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Aug 26 The Gaza Memorial We Owe Our Children Jun 24 Transforming Your Reality Jun 17 A History of Muslim Americans’ Political Engagement Jun 17 My Brother is Gay: Navigating the Intersection of Religion and Family An interview with Imam Wesley Lebron Jun 10 Islam and the Romans: Early Muslim-Byzantine Interaction May 20 Reclaiming the Sunnah of Adoption and Foster Care: An Interview with Basmah Salam Apr 29 National Poetry Month: An Ode to Faith, Visibility, and the Conversations We Don’t Forget Apr 15 Beyond Ramadan: Taking Its Lessons Farther 

Author: Asmaa Hussein

  • How a Used Car Taught Me About Ihsan

    How a Used Car Taught Me About Ihsan

    I recently had some car trouble and started getting incredibly frustrated with my vehicle. It was a 2001 model, practically falling apart at the seams. It felt like every month or two I was forking out a few hundred dollars to get different parts replaced or fixed. I finally decided it was time for me to purchase a newer car. Like most people looking to buy a car, I spent weeks scouring Auto Trader and test-driving different makes and models. For some reason, though, none of the cars felt exactly right to me. I made dua, asking Allah (SWT) to bless me with the car most suited to me.

    I smiled to myself. For many years before this took place, I knew of my dad’s friend as a good father to his own children, and a kind, generous believer.

    A few weeks after I started my search, my father received a call from an old friend of his. This man was traveling overseas for an extended period of time and needed to find a new home for his car. So he asked my dad if I would like to have the car, as a gift. I wasn’t sure if he knew I needed a car, but my answer was a resounding YES! The next day I went to pick the car up from my dad’s friend, and we made sure all the paperwork was in order. What happened then, surprised me.

    It can feel a bit uncomfortable when receiving such a large gift, and I really was quite nervous on my way to his house. However, his demeanor immediately put me at ease. When I thanked him for his incredibly generous gift, he acted as though I was the one doing him a favor. When I looked at the car, I noticed it was perfectly clean. Having a clean car in the middle of a slushy, icy, snowy, road-salted Canadian winter is impossible – he clearly had it washed specifically for me. When I got into the car and turned on the ignition, I noticed the gas tank was completely full. He had also hung a new vanilla air freshener in the car, and there was one single CD lying next to the gearshift – Juz Amma (the 30th chapter of the Quran) as recited by Muhammad Jibreel.

    The state of the car immediately reminded me of how Aisha (R) treated money before giving it away in charity. She was known to spray perfume on the coins before placing them in the hands of those in need. When asked why she did this, she would reply that the charity would reach Allah (SWT) before it ever touched the hands of those in need. The very first word I thought of while sitting in that newly-cleaned, freshly scented vehicle was “ihsan.”

    Not only did my father’s friend want to gift this car to me – a very generous deed in and of itself – he did it in the kindest and noblest way possible. He made sure that it was one hundred percent ready to drive, that it looked clean and smelled fresh, and that I would even have something to listen to while driving away! He didn’t have to do any of these things. I would’ve been equally happy picking up a car that needed some cleaning, or that had barely any gas left in it. It was still a car after all! But he was practicing ihsan.

    The word “ihsan” in Arabic is derived from the word “ahsana,” which roughly means, “doing things better.” In a well-known hadith of the Prophet (pbuh), Jibreel comes to him in the form of a man and proceeds to ask him a series of questions concerning Islam, iman, and ihsan. Umar (R) narrates the following: “While we were one day sitting with the Messenger of Allah (pbuh), there appeared before us a man dressed in extremely white clothes and with very black hair. No traces of journeying were visible on him, and none of us knew him. He sat down close by the Prophet (pbuh), rested his knee against his thighs, and said, ’O Muhammad! Inform me about Islam.’ The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, ’Islam is that you should testify that there is no deity except Allah and that Muhammad is His Messenger, that you should perform salah, pay the zakah, fast during Ramadan, and perform Hajj to the House, if you are able to do so.’ The man said, ’You have spoken truly.’ We were astonished at his questioning him and telling him that he was right, and he went on to say, ’Inform me about iman.’He [the Prophet] answered, ’It is that you believe in Allah and His angels and His Books and His Messengers and in the Last Day, and in qadar [destiny], both in its good and in its evil aspects.’ He [the man] said, ’You have spoken truly.’ Then he said, ’Inform me about ihsan.’ He [the Prophet] answered, ’It is that you should serve Allah as though you can see Him, for though you cannot see Him, yet He sees you.’”

    Three Levels of Faith

    Based on the Prophet’s answers to Jibreel, the scholars have deemed that there are three levels of faith. The first level is Islam – submission to God and testifying that there is no one worthy of worship except Him. By definition, declaring the testimony of faith presupposes the responsibility to perform the basic obligatory acts of faith listed in the above hadith. The second level is iman – a more in-depth understanding of the religion that causes true belief to enter the heart. Not only do you perform the basics of the faith, you also have certainty of belief, and are on a path to deepening your knowledge.

    While both levels are intertwined, it is technically possible to be a Muslim without necessarily being a Mumin (one who has iman). For example, a tribe of Arabs came to the Prophet in order to accept Islam. The Quran tells us, “The Bedouins say, ‘We have attained to faith.’ Say, ‘You have not [yet] believed; you should say [instead], ‘we have submitted,’ for faith has not yet entered your hearts. And if you obey Allah and His Messenger, He will not deprive you from [the reward for] your deeds. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful’” (49:14).

    The final level of faith is ihsan – worshiping Allah (SWT) as though you see Him, or at least knowing that He sees you. It’s the final and highest step – a state of being where you are consistently aware that Allah (SWT) has full knowledge of all that you do. With this awareness comes the desire to push yourself to not only do good deeds, but to strive to perfect them. Aisha (R) didn’t just give from her wealth; she did it in a beautiful way that honored the recipient. This is an example of aiming for excellence in every action.

    If you think of these three levels as a series of steps on a flight of stairs, you’ll understand that you may not be able to leap from the bottom to the top in one bound. If you start your journey of learning and faith by taking on too much, too fast, you risk losing your footing, tumbling down those steps, and injuring yourself. Just as the Quran was revealed over the course of 23 years, Islam was brought to the people in a step-by-step manner. If it had come down all at once, with every commandment and ruling in place, it would have been difficult for the people to begin practicing and to persevere. Instead, it brought about deep societal changes because the people were given time to understand and digest the teachings. Then came changes in their attitudes, thinking, and behavior. The companions of the Prophet (pbuh) were given time to graduate from Islam to iman to ihsan.

    The very nature of the revelation coming down in steps, and over the course of two decades, teaches us the importance of this kind of consistent work. When we want to make lasting changes in our lives and communities, we start small and grow steadily. We climb the steps and ensure that we have sturdy footing before moving forward.

    ***

    As I drove off in my new vehicle that day, I smiled to myself. For many years before this took place, I knew of my dad’s friend as a good father to his own children, and a kind, generous believer. He had this reputation in our community, even before I was born. While I cannot peer into anyone’s intentions, it seems to me that his knowledge of Allah’s ever-watchful gaze motivates him to use every opportunity to serve Him. It was his decades-long consistency as a good man that allowed him the ability to go the extra mile when performing a good deed. It had become second nature to him. That day I knew that Allah (SWT) had blessed me to see how ihsan can be practiced in our everyday lives. Sometimes all it takes is a little finishing touch on a good deed to take it from good to excellent. But that finishing touch that seems so simple in the eyes of an observer, is actually the product of years of steady climbing and consistent worship.

    May Allah (SWT) grant us the opportunity to develop our faith until we are able to serve Him with perfection.

  • Seeking His Shade: Growing up in the Worship of God

    Seeking His Shade: Growing up in the Worship of God

    Have you ever heard the saying — Youth is wasted on the young? Those of us who can still lay claim to being young often have no real sense of the value of our youth. We’re strong in body, passionate in emotion, and have ample free time that makes older folks envious. There are young people who use their youthful years wisely, and others who fritter it away as though it holds no worth, thinking, “I’ll change sooner or later but I’ve got time to do whatever I want now.”

    Youth is a time of exploration. Older youth don’t yet have the family, financial, and civic responsibilities of an adult; but they have time, energy, health, and exuberant curiosity to explore, develop skills, and grow in knowledge

    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “Take benefit of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free time before you are preoccupied, and your life before your death.” Youth is mentioned as one of the categories here because it involves the part of your life where you are at your peak health. It’s the time when you’re in a position to lay a foundation for the rest of your life, to institute habits of discipline, to practice virtues, to learn how to think and reason and use common sense. This is the time when you’re able to begin an exciting journey of discovery, of contribution and service, of beneficial impact on your community and the world.

    In the era of the Prophet (pbuh), youth was not seen as a barrier to accomplishing things. There were military leaders who were teenagers. There were Quranic scribes who, in our times, would be considered too young to take on such an important task. There were scholars who were raised in the presence of the Prophet, listening to his words and absorbing his wisdom at tender ages. For these individuals, their youth was an asset, never a limitation. We’re often (mistakenly) taught that as young people we do not have the skills, patience, or dedication to contribute in a substantive way to our communities and to the larger ummah. But as we’ve mentioned, throughout Islamic history many young people achieved great things.

    The very act of having good people in your life can make or break your status with God. Your peers affect you in ways that you may not comprehend at first glance.

    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “There are seven whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day when there is no shade except His Shade.” Among the seven he mentioned is a young person who grows up in the worship of Allah. How can we ensure that Allah (SWT) grants us this status on the Day of Judgment? And how can we capitalize on our time to make sure we’ve fulfilled our greatest potential during the dynamic and bountiful years of our youth?

    Surround Yourself with Good Friends

    I couldn’t be more grateful to my parents who strove to put me in the presence of intelligent and well-mannered people, including my peers. They always knew where I was and with whom. They knew my friends’ parents, and the kinds of people they were. I’ll openly admit that as a child, this was often irritating to me. I didn’t want to have to answer a million questions about who my friends were or where we were going and for how long. I wanted my “freedom.” Now, as an adult and as a parent, I have come to sincerely appreciate the effort that my parents exerted so that I would be in the company of good, trusted people. The very act of having good people in your life can make or break your status with God. Your peers affect you in ways that you may not comprehend at first glance.

    For example, in Surat al-Kahf, Allah (SWT) mentions the story of a group of young men who escaped their town and secluded themselves in a cave because they were the only ones who believed in one God. Allah (SWT) caused them to sleep for 309 years. As part of the story, Allah (SWT) describes the group, saying: “They will say there were three, the fourth of them being their dog; and they will say there were five, the sixth of them being their dog – guessing at the unseen; and they will say there were seven, and the eighth of them was their dog. Say, [O Muhammad], ‘My Lord is most knowing of their number. None knows them except a few. So do not argue about them except with an obvious argument and do not inquire about them [among the speculators] from anyone’” (18:22). It may seem like the dog is mostly irrelevant in the story, but the fact that Allah (SWT) mentions him several times is no coincidence. Scholars of tafseer have explained that the reason the dog is mentioned so often is that it was in the company of these righteous young people. Being in the company of these believers was enough for the dog to be honored to the level of being mentioned three separate times in this Quranic verse. This is the blessing of righteous companionship!

    Not only do we need to surround ourselves with good people, we also need to ensure that we become the sellers of musk. Every person who sits with us should leave with something beautiful.

    Similarly, in a beautiful hadith Qudsi, Allah (SWT) explains that the angels search for groups of people who are remembering Allah, and they surround them with their wings. At the end of the hadith, Allah (SWT) says: “Bear witness that I have forgiven them.” Then one of the angels would ask, “Among those assembled, there is one who is not of them [i.e., a sinner]; he only came for some other need.” Allah would reply: “Even so, they are one another’s companions and their companions shall not suffer.” Just our presence with the people who remember Allah can be a means for us to be forgiven!

    Having righteous companionship can affect our status with Allah (SWT). Good people remind us of our blessings and remind us to be grateful for them. Good people can lift us up in times of distress so that we don’t get lost in our pain. Good people help our hearts stay open and receptive to Allah’s message and guidance. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), said, “The likeness of a righteous friend and an evil friend is the likeness of a perfume seller and a blacksmith. As for the perfume seller, he may either bestow something on you or you may purchase something from him, or you may benefit from his sweet smell. And as for the blacksmith, he may either burn your clothes or you may be exposed to his awful smell.”

    Not only do we need to surround ourselves with good people, we also need to ensure that we become the sellers of musk. Every person who sits with us should leave with something beautiful.

    Read, Read, and Read Some More

    As a child, I would walk to the nearby library with my siblings and we would each take out at least ten books at a time. Once we got home, we would hole ourselves up in our rooms, devouring the books one by one. This was our entertainment before the advent of hand-held devices. Our mother would have to pry books out of our hands in order for us to eat or sleep at a decent time.

    Growing up this way made us into voracious readers. Although many of us have succumbed to the allure of hand-held devices, there is still no greater pleasure than holding a book and reading in silence. Reading opens the mind to frames of reference other than our own. It enriches our vocabularies so that we might become articulate speakers and writers. It lets us glimpse realities that we haven’t lived, and helps us develop understanding and empathy. “Read!” was the first word ever revealed to our beloved Prophet (pbuh). Years later, after a victorious battle in which the Muslims captured a number of their enemies, Prophet Muhammad advised that if any of them would teach ten children how to read and write, they would be freed. The ability to read and write was given such significant value that teaching it was considered enough of a ransom to warrant an enemy’s freedom. Allah (SWT) tells us in the first verses revealed: “Read! — in the Name of your Lord Who created, created man from a clinging substance. Read! — and your Lord is the Most Generous, Who taught by the pen, taught man that which he knew not” (96:1-5).

    In the Quran and the Prophetic traditions, there is great emphasis placed on reading, learning, and contemplating. Attaining to knowledge is given such a high status that even the Prophet himself would supplicate to Allah, saying “My Lord! Increase me in knowledge.” Reading is the gateway into the world of learning. It is the start of a life-long journey of reflection and exploration. The Quran advises, “Say, [O Muhammad], ‘Travel through the land and observe how He began creation. Then Allah will produce the final creation. Indeed, Allah is able to do all things’” (29:20).

    Reading isn’t just an intellectual exercise. It’s about expanding your mind to a point where you start to recognize and appreciate all the signs that Allah (SWT) has placed on this earth. So for a portion of each day, put aside social media, gaming, and TV and read! Read and strive to understand the Quran; read about the amazing scholars, writers, and inventors who came before us. Read about history, politics, economics, psychology, physics, linguistics, alternative energy sources, health and fitness… the list is endless. And the capacity to expand our minds and deepen our understanding is relatively endless as well.

    Grow Your Passions and Be Active

    Once you reach the age of puberty, you are held accountable for all that you do, and that thought can be daunting. But you also have the opportunity to do good and therefore cement your status as a “youth who grew up in the worship of God.” Youth is a time of exploration. Older youth don’t yet have the family, financial, and civic responsibilities of an adult; but they have time, energy, health, and exuberant curiosity to explore, develop skills, and grow in knowledge.

    Take courses outside of school, develop interesting hobbies, volunteer with your school’s MSA or other groups, work on neighbourhood projects or political campaigns that you believe in. You can even start a small business on your own or with a group of other like-minded peers. The opportunities are quite literally endless. But above all, remember that you are doing all of these things so that Allah will accept you as a youth who took advantage of his or her years before old age. And most of all, remember that you are doing all of these things as part of your worship, as a demonstration that your words and deeds flow from your eman; and your eman, in turn, is constantly growing and informing your daily living with a believer’s sense of meaningfulness and purpose. Ensure that this intention is present, and He will bless all that you do.

    Remember that Your Surroundings Don’t Define You

    I know how difficult it is to grow up in a place where others often belittle your identity, or look at you with suspicion. Perhaps you may feel that you’re at a disadvantage because you live somewhere remote, unable to learn at the feet of scholars, or you live in an environment not conducive to Islamic beliefs. But I remind myself constantly of the examples of the righteous people who came before me – some of whom had to live and preach in much more difficult circumstances. Prophet Musa (pbuh) was raised in the household of one of the worst oppressors and transgressors in history — Pharaoh himself. His adoptive mother Aasiya (may Allah be pleased with her) was in the same boat, but she had it even worse – she was married to Pharoah. And yet both of them rose above these toxic influences surrounding them – Musa (pbuh) became a prophet and messenger whose brilliant example is immortalized in the Quran. Aasiya became a martyr whose strength inspires us to this day, and whose dying words have become part and parcel of our beliefs: “My Lord, build for me near You a home in Paradise.”

    The opposite is also true. You can grow up in the best and most loving, supportive environments for a believer and still go astray. Take for example Prophet Nuh’s (pbuh) son. Regardless of the fact that his father was a prophet, Nuh’s son vehemently disbelieved in the truth. Even as the waves of the flood were getting higher and more violent, he refused to board his father’s ark and eventually perished. You are not defined solely by your surroundings. You are defined only by your own worship of God and your dedication to goodness in all facets of your life. Despite your flaws and sins (we all have them) – you’re so much stronger than you think.

    I pray that I and each person reading this meet under the Shade of Allah (SWT) because we used our youthful years to worship Him (SWT). Ameen.

     

  • Planting Seeds of Hope: Raising Muslim Kids in an Era of Islamophobia

    Planting Seeds of Hope: Raising Muslim Kids in an Era of Islamophobia

    I’m one of those parents who stares at her kid as she sleeps. I notice every curve of her face and arch of her eyebrows. I know what her steady breathing sounds like. I’ve memorized the intonation of her laughter and the way she throws her head back and giggles when I tickle her. She is so effortlessly mine as I am hers… she’s from me, as though a piece of my being broke off and claimed its own place in this world. But with this belonging and this connection comes a heavy sense of responsibility. Raising her in an era fueled by social upheaval and warring political parties that often bring out the worst in people is daunting to say the least.

    A day will come when our kids’ awareness of themselves and their environment will be heightened. With all our hearts we want that day to be one of unfolding maturity and self-assurance, not a day that might cause them to retreat into themselves, intimidated by bigotry and hatred directed toward them.

    Think about it for a moment – as adults we struggle every day to maintain a strong and holistic Muslim identity. I recently heard a Muslim woman say that she sometimes feels “itchy” in her own skin. She is so hyper-aware of all the negative stereotypes that people have about Muslims that she has become uncomfortable with herself. She is trapped in a self-imposed panopticon of sorts – assuming that she is being observed and judged from every angle. If these are the very real and palpable struggles of adults, how do our children fare? They’re still frighteningly malleable and they’re still being shaped and molded into the people they will become. It’s only natural that we should worry about our children having an even harder time navigating this current political climate.

    As parents, we yearn to shelter our young ones from the hatred and suspicion geared towards people who are visibly Muslim. More than anything, we want them to have normal childhoods full of bike riding, popsicle-eating, sleepovers, and unbridled fun. But a day will come when their awareness of themselves and their environment will be heightened. With all our hearts we want that day to be one of unfolding maturity and self-assurance, not a day that might cause them to retreat into themselves, intimidated by bigotry and hatred directed toward them. I comfort myself with the knowledge that it’s often in times rife with great difficulty that strong, confident change-makers and leaders are born. Rather than looking at the political climate with despair and asking ourselves, “How is my kid going to survive with his or her faith intact in such a messed up world?”

    we should raise children who we sincerely believe will be a part of the solution. Of course, that’s easier said than done! But here are some ways we can get started.

    Foster a Strong Sense of Identity

    Before occupying ourselves with whether our kids have eaten a proper breakfast, or whether they’re too warm or cold in what they’re wearing, or how well or poorly they’re doing academically, we need to ask ourselves – does my child feel comfortable in his own skin? Are our children comfortable being Muslims? Do they know what they believe in and why? Fostering a strong sense of identity starts when our children are young. I’m a great believer in books and storytelling as a way to ingrain a sense of self-acceptance. I still remember the books I read when I was a child and how they, to this day, affect the way I process my feelings and realities. Thankfully, we’re living in a time where great stories about Muslim kids are not hard to come by. Find these books and read these stories to your kids. Normalize and together cherish their names and faith and cultures, as we live in a place where their names will often be mispronounced and their faith and cultures misunderstood. Make their faith a source of comfort, love, and inspiration. Only then will they embrace their Muslim identities without discomfort or resentment. Make Eids meaningful celebrations for them. Let them feel joy and ease in their faith instead of feeling judged or forced. Help them find a second home in the mosque by creating fun and welcoming programs for them.

    One of the most important contributions we can make to nurturing our children’s identities is to ensure they have good like-minded companions. It’s important to make an effort to connect with other strong Muslim families whose kids can become companions for yours. A man asked Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) about the Hour (Day of Judgment), saying, “When will the Hour be?” The Prophet (pbuh) replied, “What have you prepared for it?” The man said, “Nothing, except that I love Allah and His Apostle.” The Prophet said, “You will be with those whom you love.” The company we keep has a very real and direct effect on our level of faith, and our standing in the sight of God. In a world where a child’s group of friends is instrumental to his or her development and self-concept, making sure that they have good companions is paramount to their success.

    Leave Your Bubble and Get Involved!

    While it’s important to build a great foundation for our children around other Muslims and within the Muslim community, that absolutely must not translate into segregating ourselves or our kids from the wider community where we live. Distancing ourselves from the non-Muslim population will just lead to the unhealthy practice of “othering.” Our beloved messenger Muhammad (pbuh) was known for decades in his community as a trustworthy individual – he lived with the people, he was one of them, he had real relationships with them. He celebrated with them, and mourned with them, all before ever receiving wahi (revelation) from God. When he began to preach the message of guidance, he was already familiar with the mindset and traditional ways of his people. No doubt it was an uphill battle, but there was a level of trust of the Prophet (pbuh) present, even amongst those who never accepted Islam.

    It was not his practice to segregate himself or his family from those who didn’t believe in his message. Quite the contrary! He interacted with them a great deal – he was generous with them, he was just towards them, and he kept his promises to them. While we’re working on strengthening our children’s Muslim identities, we shouldn’t forget that they need to know how to navigate the greater community as well. They are part of that community, integral to its existence and its well-being.

    I strongly believe that getting involved in positive activist work is one of the most important ways to instill a sense of purpose and confidence in our children. Enjoining good and forbidding evil is an important and well-known cornerstone of our faith. In the Quran, Allah (SWT) praises the believers who support and promote good actions and who prevent evil actions. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, along these lines, “Whoever amongst you sees an evil, he must change it with his hand; if he is unable to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is yet unable to do so, then with his heart — and that is the weakest form of faith.” As Muslims, our faith instructs us to be beacons of justice. But that means leaving our comfort zones. It means taking on a responsibility to change both our Muslim community and broader community for the better.

    Teaching our kids to align themselves with groups and communities that face similar challenges to those that Muslims face will ensure they not only “integrate,” but also become active contributors. Building meaningful alliances is about supporting everyone facing injustice. Black Lives Matter is an instrumental example of this. For as long as black Americans have lived in the U.S., rampant racism has been the foundation of their experience. Although the civil rights movement brought about many positive changes, racism and unequal treatment of black Americans is, unfortunately, still the default in so many places and aspects of our society. From police brutality to unequal education opportunities, the intergenerational cycle of poverty and discrimination subjects black communities to ongoing experiences that reflect a multitude of trickle-down effects of slavery.

    It’s important to understand that we cannot separate ourselves from the struggles of black Americans. We are often the same community, and Muslims of African-American heritage also face a double-edged sword when it comes to prejudice. But even when our identities do not overlap, their struggle is our struggle. It must be. When we come together as communities to fight Islamophobia, racism, classism, and any form of injustice, we become stronger, more skilled, and more capable. Brick by brick, we build the bridges that we may need to cross someday.

    Be Your Child’s First Role Model

    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) lived at a time of ignorance. Families were ashamed to have daughters instead of sons, people were judged by the color of their skin, and those who held onto their Islamic faith were humiliated and severely oppressed. Through all this, the Prophet was not discouraged in the least. His message of mercy and guidance rang true and shone a bright light that pierced the darkness. He brought a message of hope, a message of mercy, love, and fair treatment for all people regardless of race, gender, nationality, or religion. His patience and perseverance transformed his community and the entire world. There is barely a place on this globe that has not been touched by this light.

    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and his companions did not hide away, ashamed of who they were or what they believed. They stood tall in the face of criticism and abuse, continuously striving to establish justice and equality. They did the work needed to actually better their community. Our children are intelligent beyond words. As parents, if we emulate and exemplify those early Muslims, pushing through the darkness of hatred to create light and hope, our children will see and recognize that virtuous and strong character in us.

    There have been so many days when I’ve worried about how to teach my daughter to be kind and charitable, to share, and to ask for forgiveness when she makes a mistake. I used to lose sleep over it, looking at her napping cherub face and wondering: how can I help her become a good person? I was in a constant state of apprehension, searching for good Islamic books and resources to help me convey to her the beauty of good character. While I still scour Islamic conference bazaars for helpful resources, I have come to understand that the answer is actually quite simple – I must be who I want her to be. I should speak to her the way I expect her to speak to others. I should pray the way I expect her to eventually pray. I should dress the way I wish for her to dress; I should exude confidence the way I wish for her to. In me, my daughter has her first role model. In me, she has the person who she will – without her consciously understanding it – imitate. And while verbal instruction is important, actions are overwhelmingly what will determine what our children learn and internalize. As we all know, it’s a running joke that we eventually become our parents!

    Seek Help from Allah

    This point should be number one on the list. We are not capable of doing a single thing until Allah (SWT) wills it. But we do have a tool in our tool chest that unfortunately can go unused for long periods of time. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “Three supplications will not be rejected [by Allah] — the supplication of the parent for his child, the supplication of the one who is fasting, and the supplication of the traveler.” We can employ every parenting trick in the book, expose our kids to only the best books and media, get them involved in positive activism and volunteer work, and make sure they’re around good role models – but when all is said and done, it is only Allah (SWT) who is the controller of hearts. So be steadfast in asking Him to guide your children, and to make them grow and mature in a way that renders them fit to be leaders of the believers. Our hope always remains pinned on Allah’s all-encompassing mercy.

    “Our Lord! Grant to us from our spouses and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us models for the righteous (Quran 25:74).