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Jun 24 Transforming Your Reality Jun 17 A History of Muslim Americans’ Political Engagement Jun 17 My Brother is Gay: Navigating the Intersection of Religion and Family An interview with Imam Wesley Lebron Jun 10 Islam and the Romans: Early Muslim-Byzantine Interaction May 20 Reclaiming the Sunnah of Adoption and Foster Care: An Interview with Basmah Salam Apr 29 National Poetry Month: An Ode to Faith, Visibility, and the Conversations We Don’t Forget Apr 15 Beyond Ramadan: Taking Its Lessons Farther  Apr 15 The Power of Saying No: A Reflection on Boundaries

Tag: Atheism in Muslim teens

  • When Your Teen Questions Faith

    When Your Teen Questions Faith

    “I don’t believe in God.” Five small words that no Muslim parent ever wants to hear uttered by their teen. Unfortunately, the reality is that many Muslim youth today do question their faith and may potentially follow a path of denial. Unlike other fears that parents may have regarding raising their children, lack of faith is one that can go unnoticed initially since the teen might outwardly continue to share in the religious rituals, but internally he or she may feel their faith fading away. Parents and community members often look for overt signs or indications that a teen is rebelling against the deen such as not praying or fasting, use of drugs or alcohol, or evidence of dating or inappropriate relationships. Yet, the complexity of losing one’s religion lies more in the state of the heart than in outward rebellion seen in the behavior. “Indeed in the body there is a lump of flesh; if it is good, the entire body will be good, and if it is corrupted, the entire body becomes corrupted, and that is the heart” (Sahih Muslim).

    “I don’t believe in God.” Five small words that no Muslim parent ever wants to hear uttered by their teen.

    What Are the Reasons Our Youth May Tread This Path?

    While actions that defy religious rules and morals undoubtedly affect the state of the heart, the questioning of religious relevancy is often the more likely culprit that leads our youth astray and directs them towards adopting an agnostic or atheist outlook. Our society today espouses a type of self-exploration that is a bit too encouraging in its individualist bent. Youth are inspired to “find themselves” through experimentation and breaking all the rules including defying figures of authority. Often teens see their parents and the rules of religion as symbols of authority that they should challenge. With that defiance of authority and discipline, they may also come to reject the faith that their parents have instilled within them from a young age.

    How Should Parents React to Their Teen’s Questions About Faith?

    We are often very reluctant to engage with our youth when they begin questioning. Rather than answering their questions in a language they can understand, we instead tune them out and guilt them out for the asking. Questions from a child or teen should never be ignored, ridiculed, or condemned. Instead, we need to engage with them and their questioning. We have examples in our prophets who sought solitude in order to question themselves about the faith direction that they were following. Through the questioning, they came to a greater sense of awareness and appreciation for Allah SWT and the principles of tawheed.
    The questions from our youth can also stem from a place of curiosity and a desire to truly understand. Look at the example of Prophet Musa (AS) and how he had many questions about the hikmah (wisdom) of Allah (swt). In the story in the Qur’an about Musa traveling with Al-Kidr, he was told to be patient and to not ask Al-Kidr about anything until he mentioned it to Musa. He was not turned away or told never to ask questions. By the end of their travel together, Al-Kidr answered all of Musa’s questions and Musa (AS) came to understand that the knowledge of Allah (swt) far exceeds any human knowledge. Likewise, the inquiring of Prophet Ibrahim was a questioning that did not stem from doubt but from seeking affirmation of a truth he already knew. When he asked Allah (swt) about the resurrection of life, Allah said to him, “Do you not believe?” Prophet Ibrahim replied, “Yes, but [I ask] just to reassure my heart.” He was then instructed to separate the bodies of several birds and place them on different mountaintops to understand how Allah (swt) can bring them back to life. Prophets Ibrahim and Musa (AS) were not questioning out of a denial of faith or a form of rebellion as we often assume with our children’s questions, but out of an honest desire to learn, understand, and strengthen their faith in the absolute oneness of God. This conviction is a return to the fitra (primal, pure nature) that we are all born with but that sometimes gets muddled and clouded by society along the way.

    Answer Your Teen’s Questions According to Their Disposition

    Let’s not be so quick to dismiss our teen’s questions of faith. Let them ask and if we don’t know the answer, we should commit to finding out the information or understanding needed to satisfy them. Appeal to your teen’s common sense or reason or even to his or her creative bent in responding to questions. For example, if your teen asks why he has to pray five times a day, ask him to research various academic disciplines and find one, only one, for which a person does not need to practice some regimen or develop a skill set that serves that expertise. You could then ask him to write an essay that draws parallels between the requisites and systematic training in an academic discipline and a spiritual discipline. By doing so, he will, in a very important way, be answering his own question about the need to pray with regularity and discipline.
    If your teen begins to turn away from faith because he or she feels that Allah (swt) was not there for them when they needed His help, allow them to understand the concept of a du’a delayed and teach them ayah 286 from Surat Al-Baqarah that explains that “On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear…” and ayah 216 in the same surah: “…But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” Then you and your family could have a family meeting and together come up with examples in everyday life of things that are good for us but might appear difficult or unpleasant, until they become habit and then we perform those things we ease. The list could include countless things like eating healthy foods, brushing one’s teeth, doing homework, being patient with younger siblings, and so on.

    Why Else Might Our Youth Stray from Faith?

    During the critical teenage years, our youth are exposed to books, movies, and music that cultivate an obsession with the self and the dunya. This focus on worldliness rather than on adopting a more spiritual perspective may pull them away from the deen. Be sure to provide your teen with alternatives to the music and the movies that can lure them away from a religious orientation. It is very difficult to steer a teen away from a path that is anti-Islamic without offering a constructive alternative. This same concept of offering alternatives applies to friends as well. Always be aware of who your child or teen is befriending. Allow your home to be the safe haven where friends can come over and enjoy themselves. You can steer your teen towards the social circle that will pull them closer to the faith rather than push them further away. It’s not easy, but it is worth it to make the time to cultivate a strong relationship with your teen so that they feel comfortable sharing with you their feelings about what’s going on in their lives as well as details about their friends. Remember the Sahih hadith that states, “The parable of a good friend and a bad friend is that of a seller of musk and a blacksmith. The seller of musk will give you some perfume, you will buy some, or you will notice a good smell. As for the blacksmith, he will burn your clothes or you will notice a bad smell.”

    What Can You Do If You Feel  Your Teen’s Faith is Slipping?

    Bring the beauty of Islam to life for them. Youth are very tactile and visual and need to experience spirituality in a way that may be different than what we grew up with. Today, everything offered to our youth is high-tech, engaging, entertaining, and visually appealing, from 3-D movies to the virtual reality of video games. If you are able, take your teen to Makkah and Madinah to disconnect from hi-tech and walk in the footsteps of the Prophet (pbuh). Provide your teens with opportunities so they can understand the faith and connect with it in a way that appeals to them. If you can’t travel, let them experience the beauty of Islam online. Help them find forums and lectures through the sites they like to browse that will assist them in dealing with their questions and crises of faith.
    Engage your teen in understanding what it means to truly live Islam. Camp out in nature and teach your teen the miracles of the Qur’an that they can relate to their everyday surroundings. Bring their attention to the numerous verses that instruct us to think and reflect, and to observe the world of nature around us that is teeming with Signs of Allah’s design in its perfect order and proportion. Learn how to speak their language in order to reach them. YOLO, the abbreviation for “You Only Live Once,” is a mantra that our youth hear repeated every day in so many ways. With a society that is constantly telling them to carpe diem – seize the day, enjoy the present, don’t worry about tomorrow – it is no wonder that so many teens have lost their way. So bring your teens to the masjid and be involved yourself to help create an inviting atmosphere for them so that the masjid is not seen as an “old people’s place,” but as a place that thrives and flourishes with the dynamism and involvement of the youth. Find places where they can play basketball or just hang out with other Muslims.
    Create opportunities where they can learn how to demonstrate their faith through the goodness of character, like volunteering at a soup kitchen or participating in collecting items for a clothing drive for the needy. Encourage them not only to memorize the Qur’an but to understand its meaning. Also help them to get to know the Prophet (pbuh) through the seerah. Let their hearts be touched by the countless stories of his strong yet gentle and compassionate character.

    What If Your Teen Still Denies Faith or Even the Existence of God?

    Don’t give up. Be there for your teen with constant du’a. Remind your teen of the beauty of repentance and teach them that the door to taubah is always open. Today your teen may be living through a crisis of faith but tomorrow that same teen may be stronger in eman than you could ever imagine. Keep your own faith strong in the face of one of the biggest trials a parent can be tested with. Hold fast to the ayah of the Qur’an that tells us “…never despair of Allah’s mercy….” (39:53) May Allah (swt) bless all the children of the ummah and may He protect them all from anything that could lead them astray. May the youth of our communities truly become the beacons of light that will carry our faith forward, generation upon generation, insha’ Allah.

  • Book Review: Losing My Religion

    Book Review: Losing My Religion

    Jeffrey Lang, Losing My Religion: A Call for Help (Beltsville, MD: Amana Publications, 2004). 504 pages. ISBN: 1-59008-027-0.
    This article written for Message Int. and printed in the January/February 2005 adition

    Jeffrey Lang’s latest book, Losing My Religion, is a bold attempt to shake the Muslim leadership in North America out of its deep slumber. As he makes clear throughout this call to action, the Muslim community is losing its grim battle to retain Muslim youth in its fold and is failing to attract new adherents.

    When Lang chose Islam, his parents were just as rattled as many Muslim parents are when their children abandon their traditional upbringing by smoking pot, drinking alcohol, being jailed, or suddenly deciding to marry a non-Muslim. When Lang’s 9-year old daughter casually asked him: “Daddy, what would you do if I became a Christian someday?” he felt terribly disappointed about not making Islam a clear choice for everyone. His daughter continued: “I’m not really thinking about becoming Christian, Daddy, but I sometimes think it would be a lot easier not to be a Muslim.””

    Why should a person follow Islam, a religion that makes many demands upon one’s life?

    Lang’s book is a serious attempt to address this crucial question for both new immigrants as well as Americans who were born and raised as Muslims. Spread over 500 pages, the book has only three chapters and a two-anda-half page “Parting Remarks.” Lang appeals to activist American Muslim youths and converts to play their pivotal role of explaining to the world why Islam is the rational choice for creating God’s kingdom on Earth and for human salvation here and in the Hereafter.

    Millions of Americans are seeking spiritual growth and fulfillment, for they are not satisfied with their birth religion. But they are afraid of Islam, for in their minds it is associated not with inner and outer peace, as the name implies, but with images of burning Twin Towers, suicide bombers, and irrational bloodthirsty killers who slaughter innocent captives.

    Crucial to the survival of any religion is its members ability to retain its community’s children and attract new adherents. On both counts, Lang’ asserts that “the Muslim community in not doing at all well.” Muslim immigrants, as well as new reverts to Islam, face an uphill task in keeping their family members attached to Islam. The trickle of new converts has almost dried up, especially after 9/11. [NOTE: THIS CONTRADICTS YAHIYA EMERICK’S ASSERTION IN HIS ARTICLE THAT THERE ARE MORE NEW MUSLIMS AFTER 9/11 THAN BEFORE]

    Lang’s major theme is “the disillusion of American Muslim youth.” Almost every Muslim family in North America can relate to Sohail’s tale of parental disillusionment. Most Muslim parents try to raise their children in the traditional manner: making sure that they can read the Qur’an;’ pray regularly; attend the week-end Islamic schools, camps, and conferences; and participate in the community’s social functions. However, this often creates a false sense of security, which causes them to be quite rattled when their glass menagerie shatters and their ideal Muslim children graduate into the real world, beyond parental oversight and supervision.

    Large numbers of Muslims reverts, and spiritual seekers are forsaking the American Islamic community, a fact that causes Lang to warn: “Many of these will inevitably abandon the religion.”

    The usual explanation offered by the community’s elders is peer pressure or the devastating effects of the American melting pot. However, they have little else to offer as a remedial antidote and are only remotely aware of what Lang calls “intellectual confrontation.” On the one hand, Islam is subtly and overtly demeaned by the media and anti-Islam websites, and, on the other, an extreme, virulent, and irrational interpretation of Islam has assumed center stage.

    Lang finds that most North American mosques impose, in the name of Islam, traditions and beliefs of questionable necessity that obfuscate the fundamental message of God’s revelation to humanity. The overriding negative impression of Islam, flowing from within and without, is driving individuals away from the faith in droves. Instead of seeing Islam as a path to spiritual growth, enlightenment, and fulfillment, many disengaged Muslims see a stagnant, retrogressive, and patriarchal remnant of “a lagging culture, mired in meaningless controversies and hollow, lifeless formalism.”

    He wants young American Muslims to respond rationally to Islam’s detractors and also to reassess the vast tradition that has come down to us in the name of Islam. They can do this, for they have been taught how to search, question, critique, and analyze, and, moreover, are willing to separate religion from culture. Thus, they can distinguish between Islam’s essentials and its time- and place-bound interpretations. His advice to them is:

    “Always pursue the truth, for God is Truth, and always pray for and trust in His guidance … never forgetting that to Him, and Him alone you have surrendered –not to a tradition, or a school of thought, or a local community, or culture, or a scholarly legacy – and that your living, striving sacrifice and dying, all is for Allah.”

    The book is a must-read for every Muslim who cares about Islam and Muslims, and for all those who wish to take God’s guidance to every corner of the globe. His language flows with life and vibrancy. This very fascinating and insightful book comes from a person who chose God over tradition, and rational behavior over blind faith.

  • Eid on Two Days: Muslims Need To Agree On ’Their Calendar

    Eid on Two Days: Muslims Need To Agree On ’Their Calendar

    Our young people are furious about our absurd behavior, and non-Muslims laugh at us. It is twenty-first century, and yet Muslims still cannot determine the correct dates for their most important celebrations.

    Year after year, Muslims face the same confusion over when to begin and end Ramadan and the Eidain, for all attempts to solve a simple calendar issue have failed. In North America and Europe especially, Muslims have fistfights every year over this issue. Each group claims that its fixed date was correct, and that those who did not follow that date were wrong and misguided. As usual, each group claims to posses the sole perfect secret formula for date determination. Why is it impossible for Muslims to agree on such things?

    Let’s start with some basic facts.

    1. Earth has only one moon, the rotation of which is fixed and known: a synodic month of 29 days, 12 hours, 42 minutes, and 2.8 seconds. Its exact position, angle from the sun, and altitude above the horizon, whether it sets before or after sunset, and all other relevant data can be exactly calculated.

    2. Its conjunction (the new moon) date, time, and location can be calculated for more than 2,000 years in advance. But the new moon is not visible, and hence is not the hilal mentioned in the Qur’an and the Sunnah. On calendars, its date is marked as a black circle.

    3. The moon’s earliest visibility (hilal) can be approximately calculated. Every month, the hilal becomes visible in a different location on the globe. For example, it may appear first in the northern hemisphere as far north as Nova Scotia (Canada) in the summer, or as far south as New Zealand in the winter. It never first appears at the same place twice, even in 1,000 months. (There is no reason to accept the continuous claims from Makkah or the Middle East that the crescent moon was seen there first.)

    Without going into finer details, we also know that:

    * Each lunar month is never more than 30 days and never less than 29 days.

    * A crescent moon (hilal) is always seen on the 30th evening. If the horizon is clear, it will be visible to every observer without binoculars or a telescope. If it is not visible, it is not the 30th day.

    * A hilal is not visible at or before sunset. On the 29th day, if it appears, it will be very low on the horizon and usually can be seen 20-25 minutes after sunset, when the western horizon is dark enough for our eyes to notice the contrast of a dim silver crescent moon against the bright lower sky. On the 30th day, it will be visible some 8-15 minutes after sunset.

    * Once a 29-day hilal is visible, you can see it for a few minutes. It will not disappear in seconds, as many witnesses claim. A 30th-day hilal is usually visible for much longer, until almost 3-4 minutes before the moon sets.

    *If the hilal is first visible at point A, then all places of A (in the visibility parabola) will see it after sunset. If it is not visible in a clear sky, then it can be safely assumed that the hilal was not seen at point A.

    Most of the problems over fixing the calendar arise because Muslims use different criteria, such as:

    a. The new moon (conjunction) date is used as the first date of the month.

    b. Moonset is considered to occur with or after sunset in Makka, Cairo, or some other location.

    c. Witnesses testify that they saw a moon.

    d. The 30 days of the lunar month have been completed.

    We know that the new moon date cannot be used to fix the first day of a lunar month, for it occurs at all times of the day and night, whereas the Islamic month starts from sunset. Thus, the new moon cannot be the hilal.

    If moonset occurs with sunset or 15 minutes after sunset, this does not necessarily mean that the synodic lunar month has been completed. The new month cannot begin while the previous synodic month is incomplete. A new lunar month starts 15-35 hours after the synodic month is over, as indicated by the new moon represented on all calendars. The hilal is usually seen when the new moon moves approximately 12° away from the sun and attains an altitude of 10° above the horizon at sunset.

    Saudi Sightings

    Most Muslims could have had Eid al-Fitr on Sunday, November 14, 2004, and Eid al-Adha on Friday, January 21, 2005. Instead, we celebrated Eid al-Fitr on four different days (from Friday to Monday, November 12-15, 2004) and Eid al-Adha on two (January 20-21, 2005).

    Saudi authorities (Majlis al-Qada al-A`’la) asserted that many witnesses in the kingdom testified before the relevant authorities that they saw a Shawwal 1425 hilal on November 12, 2004, and a Dhu al-Hijja hilal on January 10, 2005. Saudi authorities are fully aware that a witness’ testimony is nothing but zann (whim), whereas the moon’s calculations are yaqeen (exact). It was their Islamic duty to disregard these reports, as they contradicted an established fact.

    On November 12, 2004 (the calculated, but invisible) moon had set 10 or more minutes before sunset in Saudi Arabia and most Middle Eastern countries. How could anyone see a visible crescent moon after sunset? Moreover, seeing a crescent moon before sunset is simply not possible. The same is true for January 10, 2005. The moon set before sunset in Saudi Arabia and many other Middle Eastern countries.

    Now, if all Saudis had testified about these miraculous sightings, the Majlis should still have rejected their claims, for the rules of testimony about a crescent moon cannot be quoted to disprove a fact (moonset before sunset) or prove a falsehood (seeing a hilal above the horizon when the new moon never rose above the horizon).

    Local or Global Sighting

    Many Muslims follow Saudi dates because they believe in a global (as opposed to local) sighting of the new moon. This is just another fallacy. The moon, like the sun, becomes visible over the globe during the same 24 hours. If the moon is visible in Saudi Arabia, it will certainly be seen in North America on the same day in the evening, for the moon reaches here 8-11 hours later. It will be brighter and higher on the horizon. If the moon seen in Saudi Arabia is not seen in North America the same evening, then the claim of its sighting is incorrect.

    On the other hand, it is quite probable that Muslims in North America, even in western Africa, can see a hilal a full day before it is visible in Saudi Arabia. Do you ever wonder why the claim of first visibility always comes from Saudi Arabia and the Middle East, even though this is against the very rule of the moon’s rotation, as explained by Allah and confirmed by modern lunar calculations?

    Saudis also argue that “the 30 days of the month have been completed” to declare the beginning of a new month. This is against the basic facts of the moon’s visibility. The Messenger told us that a lunar month cannot be longer than 30 days. If a crescent moon is not visible on the 30th day on a clear horizon, then it is not the 30th day. If it was the 30th day, then the hilal would have been visible. Kuraib’s hadith confirmed this fact long ago. If it were cloudy all over Saudi Arabia on 30th evening (an impossibility), then a moon will be seen everywhere west of Saudi Arabia, where the horizon’ is clear.

    For the beginning of Ramadan 1425 in North America, confusion was created because a lone couple claimed to have seen a crescent moon for 2-3 minutes immediately after sunset. The shape of the hilal was described as 10 to 12 to 2 or 9 to 12 to 3 on a clock. There was no reason to accept this testimony, for a hilal of this shape cannot appear anywhere in the world. The crescent moon is never visible during the first 5 minutes after sunset. Moreover, if it is really visible, then every town and village west of the initial sighting will also see it. If it is not seen anywhere on a clear horizon at places to the west of the claimed point, then the witnesses were mistaken.

    The relevant authorities must know the basics of moonsighting to determine the dates correctly. Their disputes among themselves are creating difficulties for millions of Muslims around the globe.