there should be no shyness in matters of religion when legitimately seeking knowledge.

    Social Influences

    Today, our youth are surrounded by books, movies, shows, and songs that glamorize intimacy removed from the sanctity of marriage. At an increasingly younger and younger age, youth are exposed to very mature content for which they are completely unprepared to process in the context of family, faith, and personal well-being. Songs by popular figures aim to normalize homosexuality and/or bisexuality, such as Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl,” in which Perry sings, “and I liked it.” Popular family shows such as “Modern Family” present same-sex parents Mitchell and Cameron.

    At the same time, books aimed at a young audience such as “See You at Harry’s” by Jo Knowles encourage exploration of teen and preteen sexual identification rooted in same-gender relationships. “Adult” books such as the infamous “Fifty Shades of Grey” by E.L. James completely subvert the idea of sexuality, presenting the content as romantic while filled with sexual and emotional abuse of women characters. Teenagers can covertly access this book despite warnings to stay away. Without a doubt, the impact of exposure to sexuality outside of marriage, and sexual lifestyle choices, is a corruption of the eyes, ears, and hearts, particularly in youth; and this is highly destructive to their developing worldview, sense of self and identity, and perceptions of marriage.

    With every open conversation we have with a teenager, there are ten more conversations that we need to have. Education, communication, patience, love, and prayer—lots and lots of prayer—form the cornerstone of open dialogue with our youth

    Every day, we see media icons such as Caitlyn Jenner (formerly known as Bruce Jenner) who are portrayed as heroes for choosing to “become” a gender they are more comfortable with, while the famed offspring of that same notorious family (Kim, Khloe, Kylie, and the other Kardashians) consistently flaunt their hyper-sexuality in the grossest form of shameless media exposure. Early teens and preteens are encouraged to explore not only what they will be when they grow up, but also what gender they select, as if it is a choice as easily negotiable as dying your hair or wearing colored contacts. Gender is currently viewed by pop culture as completely unbound by biology and genetics, resulting in the emergence of the cisgender identification (referring to the alignment of one’s gender identity with one’s biological sex assigned at birth) so as to normalize the transgendered choice.

    What can help our youth withstand the tide so as not to be swept away by the appeal to satisfy every fleeting desire? In a world that constantly preaches individualism and unbridled fulfillment of self, children are taught to feed the nafs al-ammara (base, lower self), to satisfy all worldly desires regardless of moral or religious reservations. This message of satisfying the self at all times and at all costs is a problematic contradiction for Muslims who believe in controlling desires of dunya as the ultimate form of submission to the will of Allah (SWT). But this message pales in comparison to the glitzy appeal of a world that advocates for the unfettered attainment of all desires. Consistently raising the bar on what will satisfy the nafs becomes a major factor in the lack of contentment pervading the marriage realm. When presented with a buffet of lifestyle choices, the singular distinction of monogamous marriage is seen as restrictive and confining. Marriage then becomes synonymous with monotony rather than being viewed as a path towards tranquility, stability, and, according to hadith, completing “half the deen.”

    Opportunities

    As Muslims in the West, we find ourselves working so hard on the constant defense of our faith from threats external to our communities that we sometimes lose sight of what threatens our youth internally. At one time, parents could easily warn their children about staying away from relationships with the opposite gender, which of course often occurred anyway but were considered scandalous when news inevitably reached the ears of the community. Yet, the parents of today have a whole other slew of sexual stances and definitions to warn their children about, things that they themselves may not fully understand. Trying to keep up with the constant barrage of LBTQ+ messages and identities from transsexual to pansexual to everything in between, is difficult for a generation that understands sexuality and gender identities as their parents and grandparents did, and their religion sanctions. Despite the religious rejection of these identities and actions, the exploration of such identities among our youth is growing at a terrifyingly rapid rate. The Internet provides an ever-changing menu for a variety of identifications, and our youth, decidedly more tech-savvy than us, are exposed to this confusing and harmful phenomenon.

    One may argue that the youth of the ‘60s, ‘70s, and ‘80s also grew up in a sexually permissive society and that the generation of that era turned out just fine. In those days, however, family values were still at the core of society and children were not indoctrinated to believe they had a choice in sexual orientation and gender identity. Traditional families and gender roles still held sway.

    As a Muslim community, we have yet to find the antidote for exposure to today’s sexual permissiveness, or the words to address it. We prefer to remain reticent on the topic of gender identification and homosexuality. Unlike the vocal faith groups who actively speak out against same gender relationships and the breakdown of the traditional family, we tend to tiptoe around the situation and prefer not to discuss something that we feel has nothing to do with our community. We try to avoid “planting the seed” in the minds of our youth without realizing that the seed has already been planted by others and that our reticence causes more confusion than clarification.

    Into the Future

    Protecting our youth in a gender-fluid and hyper-sexual society begins with talking to our own children. It begins by bringing down the barriers and allowing our youth the safe space needed to discuss with us openly what may be on their minds, what they are confused about, and what challenges they face as they attempt to navigate psychologically and emotionally through such turbulent times. Our work continues with identifying the factors that may influence our children and promoting a healthy consciousness of what a traditional faith-based relationship looks like. We must model purposeful, mature, and peaceful living in our own relationships. We are the stewards of the coming generation. With every open conversation we have with a teenager about the topics discussed in this article, there are ten more conversations that we need to have. Education, communication, patience, love, and prayer—lots and lots of prayer—form the cornerstone of open dialogue with our youth.

    What More Can We Do?

    After understanding the identity threats that impinge on our youth’s emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being, our natural response is “what more can we do?” The seemingly insurmountable mountain can be scaled by opening the lines of dialogue and discussion with our children. Here are some suggestions:

    • Begin discussion with your children from a young age about biological elements of the body. Don’t let their natural curiosity lead them down the path towards asking the wrong people or looking for information in the wrong places.
    • Refer often to the Quran. Teach your children the verses of Surat Ar-Rum regarding marriage and the creation of males and females as mates for one another, and other verses from the Quran that emphasize the beauty and sanctity of the marital relationship.
    • Keep hay’aa (modesty) as a central reference point in your home. Teach youth what modesty in action, in thoughts, in glances, and in interactions means, in addition to modesty in dress. Emphasize the importance of hay’aa for both girls and boys.
    • As your pre-teens and teens begin to enter the world of changing emotions and fluctuating hormones, be sure to discuss with them the difference between desire and action and how they can mitigate the emotions that they may not yet understand fully.
    • Help your children to recognize and fully appreciate the beauty of tawbah (repentance) and the love that Allah (SWT) has for those who sincerely repent; also talk about His love for those who are tested with desires but guard against sin because of their love for pleasing Him (SWT).
    • Use the words of the Quran regarding our prophets to exemplify guiding principles that can help protect our youth. For example, reference the story of Prophet Yusuf (pbuh) and how he was pulled by a woman’s desire, and he preferred to be put in prison than to be placed in that position. Explain to them also the situation of Prophet Lut (pbuh) and how he stood against those who acted in a way that was not pleasing to Allah (SWT) in trying to satisfy their lustful desires.
    • Finally, make a great deal of dua for the protection of your children and all the children of the ummah. Let your children see and hear you making dua often, and talk to them about the power of dua. Let them know that your dua is sincere and heartfelt, coming from a place of love for Allah (SWT) and for them.

    Finally, if you find it difficult to have these conversations with your children or teens, find a trusted mentor, an older sibling, or a youth group leader who can help guide your child in the right direction. May Allah (SWT) guide us all and guide all our children to the straight path. May He protect our coming generations from the fitnahs that we see today and the ones that we may not yet see.

     

  • The Five Necessities

    The Five Necessities

    The conversation never gets old. Two parents are standing at the edge of the Masjid, on the verge of losing their kids to the crowd. It appears that the influence of their peers and the challenges of being young are getting the best of them. One concerned parent says emphatically to the other, “We need to do something for the youth!” A few cities over, the same realization is echoing at the weekly board meeting of your neighborhood Islamic Center and resounding from the pulpits of Muslim communities across the nation. If you’ve been involved in activism long enough you might have heard these words a thousand times.

    How do we instill this conviction in Muslim youth? One of the most effective ways is to put them through specialized dawah training. Why? Because many of them have the very same questions and doubts

    Nonetheless, there is an increasing awareness within our communities of a need that has been both present and pressing for a very long time. Where we have been delayed and left lingering for too long, however, is not in recognizing the need; rather it is in bringing forth and implementing practical solutions and methods to facilitate the fulfillment of that need. In other words, we have yet to cover the distance between “the what” and “the how.” We have yet to bridge the gap between the principle and the practical. We know we need to strengthen our Muslim youth but we don’t always know how. We know we need to cultivate in them the love of Allah and His Messenger, but again, we don’t always know how. We know we need to keep them engaged and active at the Masjid but we don’t always know how. This is where the old conversation usually comes to an end, and this is where the new conversation has to begin…

    There is a very beautiful and profound chapter of The Quran that is simple and short enough for a three-year-old child to memorize and to understand. In this chapter, Allah lays out a roadmap to success that is relevant to all of humanity and especially practical for Muslim youth. From it we can derive five basic necessities that, by Allah’s permission, will not only help our youth prosper in their religious affairs (deen) but will also help them prosper in their worldly affairs (dunya). The chapter that I am referring to is none other than Al-Asr (The Time), and the five necessities, that it so eloquently captures, are as follows: time management, conviction, righteous activity, inclusive engagement, and positive reinforcement.

    Time Management

    Allah says “By time, mankind is in a state of loss…” (103:1-2). One of the greatest challenges for our Muslim youth in the pursuit of their fullest potential is the fact that they have too much free, unaccounted for and unmonitored time, and not enough positive alternatives with which to fill that time. Many of them, in fact, are being left to their own devices and their own discretion without proper intervention or regulation, and as a result their true potential is being wasted. Yes, many of them may be doing well or excelling in school; but at the same time they are spending valuable hours on video games and social media, on the phone, watching 3-hour movies, and excessively engaging in fruitless activities. All the while, they are falling behind in their Islamic development.

    Mentorship is important for the success of youth because it creates a source for advice and support that is separate from the sensitivities that are present with family and friends

    Without a doubt there is great benefit in relaxation and entertainment, but when it begins to consume the lives of young people, then it becomes detrimental. What if we could cut the time that they spend engaging in entertainment and social media in half or even reserve a third of that time for beneficial endeavors? Now, instead of simply excelling in school, they could be over-excelling in school or taking on an extra-curricular that may contribute to their future success. In fact, with the amount of time that the average young person spends on the internet alone, they could be learning a trade or gaining a level of accreditation in one of the sciences of Islam. Time management is so vital and so necessary for our success that Allah uses the remainder of this chapter (Al-Asr) to lay out for us a specific regiment for the usage of our time.

    Conviction

    After informing us that all human beings are in a state of loss, Allah makes an exception by saying “…except for those who have faith…” (103:3). The second and the most important necessity that should occupy the time of our Muslim youth in order to prevent their potential from being lost is the development and preservation of their conviction in Allah. Why? Because without true faith and certainty in Allah, their taqwa (their mindfulness of Allah which leads to virtue and prevents sin) cannot be fully developed. Moreover, as long as they have doubts about Islam they run the risk of not only falling into sin but of losing their identity all together. On the other hand, if they do develop the necessary level of certainty and mindfulness of Allah, then they will begin to take account of themselves and make their own initiative to maintain their Islam. The real question, however, is how do we instill this conviction in Muslim youth?

    One of the most effective and practical ways to nurture conviction in the hearts of Muslim youth, especially teenagers, is to put them through specialized dawah training. Why? Because many of them have the very same questions and doubts that a non-Muslim would have. Many of them don’t know why they believe what they believe, and a part of the reason why is because they have not been introduced to Allah’s proofs in a way that captivates their minds and keeps them engaged. In fact, many young Muslims have never even been asked the question “Why are you, personally, a Muslim?” And the very inability to answer this question is a sign that their conviction may be deficient or unfounded, and their Islam may simply be cultural, a lifestyle that was passed on to them from their parents. Such a possibility should never be left unresolved. Also, dawah training, if done properly, should accomplish three things. It should stimulate faith and build certainty, connect hearts to the Quran, and provide individuals with the language and the skill to articulate and defend their Islamic identity in a time when Islam is at the center of the world stage.

    Righteous Activity

    After conviction, Allah mentions righteous activity which is the third necessity for success. Allah says “… those who do righteous deeds” (103:3). Oftentimes when we think of righteous activity, we limit it to praying, fasting, giving charity, and basic acts of kindness. However, righteous activity is that which is essentially beneficial and is a very broad category that can even include such things as physical fitness and social events if they are facilitated in the proper way with the correct intention. Righteous activity also includes those activities that will prevent you from falling into disobedience as well as those activities that facilitate good deeds. A good example of this type of righteous activity is participating in sports. Not only does sports prevent many young people from wasting time and engaging in other harmful things, but also through sports certain qualities and life skills are practiced and developed such as sportsmanship, teamwork, sacrifice, effective communication, tolerance, strategic planning, and even self-confidence. Moreover, if these activities are being facilitated by Muslims, then prayer and beneficial reminders can actually be incorporated as well.

    Now, I know that not every young Muslim likes sports. That’s fine. There are plenty of other activities that can benefit them and keep them engaged. Be creative! Ask them what their interests are and develop your programming around them. Take their favorite game shows like Jeopardy and Family Feud and create Islamic versions. Try to put them together in teams as much as possible and create incentives and merit systems to reward those who put forth their best efforts. Facilitate writing workshops that reinforce the importance of creativity and written expression in Islam, and encourage them, for example to write poems about the prophets or short pieces about what Islam means to them. Make sure that study circles for the youth seem less like lectures and more like conversations that involve both the speaker and the listener. Ask them if they know before you tell them the answer and they will be much more attentive. Lastly, one of the most transformative righteous activities that Muslim youth can participate in is feeding and helping those in need. This has a very profound impact on young people, especially those who have lived a relatively privileged life, without deprivation in food, shelter, or other basic necessities.

    Inclusive Engagement

    As for the fourth necessity on the roadmap to success, Allah says “…and those who participate in and encourage truth…” (103:3). If we want to see Muslim youth attached to the Masjid and taking up the cause of Islam on their own initiative, then participation is paramount. They have to feel like the Masjid is their Masjid. They have to feel like they are a part of the process. Even if they are given a donation basket to hold on Friday or a stack of flyers to hand out to the congregation as they leave, that seemingly small act of inclusion may change their entire perspective of the Masjid and their relationship with it as well. Through participation we not only can instill a sense of ownership in them, but we can also begin to cultivate leadership, and transition the youth into active, even proactive, members of the community!

    If you want to take it a step further, then don’t just let them hand out food to the needy on the day of distribution; let them manage the entire process themselves. Let them make phone calls from the office phone in the Masjid. Let them collect donations from community members. Let them plan the coat drive. Let them organize and host their own events under the guidance of the administration. Let them decide where they want to go for their quarterly youth trip. These things may seem insignificant but they can go a long way in the life of a young Muslim. Lastly, offer tutoring in English and math and SAT preparation classes at your community center because this will send the signal that you are concerned about the overall success and well-being of the Muslim youth. It also is a strategic way to bring them together in the House of Allah with other young Muslims.

    Positive Reinforcement

    As for the fifth necessity for success, Allah says “…and those who observe and encourage patience and perseverance” (103:3). Strengthening Muslim youth is all about positive reinforcement which should ultimately manifest into a comprehensive support system that includes family, friends, and mentors. This creates an environment wherein Muslim youth are constantly being invited and encouraged to do good. One of the most vital components to this support system is the youth group because youth are more influenced by their peers than anyone else, and are more inclined to come to the Masjid and participate in programs when they know that other youth will be present. What can enhance the positive youth-to-youth impact is the collaboration with other youth groups. This provides an extended sense of belonging, and sends the signal that other people like them are enjoying themselves doing similar things.

    Mentorship is perhaps just as important for the success of our youth because it creates a source for advice and support that is separate from the sensitivities and incentives that are present with family and friends. Youth need a safe-zone where they can express their insecurities and their personal struggles without feeling that they are being judged or condemned. They have real challenges that are not simply overcome just by knowing right from wrong; and the Imam might not be the person that they feel comfortable disclosing themselves to. This is where the mentor becomes very important. Some ideal candidates for mentors are university students, young professionals, and athletes – all of whom should be well-grounded and well-balanced in their Islamic identity.

    Lastly, everything crumbles without positive parental reinforcement in the homes. In fact, without it, the positive effects of involvement with high-minded Muslims peers and the guidance and support of mentors are undone. Parents cannot think that just because they send their children to the Masjid or even to Islamic school that their responsibility has been fulfilled. Rather, they have to know that they are the single most important pillar in the lives of their children because of the level of authority and proximity that Allah has given them. Ultimately, the five necessities cannot be properly implemented, monitored, and measured, without the involvement of the home.

    To conclude, we should know that Muslim youth are just youth who are Muslim. Their challenges and their interests are very much the same as other youth. However, the only thing that sets Muslim youth apart, and will allow them to prosper through the challenges, is the clear guidance sent by Allah!

  • Preparing Youth for Success in Life, Service, and Leadership

    Preparing Youth for Success in Life, Service, and Leadership

    Looking metaphorically at the phenomenon of the “butterfly effect,” wherein, theoretically, the flapping of a butterfly’s wings in Japan could cause a tornado in Texas, it is likewise conceivable that the humble efforts of a single youth could positively and dramatically change the world. Despite this plausible reality, oftentimes we hear youth saying, “I’m young, what can I do?” Instead, perhaps, they should say,” I’m young—with the help of Allah (SWT)—what can’t I do?”

    We must provide constructive programs and outlets for youth to come together, discuss common struggles and challenges, and through specific projects, make a positive contribution to their communities

    It appears that our youth are not aware of the substantial role played by young people in Islamic history. Prophet lbrahim, for example, was a young man who challenged the disbelievers and destroyed their idols; at the age of 10, Ali ibn Abi Talib was the first male to accept Islam; Umair ibn Abi Waqqas joined the Battle of Badr around the age of 15; and Aisha (RA), who became the wife of the Prophet, narrated many hadith and was a leader in her own right during her youth.

    Devaluing the Potential Contributions of Youth

    It’s not only youth that underestimate themselves, but community leaders underestimate them as well. Muslim community leaders must realize the vital importance of youth and view them as valuable resources, rather than spoiled youngsters with little to offer, requiring video games and constant entertainment/stimuli to hold their interest. In fact, youth is the

    stage of life during which individuals are most enthusiastic, energetic, creative, open to learning, and physically strong. Allah (SWT) says in the Quran, “Allah is He who created you of weakness, then He appointed after weakness strength, then after strength He appointed weakness and grey hair…” (Quran 30:54). It is in the best interest of our communities to re-evaluate the strength and value of our youth, contemplate the substantial contributions they can make, and do our best to prepare them for success, service, and leadership.

    Mass Media Seek to Indoctrinate Youth

    The general society unquestionably values youth as a commodity. In fact, society elites and predatory marketers and advertisers recognize the intrinsic value of youth and spend a great deal of time and money to manipulate and control their behavior and shape their identity.

    Youth are not just the future; they can, today, be the endowment of our commitment and their own, benefiting and improving their own lives and that of their families, but also that of ummah and society

    In an article, “How Disney Magic and the Corporate Media Shape Youth Identity in the Digital Age,” author Henry J. Giroux writes, “Youth are now assaulted by a never-ending proliferation of marketing strategies that colonize their consciousness and daily lives…[i]n what has become the most ‘consumer-oriented society in the world,’…. youth now inhabit a cultural landscape in which, increasingly, they can only recognize themselves in terms preferred by the market. Multi-billion-dollar media corporations, with a commanding role over commodity markets as well as support from the highest reaches of government, have become the primary educational and cultural force in shaping, if not hijacking, how youth define their interests, values and relations to others.” For this reason, community leaders and parents need to be active players in this struggle to influence the hearts and minds of youth.

    Exemplary Youth Inspire Peers to Strengthen Iman

    Without exemplary youth providing a good example and positive peer influence, Muslim youth are left hanging in the balance. Popular culture with all its many vices are a continuous temptation and distraction for youth, and Muslim youth do not live in a vacuum. If they are not provided positive Islamic experience and acculturation, they will be susceptible to any and all negative influences from non-Muslim friends, popular culture, mass media, and profit-motivated advertisers. Youth leaders, in conjunction with more mature individuals in their communities, are needed to reach out to the youth and provide constructive programs and outlets for youth to come together, discuss common struggles and challenges, and through specific projects, make a positive contribution to their communities. Also, within this climate of Islamophobia, youth need, more than ever, the inner strength that comes from adequate Islamic knowledge and personal confidence. They can then stand tall against those in society who feel justified in hating and criticizing them because of their association with Islam.

    Youth Disenfranchised from Our Communities

    Obviously, youth who are disenfranchised and disconnected from the masjid and Islamic community run a greater risk of becoming wandering invisible Muslims who discard their Islamic practice and potentially stop identifying as Muslim altogether. Muslim youth who are not at the masjid are also not in some empty room staring at the walls. No, they are busy somewhere doing something.

    The reasons for youth being absent from the masjids vary. A few years ago, at a sisters’ halaqa, I met some new sisters and began talking about the community needs, etc. During the conversation, one sister mentioned that there were some Muslim youth and adults who were attending churches because they “provided better programs and activities.” I thought I had “heard everything,” but this revelation was unexpected and, unfortunately, true. If a masjid becomes merely a place to hold the five daily prayers and jumah, then it really is not providing the essential services needed to sustain a healthy, vibrant community.

    Another reason youth don’t regularly visit the masjids is because they don’t feel they are stakeholders and haven’t been empowered to make a significant contribution. Youth have a lot to offer their communities. It is time for masjid boards to show confidence in their youth, invite the older youth and young adults to join the masjid board, and empower them to reach out to other youth and develop programs to benefit the youth and the community at large.

    In order to attract youth to the masjid, activities must be provided that are interesting and stimulating to them. Comprehensive programs for them are needed and can be developed gradually. However, initially attracting them can be accomplished by having youth organize and advertise youth sports tournaments with pizza parties and ice cream socials. After that, the youth themselves can recommend other programs that interest them and keep them active in the masjid.

    “It takes a Village”— Parent and Community Partnership

    Preparing youth to succeed in their lives, to contribute to society, and to take on leadership responsibilities, requires that they have a deeper understanding of Islam. After learning the basic beliefs, the five pillars, surahs from the Quran, a collection of hadith, and other requisite Islamic knowledge — they should then attempt to understand some deeper Islamic concepts. A deeper understanding of Islam is a blessing from Allah (SWT). The Prophet (pbuh) said, “When Allah wishes good for a person, He causes him to understand the religion” (Bukhari).

    Parents and communities should form a partnership to provide children and youth the requisite Islamic knowledge necessary to become dynamic and successful members of the community and society. The partnership includes combining resources and disseminating Islamic information and training through full time Islamic schools, Sunday schools, masjid halaqas for youth, as well as workshops, visiting lecturers, and parent-guided educational activities. Ultimately it is the parent’s role to manage the logistics of providing their children and youth knowledge and Islamic leadership training —but they can utilize both home resources and community resources to obtain the desired outcomes. Knowledge is the foundation of religious commitment, and central to Islamic success, and for leadership. Whether it is spiritual or academic, it is essential, and Allah (SWT) will Insha’Allah make the knowledge sought attainable. The prophet (pbuh) said, “Whoever treads a path in seeking knowledge, Allah will make easy for him the path to Paradise” (Al-Tirmidhi).

    Helping Youth Understand Purpose and Meaning of Life

    Youth need to strive to better understand the purpose and meaning of life and how that relates to living as a Muslim and seeking to attain Paradise. Allah (SWT) tells us, “I created the jinn and humankind that they might worship Me” (Quran 51:56). Likewise, youth should be guided to contemplate the “test” of life. Allah (SWT) has taught that the creation of the heavens and the earth and of life and death is to test mankind. Allah (SWT) says, “And He it is Who has created the heavens and the earth in six Days and His Throne was over the water, that He might try which of you is the best in conduct. But if you were to say to them, ‘You shall indeed be raised up after death,’ those who disbelieve would be sure to say, ‘This is nothing but obvious magic.’” (Quran 11:7). Along the same lines, youth should also contemplate the meaning of true success in this world and realize that success is not measured by material possessions but by one’s good deeds and earning the pleasure of Allah (SWT). The deep study of Islam is a life-long endeavor, and both parents and the community should motivate youth to continuously expand their knowledge and understanding.

    Helping Youth Understand the Importance of Time

    Youth should realize time is one of the most precious resources on earth — and it is fleeting. A person can have all their worldly possessions taken from them, and spend many years working hard to replace what they lost. But time is one precious resource that can never be replaced. Every second that ticks away is gone forever. Surah Al-Asr should be studied and understood as it relates to life and the value of time. Allah (SWT) says, “By time, verily man is in loss, except such as have faith, and do righteous deeds, and [join together] in the mutual teaching of truth, and of patience and constancy” (Quran 103:1-3).

    There are certain major time wasters that should be cautioned against and avoided in order to better value time. Activities like spending hour after hour watching TV, playing video games, or being glued to a smart phone on social media can be detrimental, if not done in moderation and after other, more important activities have been fulfilled. Let’s say some youth spent six hours a day combining TV, video games, and social media. Doing the math, we calculate that they are spending 2,190 hours or nearly three full months over the period of a year. This is a startling figure. There are so many better ways to spend one’s time which could truly bring benefit such as reading and memorizing Quran, attending a halaqa, participating in sports-centered recreational activities with fellow Muslims, cleaning the masjid, and studying and increasing one’s knowledge. The Prophet (pbuh) has said, “Take advantage of five matters before five other matters: your youth before you become old; your health before you fall sick; your wealth before you become poor; your free time before you become busy; and your life, before your death” (Al Hakim and Musnad Ahmad).

    Helping Youth Prepare Academically and Intellectually

    Academics are an important part of training youth, and striving for excellence is one of the qualities of a good Muslim, contributing member of society, and leader. With regard to academics, youth should be life-long learners and always strive for excellence in their studies. They should be conscientious towards their school work, and when necessary, seek out the help of tutors to help them master challenging subject matter. By being an exemplary student, a Muslim improves the image of Muslims in society, and that is a form of indirect dawah. Regardless of whether they attend an Islamic school, public school, or college, they should have good character and lead by example. In addition, if students are focusing on beneficial activities like studying in their free time, then they should have no trouble excelling in school and becoming adequately prepared for any field of employment. This spirit of striving for excellence is a practice that is essential to all personal endeavors, family life, career, civic participation, and, of course, religious practice.

    Helping Youth Prepare Physically

    Overall heath is an important aspect of helping youth prepare for a successful life, for dedication to activism and contribution, and for leadership. The Prophet (pbuh) encouraged certain physical fitness activities like swimming, archery, and horseback riding. So in general, a variety of sports and fitness activities including joining a sports team and regular exercise could be beneficial in keeping oneself healthy and active. A highly recommended activity conducted by some Muslim communities is organizing children and youth competitive flag football and soccer leagues which is beneficial both socially and physically. In addition, it is important to teach youth to eat healthy from a young age. If a child or youth has a weight problem, then parents can take a more active role by not bringing unhealthy foods into the home, and not only modeling and encouraging healthy eating, but also providing an adequate amount of physical fitness activities for their child or youth.

    Helping Youth Choose Friends Wisely and Practice Kindness and Inclusiveness

    Peer pressure is very powerful, and negative peer pressure can lead our youth down the wrong paths. The prophet (pbuh) has said, “The comparison of a good friend and a bad friend is like a perfume seller and a blacksmith. The perfume seller will give you the gift of perfume or you can enjoy its fragrance. The blacksmith will either burn your clothes, or you may be exposed to his bad smell” (Bukhari and Muslim). The best of youth are leaders, not followers, and they are very careful of the company they keep. The Prophet (pbuh) was asked, “Which of our companions are best?” He replied, “One whose appearance reminds you of Allah, and whose speech increases you in knowledge, and whose actions remind you of the hereafter.”

    In addition, youth should understand the importance of inclusiveness and kindness towards all others including those who are new in the community or of different races or backgrounds. Youth should also be reminded to offer salaams, especially to those who are new, and find ways to focus on similarities rather than differences with those whom they are unfamiliar.

    Helping Youth Prepare for Service and Activism

    The best way to prepare our youth for service and activism is to, ourselves, be committed to service and activism. This starts with a frequent presence at the masjid, conveying that the masjid is our second home. We set the example by always looking for ways to improve things, to organize, to keep the masjid clean. And we approach this with an attitude of taking initiative, not waiting for someone to ask us to do something, but doing so for the sake of Allah (SWT).

    Being balanced and committed Muslims who not only serve the Muslim community, but the greater community at large, helps prepare our youth, through example, for service and activism. We have to engage with the greater community and strive to include our youth in these activities, like volunteering at soup kitchens, visiting with seniors at senior citizen homes, and participating in dawah activities to convey better understanding of Islam to the general public.

    Helping Youth Realize that Their Best Role Model is Prophet Muhammad (p)

    It is human nature to be enchanted with heroes and winners. The unfortunate reality is that some Muslim youth know more about the lives of sports stars and celebrities than our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). We have to help our youth realize that there is no better role model than Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). Our Prophet was a mercy for humankind, and the best example of human maturity, fairness, caring, and spiritual success; and his message and example is available for posterity.

    By doing all we can to help our youth prepare for success, for service, and for leadership, we fulfill our responsibilities as parents and active community members. Youth are not just the future; they can, today, be the endowment of our commitment and their own, benefiting and improving their own lives and that of their families, but also that of their communities, the ummah, and society at large.

  • Muslim Youth: Developing Leaders for Today and Tomorrow

    Muslim Youth: Developing Leaders for Today and Tomorrow

    “The youth of today are the leaders of tomorrow.” This concept has been drilled into our heads. Both in Islamic contexts and elsewhere, we hear about youth potential and how one day they will be leaders of society. While experience and maturity is important, the role of Muslim youth is not to sit back and wait for the future to arrive. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, told all Muslims that when we see something wrong, we should first change it with our hands. If we cannot change it with our hands, then change it with our tongues, by speaking up, and if we cannot do that, then at the very least we must recognize that evil and in our hearts, support changing the situation.

    Young Muslims presents and stresses core concepts of Islamic character and leadership, helping youth deepen their understanding of Islam and implement virtuous traits crucial to their success

    Muslim youth in America face challenges that can stifle their potential. One of the biggest challenges is the lack of necessary Islamic knowledge. Oftentimes Muslim youth in America are taught only the basics of their faith and sometimes not even that. They typically learn how to read and write Arabic without learning the meaning. It is no mystery why many young Muslims are not confident in their faith. Many do not understand Arabic enough to understand the Quran for themselves. Their own holy book can seem strange and foreign. If they want to truly understand their faith, they must go out of their way to seek Islamic knowledge.

    Another hurdle for Muslim youth in America is the lack of support in Muslim communities. Mosques sometimes feel to young people like a place of judgment and close-minded attitudes. Mosques are meant to be community centers where anyone can find help and support. Sadly, youth find that the issues they deal with are considered by adults to be too taboo or uncomfortable to discuss amongst Muslims. Youth end up turning to other sources for guidance, whether peers, social media gurus, or non-Muslim teachers or advisers. Their advice, while often well-intended, may contradict Islamic principles. Who can blame youth for taking that advice when Muslim mentors aren’t available to give them credible information and guidance suitable for young Muslims?

    Muslim youth are also constantly surrounded by vulgarity in pop culture. Every day they are exposed to music, movies, TV shows, and media filled with obscene messages. Living in a culture where modesty is rejected and “doing whatever you want” is celebrated can drain anyone, especially young people who are still building identities and figuring out their boundaries. Young Muslims in America are in a constant struggle between being accepted by society and firmly adhering to their faith. It is easier to follow the crowd and gain acceptance than to reject societal norms and risk being an outcast.

    Despite the challenges, Muslim American youth are part of history in the making. Being a Muslim in America today means you are contributing to the ever-changing portrait of Islam in America. Whether through standing up and driving change, or staying silent and allowing politicians, journalists, or even Islamophobes to speak for them, Muslim youth affect the image of Islam in America every day. The passion and energy of youth is an incredible asset. Young people can accomplish amazing feats in life when their efforts are channeled correctly. Some of the most esteemed companions of the Prophet (pbuh) gained respect and leadership positions at a young age. They used their passion and youth to help their communities grow and prosper. Their age did not limit them, instead their youth helped them further contribute to society. In order for Muslim youth to succeed as they have in the past, they must be given the proper tools.

    Safe spaces are crucial for developing dynamic youth. Muslim youth need to be in an environment where good deeds and good character are celebrated, somewhere they can to turn to receive wholesome Islamic advice without being looked down upon for their flaws. Being around people who encourage good deeds and discourage bad is a positive form of peer pressure that builds confidence and strength of character. Communities can implement this by encouraging youth to participate in community affairs, providing space to grow and learn from fellow community members while contributing to discussions and activism with their unique perspectives.

    Young Muslims, a division of ICNA, connects Muslim youth throughout America. This grassroots organization provides the tools youth need to grow and develop. YM presents and stresses core concepts of Islamic character and leadership, helping youth deepen their understanding of Islam and implement virtuous traits crucial to their success. Through weekly meetings, YM gives youth the opportunity to explore their faith and build bonds of companionship that last a lifetime. Organizations like YM give Muslim youth the tools they need to become the leaders of today and tomorrow.

  • Want Your Child to Grow in Confidence, Maturity, and Responsibility?

    Want Your Child to Grow in Confidence, Maturity, and Responsibility?

    Want Your Child to Grow in Confidence, Maturity, and Responsibility?

    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: “Make [things] easy, not difficult…” (Bukhari). He (pbuh) also said, “Woe to those who exaggerate [who are too strict]!”(Bukhari). He (pbuh) also said: “Moderation, moderation! For only with moderation will you succeed” (Muslim).

    Authoritarian Parenting
    • Parents’ role comes across to the children as despotic (absolute and dictatorial power over the child)
    • Strict rules and expectations which tend to be rigid and inflexible
    • Children are expected to be unconditionally obedient and unquestioning of parental demands
    • Parents feel it is their right to be respected by the child regardless of their own behavior; little or no consideration is given to the right of the child to be respected by the parent
    • High expectations are placed on children regarding their performance academically and in reaching any other goals set in place by parents
    • Little warmth or nurturing is expressed by the parents
    • Punishments are meted out with little or no explanation; with the aim of making the child “pay” for his/her mistake or non-compliance; punishments can be harsh, unrelated to the infraction, and inconsistent
    • Children are not given choices or options; complete control is exercised over the child
    Permissive Parenting
    • Parents often seem more like a friend than a parent
    • Few rules or standards of behavior are put in place and when there are rules, they are often very inconsistent
    • Bribery with toys, gifts, and food are used as a means to get child to behave
    • Abundant love and nurturing of the children is expressed without the balance of discipline
    • Few expectations are placed on children with regard to academic performance or other goals
    Authoritative Parenting

    Authoritarian and permissive parenting styles are seen as being opposite extremes. In between the two is the authoritative parenting style.

    So don’t use an authoritarian or permissive parenting style — choose Authoritative Parenting

    • Parent comes across to the children as role model, teacher, and guide
    • Rules are established and limits are put in place; expectations about children’s behavior and goals are expressed and discussed; flexibility and willingness to make adjustments are utilized as needed or appropriate
    • Children are expected to be obedient but parents are willing to listen to the children and allow their expression of opinion as a way to encourage good communication skills, independence, responsibility, and self-direction
    • Parents feel it is their right to be respected by the child but also believe that the respect must be deserved based on their own proper and fair behavior toward the child; equal consideration is given to the right of the child to be respected by the parents
    • High expectations are placed on children regarding their performance academically and in reaching any other goals set in place by parents, often in collaboration with the child
    • Warmth, caring, and nurturance are freely and frequently expressed
    • Consequences are used as a means to teach greater self-discipline and responsibility rather than as a rote punishment of the child; parents administer fair and consistent discipline and are willing to explain the natural connection between the infraction and the consequence
    • Children are encouraged to discuss options, make choices, and develop the capacity for decision-making and self-regulation in daily living

    Contributed by LivingEman.com