بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Tag: helping elderly

  • ‘Lower to Them the Wing of Humility’ — Caring for Elderly Parents

    ‘Lower to Them the Wing of Humility’ — Caring for Elderly Parents

    By the year 2035, there will be roughly one million more older adults than children in the United States. America is catching up to what Japan is already experiencing, as that nation’s population is expected to decline by 20 million by 2050. Italy, Spain, Germany, and France have older populations than the U.S., and some Eastern European countries outpace Western Europe. The aging population can be attributed to the Baby Boomers. “Starting in 2030, when all boomers will be older than 65, older Americans will make up 21 percent of the population, up from 15 percent today” (Census.gov). The article goes on to say that because of that explosion in seniors, there will be an increased need for specialized healthcare, assisted living, and home care services.

    If Muslims parallel the larger society, then Muslims will face the same challenges and families may already be contemplating what healthcare options are available. With the last, substantial influx of Muslim immigrants taking place in the mid-1960s, they fall either within the Silent Generation or the Baby Boomers. Most African American Muslims today also fit within these two generations. Yet, as rapidly as Muslims are building mosques and schools, facilities for senior care are sadly lagging or almost non-existent. There could be several reasons for this: Muslims feel guilty about putting their parents in elder-care facilities, seeing it as representing lack of love and duty towards them and a failure to adhere to the tenets of Islam; there could be a small number of senior Muslims in a particular location so that building a senior facility is not possible; or the Muslim community is separated by ethnic divides, standing in the way of a collective, cohesive answer to address the needs of their aging population.

    The Rights of Parents and Elders

    Islam enjoins respect, care, and compassion toward parents by adult children. There are at least a dozen ayat and many ahadith that address the treatment of one’s nuclear and extended family members. Breaking the ties of kinship, the cornerstone of community and society, leads to conflict and demoralization. According to the book, Rights of Parents, parents even have rights upon their children after death. They are entitled to prayers for mercy and forgiveness, settling their outstanding debts, giving charity on their behalf, and reciting Qur’an at their gravesites.

    The Qur’an states in verses 17:23– 24, about parents: “Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, ‘My Lord! Bestow on them your mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.’” Another ayah (4:36) summarizes all those who have rights upon a Muslim. “Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good—to parents, relatives, orphans, those in need, neighbors who are near and neighbors who are farther away, the companion by your side and the traveler, and what your right hands possess; for Allah loves not the arrogant, the vainglorious…”

    Several ahadith address the relationship of child to parent as well. Ibn Umar (r) said, “Making parents weep is part of disobedience and one of the major wrong actions. “So, it is evident that Muslim Americans with aging parents have a legitimate concern over how to care for their parents without ignoring religious duties or slighting parental rights. In the past, the extended family was in place to help with child rearing and caring for aging or ill parents. In Muslim-majority countries, there is still some semblance of that, although they too are losing ground in adhering to this long-held tradition. In the U.S., there are Muslims who don’t have extended family, are divorced, have an abusive family, or are the only Muslims in their families. It is time that Muslims tackle the concerns of those who, for one reason or another, are not able to physically take care of their elderly parents and/or other relatives.

    Facilities for Seniors For the general American population, there are options available for seniors if they are fully independent and relatively healthy. They can remain in their own homes or continue living with adult children or other relatives. Possible modifications may be needed such as mobility aids or at-home nursing visits. There are senior-only communities where one can either rent or buy a residence. These typically have a community center for socialization and outdoor amenities so that residents can remain active. The other commonly known types of senior housing are assisted living facilities and nursing homes. The level of assistance needed determines which an individual (or their family) would choose. The costs associated with either type of facility depends upon the location and the services available. The average costs nationally, for assisted living, are $4000 monthly. Nursing homes, however, can cost upwards of $7500 per month and are determined by the degree of care, services, location, and occupancy. Other supplementary services for seniors include memory care for those experiencing dementia; rehabilitation care for those recovering from severe illness or surgery; and hospice care for terminal patients.

    There have been a few attempts in major cities to either establish a facility for Muslims or to integrate Islamic components into existing facilities. Sajda and Rahmat Khan opened Fonthill Gardens, “a six-bed assisted-living home in Hawthorne, Calif., for the Los Angeles area’s aging Muslim population.” In Maryland, there is a women’s only assisted living facility, and in Dallas, the Texas Muslim Women’s Foundation (TMWF) opened a senior women’s facility for independent living in 2022. These three efforts are limited in the number of individuals they help, but their work is admirable and certainly can be duplicated. In Chicago, the Chicago Muslim Medical Alliance (CMMA) has advocated for halal meals, prayer areas, and Friday prayers at area nursing homes. The AMITA Health Adventist Medical Center Glen Oaks, in Glendale Heights (about 30 miles west of Chicago), has created a room for interfaith worshippers, including wudu space, multimedia Qur’ans, and prayer rugs.

    Taking care of elderly parents in one’s home is the most compassionate way to provide for them, as it keeps everyone together. There are cases, however, where in-home care is not possible, for one reason or another. This can especially be challenging when the elder individual has medical needs that are complex or demanding such that only a staffed medical facility can provide. For the past fifty years, institutional building in Muslim communities has been focused on the spiritual, educational, and social priorities — masjids, schools, community centers. These are all essential and good. Perhaps now, though, Muslim communities should start considering additional institutions that meet their aging populations’ medical, spiritual, and social needs – sooner rather than later.

  • Dawah Through Caring and Sharing

    Dawah Through Caring and Sharing

    “Have you ever seen a tornado up close? It’s the most awesome thing I’ve seen in my life. It’s like coming face-to-face with God in a bad mood.” That was what a professor of mine said when I was still in college some three years ago and since then Al-humdu lillah, I’m happy to say I’ve still never seen a tornado except on TV or in a movie. But, I did see the aftermath of one in late April in rural Mississippi a few days after a series of tornadoes had barreled through the southern United States, causing extensive damage in four states.

    As a resident of New York City, I had experienced two hurricanes in the past few years – the latter one with a benign-sounding name being particularly ferocious. Sandy flooded my neighborhood but thankfully it didn’t reduce any houses to a pile of planks. So, while I thought I knew what to expect once I landed in Tupelo, Mississippi, the state’s seventh largest city, seeing the damage with my own eyes was surreal.

    Whole sections of restaurants, hotels, and other businesses were obliterated, leaving nothing but a mass of upturned wood and broken furniture scattered nearby, their once towering sign boards now lying flat on the dirt. Many homes had trees fallen through their roofs while the neighboring house was untouched by damage. Seeing one building’s roof blown off and its structure reduced to tragic ruins while the one only a few yards away stood as perfectly charming as a quaint Southern home would be, baffled the mind. You saw an ayah, a sign, of Allah’s Power and Wisdom right in front of you. While one family would be crying out to Him in devastation, the other would be thanking Him as they breathed out sighs of relief. As the Qur’an says, Quran 2:155).

    Across the state of Mississippi 14 people died, mostly in rural areas. Through ICNA Relief USA, a domestic Muslim faith-based agency actively participating in disaster response, I was on the ground in the state to document their work as they began their post-tornado recovery efforts. By the grace of Allah, ICNA Relief has helped many and its work has been recognized at the federal, state, and local levels of government and by their VOAD (Volunteer Organizations Active in Disasters) partners.

    ICNA Relief always makes sure to reach out to the local Muslim community anytime its Disaster Response Team is deployed for recovery work in any particular area. This time it was very difficult to make contact with an Islamic center ahead of time because tornado warnings were in effect in the South in the following days after the tornadoes had first hit. Br. Arif Ali, ICNA Relief’s Disaster Response team Lead, drove all the way from Florida to Masjid Abraham, in Tupelo. When he pulled up to the masjid, a man came rushing out to his car.Br. Arif says that he thought he was perhaps parking in the wrong area. But the man, Br. Abdul Raheem Khan, acting imam of a masjid whose congregants consist of only 20 families, simply said, “Alhumdulillah, you’re here. How did you know we needed help?”

    The masjid was more than happy to let ICNA Relief’s Disaster Response Team, along with volunteers from Florida, set up camp in its facility while they began tornado recovery work in the surrounding towns like Marietta. The team, working alongside NECHAMA, a national Jewish disaster response agency, cleared up debris from damaged houses and used chainsaws to get through thick fallen trees. They also tarped houses whose roofs were damaged. One homeowner was so grateful, telling Imam Rafiq Mahdi, another ICNA Relief Disaster Response Team Lead from Tennessee, “You’ve really changed hearts and minds. You changed my heart and mind.”

    Living in the North you hear many things about the South being ultraconservative and the people being close-minded, wary of outsiders. Though I definitely got more stares due to my hijab, there was barely a person who did not smile at me after I greeted them. After a particularly hot day working on a mobile home that had flipped over on to its topside and crashed into an electric pole, the homeowners provided sandwiches for all 15 of us, including Br. Abdul Raheem Khan and his mother-in-law who had turned out to volunteer. The homeowners’ kids (who were very polite, calling us sir and ma’am) rushed to supply us with paper plates and cups, while their father Robert, who went by “Bubba,” offered us yellow-frosted cupcakes to top off our meal. Southern hospitality is real! The homeowners were so appreciative of the work the volunteers did. “I’ve had a tremendous amount of help. ICNA Relief has done a great job,” Bubba said. “They’re very nice and have done so much work that I can’t explain.”

    So what is the purpose of sharing this story? This isn’t a travelogue on my trip to Mississippi. I want to convey the point that there are plenty of “Bubbas” out there, many people who need help in all sorts of way. As Muslim Americans, as citizens of this nation, we can extend our help  while building bridges of understanding and fellowship. This year, instead of only donating money, please consider donating your time as well, to be of active service to your faith and this country. Sharing your time with those who need it by helping them to clean up after a natural disaster, or providing them with food when they are hungry or clothing when they are cold, offering shelter when they are homeless or solace when they feel lost and alone – this is dawah from the ground up, without even having to utter one ayah of the Qur’an. As Br. Abdul Raheem Khan has said, “I was looking to do dawah through practical work and I found it.”