بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Author: Dr. John L. Esposito

  • Want Your Child to Grow in Confidence, Maturity, and Responsibility?

    Want Your Child to Grow in Confidence, Maturity, and Responsibility?

    Want Your Child to Grow in Confidence, Maturity, and Responsibility?

    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: “Make [things] easy, not difficult…” (Bukhari). He (pbuh) also said, “Woe to those who exaggerate [who are too strict]!”(Bukhari). He (pbuh) also said: “Moderation, moderation! For only with moderation will you succeed” (Muslim).

    Authoritarian Parenting
    • Parents’ role comes across to the children as despotic (absolute and dictatorial power over the child)
    • Strict rules and expectations which tend to be rigid and inflexible
    • Children are expected to be unconditionally obedient and unquestioning of parental demands
    • Parents feel it is their right to be respected by the child regardless of their own behavior; little or no consideration is given to the right of the child to be respected by the parent
    • High expectations are placed on children regarding their performance academically and in reaching any other goals set in place by parents
    • Little warmth or nurturing is expressed by the parents
    • Punishments are meted out with little or no explanation; with the aim of making the child “pay” for his/her mistake or non-compliance; punishments can be harsh, unrelated to the infraction, and inconsistent
    • Children are not given choices or options; complete control is exercised over the child
    Permissive Parenting
    • Parents often seem more like a friend than a parent
    • Few rules or standards of behavior are put in place and when there are rules, they are often very inconsistent
    • Bribery with toys, gifts, and food are used as a means to get child to behave
    • Abundant love and nurturing of the children is expressed without the balance of discipline
    • Few expectations are placed on children with regard to academic performance or other goals
    Authoritative Parenting

    Authoritarian and permissive parenting styles are seen as being opposite extremes. In between the two is the authoritative parenting style.

    So don’t use an authoritarian or permissive parenting style — choose Authoritative Parenting

    • Parent comes across to the children as role model, teacher, and guide
    • Rules are established and limits are put in place; expectations about children’s behavior and goals are expressed and discussed; flexibility and willingness to make adjustments are utilized as needed or appropriate
    • Children are expected to be obedient but parents are willing to listen to the children and allow their expression of opinion as a way to encourage good communication skills, independence, responsibility, and self-direction
    • Parents feel it is their right to be respected by the child but also believe that the respect must be deserved based on their own proper and fair behavior toward the child; equal consideration is given to the right of the child to be respected by the parents
    • High expectations are placed on children regarding their performance academically and in reaching any other goals set in place by parents, often in collaboration with the child
    • Warmth, caring, and nurturance are freely and frequently expressed
    • Consequences are used as a means to teach greater self-discipline and responsibility rather than as a rote punishment of the child; parents administer fair and consistent discipline and are willing to explain the natural connection between the infraction and the consequence
    • Children are encouraged to discuss options, make choices, and develop the capacity for decision-making and self-regulation in daily living

    Contributed by LivingEman.com

  • Your Child is Being Bullied: What Should You Do?

    Your Child is Being Bullied: What Should You Do?

    Bullying happens too often in schools, both in public and Islamic schools, and parents often don’t know what to do to help their child when he or she is a victim of bullying. When a parent becomes aware that their child is being bullied, it’s very important to address the issue immediately in order to avoid the negative effects of bullying. Those negative effects can impact their development, and diminish their confidence, security, and sense of self-worth.

    Studies in the past have shown that children who are subjected to bullying are likely to have problems in various other aspects of their lives. In addition to feeling unsafe, the child who is subjected to bullying feels the misery of social rejection. This can lead to poor academic performance and other more serious problems as the child gets older. Wanting to feel accepted and liked by his or her peers is extremely important to a child. Yet some children simply lack the social skills that allow them to navigate their way successfully on the playground, in groups of children playing together, or in any casual interaction with peers whether in the classroom, in the hallway, or during lunch at the cafeteria.

    For all children, the younger ones as well as older youth, it is also very important to make sure that they have some basic guidelines as to how to respond when bullying does occur. There is a nonprofit organization that provides very practical steps that you can teach your child in this regard. Their website is www.kidpower.org. The guidelines are available at: kidpower.org/library/article/prevent-bullying/.

    In all cases, make sure that you are supportive of your child and that he or she knows they can tell you anytime about what is going on at school and anything they are having difficulty with. Never convey the idea to your child that he should ignore the bullying or that she is somehow to blame. Make sure he knows that bullying is wrong and that it is not his fault. Share with your child the Islamic teachings about mocking others, calling them names, or talking badly about other people. You can read with your child Surah Al-Hujurat, verse 11, and discuss the meaning on an age-appropriate level.

    When your child is bullied, gently try to get him or her to talk about the bullying so that you can elicit information and details about when, where, and how it happens. Talk to your child’s teacher and, if necessary, the school principal and let them know that you want to work with them to ensure that your child does not continue to be subjected to bullying.

    Most importantly, make sure that your home is a place where your child feels safe and secure, physically as well as emotionally. Your child should always feel that he/she can openly and honestly communicate with you. Let your child know that together you can solve any problem or handle any challenge, and that with patience and perseverance the solution will be found.

    Contributed by LivingEman.com

  • Why Have We Normalized Islamophobia?

    Why Have We Normalized Islamophobia?

    The horrific attacks in Paris and San Bernardino have captured headlines and triggered responses from journalists, politicians, and religious leaders. Some Western heads of government have once again threatened a global war against terrorism, while some political commentators have even invoked World War III.

    A cottage industry of ideological, agenda-driven, anti-Muslim polemicists has sprung up, consisting of pundits, bloggers, authors, lobbyists, elected officials, and their resourceful and wealthy funders.

    In the United States, Republican presidential candidates and some thirty governors have called for a freeze on accepting refugees fleeing the civil war in Syria. Donald Trump, the leading Republican candidate for president of the United States, has pushed the envelope to its extreme, advocating a temporary freeze on all foreign Muslim immigration, as well as the monitoring or even the forced closure of American mosques. The result? Trump soared in the polls, as did fellow presidential candidate Ben Carson, who stated that “for a Muslim to become president of the United States…you have to reject the tenets of Islam.” In Europe, far-right political candidates continue to make political headway. The far-right Front National party of Marine Le Pen won nearly 30% of the vote in the recent French regional elections; although the party did not win any of the regions outright, the strong showing positions Le Pen as a future presidential candidate.

    Fear of Islam and Muslims in general—not just Muslim extremist and terrorist movements specifically—have become normalized in popular culture in both America and Europe. The anti-Islamic and anti-Muslim hate speech, bias, discrimination, and hate crimes—commonly referred to as Islamophobia—are on the rise. Islam Muslims and the vast majority of Muslims have been brush-stroked by and often equated with the kind of militant extremism and terrorism practiced by a mere fraction of Muslims, obscuring the fact that the vast majority of terrorist victims are themselves Muslim. This, in turn, has had a significant impact on the growth of Islamophobia as well as the domestic policies that have threatened Muslim civil liberties. But what are its causes?

    Is Islam the primary cause and catalyst for terrorism?

    Major polls have consistently reported that Islam is a significant component of religious and cultural identity in Muslim countries and communities globally, and thus an attractive tool for violent extremists as an instrument for legitimation and mobilization. However, the primary catalysts for extremism and terrorism are political grievances often intertwined with the use or misuse of religion. Osama Bin Laden and others like him appealed to long-standing political grievances among many in the Muslim world, the mainstream non-violent majority and extremists alike: Western influence, invasion, occupation; Western support for authoritarian regimes that claim to speak for all Muslims; uncritical bias and support for Israel from the American government in the Palestinian-Israeli conflict. Add to this the Iraqi and Syrian (Shiah-dominated) governments’ repression and killing of tens of thousands of civilians and other crimes.

    “Trump is ISIS’s greatest triumph: the perfect Manchurian Candidate who, instead of offering specific and realistic policies, preys on the fears of the public, doing ISIS’s job for them.”

    ISIS has shown a particular talent for coopting and exploiting all of these issues. Their execution videos, released when ISIS called itself the Islamic State of Iraq (October 2006–April 2013, Al-Furqan Media Foundation), underscored the importance of political grievances for legitimation of their actions and as a tool for recruitment.

    In addition to this, public displays of Islamophobia in the West, from political speeches and demonstrations to negative portrayals of Muslims in the media and hate crimes, are also effective tools for recruitment. Major studies have also found that Islamophobia increases significantly not only with incidents of domestic terrorism but also at election time, as seen in the 2008 and 2012 presidential and the 2010 Congressional elections. During those races, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Herman Cain and others sought to gain attention by making reckless statements about Muslims. In 2010 in particular, the public debate over the so-called “Ground Zero” mosque in New York became fodder for candidates looking for media coverage. Today, that trend continues with candidates such as Trump, Carson, Cruz, and others.

    Most Americans—who live in a country with a relatively small Muslim population—say they know little or nothing about Islam. Thus, it is not surprising that when terrorists commit their acts of violence in the name of Islam in Paris and San Bernardino, they are drawn to demagogues in America like Donald Trump and in Europe who bring Muslims and the Islamic faith to the forefront of the political debate.

    As Kareem Abdul-Jabbar recently wrote in the New York Times: “Trump is ISIS’s greatest triumph: the perfect Manchurian Candidate who, instead of offering specific and realistic policies, preys on the fears of the public, doing ISIS’s job for them.”

    To what extent has media contributed to the problem?

    Media Tenor, in its 2011 report “A New Era for Arab-Western Relations,” found that out of nearly 975,000 news stories from US and European media outlets, networks significantly reduced coverage on events in MENA to actions of Muslim militants. A comparison of media coverage in 2001 versus 2011 demonstrates the shocking disparity of coverage. In 2001, 2% of all news stories in Western media presented images of Muslim militants, while just over 0.5% presented stories of ordinary Muslims. In 2011, 25% of the stories presented militant image, while the images of ordinary Muslims remained stuck at 0.5%.

    The net result is an astonishing imbalance of coverage: an exponential increase in coverage of militants but no increase at all over the 10 year period in the coverage of ordinary Muslims—and that despite census figures confirming a rapidly growing Muslim population. The situation got worse, for example—between 2007 and 2013, 80% of all American news coverage about Muslims/Islam was negative.

    Over the past decade, there has been an explosion of social media websites targeting the Muslim community, with serious international and domestic consequences. A cottage industry of ideological, agenda-driven, anti-Muslim polemicists has sprung up, consisting of pundits, bloggers, authors, lobbyists, elected officials, and their resourceful and wealthy funders.

    An August 2011 Center Report, Fear, Inc., documented, based on IRS information, that $42.6 million flowed from seven foundations over ten years to support Islamophobic authors and websites. A CAIR Report in 2013, “Legislating Fear: Islamophobia and its Impact in the United States,” reported that the inner core of the US-based Islamophobia network enjoyed access to at least $119,662,719 in total revenue between 2008 and 2011.

    Totally lost or obscured in the fear and fog of war are the facts on the ground regarding American Muslims. Data from major polls (Gallup, Pew and others) and studies have reported that the vast majority of Muslims in America, for example, are educationally, economically, socially, and religiously an integral part of our American mosaic: members of Congress, the military, corporate, education and religious leaders, physicians, lawyers, engineers, scientists and small business owners. American Muslims were among the victims and first-responders on 9/11. In contrast, Muslim terrorists are a fraction of a fraction of 1%. No wonder that the US Attorney General, Senior Pentagon and Department of Homeland Security, as well as leaders in the Democratic and Republican parties, have rejected Donald Trump’s outrageous and inflammatory rhetoric and its threat to American principles and values and to the civil liberties of American Muslims.

    House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) offered the simplest and most direct rebuttal Tuesday, the day after Trump called for a ban on Muslims entering the United States: “Freedom of religion’s a fundamental constitutional principle,” Ryan said.

    “It’s a founding principle of this country….This is not conservatism. What was proposed yesterday is not what this party stands for, and more importantly, it’s not what this country stands for. Not only are there many Muslims serving in our armed forces dying for this country, there are Muslims serving right here in the House, working every day to uphold and to defend the Constitution…. Some of our best and biggest allies in this struggle and fight against radical Islamic terror are Muslims—the vast, vast, vast majority of whom are peaceful, who believe in pluralism, freedom, democracy, individual rights. I told our members this morning to always strive to live up to our highest ideals, those principles in the Constitution on which we swear every two years that we will defend.”

    As President Barack Obama recently observed: “[I]t is the responsibility of all Americans—of every faith—to reject discrimination. It is our job to reject religious tests on who we admit into this country. It is our responsibility to reject proposals that Muslim Americans should somehow be treated differently. Because when we travel down that road, we lose…We were founded upon a belief in human dignity—that no matter who you are, or where you come from, or what you look like, or what religion you practice, you are equal in the eyes of God and equal in the eyes of the law.”

    A lot of things went wrong this past year, but there may be a silver lining. As Islamophobia intensified and gained more media attention, many Americans and the international community took notice. Google searches of the term “Islamophobia” spiked dramatically after Paris and San Bernardino. Prominent journalists, government and religious leaders, politicians, scholars, and members of the general public started calling out Islamophobia with more force, and leaders on both the right and left stood in solidarity with Muslims. Dozens of interfaith efforts also popped up around the country. So, despite the fact that Islamophobia was at its worst in 2015, there are reasons to hope that we are turning a corner.

  • Islamophobia and the Muslim Center at Groud Zero

    The proposal by the Cordoba Initiative to build an Islamic center near Ground Zero has drawn major media attention and engendered fierce debate. Right-wing political commentators, politicians, hard-line Christian ministers, bloggers and some families of 9/11 victims have charged that it is insensitive to 9/11 families, dishonors memories of the victims and will be a “monument to terrorism.”

    But here are the facts: The center is not at Ground Zero but two blocks away, and the Cordoba Initiative seeks to build a center, not a mosque. The center is not designed as a local mosque for a Muslim community but rather to serve the wider community.
    It is meant to improve interfaith and Muslim-West relations and promote tolerance — not just to provide services to Muslims. The proposed 15-story community center will include a prayer room, offices, meeting rooms, gym, swimming pool and performing arts center.

    The controversy over Cordoba House is not an isolated event. It is part of a much more far-reaching pattern and problem.
    Mosque construction in the United States has become a catalyst for increased anti-Islam and anti-Muslim sentiment, discrimination and hate crimes in recent years.

    Efforts to construct mosques to accommodate growing Muslim populations have sparked intense opposition. A commentary appearing in the New York Post last month attacked plans to construct mosques in the state of New York:

    “…There’s no denying the elephant in the room. Neither is there any rejoicing over the mosques proposed for Sheepshead Bay, Staten Island and Ground Zero because where there are mosques, there are Muslims, and where there are Muslims, there are problems.”

    It continued: “Before New York becomes New Yorkistan, it is worth noting that the capital of Great Britain was London until it became known as ‘Londonstan,’ degenerated by a Muslim community predominantly from South Asia and Africa, whose first generation of ‘British Asians’ has made the United Kingdom into a launching pad for terrorists.”
    In the face of such rhetoric, where do we go from here?

    Globalization and an increasingly multicultural and multireligious America (and Europe), with their significant Muslim populations, tests the mettle of Western democratic principles of free speech and freedom of worship.

    Unfortunately, American attitudes toward Islam and Muslims often blur the line between the peaceful and rational mainstream majority of Muslims on the one hand and the acts of a small but dangerous minority on the other.

    In some states, opposition to mosque construction has been led by politicians — individuals charged with representing and upholding democratic values.

    In June 2010, a Tennessee Republican candidate, Lou Ann Zelenik, opposed the Muslim community’s proposal to build a mosque in Murfreesboro, charging the Muslim center was not part of a religious movement, but a political one “designed to fracture the moral and political foundation of Middle Tennessee.”

    She warned, “Until the American Muslim community find it in their hearts to separate themselves from their evil, radical counterparts, to condemn those who want to destroy our civilization and will fight against them, we are not obligated to open our society to any of them. “

    The charge that Muslims do not condemn terrorism has been made repeatedly, despite that post-9/11, many Muslim leaders and organizations in America and globally have consistently denounced acts of terrorism. But major media outlets do not seem to find them newsworthy, and thus they must be found in smaller outlets on the internet.

    Even though major polls by the Gallup Organization and PEW research center show that the vast majority of American Muslims are well-integrated and, in contrast to many Muslim countries, pluralistic in outlook, a 2006 USAToday-Gallup poll found that substantial minorities of Americans admit to having negative feelings or prejudices against Muslims.

    Fewer than half the respondents believed U.S. Muslims are loyal to the United States. About four in 10 favored more rigorous security measures for Muslims than those used for other U.S. citizens and requiring Muslims who are U.S. citizens to carry a special ID and undergo special, more intensive, security checks before boarding airplanes in the United States.

    Islam-bashing charges leveled with no concrete evidence by pundits and politicians ring hollow. The call by some New York politicians for a delay in the construction of the Cordoba Center to examine its funding is simply grandstanding that reinforces the notion that somehow all Muslims, mosques and Islamic centers are guilty until proved innocent.

    Why should Muslims who are building a center be any more suspect than Jews who build a synagogue or center or Christians who build a church or conference center?

    As New York’s Mayor Michael Bloomberg put it: “If somebody wants to build a religious house of worship, they should do it and we shouldn’t be in the business of picking which religions can and which religions can’t. I think it’s fair to say if somebody was going to try to on that piece of property build a church or a synagogue, nobody would be yelling and screaming. And the fact of the matter is that Muslims have a right to do it, too.”

    Muslims are part of the mosaic of America, citizens and believers who are economically, educationally and politically integrated. No longer predominantly new arrivals, many are second- and third-generation citizens. Despite terrorist attacks by a very small but dangerous minority of extremists, the majority of Muslims, like their non-Muslim fellow citizens, are loyal citizens.

    Islamophobia must be recognized for what it is, a social cancer as unacceptable as anti-Semitism, a threat to the very fabric of our democratic, pluralistic way of life. The line that distinguishes Islam from those who commit violence and terror in the name of Islam –between the majority of mainstream Muslims and the acts of a minority of Muslim terrorists — must be maintained.

    Blurring these distinctions risks the adoption of foreign and domestic policies that promote a clash rather than co-existence of cultures and threaten the rights and civil liberties of Muslims.